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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Disclaimer: The Characters Miss Parker, Sydney, Jarod, Broots and The Center are all property of MTM, TNT and NBC Productions and are used without permission. No money has been involved here and no infringement is intended. 11/24/2002
A Voice Heard in Ramah (Part 9 - Connections) By Phenyx
Once Jarod had left the room, Parker coaxed the little girl back onto the bed with little trouble. She brushed Catherine's hair for several more minutes until the child fell back to sleep.
As Parker rocked her sleeping daughter in her arms, she glanced morosely toward to door that Jarod had fled through. He had been crushed by the little girl's sudden rejection. Parker had felt his pain as though it was a knife in her own heart.
After a time, Parker lifted the little girl in her arms and carried her back to the children's bedroom. She felt it was important for the children to have some semblance of routine in their lives. There was no way to tell when they would need to abandon this peaceful little cabin to avoid a sweeper team. Their lives would have so little stability in the future. Parker felt that Catherine needed to wake up in her own bed as often as possible.
In the darkened living room, Parker passed Jarod sprawled on the couch. He had one arm thrown across his eyes, making it impossible for Parker to tell if he was asleep.
Once in the bedroom, Parker slid the little girl beneath the blankets and tucked them snugly around her little chin. Catherine's silky hair now fanned across the pillow in a shimmering halo.
Jarod was right, Parker decided as she lovingly studied the four sleeping faces around her. They had made some beautiful children together. Parker knew that she would always regret never having felt them growing inside her. She would forever wonder what it would have been like to nurse them at her breast. But Parker could not have loved these children anymore than she did now, even if she had been with them from the day they were born.
With a sigh, Parker leaned over and kissed her daughter's cheek and turned to leave the room. A tall dark shadow filled the doorway. Jarod, clad in nothing but a pair of jeans, stood with his shoulder against the doorframe. He had his arms crossed over his bare chest and the button on his jeans was unfastened. Parker wondered if Jarod had any idea what a masculine figure he was.
"Is she alright?" Jarod whispered.
Parker nodded. Placing one hand on Jarod's arm, she said, "She settled down very quickly. She couldn't have been too frightened."
"She's not afraid as long as I'm not around." He whispered dejectedly.
Parker curled her arm around Jarod's and leaned her cheek against his bicep. "She needs more time."
She felt Jarod sigh. "I know." He whispered. "But knowing doesn't make the waiting any easier."
After a long moment of silence Jarod said, "Its remarkable, really. They are people. They are individuals with distinct personalities. And yet, I can see us in them. I can see myself in Charlie when he gets wrapped up in some new discovery. I see you begging for your father's approval every time Tim begins crying for attention."
Parker nodded, her cheek smooth against Jarod's arm. "JR is the one who is the most like you."
Jarod scoffed lightly. "No. Charlie is the most like me. JR and I just aren't relating the way Charlie and I do."
Parker smiled. "Its exactly because you and JR are so much alike that the two of you are having trouble clicking." She chuckled lightly at Jarod's puzzled look. "You both try to analyze each other, predict how you'll each react. You attempt to deduce the proper response to one another's actions. As a result neither of you is really opening up."
Jarod seemed to think about that for several minutes.
"He's so serious." Jarod whispered finally. "The poor kid carries the responsibilities of the world on his shoulders."
Parker raised her eyebrows at Jarod in amusement. "Sounds a lot like his daddy."
Jarod shrugged. The two of them stood in silence, watching the children sleep. Parker could sense that there was something else Jarod wanted to say. So she waited, gently hugging his arm, offering him emotional support.
"I was about this age when I was taken." He said abruptly. Jarod shifted slightly and tilted his head to rest it against Parker's hair. "I don't remember much of my life before that."
Parker let Jarod speak without interruption. She sensed his need for reassurance.
"I remember a lunchbox." He said slowly. "It had cowboys and horses on it. I remember sitting in the grass and watching my mother hang clothes on the line." After a short pause, Jarod went on. "Most of what I remember are just feelings. I know I felt safe. I remember feeling safe."
Parker watched Jarod intently, she could feel that he was headed somewhere with his thoughts.
"I don't remember much of my life before I was four. But I do remember. I remember being taken." Jarod said in a strangled voice. "How much will they remember some day?"
Parker felt tears burning in her eyes as she realized how Jarod was torturing himself.
"I want to erase everything that The Centre ever did to them." He whispered in a hoarse voice. "But I know that I can't." Jarod's voice caught. "What vague memories will Catherine have of Lyle? Do you think she'll always have some indefinable fear of dark haired men and enclosed spaces?"
"Oh, Jarod." Parker murmured. In the darkness, she could see moisture shimmering in his eyes.
"I want to fix this for her. For all of them." Jarod moaned. "But I can never undo what The Centre has done to them. They are irreparably scarred and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."
Parker turned and pulled Jarod into her arms. "You can love them, Jarod." She felt his hands inch up her back as he cautiously returned her embrace. "The scars will fade in time if we just love them enough."
Jarod buried his face in Parker's hair and submitting to her warmth, he squeezed her tightly in return.
"And the incredible part of it is," Parker whispered against his shoulder. "That our own scars will heal too, as they learn to love us."
Jarod sighed at her words and pulled her more closely to his chest. After a moment Jarod eased up on the crushing embrace. But he and Parker continued holding each other for a long time. Parker allowed herself to enjoy the feel of Jarod's body against hers. She closed her eyes and found solace in giving Jarod comfort.
"This is nice." Jarod murmured into her hair some time later. He had one arm wrapped around her shoulders, the other hand rested warmly on the small of her back as he held her close.
"Mmm." Parker agreed with a hum. With one hand, she started making little circles on the bare skin of his back. Parker could feel the heat of Jarod's palm as his hand slowly began to follow the path of her spine upward.
"I want a drink of water." A small voice said.
Jarod jumped and flinched away from Parker as though he'd been burned. She saw him shake his head violently and swallow hard several times. Parker crouched down to talk to the little boy who had interrupted them.
"You are supposed to be asleep, JR." She said gently.
"I heard you talking," the child said. "And now I'm thirsty."
Parker smiled reassuringly. "Okay, JR. Let's get you something to drink." She glanced at Jarod as she stood up. Parker could see that he was not the least bit amused.
The position they had just been in and the steamy course they had been following had left him looking stunned. He had retreated to the opposite wall in the hallway and flattened his back against the plaster. Jarod was staring at her with wide startled eyes.
Parker sighed as she walked away, leading JR toward the kitchen. She hadn't realized how difficult this was all going to be for Jarod. In her heart Parker knew that Jarod adored their children. She knew that he would gladly sacrifice anything for them. He had abandoned his search for his parents in order to build a new family for his sons and daughter.
With a growing confidence, Parker realized that Jarod loved her as well. In his own way, he always had. As she poured her son a drink of water, Parker contemplated the situation. Her inner sense told her that Jarod desperately wanted to be loved. But he was also dreadfully afraid of losing that love. Jarod was depending on the children to return his affection with the endless, unconditional love that only a child can give.
It suddenly occurred to Parker that, for Jarod, her feelings were more dangerous. Not in the physical sense, Jarod knew that she would never turn him over to The Centre. But emotionally, Parker's affection was far more frightening for him. Parker knew, without a doubt, that Jarod trusted her with his life. Trusting her with his heart was a much more difficult battle.
Parker had cruelly squashed his attempts to forge a relationship in the past. So now, she would need to be very patient if she ever hoped to win that type of trust. But Parker could wait. He was worth waiting for she realized. Jarod had always been there for her and she knew that he had always loved her with a devotion that no one else could match. Parker wouldn't rush him. Things would happen as they should in time.
Parker turned her attention back to JR. "Is that better?" she asked after the little boy had finished his glass of water.
"Can I take some back to my room?" He asked.
"Alright." She took the glass, filled it halfway and handed it back.
Parker directed JR back the way they had come. She glanced at Jarod as they passed him in the living room. He was slouched on the couch with a troubled frown on his face. His feet were propped on the coffee table. He ignored Parker and the little boy as they went by.
As they reached the hallway, JR stopped. He turned back to toward the couch, leaving Parker to watch him from her vantage point in the doorway.
Clutching his water glass to his chest, JR stood at the end of the couch and said bluntly, "You were in The Centre." The statement hung in the air like an accusation.
Jarod nodded.
"They hurt you." JR added intuitively. "Not just once like they did to me. They hurt you lots of times, like Catherine."
"Something like that." Jarod admitted in a low voice.
Parker watched cautiously from a distance. Jarod had just been through an emotionally rough day. He seemed depressed and isolated. Parker feared that the little boy's questions might inadvertently make matters worse.
When Jarod patted the cushion beside him, JR carefully placed the glass on the table and scrambled onto the couch.
JR scrutinized his father. Tilting his head to one side the boy asked, "Did The Centre take you from your momma and daddy like they took us?"
Jarod leaned his head back against the cushions to gaze at the ceiling. "Not exactly." Jarod said. "When I was very small, I lived with my parents. I was about your age when The Centre stole me. I was lost and my parents didn't know how to find me. I was at The Centre for a long time."
"How long?" the boy pried.
"Thirty years or so."
The little boy gasped. "Thirty years is almost forever."
"Almost." Jarod agreed bleakly.
JR seemed to ponder this information for a while.
"Were you ever bad?" The child asked carefully.
Jarod looked at boy sadly. "Occasionally." He answered.
JR fidgeted. "Did Mr. Lyle come?"
The tall head shook back and forth slowly. "No." Jarod said. "Mr. Lyle wasn't at The Centre until I got bigger. Mr. Raines came himself."
The boy's eyes grew wide with dread. Evidently Raines had a reputation that transcended generational boundaries.
Parker could see Jarod staring sightlessly into the dark fireplace. His voice sounded hollow and far away as he went on.
"Mr. Raines smoked cigarettes back then. When I was," Jarod paused searching for the proper words. "When I was naughty, Mr. Raines would use his cigarette to burn the back of my neck." Jarod rubbed lightly at the back of his head with his fingertips as he continued. "He'd place the blisters just above my hairline so Sydney wouldn't notice the mark."
Standing across the room, Parker bit back a gasp. She put one hand over her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut tight. This was one piece of information that Parker had never known. She silently added one more curse to the list of William Raines' sins.
"Who's Sydney?" JR asked.
Jarod blinked for a moment, as though remembering where he was. "You and your brothers had a lot of people who took care of you, a lot of different instructors. I only ever had one. His name is Sydney."
"Did he hurt you too?"
Jarod sighed. Parker could see him struggling with the answer to that question. "Sometimes." He finally responded with a whisper. "But usually he was very nice."
JR continued his interrogation. "Did he play games with you and hug you and tuck you in at night like you and Momma do for us?"
"He never hugged me when I was little." Jarod said. "And I can't ever remember being tucked into bed. But, he would play chess with me once in a while."
"I know chess." JR said happily.
Jarod patted the boy's knee and smiled lightly. "Well then, you and I will have to find a board and play a few rounds, won't we?"
The little boy stared thoughtfully at the fireplace for a moment. "Did your Momma and Daddy come and get you from The Centre?"
Jarod looked at the boy forlornly. "No, JR. No one ever came to get me. I ran away."
"You were all alone." JR observed.
"For a long, long time." Jarod nodded.
"Daddy?" The little boy placed a small hand on Jarod's arm until the man looked down into JR's face. "We aren't alone anymore. Momma will take care of us and we'll take care of each other."
Jarod scooped the youngster into his arms and hugged him tightly. Parker could see the little boy's arms wrapped around Jarod's neck as the two of them rocked each other.
"The Centre won't hurt us anymore, will they, Daddy?" JR whimpered.
"I won't let them hurt us." Jarod promised.
Parker smiled and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. It was difficult to tell whether Jarod was comforting his son, or JR was comforting his father. Either way, it seemed as though the two pretenders had found a common ground on which to begin building a real relationship.
Silently, Parker crossed the room to stand in front of the pair. She placed one soft hand against Jarod's arms and held the little boy in place on his father's lap.
"Lie down." She whispered.
Jarod's dark eyes looked up at Parker questioningly.
"Lie down." She repeated firmly.
With JR still snugly wrapped in his arms Jarod laid his head on the pillow and swung his feet onto the couch. Parker smiled as she picked up the nearby blanket and spread it out over the two of them. Gently slipping the covers around Jarod's body, she wrapped them both in a woolen cocoon.
JR's dark eyes peeked out at her just above the blanket. He was comfortably cradled against his daddy's chest in a warm embrace. Parker kissed the boy's forehead.
Jarod, with his chin resting against the child's crown, smiled tenderly at her. Parker placed a kiss on Jarod's brow as well. "Consider yourself tucked in for the night." She told him with a grin.
With a contented sigh, Jarod snuggled deeper into the cushions and hugged his son closer. "Thanks, Parker." He murmured.
Parker sat on the end of the coffee table and watched over her two pretenders as they drifted off to sleep.
----
'Our next place will need a dishwasher.' Parker thought to herself several days later. 'Along with three bedrooms and a fenced yard.'
It was early evening. Parker was up to her elbows in suds as she washed the dinner dishes. Jarod had cooked so it was her turn to clean up. Over dinner, the two of them had discussed relocating, carefully broaching the subject with the children. Now Parker was considering possible locales.
"We need to move so that The Centre doesn't find us." Jarod had explained as they ate lasagna and garlic rolls.
The boys had seemed unperturbed. Parker was so worried about bringing change into their lives and the need for stability. But when it came down to it, the children couldn't have cared less where they slept or what house they lived it. The youngsters had begun to find emotional stability in their lives and that was all that mattered to them. As long as Momma and Daddy were with them, they felt fine.
For the most part, Parker's family was adjusting quite well to the world. Another trip into town had revealed the delights of Wal-Mart just yesterday. Despite their intense excitement, the children had all behaved in a socially acceptable way, including Jarod.
Each child had even received a small gift chosen by their father.
JR had gotten a chess set, which he had yet to let go of. The little boy had played the game with his father dozens of times in the past 24 hours. Jarod had beaten him every time of course. When Parker had voiced concern about discouraging the child, Jarod had replied, "Nonsense. I'll only beat him until he gets better than me. Then I'll never win again."
Charlie's lightweight wooden airplane had already broken a wing. The boy had been distraught until Jarod fixed the flyer with some tape and a little glue. The simple repairs had been a heroic stoke of genius as far as Charlie was concerned.
Timmy had received a Phillips screwdriver. This gift choice had confused Parker at first. But Tim had been fascinated. In no time at all he had removed every switch plate from every light switch in the cabin. When Jarod had been forced to reassemble the VCR last night, he admitted to Parker that the gift might not have been the best idea the pretender had ever had. Safety rule number 32 quickly became, 'Don't take it apart unless you are sure you can fix it. And ask for permission first.'
Catherine's gift had been her very own hairbrush and some silk ribbons. She carried them around with her like other girls carried dolls. The little girl loved having her hair brushed and Parker was cornered often to do it for the child. Catherine had even been so gracious as to allow her brothers to each spend some time playing with her hair.
Jarod, however, was still not permitted to touch the little girl. Catherine would only allow him with in a few feet before she would scramble away. If her father wasn't looking, the youngster would move toward him cautiously. She'd get within inches of touching him. But the moment Jarod turned his attention to the girl, she would skitter away to a safe distance.
The girl was getting better though. She had even begun talking. Catherine's vocabulary consisted of only one word for the time being but that was still progress. The dinner table had broken out in a pandemonium of celebration when she had spoken for the first time barely an hour ago.
"More." The girl had said, punctuating the demand by smacking her plate on the table.
The boys had enthusiastically mimicked the request by banging plates and pounding their forks on the table as well. "More. More. More." They had chanted. Jarod had been forced to whistle loudly through his fingers to get them to quiet down.
Then again, Parker couldn't blame them for being rowdy. Catherine's achievement was a huge one. Everyone was so pleased with her quick progress. She was a highly intelligent little girl and her social skills, dormant for so long, were advancing rapidly.
'She is doing fine.' Parker thought as she washed off the table. 'If I could just convince her that her daddy isn't a serial killer, everything would be great.' Parker took the broom and swept a few crumbs across the floor, being careful not to push the debris onto her new slippers. The purple slippers had magically been in the shopping cart when they had reached the checkout line at Wal-Mart.
"They'll keep your feet covered." Jarod had said simply when she had asked about them.
Parker couldn't begin to fathom why Jarod would think her feet were cold but she hadn't complained. The slippers were warm and soft and incredibly comfortable. She had been flattered that he had bought her the gift.
Finally finished with her chore, Parker headed toward the living room. Drying her hands on a small towel she stood in the doorway between the two rooms and watched Jarod with the children.
The three boys were lined up on the couch, paying very close attention the their father. Jarod was fiddling with the stereo system and talking.
"We are going to listen to some music. Music can make you feel certain emotions just by the way the notes are put together." Jarod was saying as he popped a CD into the carrousel.
Soft piano melodies began playing in the room as Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata echoed in the room.
"This music was written more than two hundred years ago, by a man who was actually deaf for much of his life." Jarod told them.
The boys looked confused. Catherine was lingering between the living room and the hall leading to the bedrooms. She watched her father intently as the notes filled the room.
Crouching down in front of the boys Jarod said, "Close your eyes. Feel the music. All music has a story to tell." He closed his eyes to demonstrate.
Parker smiled as she saw the three youngsters close their eyes obediently.
"What is this story about, Daddy?" Timmy asked.
"That's the beauty of it." Jarod smiled. "Music tells a different story to every person who listens. No one's story is the same."
As the tune played on, Jarod, eyes still closed, began to sway with the music.
"What are you doing, Daddy?" JR asked.
"He's dancing, sweetheart. Sort of." Parker said as she crossed the room to join them.
Jarod stood and tried to explain. "The music can make your body want to move. Sometimes you can't help it."
Parker held a hand out to Jarod. "May I?" she asked him.
Jarod pushed the coffee table to one side, creating a makeshift dance floor, then took Parker's hand and began to waltz with her around the room.
"You dance well." She told him with a smile.
Jarod raised his eyebrows at her. "Did you doubt that I would?"
Parker laughed. "No I didn't doubt it, Wonder-boy. I know that you are absolutely fantastic at everything you do."
"That's right." He teased in a low voice. "Everything."
"Be careful, Genius." Parker smiled as Jarod twirled her around. "I may decide to test some of your," She paused meaningfully. "skills." Parker knew that, for now, she could tease Jarod this way. This type of playful banter was safe. They did have an audience after all.
Jarod feigned shock. "Miss Parker, Please! There are children present."
As the song ended, Jarod released his partner and abruptly swung Charlie up in his arms. "Dance with me, Charlie." He exclaimed.
By the time 'Ode to Joy' reached its crescendo, Jarod, Parker and all three of the boys were hopping around and dancing in mad circles. The boys were taking turns as Jarod swooped each one up in his arms and spun them around until they were dizzy.
When the CD ended, they all collapsed on the floor in an exhausted heap.
"Mission accomplished, Momma." Jarod panted. "I think its bedtime."
Jarod had made a habit of finding some very energetic activities for the children to try every evening. Bedtime was always easier when the subjects were already asleep on their feet. On nights when Jarod hadn't run the children ragged, Parker would read to them until they fell asleep.
Parker rounded the boys up and led them off to get ready for bed. When she returned several minutes later, Jarod was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch casually. The recording had ended leaving a heavy silence in the room. Jarod's eyes were closed as if listening to the stillness around him.
Parker could see the surprise on his face when Jarod opened his eyes and he saw Catherine sitting on the floor next to the stereo speaker. Standing very still so as not to disturb the scene, Parker waited in the hallway while Jarod talked softly to his daughter.
"Hello, Kitten." Jarod whispered to the little girl. Catherine looked at him warily. Only a few yards away from where Jarod sat, the child stared up at him with pleading eyes.
She turned and stared into the black speaker, her fingers caressing the mesh on front. The child then turned back to Jarod and shot him a deliberate glance. "More." She said.
Slowly, Jarod stood and cautiously made his way to the stereo. Parker held her breath as Jarod edged along the far side of the room so he wouldn't startle the little girl. He flipped the stereo from CD mode to radio and let the soft refrains of a popular love ballad fill the room.
A delighted smile spread across Catherine's face as she gazed into the blackness of the speaker as though she could find the origin of the music inside.
A new song started. Parker had heard it before but couldn't remember the name. A haunting refrain with a bouncing harmony, the song was the kind of tune that made you tap your foot. Jarod began to sway rhythmically and bounce his head while he watched Catherine's face light up even more.
He smiled kindly at the child. "Do you like that?" he asked gently.
The little girl stood and moved closer until she was just a few feet away from Jarod. Catherine then closed her eyes and, imitating her father, she started to move gracefully with the melody.
When the music became bolder, growing joyfully toward the refrain, Catherine held her arms out to Jarod. Parker saw him gasp. She watched as his eyes filled with tears when Jarod leaned down and lifted his daughter to dance with her.
As the melody rose toward the finale, Jarod spun Catherine in circles making them both laugh joyously. One song melted into another as Jarod continued to twirl the little girl around the room. The child's hair fanned around them both as she threw her head back and giggled uncontrollably.
Overwhelmed with emotion, Jarod stopped abruptly and hugged his daughter close.
With her arms around Jarod's neck, Catherine bounced in his embrace, "More, Daddy. More." She pleaded.
Jarod laughed, tears in his eyes. "Whatever you want, Kitten." He promised as he began twirling her about again. "I'll dance with you forever if you want."
Moving in time with the music, Jarod snuggled his stubbly cheek against the little girl's soft one and stroked the back of her head lovingly with one hand. When he glanced at Parker, they shared a weepy smile.
"Daddy loves you, Kitten." Jarod whispered solemnly into his daughter's ear. "Daddy loves you."
The two of them danced until long after Catherine had fallen asleep in her father's arms.
A Voice Heard in Ramah (Part 9 - Connections) By Phenyx
Once Jarod had left the room, Parker coaxed the little girl back onto the bed with little trouble. She brushed Catherine's hair for several more minutes until the child fell back to sleep.
As Parker rocked her sleeping daughter in her arms, she glanced morosely toward to door that Jarod had fled through. He had been crushed by the little girl's sudden rejection. Parker had felt his pain as though it was a knife in her own heart.
After a time, Parker lifted the little girl in her arms and carried her back to the children's bedroom. She felt it was important for the children to have some semblance of routine in their lives. There was no way to tell when they would need to abandon this peaceful little cabin to avoid a sweeper team. Their lives would have so little stability in the future. Parker felt that Catherine needed to wake up in her own bed as often as possible.
In the darkened living room, Parker passed Jarod sprawled on the couch. He had one arm thrown across his eyes, making it impossible for Parker to tell if he was asleep.
Once in the bedroom, Parker slid the little girl beneath the blankets and tucked them snugly around her little chin. Catherine's silky hair now fanned across the pillow in a shimmering halo.
Jarod was right, Parker decided as she lovingly studied the four sleeping faces around her. They had made some beautiful children together. Parker knew that she would always regret never having felt them growing inside her. She would forever wonder what it would have been like to nurse them at her breast. But Parker could not have loved these children anymore than she did now, even if she had been with them from the day they were born.
With a sigh, Parker leaned over and kissed her daughter's cheek and turned to leave the room. A tall dark shadow filled the doorway. Jarod, clad in nothing but a pair of jeans, stood with his shoulder against the doorframe. He had his arms crossed over his bare chest and the button on his jeans was unfastened. Parker wondered if Jarod had any idea what a masculine figure he was.
"Is she alright?" Jarod whispered.
Parker nodded. Placing one hand on Jarod's arm, she said, "She settled down very quickly. She couldn't have been too frightened."
"She's not afraid as long as I'm not around." He whispered dejectedly.
Parker curled her arm around Jarod's and leaned her cheek against his bicep. "She needs more time."
She felt Jarod sigh. "I know." He whispered. "But knowing doesn't make the waiting any easier."
After a long moment of silence Jarod said, "Its remarkable, really. They are people. They are individuals with distinct personalities. And yet, I can see us in them. I can see myself in Charlie when he gets wrapped up in some new discovery. I see you begging for your father's approval every time Tim begins crying for attention."
Parker nodded, her cheek smooth against Jarod's arm. "JR is the one who is the most like you."
Jarod scoffed lightly. "No. Charlie is the most like me. JR and I just aren't relating the way Charlie and I do."
Parker smiled. "Its exactly because you and JR are so much alike that the two of you are having trouble clicking." She chuckled lightly at Jarod's puzzled look. "You both try to analyze each other, predict how you'll each react. You attempt to deduce the proper response to one another's actions. As a result neither of you is really opening up."
Jarod seemed to think about that for several minutes.
"He's so serious." Jarod whispered finally. "The poor kid carries the responsibilities of the world on his shoulders."
Parker raised her eyebrows at Jarod in amusement. "Sounds a lot like his daddy."
Jarod shrugged. The two of them stood in silence, watching the children sleep. Parker could sense that there was something else Jarod wanted to say. So she waited, gently hugging his arm, offering him emotional support.
"I was about this age when I was taken." He said abruptly. Jarod shifted slightly and tilted his head to rest it against Parker's hair. "I don't remember much of my life before that."
Parker let Jarod speak without interruption. She sensed his need for reassurance.
"I remember a lunchbox." He said slowly. "It had cowboys and horses on it. I remember sitting in the grass and watching my mother hang clothes on the line." After a short pause, Jarod went on. "Most of what I remember are just feelings. I know I felt safe. I remember feeling safe."
Parker watched Jarod intently, she could feel that he was headed somewhere with his thoughts.
"I don't remember much of my life before I was four. But I do remember. I remember being taken." Jarod said in a strangled voice. "How much will they remember some day?"
Parker felt tears burning in her eyes as she realized how Jarod was torturing himself.
"I want to erase everything that The Centre ever did to them." He whispered in a hoarse voice. "But I know that I can't." Jarod's voice caught. "What vague memories will Catherine have of Lyle? Do you think she'll always have some indefinable fear of dark haired men and enclosed spaces?"
"Oh, Jarod." Parker murmured. In the darkness, she could see moisture shimmering in his eyes.
"I want to fix this for her. For all of them." Jarod moaned. "But I can never undo what The Centre has done to them. They are irreparably scarred and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."
Parker turned and pulled Jarod into her arms. "You can love them, Jarod." She felt his hands inch up her back as he cautiously returned her embrace. "The scars will fade in time if we just love them enough."
Jarod buried his face in Parker's hair and submitting to her warmth, he squeezed her tightly in return.
"And the incredible part of it is," Parker whispered against his shoulder. "That our own scars will heal too, as they learn to love us."
Jarod sighed at her words and pulled her more closely to his chest. After a moment Jarod eased up on the crushing embrace. But he and Parker continued holding each other for a long time. Parker allowed herself to enjoy the feel of Jarod's body against hers. She closed her eyes and found solace in giving Jarod comfort.
"This is nice." Jarod murmured into her hair some time later. He had one arm wrapped around her shoulders, the other hand rested warmly on the small of her back as he held her close.
"Mmm." Parker agreed with a hum. With one hand, she started making little circles on the bare skin of his back. Parker could feel the heat of Jarod's palm as his hand slowly began to follow the path of her spine upward.
"I want a drink of water." A small voice said.
Jarod jumped and flinched away from Parker as though he'd been burned. She saw him shake his head violently and swallow hard several times. Parker crouched down to talk to the little boy who had interrupted them.
"You are supposed to be asleep, JR." She said gently.
"I heard you talking," the child said. "And now I'm thirsty."
Parker smiled reassuringly. "Okay, JR. Let's get you something to drink." She glanced at Jarod as she stood up. Parker could see that he was not the least bit amused.
The position they had just been in and the steamy course they had been following had left him looking stunned. He had retreated to the opposite wall in the hallway and flattened his back against the plaster. Jarod was staring at her with wide startled eyes.
Parker sighed as she walked away, leading JR toward the kitchen. She hadn't realized how difficult this was all going to be for Jarod. In her heart Parker knew that Jarod adored their children. She knew that he would gladly sacrifice anything for them. He had abandoned his search for his parents in order to build a new family for his sons and daughter.
With a growing confidence, Parker realized that Jarod loved her as well. In his own way, he always had. As she poured her son a drink of water, Parker contemplated the situation. Her inner sense told her that Jarod desperately wanted to be loved. But he was also dreadfully afraid of losing that love. Jarod was depending on the children to return his affection with the endless, unconditional love that only a child can give.
It suddenly occurred to Parker that, for Jarod, her feelings were more dangerous. Not in the physical sense, Jarod knew that she would never turn him over to The Centre. But emotionally, Parker's affection was far more frightening for him. Parker knew, without a doubt, that Jarod trusted her with his life. Trusting her with his heart was a much more difficult battle.
Parker had cruelly squashed his attempts to forge a relationship in the past. So now, she would need to be very patient if she ever hoped to win that type of trust. But Parker could wait. He was worth waiting for she realized. Jarod had always been there for her and she knew that he had always loved her with a devotion that no one else could match. Parker wouldn't rush him. Things would happen as they should in time.
Parker turned her attention back to JR. "Is that better?" she asked after the little boy had finished his glass of water.
"Can I take some back to my room?" He asked.
"Alright." She took the glass, filled it halfway and handed it back.
Parker directed JR back the way they had come. She glanced at Jarod as they passed him in the living room. He was slouched on the couch with a troubled frown on his face. His feet were propped on the coffee table. He ignored Parker and the little boy as they went by.
As they reached the hallway, JR stopped. He turned back to toward the couch, leaving Parker to watch him from her vantage point in the doorway.
Clutching his water glass to his chest, JR stood at the end of the couch and said bluntly, "You were in The Centre." The statement hung in the air like an accusation.
Jarod nodded.
"They hurt you." JR added intuitively. "Not just once like they did to me. They hurt you lots of times, like Catherine."
"Something like that." Jarod admitted in a low voice.
Parker watched cautiously from a distance. Jarod had just been through an emotionally rough day. He seemed depressed and isolated. Parker feared that the little boy's questions might inadvertently make matters worse.
When Jarod patted the cushion beside him, JR carefully placed the glass on the table and scrambled onto the couch.
JR scrutinized his father. Tilting his head to one side the boy asked, "Did The Centre take you from your momma and daddy like they took us?"
Jarod leaned his head back against the cushions to gaze at the ceiling. "Not exactly." Jarod said. "When I was very small, I lived with my parents. I was about your age when The Centre stole me. I was lost and my parents didn't know how to find me. I was at The Centre for a long time."
"How long?" the boy pried.
"Thirty years or so."
The little boy gasped. "Thirty years is almost forever."
"Almost." Jarod agreed bleakly.
JR seemed to ponder this information for a while.
"Were you ever bad?" The child asked carefully.
Jarod looked at boy sadly. "Occasionally." He answered.
JR fidgeted. "Did Mr. Lyle come?"
The tall head shook back and forth slowly. "No." Jarod said. "Mr. Lyle wasn't at The Centre until I got bigger. Mr. Raines came himself."
The boy's eyes grew wide with dread. Evidently Raines had a reputation that transcended generational boundaries.
Parker could see Jarod staring sightlessly into the dark fireplace. His voice sounded hollow and far away as he went on.
"Mr. Raines smoked cigarettes back then. When I was," Jarod paused searching for the proper words. "When I was naughty, Mr. Raines would use his cigarette to burn the back of my neck." Jarod rubbed lightly at the back of his head with his fingertips as he continued. "He'd place the blisters just above my hairline so Sydney wouldn't notice the mark."
Standing across the room, Parker bit back a gasp. She put one hand over her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut tight. This was one piece of information that Parker had never known. She silently added one more curse to the list of William Raines' sins.
"Who's Sydney?" JR asked.
Jarod blinked for a moment, as though remembering where he was. "You and your brothers had a lot of people who took care of you, a lot of different instructors. I only ever had one. His name is Sydney."
"Did he hurt you too?"
Jarod sighed. Parker could see him struggling with the answer to that question. "Sometimes." He finally responded with a whisper. "But usually he was very nice."
JR continued his interrogation. "Did he play games with you and hug you and tuck you in at night like you and Momma do for us?"
"He never hugged me when I was little." Jarod said. "And I can't ever remember being tucked into bed. But, he would play chess with me once in a while."
"I know chess." JR said happily.
Jarod patted the boy's knee and smiled lightly. "Well then, you and I will have to find a board and play a few rounds, won't we?"
The little boy stared thoughtfully at the fireplace for a moment. "Did your Momma and Daddy come and get you from The Centre?"
Jarod looked at the boy forlornly. "No, JR. No one ever came to get me. I ran away."
"You were all alone." JR observed.
"For a long, long time." Jarod nodded.
"Daddy?" The little boy placed a small hand on Jarod's arm until the man looked down into JR's face. "We aren't alone anymore. Momma will take care of us and we'll take care of each other."
Jarod scooped the youngster into his arms and hugged him tightly. Parker could see the little boy's arms wrapped around Jarod's neck as the two of them rocked each other.
"The Centre won't hurt us anymore, will they, Daddy?" JR whimpered.
"I won't let them hurt us." Jarod promised.
Parker smiled and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. It was difficult to tell whether Jarod was comforting his son, or JR was comforting his father. Either way, it seemed as though the two pretenders had found a common ground on which to begin building a real relationship.
Silently, Parker crossed the room to stand in front of the pair. She placed one soft hand against Jarod's arms and held the little boy in place on his father's lap.
"Lie down." She whispered.
Jarod's dark eyes looked up at Parker questioningly.
"Lie down." She repeated firmly.
With JR still snugly wrapped in his arms Jarod laid his head on the pillow and swung his feet onto the couch. Parker smiled as she picked up the nearby blanket and spread it out over the two of them. Gently slipping the covers around Jarod's body, she wrapped them both in a woolen cocoon.
JR's dark eyes peeked out at her just above the blanket. He was comfortably cradled against his daddy's chest in a warm embrace. Parker kissed the boy's forehead.
Jarod, with his chin resting against the child's crown, smiled tenderly at her. Parker placed a kiss on Jarod's brow as well. "Consider yourself tucked in for the night." She told him with a grin.
With a contented sigh, Jarod snuggled deeper into the cushions and hugged his son closer. "Thanks, Parker." He murmured.
Parker sat on the end of the coffee table and watched over her two pretenders as they drifted off to sleep.
----
'Our next place will need a dishwasher.' Parker thought to herself several days later. 'Along with three bedrooms and a fenced yard.'
It was early evening. Parker was up to her elbows in suds as she washed the dinner dishes. Jarod had cooked so it was her turn to clean up. Over dinner, the two of them had discussed relocating, carefully broaching the subject with the children. Now Parker was considering possible locales.
"We need to move so that The Centre doesn't find us." Jarod had explained as they ate lasagna and garlic rolls.
The boys had seemed unperturbed. Parker was so worried about bringing change into their lives and the need for stability. But when it came down to it, the children couldn't have cared less where they slept or what house they lived it. The youngsters had begun to find emotional stability in their lives and that was all that mattered to them. As long as Momma and Daddy were with them, they felt fine.
For the most part, Parker's family was adjusting quite well to the world. Another trip into town had revealed the delights of Wal-Mart just yesterday. Despite their intense excitement, the children had all behaved in a socially acceptable way, including Jarod.
Each child had even received a small gift chosen by their father.
JR had gotten a chess set, which he had yet to let go of. The little boy had played the game with his father dozens of times in the past 24 hours. Jarod had beaten him every time of course. When Parker had voiced concern about discouraging the child, Jarod had replied, "Nonsense. I'll only beat him until he gets better than me. Then I'll never win again."
Charlie's lightweight wooden airplane had already broken a wing. The boy had been distraught until Jarod fixed the flyer with some tape and a little glue. The simple repairs had been a heroic stoke of genius as far as Charlie was concerned.
Timmy had received a Phillips screwdriver. This gift choice had confused Parker at first. But Tim had been fascinated. In no time at all he had removed every switch plate from every light switch in the cabin. When Jarod had been forced to reassemble the VCR last night, he admitted to Parker that the gift might not have been the best idea the pretender had ever had. Safety rule number 32 quickly became, 'Don't take it apart unless you are sure you can fix it. And ask for permission first.'
Catherine's gift had been her very own hairbrush and some silk ribbons. She carried them around with her like other girls carried dolls. The little girl loved having her hair brushed and Parker was cornered often to do it for the child. Catherine had even been so gracious as to allow her brothers to each spend some time playing with her hair.
Jarod, however, was still not permitted to touch the little girl. Catherine would only allow him with in a few feet before she would scramble away. If her father wasn't looking, the youngster would move toward him cautiously. She'd get within inches of touching him. But the moment Jarod turned his attention to the girl, she would skitter away to a safe distance.
The girl was getting better though. She had even begun talking. Catherine's vocabulary consisted of only one word for the time being but that was still progress. The dinner table had broken out in a pandemonium of celebration when she had spoken for the first time barely an hour ago.
"More." The girl had said, punctuating the demand by smacking her plate on the table.
The boys had enthusiastically mimicked the request by banging plates and pounding their forks on the table as well. "More. More. More." They had chanted. Jarod had been forced to whistle loudly through his fingers to get them to quiet down.
Then again, Parker couldn't blame them for being rowdy. Catherine's achievement was a huge one. Everyone was so pleased with her quick progress. She was a highly intelligent little girl and her social skills, dormant for so long, were advancing rapidly.
'She is doing fine.' Parker thought as she washed off the table. 'If I could just convince her that her daddy isn't a serial killer, everything would be great.' Parker took the broom and swept a few crumbs across the floor, being careful not to push the debris onto her new slippers. The purple slippers had magically been in the shopping cart when they had reached the checkout line at Wal-Mart.
"They'll keep your feet covered." Jarod had said simply when she had asked about them.
Parker couldn't begin to fathom why Jarod would think her feet were cold but she hadn't complained. The slippers were warm and soft and incredibly comfortable. She had been flattered that he had bought her the gift.
Finally finished with her chore, Parker headed toward the living room. Drying her hands on a small towel she stood in the doorway between the two rooms and watched Jarod with the children.
The three boys were lined up on the couch, paying very close attention the their father. Jarod was fiddling with the stereo system and talking.
"We are going to listen to some music. Music can make you feel certain emotions just by the way the notes are put together." Jarod was saying as he popped a CD into the carrousel.
Soft piano melodies began playing in the room as Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata echoed in the room.
"This music was written more than two hundred years ago, by a man who was actually deaf for much of his life." Jarod told them.
The boys looked confused. Catherine was lingering between the living room and the hall leading to the bedrooms. She watched her father intently as the notes filled the room.
Crouching down in front of the boys Jarod said, "Close your eyes. Feel the music. All music has a story to tell." He closed his eyes to demonstrate.
Parker smiled as she saw the three youngsters close their eyes obediently.
"What is this story about, Daddy?" Timmy asked.
"That's the beauty of it." Jarod smiled. "Music tells a different story to every person who listens. No one's story is the same."
As the tune played on, Jarod, eyes still closed, began to sway with the music.
"What are you doing, Daddy?" JR asked.
"He's dancing, sweetheart. Sort of." Parker said as she crossed the room to join them.
Jarod stood and tried to explain. "The music can make your body want to move. Sometimes you can't help it."
Parker held a hand out to Jarod. "May I?" she asked him.
Jarod pushed the coffee table to one side, creating a makeshift dance floor, then took Parker's hand and began to waltz with her around the room.
"You dance well." She told him with a smile.
Jarod raised his eyebrows at her. "Did you doubt that I would?"
Parker laughed. "No I didn't doubt it, Wonder-boy. I know that you are absolutely fantastic at everything you do."
"That's right." He teased in a low voice. "Everything."
"Be careful, Genius." Parker smiled as Jarod twirled her around. "I may decide to test some of your," She paused meaningfully. "skills." Parker knew that, for now, she could tease Jarod this way. This type of playful banter was safe. They did have an audience after all.
Jarod feigned shock. "Miss Parker, Please! There are children present."
As the song ended, Jarod released his partner and abruptly swung Charlie up in his arms. "Dance with me, Charlie." He exclaimed.
By the time 'Ode to Joy' reached its crescendo, Jarod, Parker and all three of the boys were hopping around and dancing in mad circles. The boys were taking turns as Jarod swooped each one up in his arms and spun them around until they were dizzy.
When the CD ended, they all collapsed on the floor in an exhausted heap.
"Mission accomplished, Momma." Jarod panted. "I think its bedtime."
Jarod had made a habit of finding some very energetic activities for the children to try every evening. Bedtime was always easier when the subjects were already asleep on their feet. On nights when Jarod hadn't run the children ragged, Parker would read to them until they fell asleep.
Parker rounded the boys up and led them off to get ready for bed. When she returned several minutes later, Jarod was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch casually. The recording had ended leaving a heavy silence in the room. Jarod's eyes were closed as if listening to the stillness around him.
Parker could see the surprise on his face when Jarod opened his eyes and he saw Catherine sitting on the floor next to the stereo speaker. Standing very still so as not to disturb the scene, Parker waited in the hallway while Jarod talked softly to his daughter.
"Hello, Kitten." Jarod whispered to the little girl. Catherine looked at him warily. Only a few yards away from where Jarod sat, the child stared up at him with pleading eyes.
She turned and stared into the black speaker, her fingers caressing the mesh on front. The child then turned back to Jarod and shot him a deliberate glance. "More." She said.
Slowly, Jarod stood and cautiously made his way to the stereo. Parker held her breath as Jarod edged along the far side of the room so he wouldn't startle the little girl. He flipped the stereo from CD mode to radio and let the soft refrains of a popular love ballad fill the room.
A delighted smile spread across Catherine's face as she gazed into the blackness of the speaker as though she could find the origin of the music inside.
A new song started. Parker had heard it before but couldn't remember the name. A haunting refrain with a bouncing harmony, the song was the kind of tune that made you tap your foot. Jarod began to sway rhythmically and bounce his head while he watched Catherine's face light up even more.
He smiled kindly at the child. "Do you like that?" he asked gently.
The little girl stood and moved closer until she was just a few feet away from Jarod. Catherine then closed her eyes and, imitating her father, she started to move gracefully with the melody.
When the music became bolder, growing joyfully toward the refrain, Catherine held her arms out to Jarod. Parker saw him gasp. She watched as his eyes filled with tears when Jarod leaned down and lifted his daughter to dance with her.
As the melody rose toward the finale, Jarod spun Catherine in circles making them both laugh joyously. One song melted into another as Jarod continued to twirl the little girl around the room. The child's hair fanned around them both as she threw her head back and giggled uncontrollably.
Overwhelmed with emotion, Jarod stopped abruptly and hugged his daughter close.
With her arms around Jarod's neck, Catherine bounced in his embrace, "More, Daddy. More." She pleaded.
Jarod laughed, tears in his eyes. "Whatever you want, Kitten." He promised as he began twirling her about again. "I'll dance with you forever if you want."
Moving in time with the music, Jarod snuggled his stubbly cheek against the little girl's soft one and stroked the back of her head lovingly with one hand. When he glanced at Parker, they shared a weepy smile.
"Daddy loves you, Kitten." Jarod whispered solemnly into his daughter's ear. "Daddy loves you."
The two of them danced until long after Catherine had fallen asleep in her father's arms.
