Mash/Pretender Chronicles crossover


ESTABLISHING SHOT: MASH 4077th campsite. Another angle: Helicopters
are coming in. From the ground, we see medical vehicles arriving with
the wounded.


CUT TO:


We see one tent up close in particular...


INT - OPERATING ROOM - DAY


Hawkeye, Bj, Frank and Hotlips are operating on patients along
with a few assistants helping them..


Hawkeye: Dammit, looks like we're going to
need a pint or two to compenstate. Clamp.


Assistant: Clamp.


Assistant hands over a clamp. Hawkeye has a moment of delay.


Assistant: Yes, Doctor?


Hawkeye: Yes? To what? My after hours proposition
Or am I just that obviously tired?


Frank: oh, Would you just wake up Pierce!


Hotlips laughs, much to Franks surprise.


Hotlips: Good one Frank.


Frank: Why thanks lovey dove.


bj: look out hawk..youve got competition.


hotlips: Finally, some REAL humor around here for a change.


Bj: (to hawkeye) I don't think she meant yours.


Hawkeye: Insult gladly accepted Margaret. The day something
finally happens here with Frank will be the day we can
all finally get some sleep.


BJ: I know I'll be laughing in mine...


Frank: Ha, Ha.


BJ: ..Or crying.


Another assistant walks in.


Hawkeye: Nurse, give me two pints AB negative.


Frank: AB negative?!


Hawkeye: Don't wake me Frank!


Frank: You know that's in short supply.


Hawkeye: And so are the people waiting in line to use it. Stat!


Assistant: Yes, doctor.


Frank: You know, if we're going to use supply like this we are going to have
to start making sacrifices.


BJ: As if we haven't already?


Hotlips (to Frank): What did you have in mind?


Frank: I don't know. Maybe donating more blood?


BJ: Sheer genious Frank.


Hawkeye: Great. We'll start with our turnip rations. All in favor?


A few raise their hands and quickly put them back down to Margarets and Franks look.


Frank: This is not a laughing matter!


Hawkeye: It might not be Frank. But you on the other hand are very laughable.


Frank: I am?


Hotlips: That wasn't a compliment.


Frank looks dumbfounded.


Frank: Oh.


Hotlips: Enough. We'll look into finding some volunteers later. Ok? Frank?


Frank: Yes. That's right. We'll look into it later.


BJ: Anybody we know?


Hawkeye: Frank?


Frank: What?


They all look at him.


Hawkeye: I know your AB negative. But I haven't been seeing you stand in line
lately.


Frank: Well, Uhm. I've been busy.


Hawkeye: Yea?


Frank: ...I'm a senior officer. I'm needed..


Hawkeye: (To BJ) Yes, I agree, its good to be needed. (to BJ) Dont you think?


Bj: Oh yes. It's very good to be needed.


Frank: I've got to stay up long hours..


Hawkeyes: long hours, yes...


Bj: I know long hours.


Frank: And to oversee everything.


Hawkeye: Everything.


Frank: And the stress.


Hawkeye: We know about the stress. By the way, do we know about stress?


BJ: Im afraid we do.


Hotlips: All right stop it you two. (to Frank) Don't reply Frank. They are just egging you on.


Hawkeye: I think he's egging himself just fine. (to BJ) Dont you?


BJ: lots of egg, yes.


CUT TO:


INT - INFIRMARY - DAY


We see some Nurses tending to patients. Colonel potter enters, looking at his clipboard.
A couple of medics enter carrying a wounded soldier on a stretcher.


Potter: You can set him down over there boys.


Radar enters.


Potter: What is it Radar?


Radar: Sir, it looks like there is going to be more arriving...sir.


Potter: Am I hearing you right? We are already running out of room for the ones coming in now!


Radar: Yes sir...your hearing me right.


Potter: Over the wire?


Radar: No, sir.


Potter: In that case I can only hope that you're hearing things, son.


Bullhorn: Incoming wounded! Repeat! Incoming wounded!


CUT TO:


Choppers, along with medic vehicles are arriving in the distance.


BACK TO SHOT:


A medic who had helped bring in the wounded soldier approaches Colonel Potter.


He salutes Mr. Potter.


Potter: At ease, Son.


Demarco: Colonel, considering the circumstances I'd be willing to stay
and help out.


Potter: Why, all help is most certainly appreciated Son.


Demarco: Demarco, sir. Fred Demarco.


They shake hands.


Potter: What are your qualifications?


Demarco: Two years in the field as a medic, sir.


Potter: Fine. Radar, get this man settled in.


Radar: Yes sir.


Radar and Demarco exit.


CUT TO:


INT - OPERATING ROOM - DAY


Hawkeye, Bj, Frank and Hotlips are operating on patients along
with a few assistants. Frank is starting to look pale.
Margaret notices and wipes his forehead with a small towel.


Hotlips: Frank is everything alright?


Frank nods.


Hotlips: You're looking a little pale.


Frank: I am?


Frank looses his balance.


Hawkeye: Would somebody hold onto him before be falls over on
his patient!


Frank: Oh, I'll be fine.


A couple of assistants grab him as he faints. They then drag him off.


Hawkeye: Great! Thats all we need around here is another patient.
Meanwhile who is going to cover for him?


BJ: I believe in this case we have too many Indians and not enough Chiefs.


Hotlips: I'll be the one to worry about that!


Hawkeye: Fine Margaret. You be the department worrier. Meanwhile we're left
with assistants helping assistants. And assistants helping to assist others
assistants assistants!


BJ: Could it get any more helpful?


Hotlips: (to Assistant 2) Cover me.


Assistant 2: Yes, doctor.


Margaret moves over to Franks patient and begins working.


Radar and Demarco walk in suited up.


Hawkeye: (to Radar) You're here to tell us this nightmare will finally have an
ending, right?


Radar: No, sir. But I've got somebody here that can help.


Hawkeye: Fine. At this point we'll take anybody who's willing.


Hotlips: Pierce!


Hawkeye: (to Demarco) Can you stand the site of blood or should I say can you stand period?


Demarco: Yes sir. 2 years as as a medic so far.


Hawkeye: So far? Optimism, I like that.


Hotlips: What are your specific qualifications?


Hawkeye: Oh, come on Margaret!


Hotlips: I believe this is my decision to make!


Hawkeye: (to Margaret) Let's cut to the chase. (to Demarco) You haven't been decorated
by the north yet for your efforts by any chance?


Hotlips: Pierce!


Hawkeye: Sorry. Just checking.


Demarco: No. Not yet sir. Though I have been known to assist in OR with your typical battlefield wounds.


Hotlips: Such as?


Demarco: Gun shot wounds.


Hotlips: Good enough. Take over this patient.


Demarco goes to the patient and begins.


Hotlips: (cont) the first one lodged near the lungs was removed. There's one more still deeply lodged
in the abdomen though. Can you handle it?


Demarco: Most certainly, Major.


Hawkeye: A round of applause.


Everybody claps


Hawkeye: (cont, to Demarco) Congratulations. You've gotten farther with the Major in here than the rest
of us have gotten with her on the outside.


Hotlips: Pierce!....Speak for yourself.


Hawkeye: Touche.


BJ: Looks like the competitions back on Hawk! Look out.


Hotlips winks then smiles.


FADE OUT


END OF TEASER