Profiler Headquarters

Sydney wondered why he had agreed to meet Rachel Burke. He glanced at his wristwatch. It was five minutes before Bailey Malone appeared into the profiler's office. As he introduced himself, he held out his hand to Sydney and shook it firmly.

"Dr. Green. I was made aware of your meeting with Dr. Burke."

"Yes." Sydney looked towards the door and waited for her entrance. "I'm sorry that I could not make it any sooner. We set up this meeting three weeks ago."

"Yes, I understand. But, she's not here." Bailey sighed loudly. "Something has happened."

"What's this all about? Is Dr. Burke alright?"

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On the ride to the hospital, there were a lot of questions asked and answered. Sydney stroked his chin. How could he possibly be the one to speak to Jarod about his former relationship, which was truly none of his business. And then there was Miss Parker, putting things aside, everything seemed to have been going well with the both of them. He could only imagine what the outcome of this situation would be like.

The two men walked into the profiler's hospital room. Sydney clearly saw how much pain the expectant mother was in .

"Hello, Rachel. I'm Sydney. I'm so very sorry to meet you under such unusual circumstances."

She extended her hand weakly to him and tried to sit herself up. The psychiatrist helped her in an upright position.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Rachel?"

She smiled. "Thank you for being here. You know why you were summoned?"

"I believe so."

"I'm assuming Bailey filled you in on my situation. I don't have much time." A sudden fear crossed her face. She repeated, " I don't have much time."

"I'm aware of your condition, Rachel." Sydney picked up the clipboard and flipped through her chart.

"You've been told of the baby? " Rachel asked, then turned to Bailey.

"Why didn't you contact Jarod when you first found out about your pregnancy? Excuse me for asking, but, were you going to raise this child alone?"

"Yes. I don't know. I know there is Parker. And I guess I thought best not to tell him after all. Then, I was diagnosed..." Her voice softened. "Even if there's a slight chance I might survive, I won't even be able to breast feed my baby. A mother knows things and I know I won't be around for too long. When I'm gone, my baby, our son, won't have any parents of his own. He'll never know me, but, I want him to know his father. To be with him."

Rachel suddenly hugged her belly. "I just realized I won't be with you to help you grow up. But, you'll have your daddy with you. He'll love you. He's a good man. And you'll even have a mommy who'll love you just as much as I do."

Bailey grabbed a few facial tissues off of the night stand and handed it to Rachel. She hesitated for a bit, then continued.

"Sydney?"

"Yes, Rachel."

"Tell Jarod about the baby. Tell him I'm sorry I deceived him. Tell him...just tell him."

"Rachel, I-I think it would be wiser if you spoke to him. Tell him what you feel and what exactly needs to be done."

"I don't want him seeing me like this. Look at me. Expectant mothers are supposed to be radiant. Have a glow about them. The picture of happiness. I'm nothing like that. I don't want him to remember me like this." She sniffled, then continued. "He said you raised him?"

"In a matter of speaking."

"You must tell me one day how he was like as a child. And Parker? Have you known her as long as you've known Jarod?"

"Yes, since she was a little girl."

"Could she love someone else's child? My child? Would she be a good mother to him?" Rachel's eyes teared.

"I really don't know, Rachel. I don't know. I'd like to believe that she would." On the outside, Miss Parker seemed cold-hearted, but he knew her so well, that she was capable of fully loving someone.

"Doctors say I might not survive after the delivery. I know I won't. I've accepted it. Bailey has all the necessary papers for my baby's welfare. He'll be taken care of financially. I just want to know that he'll be loved. I want him to be in a loving environment. I want so much for him, but, I won't be around to see that." She gently caressed her stomach and smiled at Sydney. "You know how hard it is to smile when you're nauseous?"

Sydney rubbed his eyes and felt helpless.

"Jarod took my breath away when I first met him. He was the first person I'd think about when I woke up in the morning. Only, Parker was the one he's always loved. He never said he loved me. But, I do. I really don't want to disrupt his life, but, it's his baby. I'm getting closer to heaven, but, I really don't want to go home right now. I wished I had one more moment with him."

"The more you should see him, I'm sorry for saying this, but, for one last time." Sydney wanted to take her pain away. But, he was no miracle worker. Her face was taunt. He didn't want to leave her side. He was the closest person to Jarod and it gave her comfort knowing a part of him was with her.

"Sydney." Rachel called out to him with her eyes closed.

"I'm here, Rachel."

"I need to speak to Parker, before...before I go." She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "I have to speak to Parker."

"I don't think it's a very good idea."

But, she pleaded with him. "Please." Her voice was barely audible. All the tears and sorrow she tried to hold back came out.

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It wasn't until late the very next day that Sydney had mustered up his courage to ring Jarod's doorbell. He wished he had more time to have gotten his thoughts in order, but Rachel was the one who had no time at all. As he stood on the doorstep, a strange numbness filled him. He was put in a very tensed predicament which he would not have wished upon anyone. He promised Rachel that he'd do his best in relaying her messages, a dying woman's wishes to the father to be and his "ice queen".

It wasn't what he had expected. Parker was calm, speechless and showed no emotions. Sydney grasped Jarod's hands and watched the tears on his face slowly slid down. Jarod then turned towards Parker. She sat quietly by the window and he approached her with caution.

"I'm sorry, Parker." Still, she kept quiet. "Say, something. Yell, hit me, anything."

She had a dead-pan look and spoke in a low voice. "Teach me how to love someone else's child. How do I do that? I don't know how to do that."

"Yes, you do. You love Debbie and she's not your child."

Sydney held his breath and waited for Miss Parker's outburst which was long overdued.

"But, Debbie's not my lover's child! I wanted to have been the one to have given you a baby! Not her!" She screamed.

"If you're worried about competition, you won't have any! She'll be dead! Imagine how I'm feeling. She refused treatment to..."

"To give you a baby! Isn't love just grand? What a martyr she is! And each time you'll look at that baby, he'll be a reminder of how you killed his mother!" She told him coldly.

"Thank you for that thought! And you'll only think of him as my lover's baby!"

"That is enough, you two. The baby is your main concern now." Sydney stood in the line of fire.

"No, his concern, not mine!" Miss Parker pointed to Jarod as she yelled at Sydney.

"You do have a home of your own, Parker. Why don't you just leave?"

"Jarod. Parker. Stop. Think before you say things you'll eventually regret. And Parker, there is one thing I failed to tell you."

Parker quickly wiped her tears away.

"Rachel wishes to see you, to speak to you." The doctor waited for her reaction, but there was none.

There was a silent deafening in the air. Jarod and Miss Parker looked at each other, but said nothing. Sydney broke the silence.

"It's best we see her as soon as possible. Preferably, tomorrow."

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Miss Parker had fallen down on her knees and sobbed convulsively as she tried to catch her breath. She wished she could have pretended she didn't care. Jarod stood at the bottom of the stairs and watched. He couldn't have comforted her even if he wanted to. How could he? He, too, needed comforting.

Every moment they hadn't looked at each other, talked or touched, nearly killed Parker inside. Jarod had retired to bed early, whereas she stayed in the living room and tried to make sense of everything that had happened in the hours since having been informed of the impending birth of his son and the soon to be tragic ending of Rachel's life.

After what seemed like an eternity of crying, she felt numb and betrayed. She stared at the sleeping form on the bed. Jarod laid on his side. Parker quietly crawled in as so not to have awakened him.

"I'm not asleep." His voice startled her.

She inched her way slowly to him and cuddled him from behind.

"I do love you," he told her.

"I know." She leaned her face against his back.

"Don't ever doubt my love for you, Parker." He pulled her arms tightly around him.

"I won't. I'm sorry. I love you, too."

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Rachel was afraid of dying and she had been afraid to tell him. Although, Jarod knew. He knew from the panic stricken look on her eyes which roamed around the hospital room, that she knew she had only but a few days away before Fate would finally take her in.

"If only for a moment, I wish you could feel the love I have for you. I missed your arms that held me close. Jarod, I've missed you so very much. I love you. I know your heart never belonged to me." Rachel felt the soft beats of her heart for him.

"Shh, you should rest now." Jarod cupped his hand in hers and gently kissed her fingers.

"Jarod?"

"Yes," he whispered and wiped her tears.

"I give our baby to you. Make sure he knows who I am. And it was never meant for me to have left him. I'm so fortunate to have had you in my life. I only wish you were mine to hold on to forever. But, forever was never me. Was it? You were never mine. You never said you loved me. It's alright. We, the baby and I, have enough love for you. "

"Rachel, I..." Tears rapidly rushed down his face.

"Say goodbye to our son for me, Jarod. And goodbye to you, too. I wish I could buy a moment of time just to be with you once more. I'll always keep you in my memory. I'll be taking it with me. Maybe, someday, we'll meet again?" She choked on her tears.

"Someday," he whispered. "Please don't cry." He touched her hair and brushed it away from her face. "I'll see you around, Rachel. Don't worry about our son. He'll be fine. He'll always know you loved him. I do love you, but not in a way you would have wanted me to."

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Parker's heart tore silently inside. She felt her heartbeat pound louder and louder. As she waited for her turn, Sydney stood by her.

"Miss Parker, I am proud of you for being here today."

Throughout the years, she and Jarod played the game of "pretend". Only this was not one of their games. It was reality. It wasn't a bad dream or nightmare where she would suddenly awaken. Jarod walked out of Rachel's room looking sorrowfully. He reached out to Parker, but she pulled away. She walked passed him and walked into the same direction he just came out of.

Parker stood at the foot of the bed. Rachel signaled her to her bedside. Hesitantly, she did. But, Parker remained distant and true to her "ice queen" image. The two woman stared at each other.

"Well, this must be very awkward for you, Parker. I know you've been hating me."

"Is there anything you need me to do?" Miss Parker was polite, but scared inside.

"You can cry with me, Parker. You can cry with me." Rachel tried to be strong. "Forgive me. Jarod needs you right now. Please don't leave him. You're hurt. I can't imagine how that feels. I'm so very sorry for what I've done to your lives. Jarod needs you. My baby needs you. And I need you. I need you to make peace with me. If I wasn't ill, I don't think I would have told him about the baby."

"You think it would have been fair to him, not knowing?"

"Would you have wanted me to tell him? I don't think so, Parker, but, I had no choice, I won't be around. Our baby needs to be with his father. I won't be here." She broke down and cried.

Her blue eyes reflected sorrow and tears. She, too, felt her pain. Parker lightly ran her hand on Rachel's belly. "Is he alright?"

"Yes. He's moving around a lot." Rachel smiled and pressed her hand on Parker's. "Felt that?" Her stomach had hardened and slowly moved about. "He'll be here soon."

Parker nodded and cried. "Don't do this to me."

"He needs a mother. I know you love Jarod so very much. Can't you somehow love his baby, too? I won't be in your way."

Miss Parker pulled away and wiped her tears, but she had no control of it. Rachel continued talking, stopping in between to catch her breath.

"I had plans for him. A huge first birthday party. His first day of school. I'll miss his first homerun. A first date, proms. His college graduation. Mommies aren't supposed to leave. I won't be there for any of those. But, you will. I never want him to question your love for him. Love my baby, Parker, not for me, but for Jarod. Don't punish him, for he never asked to come into this mixed up world of ours."

"Rachel. Stop. Please." Parker clutched her chest as if holding on to her heart.

"I don't have much time. I want you to give him a life I can never give him. I never meant to hurt you, Parker. I never meant to. I'm so very sorry."

TBC - Chapter 4