4-05 Road Trip

4-05 Road Trip

Road Trip

Broots, call the airstrip. Tell them to get my broomstick fired up. We’re goin’ back to Kansas.

Miss Parker

Road Trip

Broots, call the airstrip. Tell them to get my broomstick fired up. We’re goin’ back to Kansas.

Miss Parker

Original air date: November 13, 1999

Written by: Andrew Dettmann & Daniel Truly

Directed by: Fred K. Keller

Jarod sends Miss Parker, Sydney and Broots on a “Wizard Of Oz” odyssey while he tries to help a young woman he has fallen in love with deal with the fact that she has cancer.

Jarod’s Discoveries:

Jarod’s Occupations: Warington Police Officer, Stock Analyst, Husband, Aerospace Engineer

Jarod’s Aliases: Jarod Malloy


Behind the scenes insights and the Creator’s Take

Official Synopsis

Jarod falls in love with a cancer-stricken young woman on the run from an abusive boyfriend.


At a roadside diner, Jarod quietly finishes his lunch.  Suddenly, Zoe, a fearful young woman, races into the diner with a rough looking male, who we will come to know as Vince, in hot pursuit.  Jarod runs to the pretty woman’s defense.  To fool Vince, Zoe brusquely pushes Jarod against the wall and passionately kisses him until the unsuspecting Vince rushes by.  Zoe makes a quick retreat to her convertible automobile.  But before she can escape, Jarod jumps into the car and offers his assistance.  Zoe, however, is very unreceptive.  When Vince storms out of the diner, Zoe aims the car right at him.  As the pair speeds down the road, Zoe explains to a suspicious Jarod that Vince is an ex-boyfriend who happens to be a cop—not a police officer pursing a criminal.

Miss Parker, Sydney, Broots stand in the middle of a Kansas cornfield with a scarecrow.  Parker is not amused with the “Wizard of Oz” odyssey that Jarod has created for the threesome.  Parker picks up a yellow brick laying by the scarecrow, which bears the Jarod message, “Follow the yellow brick road.” The clue leads the trio to a ramshackle warehouse.  Larry, a disheveled dwarf, leads Parker, Sydney, and Broots into the dimly lit warehouse and unexpectedly locks them inside.  The warehouse walls have been painted like the forest of talking trees in the “Wizard of Oz.”  As Parker, Sydney, and Broots search for an escape route, they stumble upon a cherished childhood relic of Broots’, an old G.I. doll.  Eventually, they discover an inspiring memento of Sydney’s in a barren room with an illuminated Victrola.  The needle rests on a French recording of “Songs for the Spring.”  Only this record survived the bombing of Sydney’s home during World War II.   Finally, they find what Jarod left for Parker: a thimble from a Monopoly board game.  One of Parker’s warm memories of her family lies in an endless series of Monopoly games.  Parker always played with the thimble game piece.  Jarod’s cryptic clues clarify what the trio needs to do to be released.  Parker, Sydney and Broots run back to the locked door and shout to the dwarf, “There is no place like home.”  Larry opens the door, and the trio returns to the Centre.

Cruising down the road with the wind whistling through her hair, Zoe mesmerizes Jarod.  When Jarod looks into the back seat for music tapes, he notices a duffel bag stuffed with $25,000 in cash.  Jarod confronts Zoe about the money and her suspicious retreat from the cop-boyfriend.  Zoe skids the car to a grinding halt.  She explains that the car she is driving and the cash are all she owns.  The romantic spell now broken between the two, Zoe drops Jarod off at a gas station with a bus sign.  As Jarod checks out the bus information, he sees a cop car roll into the station.  The cop’s scanner describes Zoe as a possible armed robbery suspect.  The cop arrests Zoe.  Later, at the police station, Jarod poses as the police officer assigned to take Zoe back to the scene of the crime.  As Zoe and Jarod hurry out the back door of the jail, Vince arrives.  Jarod realizes that Zoe committed no crime and that Vince’s pursuit is one of a scorned ex-boyfriend.

Jarod and Zoe detour their road trip to the home of Zoe’s grandmother, where Zoe introduces an unsuspecting Jarod as her husband of eight months.  Zoe’s obvious love and affection for her grandmother does not extend to her older sister, Linda, or brother-law, Greg, who sit in the kitchen.

Later, Jarod learns from Grandma that Zoe was an identical twin.  The accidental death of Zoe’s twin sister, Katie, devastated Zoe.  The rest of the family continued on with their lives, but Zoe felt they forgot Katie.  Zoe’s resentment sent her far away.  But now Zoe carries an even bigger burden.  Jarod finds several prescriptions for medications that are precursors for chemotherapy.  Zoe has cancer, but she has not filled the three-week-old prescriptions.  Zoe blames herself for Katie’s accident and does not feel she deserves to live.  Against Jarod’s protests, Zoe leaves the next day without telling Grandma about her illness.

Stopping at a motel for the night, Zoe unpredictably dives nude into the motel pool and finally entices a very shy Jarod to join her.  A night of whimsy and passion follows for them both.  However, Jarod wakes up in the morning handcuffed to the bed to prevent him from stopping Zoe’s departure.  Zoe tells Jarod she did not plan on falling in love, and she needs to fight the cancer alone.  As Zoe makes a rapid exit out to her car, Vince grabs her.  While Zoe struggles with Vince, Jarod finally wrestles himself out of the handcuffs and runs outside.  A slugfest between Vince and Jarod ensues.  Jarod handcuffs Vince to a post and runs to find Zoe.  Finally, Jarod tracks Zoe down to the cliff where Katie died.  Jarod talks Zoe down from a suicide jump and convinces her to fight the cancer with her grandmother’s help.  The two lovers both vow to see each other again, and Jarod departs in tears.

Another “Wizard of Oz” clue from Jarod cuts short the arrival of Parker, Sydney and Broots back to the Centre.  The trio returns to the Kansas cornfield.  A note from Jarod in the scarecrow’s pockets greets them.  It reads, “There is no place like home.  So why don’t you leave me alone and let me find mine!”

4-05 Road Trip

Road Trip Transcript


Broots   Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop! Right here. This is it.
Miss Parker   Nice job, Broots. Can you even spell “map”?
Broots   No, we’re not lost, Miss Parker. The G.P.S. coordinates Jarod gave us say it’s right around here. About, uh, 25 yards… that way! This should be it. This- this should be it, right here. This is it! This is it!
Miss Parker   All right! I’m way past the point of losing patience with Jarod’s little games. This is a waste of time.
Sydney   If he brought us here, there must be a reason.
Miss Parker   Yeah. To make us feel like asses traipsing around Kansas all day.
Broots   Well, uh, actually, Miss Parker, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.
Miss Parker   What’d you say?
Broots   Well, based on this map we just crossed the state line right there.
Miss Parker   No. Exactly what did you just say?
Broots   I said, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”
Sydney   What’s that there?
Miss Parker   A brick. A yellow brick.. with an address on it.
Broots   I get it. Follow the yellow brick road.
Sydney   Very good, Broots.
Broots   I love that story.
Miss Parker   Either of you munchkins break into song, I’ll drop a house on ya. Let’s go find out what our little flying monkey is up to.
Waitress   Well, I see that the slop on a shingle seemed to work out all right after all.
Jarod   I am sorry about the misunderstanding. But with the name and all, well I thought it had something to do with the biological function of a pig.
Waitress   I’m just kinda glad that I didn’t suggest the red-eyed gravy. [Laughing]
Customer   Oh. Oh.
Zoe   Do you have a restroom?
Waitress   For customers only.
Zoe   I’ll take a doughnut.
Jarod   Excuse me. Is everything all right?
Zoe   Yeah. Peachy.
Jarod   I mean, if there’s something I can do?
Zoe   Damn it! Thanks.
    It was just a kiss, sweetheart.
Jarod   Maybe I can help you.
Zoe   Getting out of the way would be a start.
Jarod   That guy didn’t seem friendly.
Zoe   You’re a great kisser, but if you don’t shut the door, I’m gonna have to hurt you. Shut the door!
Jarod   There. It’s shut.
Zoe   [Sighs] Not what I had in mind but we’re gonna have to go with it.
Vince   [Grunts]
    [Horn Honking]
Jarod   He’s wearing a badge. You’re on the run from the police?
Zoe   Nah, we’re on the run from the police. How’s it feel to be a wanted man?
Jarod   You could have told me you were on the run from the police.
Zoe   I don’t remember beggin’ you to get in the car.
Jarod   I thought you needed help.
Zoe   I appreciate the whole Dudley Do-Right thing, but you’re a little out of your league. What are you? Insurance, banker, what?
Jarod   Stock analyst. At least I was.
Zoe   Uh-huh. Family man, too, I bet. A couple of kids, a pretty little wife. Drive ’em to soccer practice in the S.U.V.
Jarod   The best thing you can do is turn yourself in.
Zoe   Look, you can relax, all right? I’m not on the run from the cops. I’m on the run from a cop. Singular. That charming guy back at the diner was Vince, my ex-boyfriend. He’s not takin’ the breakup real well.
Jarod   You’re trying to tell me that that cop was in love with you?
Zoe   What can I say? I’m a hell of a catch.
Jarod   Where are you headed?
Zoe   Nowhere. Anywhere. Hey, somewhere’s right up the road. Drop you off? I suppose we’d probably wig out the wife if I drove up to your front door.
Jarod   Well, I don’t have a wife. A home either, for that matter.
Zoe   Where you headed?
Jarod   Nowhere. Anywhere. I already been somewhere.
Zoe   Well, I’m going east, so I guess that’s where we’re headed. You can ride if you want to. It might be nice I knew your name, though.
Jarod   Jarod.
Zoe   Nice to meet you, Jarod. I’m Zoe.
Sydney   You’re sure this is the place, Broots?
Broots   Well, the address matches the brick.
Miss Parker   Is it me, or has Oz been seriously rezoned?
    [Distant Train Horn Blaring]
Munchkin guy   Yeah?
Miss Parker   Hi. We’re looking for… who the hell knows. Jarod sent us.
Munchkin guy   Oh. You must be Dorothy. Hold on a minute.
Broots   If she’s Dorothy that makes us, what, the Lion and the Tin Man?
Miss Parker   You’re Toto at best, Broots.
Sydney   Hello?
Munchkin guy   Down here.
Miss Parker   Don’t tell me. You represent-
Munchkin guy   Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get inside before I air-condition the whole damn world.
Broots   I guess the Wizard forgot to pay the light bill.
Munchkin guy   Here. Here. You know what to do. Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Miss Parker   It just keeps getting better.
    [Lock Clicking]
Broots   Hey! Open up the door!
Munchkin guy   Not without the magic words!
Sydney   Parker, I’m sure we’ll get out of here when Jarod intends us to.
Miss Parker   [Sighs] If I only had a brain. Come on.
    [Kids Chattering]
Girls   Lemonade, 50 cents.
Zoe   Check it out. God, how many times did we do that when we were kids?
Girls   Lemonade, 50 cents.
Jarod   They’re awfully young to be running a business.
Zoe   It’s a lemonade stand. Are you telling me you and your friends never did that? Every kid does that.
Jarod   Not every kid.
Girl   Lemonade.
Zoe   Hey, guys. How’s business?
Girl   Not so good.
Zoe   Maybe your luck is changing. My friend and I have been driving for a while and we’re really thirsty. Isn’t that right, Jarod?
Jarod   Oh, yeah. We’re parched. How much?
Girl   Fifty cents a glass.
Zoe   Oh, we’re a lot thirstier than that. We might need the whole pitcher.
Jarod   Mm-hmm.
Zoe   You think that’ll cover it?
Girls   Mom! Mother! Mom!
Jarod   Two hundred dollars?
Zoe   I just remember when my sister Katie and I used to do this. We’d start out dreamin’ we’d make a ton of money, and, of course, that would never happen. I guess I just wanted to see what a dream come true looks like.
Jaod   Sounds like you had a good childhood.
Zoe   Yeah. About a million years ago. Cheers
Jarod   Cheers.
Zoe   [Coughs] Of course, when we made it, we actually put sugar in it.
Jarod   Mmm. I think it’s perfect.
Zoe   Jarod, you scare me.
Jarod   You comin’?
Zoe   Yes.
    [Man Singing On Radio]
Zoe   [Singing Along With Radio] Sing it!
Jarod   I don’t know it.
Zoe   Hey, there’s a tape case in the back. [Music Off] Grab somethin’ that looks good. You don’t know it? [Laughs] [Singing]
Jarod   This looks interesting. You want to tell me about it?
Zoe   What’s to tell? I don’t like writin’ out checks. That’s not a crime, is it?
Jarod   Come on. A box full of cash? That cop back at the diner?
Zoe   I already told you about him.
Jarod   Why don’t you tell me the truth? What’d you do, rob a bank?
Zoe   You know, screw you, Jarod. The only thing I’m guilty of is staying too long in a lousy relationship.
Jarod   Oh, with the cop, right?
Zoe   That’s right. Except Vince didn’t know how to leave the authority figure thing at home so for two years, I put up with him beatin’ the crap out of me. It might be two years too late, but at least I finally walked out. This is every bit of savings I had. [Sighs] So there. That’s my happy little tale. I’m 30 years old, and my whole life is two suitcases, $27, 000 and a ’62 Ford. I kinda missed out on happily ever after.
Jarod   Zoe, I’m sorry.
Zoe   You know, whatever. Look, it’s been real fun, but when we reach the next town, I’ll drop you off where you can catch a bus.
    [Bell Dings]
Fuel Pump Attendant   Fill her up?
Zoe   Yes, please.
Mechanic   Can I help you?
Jarod   Yes. When does the next bus come through here?
Mechanic   Oh, uh, hold on a second. I got a schedule here someplace.
Patrol Officer   Twenty-one to Dispatch. Possible on female A.P.B. out of Warrington, Pennsylvania plates. Edward-Baker-David-6233.
    [Woman On Radio] Roger, 21. Suspect wanted for assault and armed robbery. Apprehend with caution.
Patrol Officer   Howdy, ma’am. License and registration, please.
Zoe   Yeah.
Mechanic   Well, you’ve either got real good luck or real bad. The next westbound doesn’t get till 7:45 tonight.
    [Zoe, Indistinct]
Mechanic   But if you’re headed eastbound, well, here comes the 1:30 right now. Pretty little thing. I wonder what she did to deserve that.
Jarod   Me too.
    [Car Door Closes]
Mechanic   So, am I gonna sell you a ticket?
    [Engine Starts]
Jarod   No. My plans have changed.
Zoe   Sighs. Come on. You’re being jerked around. I didn’t steal anything from anyone.
Officer   Ma’am, we got an A.P.B. on the police wire. If it’s a mistake, you can clear it up back in Warrington.
Zoe   I won’t get back to Warrington. Haven’t you heard anything I’ve just said?
Officer   Your ride should be here any minute.
Jarod   It’s, uh, here now. Jarod Malloy, Warrington P.D. Oh, I see you got my perp here.
Officer   Malloy? I was told an Officer Hudono was comin’ to get her.
Jarod   Oh, yeah. Vince. He smacked into the chief’s brand new Lexus on the way out of the parking lot.
Officer   Ow.
Jarod   He’s gonna be patchin’ up his butt for a while so I’m, uh- I’m coverin’ for him.
Officer   I just want to go home. You got your PP-3 form?
Jarod   Uh-uh-uh-Damn it! No, I must have left it in Vince’s car.
Officer   We really can’t release her without it.
    [Tires Screeching]
Jarod   Can you help me out here? It’s my daughter’s 10th birthday party tonight. I really want to get back in time for it. Why don’t you let me take my perp, and then I’ll fax you back the PP-3 form?
    [Car Door Closes]
Officer   Yeah, well, all right. I don’t want you to miss your daughter’s party.
Jarod   Thank. I owe you one.
Officer   Hey, where you goin’?
Jarod   I parked out back.
    [Door Opens, Closes]
Zoe   That is absolutely the most incredible thing anyone’s ever done for me.
Jarod   Vince is coming through the front door. Get in the car.
Zoe   You can my car, my money. You could have taken everything and disappeared. How did you know I was telling the truth about Vince? I could’ve made that stuff up. Jarod! How did you know?
Jarod   Because you told me. Now get in the car.
Zoe   You’re a fugitive now. Drive, cowboy!
Vince   Hey! Hey, Zoe!
Zoe   Jarod, I think it’s time you tell me the truth.
Jarod   The truth about what?
Zoe   You’re obviously not a stock analyst. You make a pretty convincing cop, but that’s not it either. So, who are you really?
Jarod   I’m just someone who’s looking for a little happily ever after myself. I’m searching for my family. I got separated from them when I was a kid.
Zoe   I’m separated from my family too. By choice, I ran away when I was 16.
Jarod   I can’t imagine having a family and not wanting to be with them. Don’t you miss them?
Zoe   My grandmother, I do a lot. She’s the only who ever really understood me. But the others? I don’t really think about them. Except, of course, my sister Katie. Let me tell you something about identical twins. They’re not. Katie got all the brains, the talen, the sense of humor. No one ever had any trouble telling us apart.
Jarod   There. That should keep Vince off our backs. The state line is about an hour east of here. After that, you’ll be free and clear.
Zoe   We’re not gonna go east anymore. A new plan. We’re goin’ north.
Jarod   To where?
Zoe   I’m gonna teach you about another childhood staple I’m pretty sure you missed out on. The road trip.
Jarod   The road trip?
Zoe   Yeah. Distilled to its most basic essence it is loading up on junk food, crankin’ the radio and…just drivin’.
    [Man Singing On Radio] [Music Ends]
Miss Parker   Okay, joke’s over. What the hell are we supposed to be finding?
Sydney   Maybe Jarod wants us to run like rats in a maze.
Broots   Oh, yeah. Or a fun house.
Miss Parker   That would imply having fun. What’s that light down there? Great. We go on the yellow brick death march and all we find is this Goodwill reject?
Broots   Hey, that’s G.I. Joe.
Miss Parker   One of your “don’t ask, don’t tell” buddies?
Broots   I had one just like this when I was a kid. He had the same jungle fatigues, the same fake scar. Oh.
Sydney   What is it?
Broots   There’s a letter “B” carved in the boot. But mine had a “B.” I carved it with Kenny Golletti’s pocket knife.
Sydney   You’re saying this is your doll?
Broots   It couldn’t be. Could it?
Miss Parker   We have entered the Jarod Zone.
Broots   G.I. Joe was my best friend. When I was 12, I got the measles. I spent all summer in the hospital. I almost died. You know, none of my friends could visit me. And then my brother, he snuck me in my G.I. Joe. And it reminded me of home, of my room…. where everything was so much better. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy but this little guy saved my life that summer.
Sydney   You never mentioned this story before, Broots.
Broots   Well, I never even thought of it before. Until-
Miss Parker   Till Jarod reminded you.
Zoe   [Sighs] What do you think? Too ick?
Jarod   Not ick at all. You look beautiful. Why the change?
Zoe   Mmm. Would, uh, you be willing to pretend for me again?
Jarod   Okay, okay. Anytime you want to fill me in on what’s going on here.
Zoe’s grandmother   Zoe! Oh, I can’t believe it’s you!
Zoe   Hi, Grandma.
Zoe’s grandmother   Oh, sweetie, it’s so good to see you! I can’t tell you the time I’ve spent worrying that somethin’ might have happened to you.
Zoe   Something has happened to me. There’s someone I want you to meet. This is Jarod.
Jarod   Hi
Zoe   My husband. You’re gonna love him, Grandma.
Zoe   He’s sweet and kind and spoils me almost as much as you used to.
Zoe’s grandmother   Oh, well, you picked a perfect time to suprise me. Your sister Linda and her husband are here. Come on in and share the good news.
Jarod   Let’s go share the good news, honey.
Zoe’s grandmother   Linda, you’ll never guess who’s here. Your baby sister, and she’s a newlywed.
Zoe   Hey, Linda.
Linda   Wow. Well, that’s…. great. Um, congratulations.
Zoe   Uh- uh, Linda is my sister. And uh, this is-
Linda   That’s my husband, Greg. Zoe should know that, but since she couldn’t be bothered to come to our wedding, they’ve never met.
Greg   [Mouths Word]
Zoe’s grandmother   Who wants coffee?
Linda   I’m not sure if you care but Mom’s still chairing the ladie’s group at the club and, uh, Mark and his wife just had their second boy in June.
Zoe   Mark’s our brother.
Linda   I swear, he hasn’t had a minute to rest. He’s taken over the firm from Dad. It’s been such a success. They must have 20 partners now. So, what do you do, Jarod?
Jarod   Hmm? Uh, a little bit of this, a little bit of that.
Zoe   Oh, don’t be so modest, honey. Jarod’s an aerospace engineer. He designs commercial jetliners.
Greg   Small world. I run the F.A.A.’s propulsion research facility in Red Valley. What do you make of these new 6250s comin’ out of Northum?
Jarod   Well, they’ll look a lot better after they sort out their preignition wire bus problems. The S.Q. gyro platforms tend to shimmy at high R.P.M.s which could throw off the whole telemetry.
Greg   Really?
Jarod   Mm-hmm.
Greg   I hadn’t heard anything about it.
Zoe’s grandmother   He’s really something.
Zoe   Yeah, he sure is.
Miss Parker   He’s a jerk, and this proves it. I’m tellin’ you right now, if that thing starts playing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” I’m gonna blow it into a million pieces.
Sydney   Now, don’t. Wait.
Sydney   It’s a French song from the early ’40s. “Les Mots D’Amour.”
Miss Parker   “The Language of Love.”
Broots   It was yours, huh, Syd?
    [Record Plays]
Sydney   When the Allies liberated our camp, my brother Jacob and I had to make our way back home to Lyon. When we got home, the house my father built by hand [Woman Singing In French] was reduced to mere rubble. But in the debris, we found this record. It was my mother’s favorite song. She would put it on and make my father dance with her. And my brother Jacob and I would have to watch them. I thought I had lost it years ago.
Miss Parker   Sydney, what do you think Jarod is trying to tell us with all of this?
Sydney   I don’t know. But I’m glad he is.
Zoe’s grandmother   Four children, 12 grandchildren and 10 great-grandkids. I’d say I’m blessed, wouldn’t you?
Jarod   I’d say. Is this Zoe with Katie?
Zoe’s grandmother   Oh, this is one of my favorites. And this was taken just a few weeks before, uh, Katie died. It was almost like they both died on the same day. You know, it hit everybody pretty hard. But Zoe, she was devastated.
Jarod   I can imagine. Her twin sister.
Zoe’s grandmother   In time, the rest of the family managed to go on. But I think she resented them, like they were forgetting about Katie. Zoe just sort of spiraled after that, pullin’ away from the family.
Jarod   That’s when Zoe ran away.
Zoe’s grandmother   Mmm. I have a feeling now I can worry less.
Zoe   What are you two gossiping about?
Zoe’s grandmother   Oh, none of your business. Shh. You sleep tight.
Jarod   Good night.
Zoe’s grandmother   And I’ll see you in the morning.
Zoe   [Chuckles] We did it! We pulled it off! [Laughs] Oh, and, Jarod, that whole airline engine thing? Perfect. Thank you so much.
Jarod   Why is it so important that they think your life is something that it’s not?
Zoe   You don’t understand. I have always been the family screwup. No direction, no decent job. Lousy relationships. Look at my brothers and sisters. All success stories.
Jarod   Well, who cares what they think?
Zoe   I don’t. But my grandmother- I want her to think that I’ve turned my life around- that I’m happy. Even if it is a lie. It’ll be easier for her that way.
Jarod   What do you mean by that?
Zoe   Nothing. Hey, I know how we can really convince them that we’re newlyweds. [Meows] Stick around.
    What is it?
Jarod   How long have you known you were sick?
Zoe   How’d you know I was sick?
Jarod   These prescriptions are all precursors for chemotherapy. How long have you known?
Zoe   I don’t know. Three weeks.
Jarod   And you haven’t filled the prescriptions yet. Zoe.
Zoe   I haven’t gotten around to it.
Jarod   This is serious. Your carefree attitude won’t make it go away.
Zoe   What do you want from me, some scene out of Love Story ? Sorry. Drama queen’s not my style.
Jarod   I’m going to the drugstore tomorrow.
Zoe   You don’t have to do that.
Jarod   I want to.
Zoe   I don’t want you to. Jarod, I’ve seen people fight this type of cancer before. All the agony and sickness. The cure’s worse than the disease. Besides, most of them die anyway.
Jarod   There are new treatments- advancements that could give you a real chance.
Zoe   So now you’re a doctor too?
Jarod   I’m just saying it doesn’t have to be a fatal condition.
Zoe   Life is a fatal condition. You get off the bus, suck all the juice out of the years you have and it’s good night, Cleveland. You’ve been a beautiful crowd. Those are the rules. Always have been. I get it. And I’m not gonna cry and plead for special treatment just as the curtain’s closing. You know, it’s weird, but in some ways, it’s been a good thing. It made me realize I had to get away from Vince. Brought me here to see my grandmother again. Even brought me to you.
Jarod   You can’t give up without a fight.
Zoe   Yes, I can. Jarod, don’t say anything about this anyone, especially my grandmother.
Jarod   Zoe-
Zoe   Promise me?
Jarod   [Scoffs] I can’t accept this.
Zoe   You have to. This is my life. These are my decisions. Besides, maybe I deserve it. Jarod?
Miss Parker   I vote we go back to the Munchkin and shoot our way of this madhouse.
Sydney   This journey isn’t over till we find what Jarod left for you, Miss Parker.
Broots   And I think we just found it. This looks like the basket that Dorothy carried Toto in.
Miss Parker   Well, if Jarod rustled up my old dog Mr. Sheckle it ain’t gonna be pretty.
Sydney   A thimble?
Broots   Miss Parker?
Miss Parker   My family didn’t spend a lot of time together when I was growing up. My father was always at the Centre. If he was around, my mother was off in an orphanage somewhere. But one day… there had been a big storm. But the roads were all closed. Everything was shut down. [Chuckles] Daddy, of course, was annoyed. But I was elated, because it was just the three of us trapped together in the house.
Broots   So, you all just sewed something.
Miss Parker   [Chuckling] We played Monopoly.
Broots   Oh.
Miss Parker   We played Monopoly all day and into the night. Daddy was the shoe, my mother was the car, and I was… the thimble.
Broots   [Clears Throat] So, why you do suppose Jarod is doing this? I mean, what do you- what do you think he’s trying to say?
Miss Parker   There’s no place like home.
Sydney   There’s no place like home.
Miss Parker   Which is how we get the hell out of here.
Munchkin guy   Okay, let me hear it one more time! There’s no place-
Miss Parker   We’ve said it three times already!
Munchkin guy   I know, but I gotta hear it with the shoes clicking.
Miss Parker   You’re gonna hear it with the clicking of my .9 millimeter if you don’t open the damn door!
    [Lock Clicking]
Munchkin guy   Hey, nice attitude! Don’t forget to come back and see me next time you’re in the Emerald City, huh?
Zoe’s grandmother   I really wish you weren’t leavin’ so soon.
Zoe   So do I. But Jarod’s speaking at a big conference up north. And if we don’t leave now, well, he’s gonna be late.
Zoe grandmother   Well, don’t you keep my little girl away too long, Jarod. I want to see her back here soon.
Jarod   Oh, she’ll be back before you know it.
Zoe   Oh, one more thing, Gram. I have something for you. A, uh- A surprise birthday present.
Zoe’s grandmother   But my birthday isn’t for two months.
Zoe   That’s why it’s a surprise. But don’t open it until after we leave. I love you.
Zoe’s grandmother   I love you, Zoe. [Grunts]
Zoe   Bye. Thank you, Jarod, for keeping your promise.
Jarod   I still think you should tell her.
Zoe   Better she remember me like this.
Jarod   Driving away one last time?
Zoe   No. Happy. And I’d really appreciate it if you’d be happy too. You know, enough of this morose crap. I plan on making the most of my time that’s left.
    [Man On Radio] And by the way, if you’re out near Freeburg today, the local “Y” is putting on a carnival. They’re gonna have games, rides. Bring the whole family down.
Zoe   Come on, Jarod. Show me a good time.
    [Radio] You’ll have lots of fun-
    The Centre
    [Door Opening]
Miss Parker   It’s not home, but it’ll do.
Sydney   Looks like the next piece of Jarod’s puzzle’s already here.
Broots   The Wicked Witch of the West. Hey, doesn’t it kind of look a little…like-
Miss Parker   I’ll take that as a compliment.
Sydney   There must be more than the obvious interpretation. Maybe some deeper meaning?
Broots   Hmm?
    [Parker drenches witch with water]
    [Evil Laughter, Sizzling] [Warped Laughter] [Laughter Stops]
Broots   Hey, look.
Miss Parker   Broots, call the airstrip. Tell them to get my broomstick fired up. We’re goin’ back to Kansas.
Zoe   The manager said our room is around here. You’re amazing, Jarod. I’ve never seen someone win one game after another like that.
Jarod   It’s really very simple. It’s all a matter of geometry and physics.
Zoe   Right.
Jarod   Okay, I worked a stint as a carny a while back. I know all their secrets.
Zoe   Now, why doesn’t that surprise me?
    [Both Chuckling]
Zoe   He gave us the lucky number seven.
Jarod   Where are you going now? Zoe?
Zoe   It’s magical, Jarod. Don’t you feel like takin’ a dip? Come on.
Jarod   Zoe, no.
Zoe   Jarod, yes. Look at it. It’s calling us.
Jarod   I don’t have a bathing suit.
Zoe   Neither do I.
Jarod   I don’t know.
Zoe   Hey, I paid for the room. The least you can do is swim with me.
Jarod   [Sighs]
Zoe   You’ve never skinny-dipped before, have you?
Jarod   Is- Is that what they call it?
Zoe   Yeah. Jump in and I’ll show you why.
Jarod   You’re crazy, you know that?
Zoe   And you’re stalling. Just what does a naked woman have to do to get you in here?
Zoe   It’s not so bad, is it?
Jarod   Nice. It’s pretty good.
Zoe   Hi.
Jarod   Hi.
Jarod   Mmm. Zoe? [Chuckles] Okay, what are you doing?
Zoe   Last night was amazing.
Jarod   Mmm.
Zoe   The last 48 hours have been amazing. Falling in love wasn’t part of the plan.
Jarod   What plan?
Zoe   The one that says I have to go now, and it has to be alone.
Jarod   What? What are you doing? This isn’t funny. Unlock these cuffs. Unlock the cuffs! Give me the key!
Zoe   I can’t.
Jarod   Look, you’re going to get well. You’ll beat this!
Zoe   No, I won’t! I’m sure of that. I need to end things my way. Go out with a bang, right?
Jarod   Zoe, don’t do this.
Zoe   Jarod, you’re good at pretending. Just pretend you never met me.
Jarod   Zoe! Zoe- Zoe!
    [Door Closes]
Jarod   [Grunting]
Vince   Hi, honey. Goin’ somewhere? The game’s over. It’s time to go home.
Zoe   That’s not my home anymore. I told you, you and I are over.
Vince   If you didn’t want me to find you then you wouldn’t have used your credit card to rent the room. You haven’t blown all that money?
Zoe   The money was mine!
Vince   It was ours!
Zoe   Fine. You know what? You can have it, but you can’t have me!
Vince   You really wanna take me on? Do you?
Jarod   I will if I have to.
Vince   What the hell? You’re with this guy?
Jarod   Come on, Zoe. It’s all right.
Vince   Hey!
Jarod   Look, she doesn’t wanna be with you. Why can’t you get that through your head?
Vince   That’s not her decision. And it’s not yours either. Let’s go.
Zoe   Oh, my God, Vince, no!
Vince   You must’ve had some fun last night, huh? I’ll tell you what. Not like the fun you and I are gonna have tonight.
Zoe   Vince, don’t!
Vince   Son of a bitch! You got some brass ones! I’ll give you that!
    [Engine Starts]
    [Tires Screeching]
Jarod   Zoe! Zoe!
Jarod   Zoe?
Zoe   How’d you know?
Jarod   I called your grandmother. She said this is where your sister died. Please, I want to talk to you.
Zoe   Oh, no, you don’t. You want to stop me from finishing my journey.
Jarod   Zoe, what happened was terrible, and it was very sad but it was an accident. You have to stop blaming yourself for it.
Zoe   I’m the one who told her to climb up here. I only meant it as a joke, but Katie, she never turned down a dare. She was right about here when she slipped. Katie should have been the one that lived. She was smarter, funnier.
Jarod   So you think you deserve to die. Is that it?
Zoe   It’s not like I’ve been a big success in life. Look at what I’ve done to mine. I’ve made a mess of it.
Jarod   Because you’ve been punishing yourself for what happened to your sister and that’s why you’re not fighting the cancer. This isn’t about living life to the fullest or going out with a bang. You’re not fighting it because you don’t think you deserve to beat it.
Zoe   God, Jarod. I’m just so scared.
Jarod   I know you are. And I’m going to help you. But there’s only one place to do it… and that’s with the people you love.
Sydney   Why would Jarod bring us all the way back here when nothing has changed?
Broots   Well, nothing excpet this. It’s not exactly ruby slippers.
Miss Parker   I think Jarod fell asleep in the magical poppies a little too long.
Broots   A note from Jarod, Sydney? What does it say?
Sydney   “There’s no place like home.”
Miss Parker   In case we didn’t get it before?
Sydney   “Everyone deserves one. So why don’t you leave me alone and let me find mine?”
    [Kid Laughing, Chattering]
    Hey-hey-hey! [Chattering, Indistinct]
Jarod   Are you sure about this?
Zoe   Yeah, I’m sure.
Jarod   You got a long fight ahead of you. I don’t want you to have to go through it alone.
Zoe   I’m not alone. I’ve got them. And I’ve got you. In here.
Jarod   I want to stay with you.
Zoe   I know. But you can’t stay, can you? I can see it in your eyes. Thank you… for helping me find my way back home.
Jarod   Good-bye.
Zoe   You ever say that word again, I’ll kick your butt. Go.

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