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Chapter or Story
Chapter 8
Shortly after the revelation of the identity of Ben’s parents, Parker slipped away. She had not had the time to fully process all the changes in her life recently, not had she fully allowed herself too.
Protecting Ben and getting him away from the Centre had been the primary focus of her life over the last three months. And then she had noticed it. Ben’s intelligence was too prominent for Raines to not have noticed it. The boy was without guile and didn’t understand the concept of hiding how smart he was. And suddenly the only way to protect him was to go to Jarod. But by going to him, she would lose her son, she knew that. His family, though they felt sympathy for her, saw her as the enemy and they would encourage him to separate her from Ben. He had spent too long searching for them, yearning for their approval, to not do as they suggested. The kicker was, she knew Ben would be better off with Jarod. Even as unstable as he was, she was more unstable. So after her revelation to them, when all were to emotionally spent and shocked to protest, she had slipped away.
Sadly, she also planned to go back. Right now, away from all the confusions and arguments and impossible desires she was simply trying to figure out what was going on in her head. And so she drove.
Driving had always relaxed her and the hundreds of country roads around the Russell farm provided the perfect place for her to understand and comprehend the last three months of her life.
She knew what she wanted. She wanted to stay with Ben, and his father. The idea of not ever seeing Jarod again was as repulsive to her as Raines and Lyle were, put together. In a way, she could not comprehend a life that did not in some way involve the Pretender. The last three months with absolutely no contact with him had served to painfully remind her exactly how much a constant he was in her life, and losing that constant had scared her. And Damnit she hated to be scared!
As she pulled the SUV back into the driveway to the farmhouse, she realized how few of her issues she had worked through in the past three hours. But she was filled with a desperate desire to see her boys, both of them. She had to know that the Russell’s hadn’t packed up and left with Ben in her absence. Part of her knew that they wouldn’t take him, them, from her like that, simply due to their own experiences. Bit the fear that they would, because she of all people knew that she was an unfit mother, propelled her down the long drive.
Once out of the SUV, her first instinct was to run to the door and check to see if they had gone. After all one of the larger vans that had been in the driveway at sunrise was missing. But the voices stopped her headlong rush into the house. They told her to look. And she had spent to long doing as they insisted to stop now. Slowly she turned in a circle and looked. What she saw brought a smile to her face. Under an old oak tree, Jarod and Ben sat. It seemed they were investigating something, and the whole scene looked so touching, so much like a scene in a sappy Hallmark movie, that her first reaction was a quiet smirk and her second was to let out the breath she had been holding. Ben was here and he was safe. Safe with her, and with Jarod.
“He looks happy, doesn’t he?” Ryan’s voice startled her, but years of guarding her reactions to everything prevented her surprise from showing.
“They both do. But the more important question is why are you unhappy?” Parker turned to face the younger and far more troubled version of her best friend.
“Well, I don’t know….no…..that isn’t right, I do know. But it’s just….it’s stupid. You don’t need to bother hearing it,” the teen stumbled and rambled through, not looking her in the eyes.
“If it’s important enough to make you unhappy then it’s important enough for me to hear. Is there somewhere around here we can talk?” Parker smiled, she had a feeling she knew what he wanted to talk about, and she did have a major soft spot for the teen.
“Um, yeah…..come on!” he seemed a bit more excited as he lead her to another old tree, a maple this time, that had a porch swing attached to one of the lower limbs. Sitting down, Parker watched as Ryan began pacing in front of her.
“Well?” she began, “What’s got you so unhappy kiddo? Except for the occasional running, you’ve got a pretty good life.”
“I know that, it’s just….they all….everyone except for Jarod and you….they all…..”
“They compare the two of you? Expect you to act exactly like he does?”
“Yes! How did you know?”
“People have been comparing you to him for your entire life. And besides, I know how you feel.”
“How can you? No one can! I’m a clone and your not! How can anyone understand?!”
“I look exactly like my mother. For some reason this has lead people to believe that I will make the same choices she did. That in a way, I’m nothing more than version 2.0 of Catherine Parker. So I think I have a pretty good idea of what the constant and inaccurate comparisons can feel like.”
“Oh…well, how did you deal with it?”
“I constantly reminded them that I am not Saint Catherine. I made Mr. Parker believe that I was his daughter in how I handled things……though I think Raines may have figured out that I may be a bit more like my mother than I wanted them to believe.”
“But how do I do that? Even after I’d picked my name, after we found Mom, she kept calling me J.J., or Jarod Junior, for months! She still does it! I’m not him! How can I make them understand that! And besides, genetically I’m as much Ben’s father as he is! Their going to expect me to act like it!”
“Whoa there! Forget genetics Ryan, you are Ben’s uncle. And you are your own unique person who just happens to be related to Saint Jarod. Yes, you look like him, and some of your mannerisms are the same, and some your food choices and preferences are the same. But that’s it. Child development experts all agree nature and nurture work together and nature only gets you so far. You are unique and different and that is what makes you special, not the fact that you’re the only one of Raines’ projects to actually succeed.”
“But how am I different? All anyone sees is ‘Jarod Junior’.”
“Your soul is different. They couldn’t copy that because it has nothin to do with genetics. It has to do with who you are, how you see the world, and the way you react to things. Sydney and I both knew it when we first met you and Jarod knows it too. Probably Ethan as well, but he’s still not so good at relating to people is he?”
“No, he’s not. And you’re right. Jarod and Ethan treat me as an individual. But Dad and Mom and Emily? Why do they…..”
“They spent so long looking for Jarod, but they never really accepted that even though he acts like a child, and is a child at times, he is also an adult who is very complex and extremely unstable. Age wise, emotionally and maturity wise, you are closer to what they were looking for.”
“Oh, but what about Jarod? If it’s hard for me than for him…..”
“Jarod has to deal with not being the 4 year old boy Margaret remembers. He and the Major have some sort of understanding, maybe because of Donoterase and all that happened after that. Margaret hasn’t had that opportunity has she? And Emily has it easiest, or the hardest depending on your point of view, because she only has the stories of Jarod her parents probably told to justify against the reality.”
“How do you know so much? I mean, I get that you have the Pretender gene and that you hear the same voices that Ethan does….but its more than that.”
“I know Jarod that’s all. First, I knew him as my friend, and then it was my job to know him. To know and understand him better than anyone else, even himself. For six years, he’s forced my world to revolve around him. It’s extremely annoying, and if it kills me I’ll get him to understand that the universe isn’t Jarod-centric. But at the same time, it’s not really his fault, it’s the way he was raised. Think we should blame Sydney?”
“Nah, blaming Jarod is way more fun,” Ryan smiled for the first time since their conversation began.
“That it is. I’ve always found it to be extremely cathartic.”
Ryan impulsively gave her a hug, “Thanks for listening….and understanding.”
Smiling she held Ryan tightly, and pressed a kiss onto the top of his head, “You bet kiddo. Us copies have to stick together, right?”
“You betcha!” With that, Ryan disappeared off to the house, where Parker realized, shivering slightly, it was probably much warmer.
“In three years, none of us have gotten that much out of him. Yet you walk in here and within hours he’s telling you all his problems. Why am I not surprised?” Jarod’s voice came from behind her.
Spinning on the bench,, she had to smile at the image of Ben asleep, tucked happily and safely in his father’s arms.
“Ryan and I have a lot in common. And I suppose I’m one of his few good memories from Donoterase.”
“Oh you certainly left an impression. He’s spent the last three years talkin about you as if you’re an angel. I’m not so sure he doesn’t think of you as his guardian angel.”
“Me an angel? You’re the one who’s got the market cornered on the archangel bit. I just clean up the mess. Now are you going to hover or sit? Cause craning my neck like is giving me a crick in the neck,” Parker smirked at him.
Sitting down beside her and placing the sleeping baby between them, he smirked back at her, “Archangel? Me? I’m far too unstable for that job. Besides I don’t think there are any opening in that department.”
“Funny, not cute, but funny.”
“Do you think we can do this?”
“Do what? Raise a child or be around each other for an extended period of time without killing each other? Or….”
“Or what?”
“Or forget all the hurt and manage not to keep hurting each other? We’re experts at that,” she said quietly, looking down at Ben, but not looking up at Jarod.
“We both want similar things for Ben so that shouldn’t be a problem. We’ve always worked well together, we just have to get through the initial snarling. And….even though we know how to hurt each other, we rarely do it without reason. Usually to protect the other.”
“So even after everything we’ve said…..especially after….the island…”
“Parker, I know how I feel about you. And I’m not letting you or Ben go. So stop doubting. We have plans to make if we’re going to keep Ben safe.”
“I’ll stop doubting if you will.”
“Deal, Parker. Now let’s go make sure our son stays safe,” Jarod stood up and after Parker had picked up Ben, pulled her up too.
“Just promise me, you and Ben won’t disappear in the dead of night. Cause then I would have to kill you.”
“Parker, I’ve discovered over the last three months that living without you, isn’t an option.” He smiled shyly at her, not knowing how she would take his words.
“I’ve found the same thing Rat. I’ve found the same thing,” she murmured quietly, almost to softly for him to hear.
But he did, and wrapping his arm around her, they walked silently into the house.
JMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMP
Ethan watching from an upstairs window, smiled when he saw that they walked perfectly in step.
Shortly after the revelation of the identity of Ben’s parents, Parker slipped away. She had not had the time to fully process all the changes in her life recently, not had she fully allowed herself too.
Protecting Ben and getting him away from the Centre had been the primary focus of her life over the last three months. And then she had noticed it. Ben’s intelligence was too prominent for Raines to not have noticed it. The boy was without guile and didn’t understand the concept of hiding how smart he was. And suddenly the only way to protect him was to go to Jarod. But by going to him, she would lose her son, she knew that. His family, though they felt sympathy for her, saw her as the enemy and they would encourage him to separate her from Ben. He had spent too long searching for them, yearning for their approval, to not do as they suggested. The kicker was, she knew Ben would be better off with Jarod. Even as unstable as he was, she was more unstable. So after her revelation to them, when all were to emotionally spent and shocked to protest, she had slipped away.
Sadly, she also planned to go back. Right now, away from all the confusions and arguments and impossible desires she was simply trying to figure out what was going on in her head. And so she drove.
Driving had always relaxed her and the hundreds of country roads around the Russell farm provided the perfect place for her to understand and comprehend the last three months of her life.
She knew what she wanted. She wanted to stay with Ben, and his father. The idea of not ever seeing Jarod again was as repulsive to her as Raines and Lyle were, put together. In a way, she could not comprehend a life that did not in some way involve the Pretender. The last three months with absolutely no contact with him had served to painfully remind her exactly how much a constant he was in her life, and losing that constant had scared her. And Damnit she hated to be scared!
As she pulled the SUV back into the driveway to the farmhouse, she realized how few of her issues she had worked through in the past three hours. But she was filled with a desperate desire to see her boys, both of them. She had to know that the Russell’s hadn’t packed up and left with Ben in her absence. Part of her knew that they wouldn’t take him, them, from her like that, simply due to their own experiences. Bit the fear that they would, because she of all people knew that she was an unfit mother, propelled her down the long drive.
Once out of the SUV, her first instinct was to run to the door and check to see if they had gone. After all one of the larger vans that had been in the driveway at sunrise was missing. But the voices stopped her headlong rush into the house. They told her to look. And she had spent to long doing as they insisted to stop now. Slowly she turned in a circle and looked. What she saw brought a smile to her face. Under an old oak tree, Jarod and Ben sat. It seemed they were investigating something, and the whole scene looked so touching, so much like a scene in a sappy Hallmark movie, that her first reaction was a quiet smirk and her second was to let out the breath she had been holding. Ben was here and he was safe. Safe with her, and with Jarod.
“He looks happy, doesn’t he?” Ryan’s voice startled her, but years of guarding her reactions to everything prevented her surprise from showing.
“They both do. But the more important question is why are you unhappy?” Parker turned to face the younger and far more troubled version of her best friend.
“Well, I don’t know….no…..that isn’t right, I do know. But it’s just….it’s stupid. You don’t need to bother hearing it,” the teen stumbled and rambled through, not looking her in the eyes.
“If it’s important enough to make you unhappy then it’s important enough for me to hear. Is there somewhere around here we can talk?” Parker smiled, she had a feeling she knew what he wanted to talk about, and she did have a major soft spot for the teen.
“Um, yeah…..come on!” he seemed a bit more excited as he lead her to another old tree, a maple this time, that had a porch swing attached to one of the lower limbs. Sitting down, Parker watched as Ryan began pacing in front of her.
“Well?” she began, “What’s got you so unhappy kiddo? Except for the occasional running, you’ve got a pretty good life.”
“I know that, it’s just….they all….everyone except for Jarod and you….they all…..”
“They compare the two of you? Expect you to act exactly like he does?”
“Yes! How did you know?”
“People have been comparing you to him for your entire life. And besides, I know how you feel.”
“How can you? No one can! I’m a clone and your not! How can anyone understand?!”
“I look exactly like my mother. For some reason this has lead people to believe that I will make the same choices she did. That in a way, I’m nothing more than version 2.0 of Catherine Parker. So I think I have a pretty good idea of what the constant and inaccurate comparisons can feel like.”
“Oh…well, how did you deal with it?”
“I constantly reminded them that I am not Saint Catherine. I made Mr. Parker believe that I was his daughter in how I handled things……though I think Raines may have figured out that I may be a bit more like my mother than I wanted them to believe.”
“But how do I do that? Even after I’d picked my name, after we found Mom, she kept calling me J.J., or Jarod Junior, for months! She still does it! I’m not him! How can I make them understand that! And besides, genetically I’m as much Ben’s father as he is! Their going to expect me to act like it!”
“Whoa there! Forget genetics Ryan, you are Ben’s uncle. And you are your own unique person who just happens to be related to Saint Jarod. Yes, you look like him, and some of your mannerisms are the same, and some your food choices and preferences are the same. But that’s it. Child development experts all agree nature and nurture work together and nature only gets you so far. You are unique and different and that is what makes you special, not the fact that you’re the only one of Raines’ projects to actually succeed.”
“But how am I different? All anyone sees is ‘Jarod Junior’.”
“Your soul is different. They couldn’t copy that because it has nothin to do with genetics. It has to do with who you are, how you see the world, and the way you react to things. Sydney and I both knew it when we first met you and Jarod knows it too. Probably Ethan as well, but he’s still not so good at relating to people is he?”
“No, he’s not. And you’re right. Jarod and Ethan treat me as an individual. But Dad and Mom and Emily? Why do they…..”
“They spent so long looking for Jarod, but they never really accepted that even though he acts like a child, and is a child at times, he is also an adult who is very complex and extremely unstable. Age wise, emotionally and maturity wise, you are closer to what they were looking for.”
“Oh, but what about Jarod? If it’s hard for me than for him…..”
“Jarod has to deal with not being the 4 year old boy Margaret remembers. He and the Major have some sort of understanding, maybe because of Donoterase and all that happened after that. Margaret hasn’t had that opportunity has she? And Emily has it easiest, or the hardest depending on your point of view, because she only has the stories of Jarod her parents probably told to justify against the reality.”
“How do you know so much? I mean, I get that you have the Pretender gene and that you hear the same voices that Ethan does….but its more than that.”
“I know Jarod that’s all. First, I knew him as my friend, and then it was my job to know him. To know and understand him better than anyone else, even himself. For six years, he’s forced my world to revolve around him. It’s extremely annoying, and if it kills me I’ll get him to understand that the universe isn’t Jarod-centric. But at the same time, it’s not really his fault, it’s the way he was raised. Think we should blame Sydney?”
“Nah, blaming Jarod is way more fun,” Ryan smiled for the first time since their conversation began.
“That it is. I’ve always found it to be extremely cathartic.”
Ryan impulsively gave her a hug, “Thanks for listening….and understanding.”
Smiling she held Ryan tightly, and pressed a kiss onto the top of his head, “You bet kiddo. Us copies have to stick together, right?”
“You betcha!” With that, Ryan disappeared off to the house, where Parker realized, shivering slightly, it was probably much warmer.
“In three years, none of us have gotten that much out of him. Yet you walk in here and within hours he’s telling you all his problems. Why am I not surprised?” Jarod’s voice came from behind her.
Spinning on the bench,, she had to smile at the image of Ben asleep, tucked happily and safely in his father’s arms.
“Ryan and I have a lot in common. And I suppose I’m one of his few good memories from Donoterase.”
“Oh you certainly left an impression. He’s spent the last three years talkin about you as if you’re an angel. I’m not so sure he doesn’t think of you as his guardian angel.”
“Me an angel? You’re the one who’s got the market cornered on the archangel bit. I just clean up the mess. Now are you going to hover or sit? Cause craning my neck like is giving me a crick in the neck,” Parker smirked at him.
Sitting down beside her and placing the sleeping baby between them, he smirked back at her, “Archangel? Me? I’m far too unstable for that job. Besides I don’t think there are any opening in that department.”
“Funny, not cute, but funny.”
“Do you think we can do this?”
“Do what? Raise a child or be around each other for an extended period of time without killing each other? Or….”
“Or what?”
“Or forget all the hurt and manage not to keep hurting each other? We’re experts at that,” she said quietly, looking down at Ben, but not looking up at Jarod.
“We both want similar things for Ben so that shouldn’t be a problem. We’ve always worked well together, we just have to get through the initial snarling. And….even though we know how to hurt each other, we rarely do it without reason. Usually to protect the other.”
“So even after everything we’ve said…..especially after….the island…”
“Parker, I know how I feel about you. And I’m not letting you or Ben go. So stop doubting. We have plans to make if we’re going to keep Ben safe.”
“I’ll stop doubting if you will.”
“Deal, Parker. Now let’s go make sure our son stays safe,” Jarod stood up and after Parker had picked up Ben, pulled her up too.
“Just promise me, you and Ben won’t disappear in the dead of night. Cause then I would have to kill you.”
“Parker, I’ve discovered over the last three months that living without you, isn’t an option.” He smiled shyly at her, not knowing how she would take his words.
“I’ve found the same thing Rat. I’ve found the same thing,” she murmured quietly, almost to softly for him to hear.
But he did, and wrapping his arm around her, they walked silently into the house.
JMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMP
Ethan watching from an upstairs window, smiled when he saw that they walked perfectly in step.
