Disclaimer: Still not mine...

15

“You alright, Miss Parker?” She could hear Broots’ concern over the phone and found herself smiling at it beside her rather desolate state of mind. The tech always managed to surprise her, although she didn’t like to show it to him. How did his affections towards her survive her almost brutal treatment of his?

“I’m fine, Broots. No need to jump to conclusions just because I am feeling a little under the weather.”

She wondered whether she had sounded as lame to him as she had sounded to herself, but he had the grace not to - or didn’t have to courage to - inquire further as to why she sounded depressed even when she snapped at him.

“Lyle’s dropped in on us, but he had no clue where you are, either,” Broots said and although he sounded relaxed, she knew he must have been terrified during the visit. She made a mental note of reminding her brother of the fact, that she was the only one who was allowed to terrorize Broots- a privilege that the tech had learned to appreciate since besides all her cruelties on his behalf, Miss Parker was never out to really hurting him.

“Tell him I’ll be away for a bit longer. I have already called my father and told him I had to take some more time off.”

“What did he say?” she heard Sydney’s calmly interested voice in the background.

“He accepted it grudgingly.” Miss Parker couldn’t prevent a note of pride from seeping into her voice. Besides all her courage she seldom really stood up to her father, but this time she had put her stiletto-heeled foot down. “I told him that I would be available on short notice if there was any kind of lead on Jarod and so he agreed that I might really be needing a bit of time to unwind.”

“It’s your first holiday in years,” Sydney obviously deemed necessary to point out and Miss Parker rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, you must feel extraordinarily pleased with yourself now that I have finally given in.”

She closed the door behind her and headed for the car, unlocking the door with a quick pressing of the button. How nice of Jarod to leave the car- or how smart since she wouldn’t want a furious Miss Parker to know what type of car he was driving even if he changed the number plates.

“Has Jarod called?” She forced her voice to sound as neutral as possible. Neither of her colleagues gave any -verbal- sign that she hadn’t succeeded.

“No,” Broots answered. “Nothing. I haven’t found a lead and he hasn’t sent anything either.”

“Great,” Miss Parker replied, unsure whether she actually felt what she said. On the one hand she was glad she didn’t have to go back to throw herself into a search that would probably end at gunpoint when he would either find some way to make her feel stupid for thinking that they could really hit it off, or worse, make fun of her. On the other hand she was longing to have him at gunpoint- simply to receive some answers to the questions that had been plaguing her all day.

“Well, I’ll call back later,” she finally said and didn’t leave much time for farewells, since she wasn’t too sure anymore whether she actually wasn’t missing Dr. Freud and her moron already.

Well, surely not. She didn’t need Sydney’s patronizing stare or Broots’ goofiness around her just now.

She dropped the cell phone into the empty passenger’s seat and started the engine.

After her discovery of Jarod’s note, she had sat at the table for almost half an hour, staring silently at the floor. She hadn’t believed what she’d read. Hadn’t he been the one who had endlessly been hinting at the tension between them, the mutual attraction she had gone to lengths to deny? Hadn’t he finally broken down her walls and taken her to bed?

Damn and now he had taken off when it was usually her part to run away from feelings!

Was that it? Was he trying to punish her for what she’d done in the past? Show her how it felt to be rejected after almost accomplishing anything you ever wanted?

Now where had that come from? Jarod surely didn’t count as "anything she’d ever wanted". Did he?

She drove along the wet roads and dripping branches, the wipers unable to tame the masses of rain that went down on the windshield. She was truly sick of the rain.

Really, she should have just taken a flight back to Delaware and forget about the whole affair, but she hadn’t been able to. Maybe it was the house that had brought out the other side of her. Or it had been Amanda or even kind and caring Angela whom she felt good being around. Maybe she just wasn’t prepared to face the Centre yet after she had given in and slept with their labrat.

Last night had been wonderful. Miss Parker didn’t normally use the adjective in any other context than mockery or sarcasm. But this time she meant it, even if she was glad it was only in her head.

Jarod was a good lover as he was good in almost anything he did and when she had begun to fall asleep, he had stayed awake, watching her and tracing his finger along her shoulder, then finally laying down close to her and nuzzling her neck lightly.

He had whispered about how he’d always thought her to be not only a beautiful woman, but the beautiful woman. The first he’d ever really seen and the one that could have never been rivaled by any other. He had probably thought her to be asleep already, but she had listened to all of his words and felt loved.

Then she had drifted off and fallen asleep with the comfortable notion that she would in the morning wake up with his warm body still pressed to hers- which hadn’t happened.

She snapped out of last night’s memory and angrily hit the steering-wheel. How could he? How could he dare to destroy something so fragile?

She hadn’t cried yet and was confident that she wouldn’t. She had been let down too often for it to do little more to her than sting. Jarod was just another person who’d betrayed her and one she should have expected it from.

It was probably a cruel joke. Get her laid, then take off and laugh at her distress. Very funny, Jarod, she thought. Let’s see whether what you said is true and I really wouldn’t be able to shoot you if I had the chance... I might, the next time I see you. The Centre wouldn’t mind a shot kneecap on their precious Pretender. The idea lifted her spirits ever so slightly and she felt a little better when she briskly walked across the courtyard towards the children’s home.

She would have liked to spite Jarod by just leaving Amanda to herself, but even next to all her desire to make Jarod believe that she was a cold hard bitch, she couldn’t bear leaving the girl behind. Not after she’d called her Mommy.

She didn’t know why that had meant so much to her since the little girl had obviously confused her in a sleepy stupor, but somehow it had strung a chord inside her. Maybe the long buried heritage of her own mother, whom everyone had always said had been destined to become a mother. Unlike her.

She greeted Angela in the kitchen and leaned against the counter, accepting the obligatory cup of coffee.

“Jarod has left?” Angela asked without preamble.

Parker looked up, surprised. “News travel fast.”

“He called in this morning. Said he was needed on an urgent case in a different state and took his leave.”

“Did he tell you when he’d return?”

Angela shook her head. “Possibly never. Hasn’t he told you anything?”

Parker felt the sting again and took a large swallow of the coffee to cover it up.

“He wouldn’t. Just left in a hurry.”

Her voice had sounded bitter and Angela looked at her in a very understanding way.

“When have you first met him?”

Miss Parker drew her eyebrows together. “Last week, of course. When he collected me at the airport.”

Angela smiled warmly and set her own cup of coffee back on the counter to arrange a bunch of flowers in a vase.

“You can’t fool me, you know, Miss Parker. The story Jarod made up may have been far-fetched enough to be believed by Jenny and Marcus, but not me.”

Miss Parker remained silent, unsure of what to say or how much to admit, when Angela went on, unmoved: “It was impossible for anyone with a bit of sense to miss the way you were with each other. You can’t fall in love that deeply within a matter of days.”

Parker spit her coffee all over the counter from which a sensible Angela, obviously used to that kind of reaction, had stepped away before.

She stared at Angela in horror while the older woman wiped the coffee from the counter top.

“I wasn’t so sure about you, actually. When he looked at you, he looked as smitten as a character in a Jane Austen film adaption, but you were harder to read.”

Miss Parker still hadn’t gathered her wits, but felt as exposed as if she’d been caught making out with the gardener in her father’s study (which had happened).

“Still judging from how obviously indifferent you act about his departure, I am pretty sure you’re feeling the same.”

“I hate people like you,” Miss Parker finally growled. “I don’t like to be read like an open book.”

“Oh being capable of reading you probably is a rare gift,” Angela laughed. “Now are you going to tell me when you have met?”

Miss Parker shook her head. “It’s a long and complicated story and I am afraid some of the information is classified.” She sounded like a character from the X-Files. Maybe a female Agent Mulder whom everyone shook their heads on.

Angela chuckled. “I understand.”

Miss Parker hesitated for a moment, then finally asked. “You’ve seen right through our facade and you knew that we weren’t whom we said we were... how come you still let us near Amanda and the other children?”

Angela smiled. “I knew you were good people and I can tell a good from a bad person. You are obviously doing Amanda good and you benefit from her company as well.”

Miss Parker felt patronized but instead of firing one of her usual hurtful remarks, she just nodded.

“I am grateful that you allow me to spend time with her.”

“You don’t really strike me as the motherly type, so I take it she reminds you of yourself?”

Miss Parker lowered her head, anxious once again not to let the other woman see the pain in her eyes. “Maybe. I was dark-haired, too and had a thing for rabbits. Now if you’ll excuse me- I promised Amanda that we would finish our book today.”

Angela watched as Miss Parker walked out on the incredibly high heels she insisted on wearing even in an environment as casual as a children’s home. She wasn’t ready to open up yet, but she knew she would eventually. She felt in Miss Parker the same sort of pain that tormented Amanda and although she didn’t know her story, she knew that there was a very loving heart behind that icy exterior. And although Miss Parker was not very pleasant in her demeanor, Angela found her amusing and clumsy in a certain way which made her likeable nonetheless to her in a way that she would have surely detested.

Angela leaned back, sipping her coffee, confident in the feeling that she could tell right from wrong and good from evil although, which she wasn’t aware of, she was very wrong considering her feelings for another person.

Miss Parker finished the last sentence of the book and softly closed it. Amanda sat next to her on the bed, clutching her teddy bear in her arms. Her anxiety often let her appear to be much younger than she actually was.

“Did you like the story?” Miss Parker asked and Amanda nodded.

Miss Parker smiled at the girl, but the muscles necessary for it didn’t seem to work properly. They weren’t in much use anyway, but since the events of this morning, they had apparently turned to stone.

Amanda cocked her head and looked Miss Parker up and down. She felt herself being scrutinized and grew uneasy immediately. But then Amanda just put the stuffed animal down and approached Parker to put an arm around her back. She laid her head onto Miss Parker’s shoulder and began to draw a comforting circle on her back.

Miss Parker felt unwanted tears welling up at the touch. She was the first person to caress her again after Jarod had. And before him, she sincerely couldn’t remember. Broots had once offered shyly to give her a massage when she’d been in pain but she had threatened to bite his arm off if he did.

The girl made some sort of cooing noise which finally sent Miss Parker over the edge and made her cry for real this time. For the first time it was the girl who held her and not the other way around. Miss Parker felt somewhat foolish to cry in her protegee’s presence, but it also felt good to have someone who was just there instead of trying to come up with empty words of comfort.

She thought of Jarod - damn him! - and of his words and touches last night. She thought of the stupid hopes and irrational expectations he had evoked in her and vowed to make him pay. What had been his motives anyway for making her lower her guard and then deliver the final blow to her sanity?

“Don’t cry.”

She hadn’t heard Amanda’s voice clearly before since she had never really talked. Her scream had been high-pitched and the other word she had heard from her had been whispered in sleep. Miss Parker was surprised at how deep the girl’s voice was for her age. Not extraordinary but very gentle and comforting. Miss Parker hated anything high-pitched although she would have accepted it in her. She would have accepted almost anything she usually detested in Amanda, she realized. Had she actually grown attached to the kid?

The thought would have horrified her only last week, but now it seemed strangely appropriate.

“You’re talking!” she gasped, still in tears and feeling embarrassed at herself.

Amanda nodded, still holding back on her words, and went on patting Parker’s shoulder.

Miss Parker wiped away the many tears that had streamed down her face in only a moment of sobbing and carefully wrapped her arms around Amanda.

“Listen, you can talk to me, okay? I’ll take care of you and I won’t allow anyone to hurt you.”

She felt Amanda nod against her chest and released a deep breath.

“I want to go away...” she heard the girl whisper hoarsely.

She let go of her for a moment to be able to look at her probably and lightly shook her head.

“Excuse me?”

“Can you take me to your house?” Amanda looked at her with large pleading eyes.

“Why?” Miss Parker asked. “Are you unhappy here?”

“I can’t stay.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

But the girl just shook her head and pressed her forefinger to her lips, then shook her head. “Take me with you.”

After that revelation Amanda was as silent as she had been before and Miss Parker was unable to extract any other information from her.

“I’ll see what I can do, okay?” Amanda nodded, back into the habit of communicating not by words but by gestures.

There were footsteps outside the door and Amanda looked frightened, pressing her face into Miss Parker’s arm. She turned around and saw Marcus Jones in the doorway, looking as brooding and inapproachable as he had when she had seen him last.

On his heels was Jenny who was her usually cheerful but jittery self. She waved at Amanda, who only very slowly let her hard grasp on Miss Parker go.

“Can I talk to you in private?” Marcus asked and Miss Parker pressed a kiss to Amanda’s forehead before she went after him. She had never shown gestures of such deep affection to the girl, but today for the first time it seemed appropriate.

“I’ll come back to you and I promise I’ll see about the thing,” Miss Parker told Amanda, eager for the others not to catch her meaning.

Marcus looked almost nervous in her presence and Miss Parker wondered why.

“How are you, Miss Parker?” he asked politely. “You look a bit pale.”

“You look a bit pale yourself, “ she shot back, unsure as whether to act defensive or start flirting with him. He sure was still eyeing her with some interest that he tried to disguise in vain. A woman who had just been dumped by someone who had meant a lot to her and a good-looking man who had the hots for her were indeed a very bad mix.

And good-looking he was in a melancholic George-Clooneyish sort of way.

“I... I was wondering whether you... would still be interested in seeing me.”

“Seeing you?”

She knew damn well where this was going but she wasn’t sure whether she liked it or not.

“Yes. As in... having dinner maybe?”

For a man as good-looking as him he was surprisingly shy and awkward when it came to asking her out. She didn’t know whether to find it sweet, annoying or creepy. There was definitely something creepy about him, but - what the heck - she had her share of creepiness herself. Why blame others?

“I would like to,” she replied although her heart contracted at the thought of sharing an evening with another man than the one she had spent last night with. Stupid of her- she had never been as annoyingly naive as that when it came to men. A woman couldn’t have too many of them. They were a bit like puppies actually. All very cute but boring if you stuck to one for too long.

Her usual mantra sounded lame and stilted even to herself but she chose to ignore it for the sake of her sanity and tell him to come over tonight.

“Amanda’s my first priority right now,” she heard herself say instead. “I am not sure as to whether I’ll have any free time at my disposal, but if I do, I’ll call you.”

Marcus didn’t look satisfied, but not displeased either. Even when she actually wanted to fix a date with him but her mouth was simply betraying her and said something different, she was the master of soft refusal.

“Well, right. Call me anytime you want, okay?”

She smiled and bowed her head slightly, watching him walk away regretfully. Where had her blissful ignorance gone? When had she stopped repressing feelings and blocking inconvenient thoughts? She wondered whether Jarod’s little game had seen some results at last. She wasn’t the one she had been before, but she wasn’t too sure she could deal with her new self. That woman was far too candid and genuine. Characteristics she eyed suspiciously. Especially in herself.

Amanda thought about Miss Parker. She was very beautiful with her long black hair and she was tall- very tall. Amanda’s mother, who had seemed like the tallest woman in the world to her, seemed smaller in comparison. She wasn’t sure how tall her mother had been. Things were blurring so quickly and whenever she was thinking back to her mother, it seemed like a picture from a television show with blood covering the lens of the camera. She shuddered. For weeks she had wanted to speak but just couldn’t, but today it had worked again. She had told Miss Parker not to cry. She had been very sad and Amanda hadn’t really understood why since she was sure it wasn’t because of her.

Miss Parker was never really sad because of her. She was very positive instead. Like someone who was always there to encourage you to make things better. She was usually a very comforting person, like a strong guardian, but today she had been very sad.

Maybe it was because of Jarod. He had been with her often and now he was gone. Amanda missed him, too, but she thought that Miss Parker probably missed him more.

And then while she had finally been in control of her voice, she had decided to tell Miss Parker to get her away from this house, to take her home with her.

She was too afraid of her captor who roamed these rooms and was likely to turn unexpected. Amanda was unnerved and scared. This couldn’t go on. She had been reminded of her promise and she would not break it for she was far too terrified to do it.

She would do as she’d been told, be a good little girl and hope that they’d leave her alone. Miss Parker was someone she could trust, someone she could look up to and someone she wanted to be like.

She grabbed her teddybear again and cuddled it to her chest. She needed to get out of here. Whatever it took.

TBC