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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story, really. The characters aren't mine. I'm just borrowing them.
Ten Things: No Prize For Close
by Nicky
I don't understand it. She hates me. Why does she hate me? I mean, I know I haven't exactly made her life easier these past few years, but she brought all of that on herself. Okay, so some of the times I'll admit that I was having a little fun at her expense. But who could resist making her a victim in a human roach motel? That was funny. One of my better pranks in my opinion. I guess she sees them more as annoyances than pranks. But honestly, I don't mean anything by them.
And I could see how the phone calls might irritate her a bit. But I'm not much of a sleeper. The first few times I called her in the middle of the night, I didn't think much of it. I just figured I was up, so why not call. After a while, I found that the calls that time of night catch her off her guard. I'll have to admit, she's good. Quick and sharp. If she only knew how close to me she had gotten during the course of our chase. Calling her that time a night became my only advantage. Otherwise, she probably would have caught me by now. She's pretty much my equal. Not that I'd ever tell her that.
And I know that she gets pissed when I drop her little clues about her past. But I couldn't just come out and tell her some of that stuff. That's the kind of stuff that she'd only believe it if she saw it with her own eyes. So I make her work for the answers. Too many people have lied to her for her to trust anyone. Even me. Even though she used to trust me with everything - her life, her happiness, her heart. But those times are long gone, I think with a sigh.
I do that a lot these days. Think back and wonder what ever happened to that little girl who was my whole world. I know that sounds kind of sappy, but it's true. You think I woke up every day just to do SIMs? Miss Parker was the only reason I was able to do them. She was the thing that kept me going from day to day.
I still remember the first day I ever saw her. I was sitting in one of the labs with a bunch of electrodes stuck to my head. I must have looked like an idiot. I'm surprised she didn't laugh at me. But she didn't laugh. She came up to me and we touched hands. Well, not really. There was a glass up between us, but that was merely a physical boundary. We quickly learned how to surmount those. We touched, excuse the cliche, but it's the only way I can explain it, on a deeper level. You see, the first thing I noticed about her were her eyes. Okay, so it was the first thing I noticed after I noticed she was a girl (and a very pretty girl, at that). When we looked at each other, I could actually see straight through to her soul. It was so open and beautiful. And it was mine for the taking. And just like that, she had stolen my heart.
We soon learned that the only way we could be together was on that 'spiritual level'. Her father didn't like how attached we were to each other. They piled on more work for me to do. But it didn't matter. It was all so easy for me anyway. And plus with Miss Parker for a motivation, there wasn't anything I wouldn't do, just so I could get done and go find her. We couldn't contact each other, but somehow we could always find each other. Like I said, that spiritual connection. It was strong. Even when her father sent her away, we were still connected. Perhaps that's why our separation hurt me so badly. Because it felt like they had literally removed a piece of my heart when they sent her away.
When she came back, she was so different. Shut off. Closed up. Her eyes no longer the windows to her soul (I know. Another tired cliche, but accurate in this case none the less). It was like, she didn't have a soul anymore. And I think that's true because they killed it. And by doing that, they killed my Miss Parker. They killed the little girl I would sit and talk to for hours. They killed the girl who stole my heart with one kiss. The girl who was my life. I really had no reason to stay after that. Without her to distract me, I started to pay more attention to the SIMs. And when I realized what I was doing, what I was being used for, I decided that enough was enough. So I left.
I should have gone further away. I should have disappeared completely. But I couldn't. I couldn't leave her. She was still a part of me. And I wanted to believe that deep down inside, she still remembered our connection. I wanted to believe that she still remembered the dreams we had. The plans we made. All the promises to be together forever.
She believed so many of their lies for so long. All I ever tried to do was help her see the truth. A truth that she doesn't want to see because it hurts. And now, she hates me for hurting her. I hate myself for hurting her. Some of the truths we've found were just so awful. So I can understand the hostility she directs towards me. I'm tearing her down with these truths. Tearing her world apart. I'm trying to show her that everything she believes in is just a lie. But in essence, I'm destroying the very foundation of her life. No wonder she hates me.
I know that she can't sleep well. The nightmares still haunt her. The same ones she had when we were kids. Some days she'd come to me, so tired from being up all night, and fall straight asleep in my arms. That was the only time she could get rest. I imagine it's still the same for her. Sleep is a rare and valuable commodity for her. So what do I do? I call her in the middle of the night and wake her up. I tell her it's because I have a clue about her past. But I do it because I miss the sound of her voice. I miss that connection with her. And when she's half asleep, she's vulnerable enough for me to get a glimpse of that person she used to be. How selfish is that? And again I realize how that it's no wonder she hates me.
Tonight was the first time I'd called in about three months. And in that time, she figured out that she hates me. And now that I've thought about it, it's not hard to see why. Painfully obvious, in fact. I thought we were finally close to the truth, but apparently close doesn't count. There's no prize for coming close. Finding the truth isn't helping her. Trying to help her is only hurting her. And I won't do it anymore. It's finally time. Time for me to stop being so selfish and do what she wants. No, not go back to the Centre. I don't think that's what she really wants from me. She wants a normal life. And she feels the only way to get that life is to take me in so that she can be free. But there is another way. There's always been another way. I just hope I can do it. I hope I can find the strength. Because it may have taken her these past three months to realize why she hated me, but it only took me a three minute phone call to realize something just as powerful - that I can't live without her. But to end her pain, I'm going to have to. So tell me something. How do you live without your heart?
by Nicky
I don't understand it. She hates me. Why does she hate me? I mean, I know I haven't exactly made her life easier these past few years, but she brought all of that on herself. Okay, so some of the times I'll admit that I was having a little fun at her expense. But who could resist making her a victim in a human roach motel? That was funny. One of my better pranks in my opinion. I guess she sees them more as annoyances than pranks. But honestly, I don't mean anything by them.
And I could see how the phone calls might irritate her a bit. But I'm not much of a sleeper. The first few times I called her in the middle of the night, I didn't think much of it. I just figured I was up, so why not call. After a while, I found that the calls that time of night catch her off her guard. I'll have to admit, she's good. Quick and sharp. If she only knew how close to me she had gotten during the course of our chase. Calling her that time a night became my only advantage. Otherwise, she probably would have caught me by now. She's pretty much my equal. Not that I'd ever tell her that.
And I know that she gets pissed when I drop her little clues about her past. But I couldn't just come out and tell her some of that stuff. That's the kind of stuff that she'd only believe it if she saw it with her own eyes. So I make her work for the answers. Too many people have lied to her for her to trust anyone. Even me. Even though she used to trust me with everything - her life, her happiness, her heart. But those times are long gone, I think with a sigh.
I do that a lot these days. Think back and wonder what ever happened to that little girl who was my whole world. I know that sounds kind of sappy, but it's true. You think I woke up every day just to do SIMs? Miss Parker was the only reason I was able to do them. She was the thing that kept me going from day to day.
I still remember the first day I ever saw her. I was sitting in one of the labs with a bunch of electrodes stuck to my head. I must have looked like an idiot. I'm surprised she didn't laugh at me. But she didn't laugh. She came up to me and we touched hands. Well, not really. There was a glass up between us, but that was merely a physical boundary. We quickly learned how to surmount those. We touched, excuse the cliche, but it's the only way I can explain it, on a deeper level. You see, the first thing I noticed about her were her eyes. Okay, so it was the first thing I noticed after I noticed she was a girl (and a very pretty girl, at that). When we looked at each other, I could actually see straight through to her soul. It was so open and beautiful. And it was mine for the taking. And just like that, she had stolen my heart.
We soon learned that the only way we could be together was on that 'spiritual level'. Her father didn't like how attached we were to each other. They piled on more work for me to do. But it didn't matter. It was all so easy for me anyway. And plus with Miss Parker for a motivation, there wasn't anything I wouldn't do, just so I could get done and go find her. We couldn't contact each other, but somehow we could always find each other. Like I said, that spiritual connection. It was strong. Even when her father sent her away, we were still connected. Perhaps that's why our separation hurt me so badly. Because it felt like they had literally removed a piece of my heart when they sent her away.
When she came back, she was so different. Shut off. Closed up. Her eyes no longer the windows to her soul (I know. Another tired cliche, but accurate in this case none the less). It was like, she didn't have a soul anymore. And I think that's true because they killed it. And by doing that, they killed my Miss Parker. They killed the little girl I would sit and talk to for hours. They killed the girl who stole my heart with one kiss. The girl who was my life. I really had no reason to stay after that. Without her to distract me, I started to pay more attention to the SIMs. And when I realized what I was doing, what I was being used for, I decided that enough was enough. So I left.
I should have gone further away. I should have disappeared completely. But I couldn't. I couldn't leave her. She was still a part of me. And I wanted to believe that deep down inside, she still remembered our connection. I wanted to believe that she still remembered the dreams we had. The plans we made. All the promises to be together forever.
She believed so many of their lies for so long. All I ever tried to do was help her see the truth. A truth that she doesn't want to see because it hurts. And now, she hates me for hurting her. I hate myself for hurting her. Some of the truths we've found were just so awful. So I can understand the hostility she directs towards me. I'm tearing her down with these truths. Tearing her world apart. I'm trying to show her that everything she believes in is just a lie. But in essence, I'm destroying the very foundation of her life. No wonder she hates me.
I know that she can't sleep well. The nightmares still haunt her. The same ones she had when we were kids. Some days she'd come to me, so tired from being up all night, and fall straight asleep in my arms. That was the only time she could get rest. I imagine it's still the same for her. Sleep is a rare and valuable commodity for her. So what do I do? I call her in the middle of the night and wake her up. I tell her it's because I have a clue about her past. But I do it because I miss the sound of her voice. I miss that connection with her. And when she's half asleep, she's vulnerable enough for me to get a glimpse of that person she used to be. How selfish is that? And again I realize how that it's no wonder she hates me.
Tonight was the first time I'd called in about three months. And in that time, she figured out that she hates me. And now that I've thought about it, it's not hard to see why. Painfully obvious, in fact. I thought we were finally close to the truth, but apparently close doesn't count. There's no prize for coming close. Finding the truth isn't helping her. Trying to help her is only hurting her. And I won't do it anymore. It's finally time. Time for me to stop being so selfish and do what she wants. No, not go back to the Centre. I don't think that's what she really wants from me. She wants a normal life. And she feels the only way to get that life is to take me in so that she can be free. But there is another way. There's always been another way. I just hope I can do it. I hope I can find the strength. Because it may have taken her these past three months to realize why she hated me, but it only took me a three minute phone call to realize something just as powerful - that I can't live without her. But to end her pain, I'm going to have to. So tell me something. How do you live without your heart?
