Who are you gonna be?
When you're on your knees, who do you
believe?
Fear is a lonely man
You've been given
innocence
You've been given innocence again

You should know by now
That the darkest hour
Is when
your broken heart goes down
It's a bitter end
When the
sweet begins
Grace is a sufficiency

But, oh dear, we'll never deserve it
No dear, we never could
earn it
Now, here the choice is yours

Jarod:
 When I got back that night, the first thing I noticed
was that Emily was gone.  I felt my stomach drop and land somewhere around
my knees.  I looked quickly around, looking for signs of a struggle and
finding none.  A slip of paper on the table caught my eye.  Picking it
up, I began to read—

Dear Jarod,
I know you’ll freak out when you find out I’m gone,
but don’t worry about me.  I figure from the news that both you and Ethan
survived the bombing. Our family is almost all back together.  But even
when it is, there will still be one piece missing.  I can’t just let Lyle
get away with what he did to Kyle.  Don’t worry about me.  As soon as
I’m done with this I’ll be back.
     
Love,
         Emily

 I sighed as I finished.  She had gone after Lyle, putting herself
in danger.  Then again, there wasn’t really much I could do but hope she
knew what she was doing.  Sighing again, I left to find Dad.

Emily:
 Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was almost 10:00
am.  That was when Lyle came in for his sessions.  I cleaned up the
area around my desk and cleared off the small couch in my office, as Lyle
usually laid on it while he talked to me.  Stereotypical yes, but he seemed
more comfortable that way.

 At ten on the dot, there was a soft knock on my door.  I called
for him to come in.  When he did, he took my breath away.  He looked
like he normally did, dressed in a suit and tie, each and every hair in
place.  But the look on his face was one I had seen only a handful of times
since we had met.  It was one of fear, an emotion I had not thought him
capable of.  It was one of a child, forced to grow up too fast, and see
things no one, especially not a child, should ever see.  But mostly, it was
one of innocence.  Just as Jarod’s, mine and Kyle’s innocence had been
stolen at an early age, so had his.  ‘He’s a product of the Centre,’ I told
my self, ‘forced into a life he didn’t ask for, just like the rest of us.’

 “Hey,” I said, “right on time.  Sit down and we’ll get started.”

 And so he lay down and we began.  For about an hour, I just
listened to him, occasionally making note of something important.  It was
in the middle of making a note when I realized something.  He had told me
about Bobby and he told me about Lyle.  These were two completely different
people.  Lyle was a cold- blooded killer, the monster that had killed my
brother.  But Bobby was just a scared little boy, and all he had ever
wanted was for someone to love him.

 And that was when everything became clear to me.  Why I was
falling in love with him.  When he was around me, Lyle disappeared and it
was like he had never existed.  I was in love with Bobby, not Lyle.  I
also knew that he was beating himself up for all the bad things he had
done.  He didn’t understand that they were two different people.

 “Bobby,” I started when he reached a stopping point, “it wasn’t your
fault.  None of this shit was your fault.”

 He gave me a funny look.  “Bobby? Why’d you call me that?”

 I gave him a small smile. “Because, there is a difference.  Bobby
didn’t do any of that, that was Lyle.  Lyle was trained by Rainse to be a
killer.  Bobby’s the little boy you used to be, who sometimes takes over,
when you let someone in and stop fighting to keep everyone away.”

 And the look on his face told me that, finally, he understood the
difference.

Lyle:

 She was so beautiful.  Ever since her first day, she was all I
could think about.  Once my sessions started, I found myself falling in
love with her.  She was just so kind; she really seemed to care about
me.  For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I mattered to
someone.  As if I belonged.  During my second session, I had broken
down, and she had taken me in her arms, soothing away the hurt and pain. 
In those few minutes where her arms were wrapped around me I felt safe.  I
felt like I was somewhere I had never been before.  Home.

 While I was talking, she was taking notes like she usually does, but
all of a sudden, a look of, I don’t know, enlightenment came over her
face.  Seeing that she was preoccupied with this epiphany I stopped. 
Sensing that I was done, she spoke.  The first thing that registered was
that she was telling me that it wasn’t my fault.  As I was about to argue,
I realized she had called me Bobby.  Not Lyle.  I asked her why, and,
smiling gently, she explained to me that they were two different people. 
Thinking about it, I realized she was right.  There was always a part of me
that crawled away and hid when I went in to Lyle mode.

 When she saw that I understood, she smiled and walked over to her
stereo and put in a CD.

 “I want you to listen to this, to these lyrics, okay?”

 I nodded and she pushed play.  At first I just listened, and I
couldn’t understand what she was getting at, until something caught my
attention.

Who are you gonna be?
When you're on your knees, who do you
believe?
Fear is a lonely man
You've been given
innocence
You've been given innocence again

You should know by now
That the darkest hour
Is when
your broken heart goes down
It's a bitter end
When the
sweet begins
Grace is a sufficiency

But, oh dear, we'll never deserve it
No dear, we never could
earn it
Now, here the choice is yours

 Seeing a gentle smile on her face, I understood what she was getting
at.  All three of those verses fit perfectly, but the bottom line was, I
had been given innocence again.

Emily:

 Pushing stop on the CD player, I turned my back to him, and took a few
deep breaths, trying to calm myself.  At that moment, my feelings for him
were controlling all rational thinking.  All I wanted was to go over there,
take him in my arms, and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.  But, in the
relationship we have established these past few months, that is not allowed.

 Once I had calmed myself, I went over and sat next to him on the
couch.  I could see that he was struggling to keep a calm face, but his
trembling hands gave him away.  Putting my hand on his back, I started to
rub it in small circles, trying to calm him.  Turning to look me, he gave
me a small smile, but I could still see the tears in his eyes.  I couldn’t
help but feel sorry for him.  Then, they started to slip down his face and,
at a loss of what to do, I took him in my arms, still rubbing his back, and
whispering what I hoped to be soothing comments in his ear.

 When he had calmed himself, he pulled way slightly, his lips now only
an inch or two above mine.  I looked up at him.

 “Sorry about that,” he whispered.

 “No it’s okay, you are completely justified in crying after
everything.” I told him, also whispering.

 He looked down at me a moment longer before he closed his eyes and
shook his head.  I wondered what was wrong, so I asked, “Hey, what’s
wrong?”

 He opened his eyes and looked down at me. “It doesn’t matter.”

 “If it’s, bothering you-“ that was as far as I got before he cut me
off.

 “Faith, it doesn’t matter.”

 “It matters to me.”  And it did.  I really was worried about
him.

 He paused and took a deep breath before replying, in barely more than a
whisper, “I’m in love with you.”

 I looked at him in shock and when I opened my mouth to speak, no noise
came out.   Seeing my reaction, he started again. “Yeah, look I’m
really sorry.  I wasn’t exactly planning on it, but… well, I’m sorry.”

 “You tell me you’re in love with me and then you tell me your sorry?
What right do you have?”  I was, to say the least, shocked with his
revelation.

Lyle:

 “I’m in love with you.”  The words had left my mouth before I even
knew what I was doing.  Once it was out I knew there was no turning
back.  So I did the next best thing.  I apologized.

 “What right do you have?”  That brought me back to the
conversation.

 “Look Faith, I didn’t ask for this and I’m sorry you don’t return it,
but I won’t be sorry for how I feel.  If you’ve taught me anything-“

 I was abruptly cut off by her lips on mine.

Emily:

I heard him apologize again, and then he started to babble.  Still in
shock, I did the first thing to come to mind that would shut him up, damning the
consequences.

 I kissed him.  And the next thing I knew, he was kissing me back.

TBC

Author's Note:  Please review!!!!!