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Disclaimer: See part 1
07/26/03
-
The Last Notebook
By Phenyx
-
Parker,
You are my scarecrow. As Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, "You dear Scarecrow, I will miss the most of all."
You are rolling your eyes now, or scoffing, or perhaps laughing derisively. But it is true. I swear it.
I've always known that you and I shared a bond of more than just I run and you chase. Even though the relationship is one sided for the most part.
You have no concept of what you have meant to me over the years, how you altered my life. If I had never met you, Parker, I would still be sitting in a cinderblock room at The Centre. It would never have occurred to me to leave.
I was shocked and pleasantly confused the first time you snuck in to see me. I was astounded that you had the ability to break the rules, to go against their wishes. You defied them just by being in the room with me. You took incalculable risks simply because it pleased you to do so.
And you got away with it.
That is what truly blew my mind at first. You could do things that Sydney and the cameras did not see. It was wondrous to me. You were amazing. The force of your will, the strength of your character was an awesome thing.
I never realized that rules were made to be broken until you came along and showed me.
To you it seemed like such a simple thing, sneaking into the lower levels to spend an hour with the lab-rats, sharing your candy and treats with them. But Parker, to me, a few bites of caramel covered popcorn were an indulgence of sinful disobedience.
Your visits were one of the first secrets I kept from Sydney. The fact that we could have those secrets, that Sydney wouldn't know, was equally surprising. I had thought that those who watched me were omnipotent, ever- present.
You taught me otherwise.
There were things they did not know. They could be fooled.
You led the way as we crawled through vents and tiptoed down dark corridors. In doing so, I learned to explore, to push against the boundaries that had been placed on me. You taught me that fear was something to be conquered, not accepted.
You taught me that anything was possible, if I wanted it badly enough.
Can you possibly understand what that knowledge has done for me? That small seed of defiance, that smattering of rebellion was transmitted from you to me with a forbidden kiss a long time ago. As the years passed, that seed began to grow.
Harmless childhood secrets made way for rebellious thoughts. Those thoughts manifested themselves as petty insubordinations, passive resistance and boyish pranks. As I grew, so did that wisp of disobedience you had planted. Until one day, the derision and contempt I felt for my captors finally overcame my fear of the unknown. I committed the ultimate in insolence.
I ran away.
It is ironic that you were the one assigned to pursue me and bring me back. It was you who taught me to want more than I had. It was you who first showed me how to elude them, to hide when the guards were coming. Now it is you that I must elude.
I hate that. I can't help but remember the camaraderie we shared as children. I miss it more than I can express.
You were the first person who ever needed me on an emotional level. When Faith died, we huddled in a dark corner together and you cried on my shoulder. I put my arms around you and held you while you wept. You depended on me to be there for you, to help support you through a difficult time.
I had absolutely no clue what you expected of me. I had never been permitted to display such emotion. My only exposure to another's grief had been through pictures. I did not know what I was supposed to do. I understood only that I could not be afraid. I had to be competent and strong. You were relying on me. As terrifying as that concept was at the time, it gave me a great sense of pride that you had such confidence in me.
I did what I could. I know it wasn't enough.
You seemed so sad so much of the time. I would have done anything, given anything, to take that pain away from you.
Do you remember the day you taught me knock-knock jokes? I didn't understand the play on words at first. The concept eluded me. You laughed at the joke then you laughed at me for being so clueless. The more confused I became, the harder you laughed. You laughed until tears ran down your face and you doubled over.
I thought you were in pain. But my concern only made matters worse. Once I finally comprehended that you were in no danger, I began to see the humor in the situation. In the end, we were both giggling like mad idiots.
That was the first time in my life that I laughed until my stomach hurt. What an incredible feeling! And bringing a smile to your face was always a great personal achievement for me.
You are so beautiful when you smile, Parker. You should try to do it more often.
One of the greatest regrets of my life, second only to not finding my family, has been that you and I could not remain friends. But then again, if we are not friends, how do we define the relationship we share? No one in the world knows me as well as you do. I believe I know you better than any other.
I trust you. For the most part, I believe you trust me as much as you to trust anyone in your life. That isn't saying much, but it is notable seeing as we are supposed to be enemies.
One last time, I am going to place my trust in you, Parker. You have a good and honorable soul. I know I can rely on your compassion to do a few last favors for me.
Hold on to this notebook. Feel free to let Sydney read it, but keep it in your care. I want you to give it to Ethan the next time you see him. Be careful, Parker. Our little brother has only you to protect him now. I know that you won't let anything happen to him. You are a force to be reckoned with. Ethan will be safe with you watching over him.
Help Ethan to find Major Charles. Ethan is his son. The Major will welcome him into the family and give him the emotional security that The Centre stole from him. If Ethan can find his way back to the family we have lost, perhaps some part of me will have found its way home as well.
Take care of yourself, Parker. Watch your back. Never stop questioning them.
When the phone rings late at night, think of me.
-
Affectionately yours,
Jarod.
07/26/03
-
The Last Notebook
By Phenyx
-
Parker,
You are my scarecrow. As Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, "You dear Scarecrow, I will miss the most of all."
You are rolling your eyes now, or scoffing, or perhaps laughing derisively. But it is true. I swear it.
I've always known that you and I shared a bond of more than just I run and you chase. Even though the relationship is one sided for the most part.
You have no concept of what you have meant to me over the years, how you altered my life. If I had never met you, Parker, I would still be sitting in a cinderblock room at The Centre. It would never have occurred to me to leave.
I was shocked and pleasantly confused the first time you snuck in to see me. I was astounded that you had the ability to break the rules, to go against their wishes. You defied them just by being in the room with me. You took incalculable risks simply because it pleased you to do so.
And you got away with it.
That is what truly blew my mind at first. You could do things that Sydney and the cameras did not see. It was wondrous to me. You were amazing. The force of your will, the strength of your character was an awesome thing.
I never realized that rules were made to be broken until you came along and showed me.
To you it seemed like such a simple thing, sneaking into the lower levels to spend an hour with the lab-rats, sharing your candy and treats with them. But Parker, to me, a few bites of caramel covered popcorn were an indulgence of sinful disobedience.
Your visits were one of the first secrets I kept from Sydney. The fact that we could have those secrets, that Sydney wouldn't know, was equally surprising. I had thought that those who watched me were omnipotent, ever- present.
You taught me otherwise.
There were things they did not know. They could be fooled.
You led the way as we crawled through vents and tiptoed down dark corridors. In doing so, I learned to explore, to push against the boundaries that had been placed on me. You taught me that fear was something to be conquered, not accepted.
You taught me that anything was possible, if I wanted it badly enough.
Can you possibly understand what that knowledge has done for me? That small seed of defiance, that smattering of rebellion was transmitted from you to me with a forbidden kiss a long time ago. As the years passed, that seed began to grow.
Harmless childhood secrets made way for rebellious thoughts. Those thoughts manifested themselves as petty insubordinations, passive resistance and boyish pranks. As I grew, so did that wisp of disobedience you had planted. Until one day, the derision and contempt I felt for my captors finally overcame my fear of the unknown. I committed the ultimate in insolence.
I ran away.
It is ironic that you were the one assigned to pursue me and bring me back. It was you who taught me to want more than I had. It was you who first showed me how to elude them, to hide when the guards were coming. Now it is you that I must elude.
I hate that. I can't help but remember the camaraderie we shared as children. I miss it more than I can express.
You were the first person who ever needed me on an emotional level. When Faith died, we huddled in a dark corner together and you cried on my shoulder. I put my arms around you and held you while you wept. You depended on me to be there for you, to help support you through a difficult time.
I had absolutely no clue what you expected of me. I had never been permitted to display such emotion. My only exposure to another's grief had been through pictures. I did not know what I was supposed to do. I understood only that I could not be afraid. I had to be competent and strong. You were relying on me. As terrifying as that concept was at the time, it gave me a great sense of pride that you had such confidence in me.
I did what I could. I know it wasn't enough.
You seemed so sad so much of the time. I would have done anything, given anything, to take that pain away from you.
Do you remember the day you taught me knock-knock jokes? I didn't understand the play on words at first. The concept eluded me. You laughed at the joke then you laughed at me for being so clueless. The more confused I became, the harder you laughed. You laughed until tears ran down your face and you doubled over.
I thought you were in pain. But my concern only made matters worse. Once I finally comprehended that you were in no danger, I began to see the humor in the situation. In the end, we were both giggling like mad idiots.
That was the first time in my life that I laughed until my stomach hurt. What an incredible feeling! And bringing a smile to your face was always a great personal achievement for me.
You are so beautiful when you smile, Parker. You should try to do it more often.
One of the greatest regrets of my life, second only to not finding my family, has been that you and I could not remain friends. But then again, if we are not friends, how do we define the relationship we share? No one in the world knows me as well as you do. I believe I know you better than any other.
I trust you. For the most part, I believe you trust me as much as you to trust anyone in your life. That isn't saying much, but it is notable seeing as we are supposed to be enemies.
One last time, I am going to place my trust in you, Parker. You have a good and honorable soul. I know I can rely on your compassion to do a few last favors for me.
Hold on to this notebook. Feel free to let Sydney read it, but keep it in your care. I want you to give it to Ethan the next time you see him. Be careful, Parker. Our little brother has only you to protect him now. I know that you won't let anything happen to him. You are a force to be reckoned with. Ethan will be safe with you watching over him.
Help Ethan to find Major Charles. Ethan is his son. The Major will welcome him into the family and give him the emotional security that The Centre stole from him. If Ethan can find his way back to the family we have lost, perhaps some part of me will have found its way home as well.
Take care of yourself, Parker. Watch your back. Never stop questioning them.
When the phone rings late at night, think of me.
-
Affectionately yours,
Jarod.
