Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
by
Mary Eve Parker
=== PART THREE ===
God I was tried. I haven’t had any sleep, real sleep in days. Today was Tuesday and I thought that I will not survive this week. Nobody knows about my new situation, thanks god. Sometimes I feel that I should ask Broots for help, because he has a daughter. Debbie. But Debbie is much older than *mine*.
So here I am sitting at my desk, legs in front of me, crossed on the table, nearly falling asleep and it was just 11 am. I don’t know what to do, what will come next.
Byron hasn’t had any nightmares lately, so I got at least an hour two in a row to sleep but that all wasn’t that easy. I knew that in a little time a social worker will knock on my door and ask me questions I will not be able to answer. I feel connected to these kids, even if I am sure that I will not be able to hold them for long. Not with a life like mine.
After the last nights I have had decided that it would be easier to handle everything and get a little sleep if the girls would sleep in my bedroom. And it really was easier. Their cribs were next to my bed and so I got more used to the nightly routine.
Byron had been cute waking me in the morning. It was around seven when he showed up, I think. Slowly he climbed into my bed, he must have been really calm because I haven’t notice him before he placed a wet and slimy kiss on my cheek. I just turned around, just wanted to get a little more sleep – and turning around I took him with me and he started to giggle.
It had been the first time that I saw him giggling and happy since we moved to Blue Cove.
“G’morning” he said during giggling. And slowly I started to tickle him a little and he started to laugh and tickle me back. It was fun, I haven’t thought that having kids could be such a lot of fun.
We had breakfast, the Nanny came and after another wet and slimy kiss Byron let me go to work.
The telephone brought me now back to reality.
“What?” I asked as lovely as ever.
“What did you want from me darling?”
“Oh Daddy … I just wanted to ask if its okay that I make shorter days. My ulcer is showing up more often than ever before and the doctors told me that I should relax a little more often.”
“Is it that bad?” he asked me and I wondered that he was really interested into my life and medical career.
“Yes daddy, I haven’t slept in days.” I took a deep breath “and at nights it’s the worst”
“Take the day off Angel and get some rest. Tell Syd that if they have any lead they should call you at home. Okay, so I don’t want to see you here in an hour.”
“Thanks Daddy.” I said.
This had been easier than I thought it would be. Daddy wasn’t even arguing with me – strange. But what do I want more than that?
Coming home from work today was like coming home after a year long absence. I opened the door and the same moment Byron came running into my arms. I couldn’t stand it and started to cry.
After I told Maria, the Nanny, that she could go home today a little earlier, I gave Byron the little present I had bought for him. We sat down on the sofa and I watched Gilly suckling on her thumb and Dana sleeping like an angel.
“Thanks” he murmured when he started to let the small car go over the whole living room furniture he was able to reach.
After a couple of hours, it must have been around five, he came back, dragging a bag behind him.
“What’s that Byron?” I asked him and pointed to the bag.
“I should give this to you, but I have had forgotten it M…” in exactly this moment he started to cry, the first time really bitterly.
“Its okay darling, c’mere.” I told him and he went into my hug. I was kneeling on the floor, next to the coffee table and Byron was sitting in my lap crying. I caressed his back like I did the very first time.
“Everything is fine Byron.” I whispered.
He calmed down when he heard Gilly started to cry softly. God somehow I remembered why kids were such a lot of work and why they needed parents and not a crazy alcoholic playing mother.
God knows I love this kid. He is special like the whole happening.
“From whom is this present?” I asked Byron while rocking him in my lap.
“Jarod.”
I was shocked.
“You know Jarod?” I nearly whispered.
Byron leaned against my chest, the thumb in his mouth like his little sister. He just nodded in response.
I grabbed the bag from the floor and got it up the sofa.
“Do we want to have a look into it?” I asked him.
I let Byron open it and in the bag was a brown teddy bear with “Byron” on his name plate and a book – Moby Dick.
God I have missed this book. Slowly I opened it and found a little note in it.
Max,
Read for him like you did for me
Forever, J.
The day went on, I have had to change the ladies three times, twice after Byron was in bed. God it has been a day!
I sat down at the sofa in my living room, lit the fire place and opened the book again. I couldn’t believe that Jarod was doing that. He was the only one who could make me comfortable with the whole situation, the only one.
Just to now that he was okay with all that pleasured me more than I could tell.
I haven’t had seen Jarod since Renton and somehow I missed him. I couldn’t believe that I was thinking like that but I was really missing him, more than I have ever missed him. How easily he dealt with the children and I wondered how and from when and where Byron knew Jarod.
The kids were sleeping, the baby monitor next to me. I went to the kitchen and than I recognised that my fridge was filed up, from the first drawer to the wine shelf on top. I wondered a little and got myself a glass of soda water with ice. I wasn’t in the mood for Scotch or Bourbon – I wondered. With Moby Dick in the one hand and the Soda in the other one I went back to the sofa.
I started to remember all the things about Captain Ahab and a little about Queequeec and the big white whale. How I read it out sitting next to Jarod. He could listen hours to me reading it for him. And I just read it for him.
I was told that this book was missing after he escaped but I never thought that it had been important, not like this.
Gilly seemed to get a little sick, maybe the first tooth? I haven’t a clue about kids and they seem to grow so fast. I really should get a couple of books about motherhood. Being a mother? Me a mother? Nobody will ever call me mum, never. Never. Unfortunately.
Suddenly I felt myself pressed against a warm frame. I told myself not to open my eyes, just dream a little longer about the peace in this room, how calm it was. Just my breath and the one of the warm frame next to me. I felt pressed against it and the scent was familiar. I didn’t care. Why should I?
The warm arm around my waist didn’t bother me.
The warm hand next to my breast didn’t bother me.
The warm moister breath against my neck didn’t bother me.
The warm chest against my back didn’t bother me.
And the warm shoulder my head was resting on didn’t bother me at all.
God it felt good.
I slowly wanted to get up but this frame didn’t let me go. It pulled me more into him, letting me feel him and only him.
It felt right, more than that. And I grabbed all my boldness together and wanted to ….
Shit, why does this always happens in the wrong moment? Dana was crying.
I got up, let this hand get off me and went to Dana. She was staring at me with her big blue eyes and smiling. She wasn’t crying anymore. It was time to feet her and she knew that quite well. I changed her diapers on my commode and went downstairs into the kitchen to get a warm bottle of milk for her.
I would never be able to nurse a baby. I will never be in the situation to nurse a baby. Shit.
