3-12 Unsinkable

3-12 Unsinkable

Unsinkable

Nicest thing that anybody ever did for me. My pretend started out pretending to be Argyle’s friend. I wasn’t pretending any more.

Jarod

Unsinkable

Nicest thing that anybody ever did for me. My pretend started out pretending to be Argyle’s friend. I wasn’t pretending any more.

Jarod

Original air date: February 13, 1999

Written by: Juan Carlos Coto

Directed by: Chuck Bowman

Jarod gets in over his head when he tries to help a man who inadvertently got mixed up with two of the biggest loan sharks in Atlantic City.

Jarod’s Discoveries:

Jarod’s Occupations: Wiseguy

Jarod’s Aliases: Jarod

 

Behind the scenes insights and the Creator’s Take

Official Synopsis

Jarod assists a man caught in the middle of a turf war being waged by Atlantic City loan sharks.

 

Sydney, Broots and Miss Parker fly into stormy weather on their return trip from Hawaii, the location of Jarod’s last pretend.  During the flight, Miss Parker lets it be known that she is anxious to make an appointment once the plane lands.  Sydney correctly deduces that the appointment is with a new love interest.  Parker tells him about Thomas, a fix-it man who is performing work on her house (see episode 3ABP10).  Meanwhile, Jarod stands on a pier, his body wrapped in chains that are hooked to an anchor.  A shadowy figure tosses the anchor at Jarod’s chest, sending him plummeting into the black water below.  As Jarod struggles with the chains, he recalls the events that led up to his dilemma.  It all started when Jarod received a message from Argyle (see “Unforgotten” from the previous season), instructing him to meet at a comedy club in Atlantic City.  Argyle, whose middle finger is covered with a metal splint, borrowed $5000 from a loan shark named Sonny Faddis.  Despite his better judgement, Jarod agrees to help Argyle pay back the money.

Jarod secures the money from Centre funds.  He then accompanies Argyle to his father Benny’s apartment.  He watches as Benny swallows medication to treat his brain condition.  It soon dawns on Jarod that Argyle borrowed the $5000 for his father.  Argyle admits this is true.  He wishes to fly Benny to Vatican City so he can hear the Pope present mass (Benny is convinced that the Pope’s last appearance at Giant Stadium added three years to his late wife Adela’s life).  It turns out that Benny used the money to place a bet with a bookie, as he wanted the Vatican trip to be first class all the way.  Unfortunately, the bet didn’t pay off.  Jarod drives Benny to Faddis’ restaurant.  Benny hands Faddis the cash, but moments later, Faddis signals his underlings to attack him.  Argyle manages to escape, and runs off to Jarod’s awaiting car.  Argyle explains that his debt is still not paid, as he must make good on an errand.  It turns out that casino workers skimming for Faddis leave a duffel bag filled with cash in a particular dumpster.  Argyle’s mission is to retrieve the bag.  Jarod accompanies Argyle on the assignment.  But they encounter trouble when a man named The Cuban pulls a gun on them.

It turns out that the duffel bag in question didn’t belong to Faddis…it belonged to The Cuban.  Argyle’s dog rushes The Cuban and a scuffle ensues.  Argyle grabs the duffel bag and jumps into the back seat of Jarod’s car.  The Cuban fires a shot, giving Argyle a flesh wound.  Argyle opens the duffel bag…and discovers grimy paper inside.  Later, Benny uses his World War II medic’s kit to minister to his son’s wounds.  Meanwhile, Jarod uses his laptop to research The Cuban’s background.  It turns out that he is one of the biggest loan sharks in Atlantic City, second only to Faddis.  Jarod also turns his attention to a key, marked “Orlani 11,” that Faddis’ thugs planted in Argyle’s jacket pocket.  Jarod approaches Faddis and promises to deliver Argyle to him for twenty thousand dollars.  Through Faddis, Jarod eventually realizes that Orlani is the name of a fancy restaurant, and that the key fits a humidor.  It turns out that Benny recognized the name, and decided to take matters into his own hands.  When Benny inserts the key into the humidor, Faddis’ thugs descend upon him.  Jarod intercedes in the nick of time.

Meanwhile, aboard the airplane, Miss Parker reminisces about her last time together with Thomas.  While doing work inside the house, Thomas discovered a room hidden behind a wall.  He handed her a painting that he found inside the room, and told her about his plans to tear down the wall.  But Parker insisted that he leave the wall alone.  Thomas then noticed the initials “CP” on some stationery.  He realized it was created by Miss Parker’s mother…and that she knew about the room all along.  Growing more distant, Miss Parker told Thomas to finish up his work and expect a final paycheck upon her return from Hawaii.  Back in the present, Miss Parker tells Sydney that she deliberately let Thomas out of her life.

Meanwhile, Jarod tells Argyle that his father has been faking his illness.  He tells both men that Adele is gone, but they need not lose each other.  Later, Jarod deduces that Faddis had been stealing The Cuban’s duffel bags all along.  The Cuban had deliberately left the decoy bag to catch the thief.  Faddis had ascertained this, and sent Argyle to fetch the bag, creating a patsy thief.  Argyle, it turns out, was supposed to die at the dumpster, and The Cuban was supposed to find the key on his person, leading him to the humidor and a cigar box fingering Argyle as the perpetrator.  One question still remained: what did Faddis do with The Cuban’s dead couriers?  Jarod remembers that Faddis once spoke of “taking a long walk off a short pier.”  He and Argyle travel to the pier, where they discover the couriers’ bodies beneath the water.  But while arranging a plot to ensnare Faddis, Argyle and Jarod are attacked by Faddis’ henchmen.  When Jarod regains consciousness, he finds himself bound with chains.  Faddis tosses the anchor into his chest, causing him to fall off the pier.  But it turns out that Jarod’s plot was never interrupted by the henchmen: they were deliberately led to the pier, where their actions, and Faddis’ actions, were recorded on videotape.  The footage of Jarod’s plummet over the side of the pier was sent to the police, who would later search the water and discover the couriers’ bodies.  Jarod then informed The Cuban about Faddis’ double-cross, sealing the loan shark’s fate.

When Miss Parker returns home, she discovers that Thomas fixed the wall leading into the old room.  But now, the wall features a locked door.  Thomas gives her the key.  Miss Parker explains her previous behavior, and Thomas kisses her hand.

Meanwhile, Jarod assumes the identity of a monsignor… and arranges for Benny and Argyle to meet the Pope.

3-12 Unsinkable

Unsinkable Transcript

 

Unsinkable

     
Sydney   Strange how Jarod left nothing in Hawaii, as if he wanted us out of the way.
Miss Parker   Broots, find out why we haven’t landed.
Broots   Oh, please don’t make me get up.
Miss Parker   Since when do you hate to fly?
Broots   I don’t hate to fly. I hate to barf.
Miss Parker   It’s important.
Sydney   Jarod’s trail’s cold. What could you possibly be late for? Unless your appointment is not business but pleasure?
Miss Parker   Are you this chatty on commercial flights?
Sydney   I’m a shrink. What do you want? So what’s his name. You did call him from Jarod’s cabana, didn’t you? There was a certain glow about you.
Miss Parker   I don’t glow Sydney. His name is Thomas and he’s doing some work on my house. He’s a fixit man Syd.
Sydney   What exactly is broken?
Broots   The Pilot says we’re going to circle for an hour, maybe two.
Miss Parker   Thank you Jarod. And you just know that he’s down there basking in the sun and surf.
 
Faddis   Wake up wiseass. I wouldn’t want you to sleep through this because you’re going in for a dip.
Jarod   Ah! No!
 
Jarod   Ever since I was a boy people have been telling me that I’ m special. That I have a gift, that I could be anything I want to be. I never guessed that I would end up here, in the Atlantic Ocean, as a human anchor. But maybe I should start at the beginning.
 
Comedian   You’re a lawyer, eh? A lawyer robbed me blind. The other night I was sitting there at the bar over there and I said  “All lawyers are slime” Guy next to me screams “You take that back.” I said “Why? Are you a lawyer?”, He said, “No, I’m a slime.”
Jarod   The Comedy Slot where the jokes are as cheesy as the patrons. Well no one was laughing, especially me. I’d been tracking these classified ads for weeks but I didn’t know who was placing them. It was too obvious for a Centre trick. But I had to be careful. That’s why I left no leads in Hawaii. That’s also is why I should have turned and run when I spotted the source of the ads. Argyle, he saved my life once and then tried sell me to the Centre.
Argyle   Hey! You call this a martini? You call this a martini? I wouldn’t feed this to my dog okay and I said no to olives miss. He’s pimiento intolerant … but even if he wasn’t I wouldn’t let this touch his little doggie lips. You know what I’m saying? He’s a good boy. She’s a bad girl. She’s a bad girl.
Jarod   Ah Hmm!
Argyle   J-rod. What’s tricks man? How you doing? I knew you’d get my message.
Jarod   Half the eastern seaboard got your message.
Argyle   Oh yeah. Yeah! Well it worked right? Dog, whoa, you remember Jarod? You’re in like Flynn see. Look at us three, alright. Re-united and we’re feeling good, right? Hey are you still carrying all them crazy ID’s? Whose skin are you wearing this week?
Jarod   A sucker’s. Now what do you want?
Argyle   What I want? What do I want? I want another couple of martinis, that’s what I want. Hold the olives. Okay, what I want, what I want is for everybody to get along. Okay? I want everybody to be happy.
Jarod   Starting with yourself.
Argyle   Well of course. But how much happier can this nancy boy be? Check me out! I’m a fat cat down here. Me llaman El Gato Gordo dude.
Jarod   Who did you have to sell to get it?
Argyle   You know something, that’s low, that’s very low. Check this out. Voom, I forgive you.
Jarod   How did you break your finger?
Argyle   Umm, that? Job hazard.
 
Jarod   That would require a job. Now what do you want?
Argyle   Okay here’s the story, all right. There’s this guy, Faddis down here, Mr Sonny Faddis. He’s the entrepreneurial type, he’s actually a friend of mine.
Jarod   Friends break bread not fingers.
Argyle   Okay I know what you’re saying about the finger, okay but you’re wrong. He’s got people who do it for him, okay? He provided me recently with a little financial sustenance.
Jarod   How much do you owe him?
Argyle   Five thousand … dollars.
Jarod   What? You went to all this trouble to get me down here for five thousand dollars?
Argyle   Listen to me. Jarod This Mister Sonny Faddis is bad news okay? He made me choose which finger his goons would break. I told him this one ’cause you’ve got to have a free picker you know? Thing is Jarod if I don’t pay this guy back Argyle is ancient history, man. Besides what’sfive large between friends?
Jarod   You tried to sell me for ten.
Argyle   I know. I know what I did. I know what I know. I know what I did was wrong. I also happen to know you, my friend, and I are kindred spirits. Don’t give me that look. We both know what it’s like to be alone in this world. We also both know what it’s like to have no body to turn to. You’re all I got Jarod.
Jarod   I was suddenly face to face with my toughest pretend, becoming Argyle’s friend.
Argyle   You’re the man, Jarod.
Jarod   I didn’t need forged papers or a fake id.
Argyle   You’re the man Jarod. Set us up with another couple of drinks here.
Jarod   Just a lot of patience and no common sense.
 
Sydney   You seem anxious. Thomas must be doing important fix it work.
Miss Parker   I met him a few weeks ago and we spent a couple of hours together one night… just talking. He used to work on Wall Street but he checked out.
Sydney   Huh!
Miss Parker   He’s renovating this absolutely ancient house near mine. He calls it a work in progress. I got to thinking I needed some work done on my house so…. well I wish I could tell you having him over was just about the water damage… but… it was more.
 
Thomas   Well, it’s definitely water damage. This place is sweet though it’s got a lot of character.
Miss Parker   A lot of years.
Thomas   Yeah but structure’s great. Masonry out front. Owned or rented?
Miss Parker   It was a gift given to me by my father when I graduated college. It was, ah, sort of a hideaway for my parents.
Thomas   That’s gotta be mom.
Miss Parker   I look just like her, I know. She passed away when I was a little girl.
Thomas   Oh. Must have been tough.
Miss Parker   Yeah.
Thomas   Hey! You know what would be perfect right here? A lighter colour. And we’ll lose the stained glass and the bay windows and get some light reflection coming in, brighten up the whole house.
Miss Parker   Let’s cover it with dry wall and a fresh coat of paint. Same colour.
Thomas   Mmm!
Miss Parker   What?
Thomas   You’re a… you’re a doer.
Miss Parker   A doer?
Thomas   Yeah. I uh, I worked construction to pay for college, big Leave It To Beaver houses. We had two kinds of housewives.
Fiddlers always change their tune, made you replace cabinets after they were already in. And the doers…. Well the doers uh, they always made the call, once.
Miss Parker   I always get what I want.
 
Jarod   I’ve heard that love makes the world go round. Or is it money? It is in Argyle’s world. I’d gotten his five thousand dollars courtesy of Centre funds but before we went to pay off his loan shark, Mr Faddis, Argyle insisted on making a stop. But as is so Argyle around every corner is another surprise. Although his Pretender skills needed honing Argyle was right. In a way we were kindred spirits. There was just something about Argyle that I understood.
Argyle   Dog. I gotta make sure he diddles on the balcony. Make yourself at home. Oh no, for the love of Pete. I told you the balcony.
Benny   Freeze, soldier. I’ve tangled with SS twice your size.
Jarod   Whoa whoa whoa!
Benny   If you think you can just waltz in here and swipe my prize possessions for a vial of mind altering crap you’ve got another think comin’.
Jarod   Argyle!
Benny   Make your peace, son.
Argyle   Yo, yo, yo yo. Hold up. Take it easy. This is… this is my friend. This man is my friend.
Benny   Oh. Wait a minute. What the heck are you doing here?
 
Argyle   What, I can’t come here? All of a sudden I can’t come here? My buildings are done.
Benny   Oh yeah? Well your manners ain’t. Name’s Benny. Returned field medic 101st Airborne, Screaming Eagles, WWII.
Jarod   My name is Jarod.
Benny   Firm handshake. Sign of character. In some cultures. It means you’re a skilled horseman.
Jarod   I was a rodeo clown once.
Benny   Which would explain why you work with my son.
Argyle   Um yo Pop. That’s ah Jarod like myself has has broadened his horizons in the ever expanding and creatively exciting world of computer aided drafting.
Jarod   Actually, I was just…
Argyle   Medicine time pop. The sacred time piece has spoken.
Benny   Cherish your health Jarod. It’s the only thing you’ve got that’s truly yours. Besides ear wax and nose hair.
Jarod   Demoxidyle. Recrotin. Do you have a enzyme imbalance?
Benny   Brain condition. Also gave me this limp.
Jarod   It could be enzyme related but it…
Benny   Could be? It’s been a pleasure Jerry. Pope’s coming back on.
Jarod   Uh? Isn’t he on tape?
Benny   You don’t pause the Pontiff.
Jarod   You borrowed the five thousand dollars for him, didn’t you?
Argyle   Well VFW gives him insurance but it don’t cover what he really needs. We lost Ma about a year ago. He’s been going down hill ever since. They saw the Pope together back in ’95. Giant’s Stadium. That was right after Ma got sick. The doc said she had like a month to live. My old man swears the Pope gave her those three extra years. He just wants to go to Vatican City, you know, see the guy, hear the mass. Maybe thank him. I don’t know.
Jarod   Five thousand dollars covers a trip to Italy.
Argyle   Yeah I know, but um…
Jarod   But what?
Argyle   Well uh, there’s this guy who works for Faddis. He uh, he handles my my high-yield investments.
Jarod   So you borrowed five thousand dollars from a loan shark and then you lost it to a bookie.
Argyle   Jarod I just want my Dad’s trip to be top drawer. You know? First pew all the way. Is that too much to ask?
 
Jarod   Argyle’s heart was in the right place but as usual his brain wasn’t. I insisted we go straight to pay off Faddis.
Argyle   I can’t wait to see Faddis’ face when I slide him the green.
Jarod   He insisted on going in alone.
Jarod   Be careful.
Jarod   A little quick homework told me that Argyle’s loan shark was a man eater. A short-tempered violent killer. Sonny Faddis. Along with Sonny’s Clam Shack he owned a big piece of the waterfront and supplied seafood to most of Atlantic city. It didn’t take long to see that Argyle was in over his head, and his back against the wall.
Jarod   Get in. Get in!
 
Argyle   You mamalukes! Ow ow ow ow ow!
Jarod   Who were they?
Argyle   Those guys? Faddis’ boys. The Africans.
Jarod   Africans?
Argyle   South Africans.
Jarod   Look Argyle they never would have broken another finger if you were paid up. Well?
Argyle   Okay. Okay. I owe ’em a favour. Once I’m done with that I’m free and clear. Don’t say it, don’t even think it. The guy’ll fly solo on this one man. No worries man. Thanks for everything you’ve done. And that five grand? Back in your bank account before you even know it. Just give me a little time, that’s all. A little time. You know, he may… he may be man’s best friend but you J-dog are my best friend.
Jarod   Argyle. Here. Two first class tickets to Vatican City. Make sure your dad sees the Pope.
Argyle   I can’t man. It’s gotta be from me. You’ve already done enough. Sayonara man. Adios.
Jarod   Take care of yourself.
Jarod   Second thoughts can be dangerous, but it quickly dawned on me that leaving Argyle and Dog would be like, well it would be like leaving two wounded animals in a trap. It just wasn’t in me.
Jarod   You guys coming or what? You were praying for your father weren’t you?
Argyle   Yeah. He gave it to me. It’s laminated. He and Ma got it when they saw the him in ninety-five. I was praying that you know, he’d get to see the Popester before ah, before it was too late.
Jarod   Too late?
Argyle   Well yeah Jarod. He’s… he’s dyin’.
Jarod   Argyle’s situation put into focus for me something that I think I’ve known for a long time. That until I find my family, helping people like Benny and Argyle is the next best thing.
 
Jarod   On my end, things were going pretty smoothly but how was I to know that the middle part of this story would get so messy.
 
Jarod   Faddis had a simple job for Argyle. Pick up a bag of skimmed casino money from a dumpster. But something about this was nagging me. Why would Faddis trust Argyle to pick up his money, after all Argyle is a guy who named his dog, well “Dog”. No worries, just like Argylesaid. For a second I believed him. A split second.
Argyle   Argh! That hurt!
Jarod   Turns out the bag and the money inside didn’t belong to Faddis, it belonged to this guy, called himself the Cuban, and called me something else.
Cuban   Little Joe from Chicago. What makes you think you can come to my town kill two of my couriers and steal my money? This cash belongs to the Cuban.
Argyle   The Cuban?
Jarod   The Cuban?
Cuban   You’ve never heard of the Cuban?
Jarod   Not one who sounds like you.
Cuban   I’m not a Cuban. I’m the Cuban.
Jarod   Remember those second thoughts?
Cuban   And this is my little friend.
Argyle   Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Good boy. You’re a good boy. You’re a good boy. You’re a good boy.
Jarod   Get outta here.
Argyle   Yeah. He is. Aw shoot the money.
Jarod   Forget the money. Argyle!
Argyle   Oh gee. Okay. Ahhhh. Drive J Drive!
 
Miss Parker   He’s still out. God bless Dramamine.
Sydney   Tell me Parker, this Thomas, does he know where you work?
 
Thomas   This really hits the spot. Thanks for the eats.
Miss Parker   It’s coming out of your pay cheque. Shrimp.
Thomas   I got you hooked didn’t I Parker?
Miss Parker   I’ve always been partial to mu shu.
Thomas   You mean that’s all you’ve ever ordered.
Miss Parker   Someone once told me that stability breeds success.
Thomas   That’s because they never had sweet and pungent shrimp. Oh oh. Last piece. Are you always this demanding at work?
Miss Parker   I’m a doer, remember?
Thomas   Ah, that’s right. Corporate risk assessment. Sounds like a fancy name for insurance.
Miss Parker   A fancy name for stress. I ah, umm… I solve problems for my company.
Thomas   I was going to tell you… I uh, I uh, went up on the roof to check for the leak, you know, water damage, and um, well there may be another room back there.
Miss Parker   Let’s just cover it up like, like we talked about. Look my company makes me carry that.
Thomas   Hey work is work. Anyway I… I should be done by Saturday if you don’t slow me down with any more food.
 
Miss Parker   It’s a part of me I wish he hadn’t seen.
Sydney   The gun is something you carry Parker. It’s not who you are.
 
Jarod   Are you alright?
Argyle   Oh J-man, I’m cold. I’m so cold.
Jarod   What are you talking about? This is just a flesh wound. The bullet barely nicked you.
Argyle   Yeah? Well I know what you’re going to say. But how was I to know that an Irish Cuban was going to show up spout wiggy. He called you Little Joe. What’s that all about?
Jarod   He was obviously expecting this Little Joe.
Argyle   Yeah, too bad for him we’re the ones bringing home the green. Goodyear Blimp says Argyle’s pimp. Oh no J-Man. Oh no J-man.
Jarod   I could see it in Argyle’s eyes. Before today I would have called it greed….
Argyle   Oh no.
Jarod   But this was fear.
Argyle   Oh no.
Jarod   No money in the bag meant no trip to Italy. And no dying wish for the one thing that really matters to Argyle. Pop.
 
Benny   Step back son. Thanks to me, no man in the one hundred and first ever lost a limb, ‘cept for Bernie Sankowitz. He lost his toe but that’s barely an appendage.
Argyle   Lamina Pope let me down. Hey, what’s this doing in here? Here that’s not my key.
Jarod   That’s an awful lot of sedative.
Argyle   Hey Pop. How ’bout we skip the needle?
Benny   Take it like a man soldier.
Argyle   Ahhhhhhh!
 
Jarod   I wasn’t having any luck with the key but I did track down the Cuban, AKA Denis O’Quinn. Turns out he was the second biggest loan shark in Atlantic City. Second only to the Clam King, Sonny Faddis. But what was the Cuban doing at the dumpster? Stealing from Faddis? No. That didn’t make any sense. None of this does. It felt like Faddis had set Argyle up, but for what? The key had definitely been planted on him, probably by the Africans.
 
Benny   Orlani.
Jarod   Faddis’ minions must have planted it on Argyle when they broke his finger.
Benny   Yeah, he’s out colder than spit on ice. You were right. Too much knock out juice.
Jarod   He’ll be fine.
Benny   Not if he keeps up like this. A son should never stop listening to his father. He should know to stay away from the wrong people. My Adella would have made sure of that.
Jarod   She had a beautiful smile.
Benny   Oh yeah, didn’t she? And such a way with that kid.
Jarod   He was an only child?
Benny   Yep! After he was born Dr Canepa told Adella she had to close down the baby foundry. Huh. My buttercup always found the silver lining – she said, Argyle broke the mould.
Jarod   Many moulds.
Benny   If she was here he wouldn’t be sneaking around with a bunch of criminals pretending to be an architect.
Jarod   You knew about that?
Benny   The kid wouldn’t know a straight edge if it bit him on the tokus. I know he’s not perfect, Jarod, but he’s got a kind soul. He’s got her soul.
Jarod   You underestimate fathers.
Benny   I may have fought in the big one but she was the real hero. When I lost her it was like being at the front and losing contact with HQ. I just didn’t know what was what any more. And I can’t reach him. God knows I’d love to find a way. Orlani?
Jarod   I couldn’t find a bank or a key maker with that name.
Benny   Well I’ve got a buddy in the VFW. He’s a locksmith. I’ll get him to take a gander. Where’re you going?
Jarod   Trolling… for shark.
 
Jarod   Loan shark, that is. Something told me that I was caught in the middle of a turf war. So I put on my best wiseguy duds and paid a visit to the clam king.
Jarod   Mr Faddis call me the Pope.
Faddis   The Pope. Well I don’t serve loaves and fishes here. Andres, give me a fresh plate after I deal with this clown. So uh, what can I do for you Mr Pope?
Jarod   Why would you lend five thousand dollars to a guy like Argyle?
Faddis   Oh, you know that little weasel?
Jarod   If he’s such weasel why did you ask him to make a pickup for you?
Faddis   Who said I did?
Jarod   He did.
Faddis   Now you listen to me. I don’t care what you call yourself. I’m going to spell it out for you like you were five. Argyle still owes me a big favour. So you’re going to tell me where that little insect is or you’re going to go for a long walk off a short pier. Cliché I know but I happen to own the pier.
Jarod   I’ll deliver you Argyle… for a price.
Faddis   Ten.
Jarod   Come on, you’ve got more clams than that.
Faddis   Twenty.
Jarod   All right.
Faddis   Al! Where are my cigars?
Al   Sorry Mr Faddis. I just got back from Orlani.
Faddis   Thank you.
Jarod   Orlani?
Faddis   Yeah I eat there every Friday. I keep a humidor out back. Why? Do you like that place?
Jarod   What’s not to like?
Faddis   You ought to try the osso buco. It’s phenomenal.
Jarod   I don’t care much for veal. It reminds me of my childhood.
 
Jarod   My meeting with Faddis answered one question. Orlani was a restaurant. Another restaurant. I had a feeling that the key, no pun, to this mystery was locked inside a humidor there. All I had to do was to get that key back from Benny but he had a plan of his own. Benny knew about Orlani all along and to make matters worse the screaming eagle, decided to take matters into his own hands, and drop behind the enemy lines and strike a blow for his son. I wish I could say that the war was about to end, but it was just beginning. War is hell, especially when a slippery lock pick is suddenly the enemy. Welcome to my Waterloo.
 
Benny   I’m warning you, I’ve tangled with SS twice your size.
Jarod   Benny took matters into his own hands alright, and the Africans were about to take a finger.
Benny   Oh no. Geez.
Jarod   I wouldn’t do that.
Jarod   I was unarmed but Sydney always taught me that my brain is my most powerful weapon.
Jarod   Benny don’t! Hey! Let’s get out of here.
Benny   Old Rommel ain’t got nothing on you.
 
Miss Parker   The flight from hell. The pilot says we’ll be circling for another half an hour.
Sydney   Think you will make it in time to see Thomas?
Miss Parker   It probably doesn’t matter not after the last time.
 
Miss Parker   Thomas?
Thomas   In here. I was right. There is a room behind the wall. And look what I found. It was a studio or something. The
skylights back there are great. Soon as I lose this wall it will really brighten up in here.
Miss Parker   Leave… leave it up.
Thomas   What? Are you kidding me?
Miss Parker   Leave it up. I have to catch a flight to Hawaii in an hour. Just… cover it.
Thomas   You knew about the room. I saw your mother’s name on some stationery. Catherine Parker. It was her studio and you knew it was there all along.
Miss Parker   Yes I did. And I’m the one who put the wall up, so just leave it up.
Thomas   Parker, why didn’t you say something?
Miss Parker   What am I supposed to say? You want me to tell you that that was her favourite room, and that’s where she used to read to me and tell me stories and braid my hair? Is that what I’m supposed to do? Just bare my soul to a stranger?
Thomas   Oh. I’m a stranger? I figured at least… uh… acquaintance.
Miss Parker   Well you figured wrong.
Thomas   Is that what the gun’s for? Hmm? To keep strangers away? I’m guessing your life is filled with them, starting with her.
Miss Parker   Put the wall back up while I’m gone.
Thomas   Sure thing.
Miss Parker   I’ll be back Saturday to give you the cheque.
 
Miss Parker   I let him go. He stood there waiting for me to stop him and I let him go.
Sydney   Your fixit man is right Parker. Why is everyone a stranger?
 
Argyle   Ah nuts, we’re up to our necks into it now pop.
Benny   Look, Faddis, that fungus, has been in the rackets since before you two were born.
Jarod   Understand something Benny, Faddis is a killer and he won’t stop until he finds both of you.
Argyle   Yeah and who’s the fungus now Pop? You lied to Jarod about the key.
Benny   You want him to fight your battles for you, is that it?
Argyle   Oh oh oh Pop, nobody fights my battles for me.
Benny   Oh yeah?
Argyle   Yeah Pop. And not everybody was so lucky they got to go to World War II.
Benny   Hey I was serving my country.
Jarod   Okay okay. Enough. Look, your father only lied only about the key because he was trying to get Faddis off your back.
 
Argyle   You were?
Benny   Mnnn.
Jarod   And your son borrowed the money from Faddis so that he could surprise you with a trip to the Vatican.
Benny   You mean…. see the big guy?
Argyle   Yeah. Pop. If you just stick with me and Jarod, you know, we want to get you there so you so you can see the guy, you know before you die and all.
Jarod   Isn’t there something you want to tell Argyle? Benny!
Benny   Hmm?
Jarod   You don’t have a brain condition, do you? This medication… sugar pills.
 
Argyle   You mean y-you’re not dying, Pop?
Jarod   I’ve got a great idea here. Why don’t we try a little fact instead of fiction, huh?
Jarod   It was the first time both of them had shut up since I’d gotten there and I knew where the silence came from. There was a time when it would have been filled with another voice.
Jarod   She’s gone, she can’t be replaced. It’s not an option with mothers. But you two, you don’t have to lose each other.
Jarod   It was the kind of moment I left the Centre for. Of course, helping Argyle’s father meant nothing if Argyle didn’t live through the week. That’s where the cigar box came in. Argyle thought he had everything figured out.
 
Argyle   Hey hey Yo! I’ve got this thing nailed J-Man. See, I’m thinking this guy is Cuban right. So he’s got to have family on the island under the yoke of the evil dictator Fidel Castro and what not…
Jarod   But of course Argyle was way off. Faddis had killed two of the Cuban’s couriers and stolen his money and he needed someone to blame it on. Argyle. The contents of the cigar box fingered Argyle as a criminal nicknamed…
Cuban   Little Joe from Chicago.
 
Jarod   You see the Cuban was supposed to find Argyle at the dumpster and kill him. He’d find the key, the cigar box and have his
culprit. And Faddis would get away with murder and a lot of The Cuban’s money.
Argyle   … first flight straight to Havana And Bam bam bam. They’re living high off the hog like capitalist pigs in Atlantic City. Mmm. Am I good?
Jarod   You nailed it Argyle.
Jarod   Just one question – where were the Cuban’s couriers?
 
Faddis   They went for a long walk off a short pier. A cliché I know. But I happen to own the pier.
 
Jarod   Faddis had covered the Cuban’s couriers in chains and tossed them. It was a cliché of the worse kind. I was planning a similar fate for Faddis. It kind of became my MO since I escaped the Centre. Payback against the people who think they could step on the little guy. In this case, one of the littlest guy on the planet.
 
Jarod   What are you doing with my case?
Argyle   Oh no, this ain’t what it looks like, this ain’t what it looks like.
Jarod   What are you doing with this?
Argyle   I wasn’t stealin’ anything. I was borrowing that, to make this. Lamina-pope gave me the idea. This way she’ll always be protected from the elements. And always close.
Jarod   Nicest thing that anybody ever did for me. My pretend started out pretending to be Argyle’s friend. I wasn’t pretending any more.
 
Jarod   I told Argyle to meet me at the pier at eight o’clock but unfortunately he was followed there by the Africans.
Argyle   The coast is clear big guy. We’re good to go.
Jarod   But Faddis’ goon had other ideas. Make that goons, plural.
Argyle   Oh no. Uh no. Uh no. Uh no.
Jarod   Unlike his brain Argyle’s feet were working just fine.
Argyle   Oh No. No sorry man.
Jarod   As for the goons…Well I think you know what they had in mind for me.
 
Sydney   Good luck Parker. And don’t worry. Things with Thomas will work out for the best.
Broots   Miss Parker.
Miss Parker   Not now Broots. I’m in a hurry.
Broots   Oh, for what it’s worth, I say go for it.
Miss Parker   You were listening?
Broots   I heard parts.
Miss Parker   Oh, what, is everybody a spy?
Broots   Who do we work for? I’m just saying that if I felt that way about somebody, I’d tell ’em. It’s like this plane ride we just took. You know at any second we could have been a statistic. We shouldn’t ever pass up an opportunity.
Miss Parker   Thanks for the tip.
 
Jarod   Which brings us to the end and with any luck, not my own.
Faddis   Wake up wise ass. I wouldn’t want you to sleep through this because you’re going in for a dip.
Jarod   Ahhhh! No!
Jarod   Faddis had sunk another victim. But that’s exactly how I’d planned it from the Africans following Argyle to the camera we had set up to capture the whole thing. Losing a lock pick however wasn’t part of the plan. Thank goodness for my four legged back up.
Argyle   Wait up! Wait up! Wait for me. Where are you going? Give me that. What are you looking at?
Jarod   Faddis had invited the Cuban to celebrate my long walk off a short pier. They were heading to Orlani for some osso buco. But like I said I don’t go for veal.
Argyle   Okay everybody freeze. Nobody makes a move.
Jarod   The Cuban wasn’t too happy when I told him what Faddis had done. Neither were the police. I told them where to find Faddis, the Cuban’s dead couriers and our video tape.
Argyle   Nobody messes with the ‘Gyle and his sidekick J-rod. Didn’t anybody ever tell you that crime don’t pay? We’re a pretty good team you and me.
 
Miss Parker   Thomas?
Thomas   You always this punctual?
Miss Parker   The storm. We had to circle and…
Thomas   I know you didn’t ask for a door. If you want I can put the wall back up.
Miss Parker   So what’s the damage?
Thomas   Same price. Nothing extra. It’s locked now, but if you want to open it… you’ve got the option.
 
Miss Parker   Tommy. I shouldn’t have lied… It’s jus… I was… very young when my mother died. And after it happened I just… My…. I… I just couldn’t bring myself to go into that room. Mom and I used to… used to…  talk all night in there. The moonlight made it so special. She had a very… painful life and that room was her sanctuary.
Thomas   No Parker. You were. But you can’t remember that. When you closed off that room, you closed off a part of your soul. The part that came from her. Get it back.
Miss Parker   I can’t do it alone.
Thomas   Come on. It’ll be okay.
 
Benny   Your holiness this is truly a great honour. I only wish my Adella was here. But I guess she’s watching from up above.
Argyle   Nobody knows that better than you, hey big guy?
Benny   You know, he’s so, like human.
Argyle   I know he ain’t no lamina-pope.
Benny   It’s amazing.
Pope   Monsignor Jarod told me all about you.
Argyle   Argyle will never forget this baby. Your highness talk to me about the gift shop. What’s up with those people down there? They don’t have any manners? They work for you? You think you could kick us in a discount, me and my Pop? You ever think about having those prayer cards laminated, hmmm? Hmm? What’d you think?

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