I am writing this one because it has been screaming in my head to be let out so here goes.

One Man's Dream
part 1
by DIZZYDAME1211

Standing on the porch I stared out at the night and finished the coffee I had made myself earlier. I craved something stronger but I had gotten rid of all the alcohol in the house. The temptation and numbness it offered were just too comforting. I had gone down that road in the beginning losing myself in countless bottles, most of what I did at the time I didn't even remember, some of it came back though in my nightmares. I knew I wasn't a very decent person, or even a nice one but sometimes I wondered if the price I was paying and what I had already paid was really worth it. Shutting out my fears I knew I had to stay strong and keep my faith. I knew I couldn't let the blackness inside of me take over, it's what they wanted. I had shown them what I was capable of in my darker moments and know my family was paying for it. No, I wouldn't go down that road or any other dark roads. I also knew that I had done some horrible things in my life, truly horrible things, and I take all the blame for them, but like I thought earlier how much could I be expected to pay for what they made me. Turning from the railing I looked at the sky one more time and sent out a silent plea, please God let them be all right and help me survive long enough to make sure they stay all right.

Somewhere in Europe same night.

I could feel the loneliness and pain, it was so like my own that I could feel myself slip out of bed and to the floor and start to cry. Hearing the voice in my head I knew as Vince I waited for him to say something else.

"I feel it too V, I don't know who it is but their hurting."

"What if we can feel this person because we know him?"

"Then who would he be to us, they said our parents are gone. Their dead V. there's nothing more, don't you think if we had other family we would have went to them, instead of this hell hole, no he's nothing to us V. we only have each other and frankly I like it like that. Go back to bed, tomorrow is going to the roughest day yet "

"We should at least try to reach out to him what if he can help?"

"Help with what V. no one can help us, if there was someone who could have helped us don't you think they could have at some earlier point in our lives. For God sakes were seventeen now, don't you think it's time to let go of the fantasy and except our fate. Be real V, were are stuck here, the people that raised us are all we have. Just go to bed!"

Knowing that I had put V. into her place and also hurt her feelings I pulled the thin covers around my body. God I hated to see her hoping and just begging for another heart break. She had to be real, all we knew was this place and that's all we would ever know. Sure I felt what she felt, I wanted to explore that more, but honestly if we had some kind of family then where the hell were they, why hadn't they rescued us by now or before. No, there was no one, just some go throwing out random emotions that V. was sensitive enough to pick up on. Putting my head on my knees I forgot all about the voice I heard and just tried to sleep.

***

Back at Deleware

Bloting into a sitting posistion I turned the lamp on quickly expecting to see my little girl standing there calling for me, but what I saw wasn't my daughter, there was nothing but my empty bedroom. God now I was loosing my mind, I could have sworn I heard Veatrice calling for me, calling Daddy. Turning into my pillow I let the tears fall freely. " Oh Madaline how I failed our whole family.
 
 

Feed back please let me know if I should go on.