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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
List Provided By: Pologetix
Sibling Rivalry XI
by: chopsticks
p g - 1 3
-----
Mr. Lyle growled again as he ripped down yet another list. He was getting tired of finding lists posted every two feet. How on Earth Parker had managed to find enough manpower to post this many lists was beyond him. He had been through every section of The Centre, and found papers all the way in Renewal Wing and even on SL-27 in the ruins. It was unbelievable.
He shoved another handful into the nearest waste receptacle, otherwise known as trash can, and stepped up to the elevator. He pushed the call button and waited patiently. The elevator finally arrived and the doors opened. Mr. Lyle let out a strangled gasp when he saw what was inside.
"Oh my fucking God," he began, then went off into several other languages, violently degrading Miss Parker and anybody affiliated with Miss Parker. He stepped into the elevator and glanced around. Every single wall was covered in papers, all of which contained the list. The only exception was the door.
Lyle began to rip down the papers, which was rather difficult because they were all taped up with separate pieces of tape. Then, when he finally got rid of most of the papers, he had a horrifying thought. What if all the other elevators in The Centre were covered like this? He would have to find each and every elevator and remove the papers. This was worse than what he found in the stairwell!
For the next several hours, Mr. Lyle went from elevator to elevator, removing each and every list from within. He wasn’t tall enough to reach the very top (the ceiling was covered as well), so he had to lug a ladder around all day. He received many strange looks for going into an elevator with a ladder.
Finally, he finished getting rid of all the lists in The Centre.
He resumed his original heading of The Hole and had every intention of finding an awful list to use on Miss Parker.
When he finally arrived in the Technical Department, he noticed that nearly every single techie had gone home by then, with the minor exclusion of the ones that lived in their cubicles. Mr. Lyle sat down at the nearest computer and, confidant that no one would bother him, entered into his e-mail account.
He was hoping that a certain someone had responded to his previous e-mail, and he was not disappointed. He grinned malevolently and highlighted the block of text he needed and clicked "print."
His next stop would be the copy room. Oh, yes indeed. Miss Parker was going to rue the day she posted a list throughout the entire building.
On his way back from the copy room, Mr. Lyle ran into a janitor. An idea suddenly struck him, as did the handle of the mop that janitor was using.
"Motherfu-" Mr. Lyle shouted, jumping back from the janitor.
"Oh, I’m sorry!" the janitor cried out, spinning around and coming face-to-face with Mr. Lyle. "So sorry."
"Mmph," was Mr. Lyle’s only response. Then, "Would you and your partners be willing to do something for me?"
"Um, I guess so, sir. What is it?"
"As you clean, would you mind posting these up every foot on the walls? You can make more copies, which you’ll obviously need." Mr. Lyle dropped a giant stack of papers into the outstretched janitor’s arms, who promptly fell over under the weight.
"Oomph, yes, sir."
"Excellent! Oh, and be sure to cover the elevators completely in them, hmm?" Mr. Lyle called back over his shoulder, not waiting around for the answer. He darted out of the building, anxiously awaiting what his dear sister would be screaming loudly, and profanely, in the morning.
-----
The next morning, Miss Parker walked into The Centre, an hour early, per usual. She didn’t notice anything off at first, but then again, she hadn’t had her morning coffee yet. A large group of people congregated all around the walls registered on Miss Parker’s brain after a few moments. Then, she noticed what they were all looking at.
Miss Parker’s eyes widened in horror as she noted the pieces of paper plastered over every single wall. She looked up, hoping against hope that what she suspected wasn’t true. She was in for a letdown. The entire domed ceiling was covered in papers too, gently rustling in the gusts from the air conditioner.
"Holy Jesus mother-" A round of expletives previously unknown to man burst from Miss Parker’s red-painted mouth. Eyes instantly darted to where she stood in the middle of the rotunda. Instantly, people scattered everywhere.
"Morning, Park. . ." Sydney drifted off, taking stock of what was around him. He blinked as Miss Parker stalked over to the nearest wall, her heels clicking angrily, and snatched a piece of paper off of the wall.
She began to twitch ever so slightly as she read through what was posted all around them.
Sixteen Ways to Confuse Your Roommate
(Parker, your old college roommate was quite helpful. She provided all this lovely information for me. By the way, she hates you.)
1.Sit up. Say, "Time to make the donuts." Leave. Do this often.
2.Every five minutes, get up, open the door, peek out, close the door and look relieved.
3.Express an extreme fear of sunlight. Move away from and flinch at areas of the room that are sunny.
4.Pick up the phone every five minutes and say, "hello." Look confused and hang up.
5.Unwrap a candy bar. Eat the wrapper and throw the chocolate away.
6.When listening to the radio, sing along with different lyrics and a different tune.
7.Address your roommate by a different name every time you talk to him or her.
8.Constantly drink from an empty glass.
9.Every time you handle something of your roommate's, use a tissue or gloves.
10.While unlocking your door with the key, complain that the engine won't start.
11.Name your animal crackers. Mourn for them after you eat them.
12.Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.
13.Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender, and make a milkshake every day. Then, one day, give the hamster to a friend. Make a shake using a lot of ketchup. When your roommate comes in, look at the shake, look at the empty hamster cage, and say, "I was curious."
14.Try to make meals using your roommate's electric blanket.
15.Put black tape over the eyes of the people in your roommate's pictures. Complain that they were staring at you. 16.Everytime your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, wake him or her up and say, "it's time to go to bed now."
Miss Parker did not say a word, instead shoving the piece of paper she had been holding into Sydney’s hands. He caught it just before it fluttered to the ground and turned to follow his boss.
"He’s going to die," she stated resolutely, making her way to the elevators. The doors opened and Sydney could hear her sharp intake of breath at the sight before her. She closed her eyes for a brief second to hold in the rage, then stepped into the elevator and allowed the cold, nonplussed façade to take its rightful place on her delicate features.
"Now, Parker, is that really the answer to this?" Sydney inquired from beside her, gazing at her out of the corner of his eyes.
"Yes." The coldness of her voice was unmistakable. She had once again become the Ice Queen, through and through. It had been a long time since Sydney had seen this side of her.
"Are you sure you can’t think up some other proper retaliation?" Sydney’s soothing voice intoned, slowly calming her frayed nerves.
Suddenly, an idea struck Miss Parker. Her eyes lit up at the very thought of what she’d do to get Lyle back. "Yes, yes I can." As they stepped off the elevator, Sydney didn’t notice the Cheshire cat grin plastered on her face.
-----
the end.
feedback welcomed at spacedoutwriter@hotmail.com.
by: chopsticks
p g - 1 3
-----
Mr. Lyle growled again as he ripped down yet another list. He was getting tired of finding lists posted every two feet. How on Earth Parker had managed to find enough manpower to post this many lists was beyond him. He had been through every section of The Centre, and found papers all the way in Renewal Wing and even on SL-27 in the ruins. It was unbelievable.
He shoved another handful into the nearest waste receptacle, otherwise known as trash can, and stepped up to the elevator. He pushed the call button and waited patiently. The elevator finally arrived and the doors opened. Mr. Lyle let out a strangled gasp when he saw what was inside.
"Oh my fucking God," he began, then went off into several other languages, violently degrading Miss Parker and anybody affiliated with Miss Parker. He stepped into the elevator and glanced around. Every single wall was covered in papers, all of which contained the list. The only exception was the door.
Lyle began to rip down the papers, which was rather difficult because they were all taped up with separate pieces of tape. Then, when he finally got rid of most of the papers, he had a horrifying thought. What if all the other elevators in The Centre were covered like this? He would have to find each and every elevator and remove the papers. This was worse than what he found in the stairwell!
For the next several hours, Mr. Lyle went from elevator to elevator, removing each and every list from within. He wasn’t tall enough to reach the very top (the ceiling was covered as well), so he had to lug a ladder around all day. He received many strange looks for going into an elevator with a ladder.
Finally, he finished getting rid of all the lists in The Centre.
He resumed his original heading of The Hole and had every intention of finding an awful list to use on Miss Parker.
When he finally arrived in the Technical Department, he noticed that nearly every single techie had gone home by then, with the minor exclusion of the ones that lived in their cubicles. Mr. Lyle sat down at the nearest computer and, confidant that no one would bother him, entered into his e-mail account.
He was hoping that a certain someone had responded to his previous e-mail, and he was not disappointed. He grinned malevolently and highlighted the block of text he needed and clicked "print."
His next stop would be the copy room. Oh, yes indeed. Miss Parker was going to rue the day she posted a list throughout the entire building.
On his way back from the copy room, Mr. Lyle ran into a janitor. An idea suddenly struck him, as did the handle of the mop that janitor was using.
"Motherfu-" Mr. Lyle shouted, jumping back from the janitor.
"Oh, I’m sorry!" the janitor cried out, spinning around and coming face-to-face with Mr. Lyle. "So sorry."
"Mmph," was Mr. Lyle’s only response. Then, "Would you and your partners be willing to do something for me?"
"Um, I guess so, sir. What is it?"
"As you clean, would you mind posting these up every foot on the walls? You can make more copies, which you’ll obviously need." Mr. Lyle dropped a giant stack of papers into the outstretched janitor’s arms, who promptly fell over under the weight.
"Oomph, yes, sir."
"Excellent! Oh, and be sure to cover the elevators completely in them, hmm?" Mr. Lyle called back over his shoulder, not waiting around for the answer. He darted out of the building, anxiously awaiting what his dear sister would be screaming loudly, and profanely, in the morning.
The next morning, Miss Parker walked into The Centre, an hour early, per usual. She didn’t notice anything off at first, but then again, she hadn’t had her morning coffee yet. A large group of people congregated all around the walls registered on Miss Parker’s brain after a few moments. Then, she noticed what they were all looking at.
Miss Parker’s eyes widened in horror as she noted the pieces of paper plastered over every single wall. She looked up, hoping against hope that what she suspected wasn’t true. She was in for a letdown. The entire domed ceiling was covered in papers too, gently rustling in the gusts from the air conditioner.
"Holy Jesus mother-" A round of expletives previously unknown to man burst from Miss Parker’s red-painted mouth. Eyes instantly darted to where she stood in the middle of the rotunda. Instantly, people scattered everywhere.
"Morning, Park. . ." Sydney drifted off, taking stock of what was around him. He blinked as Miss Parker stalked over to the nearest wall, her heels clicking angrily, and snatched a piece of paper off of the wall.
She began to twitch ever so slightly as she read through what was posted all around them.
Sixteen Ways to Confuse Your Roommate
(Parker, your old college roommate was quite helpful. She provided all this lovely information for me. By the way, she hates you.)
1.Sit up. Say, "Time to make the donuts." Leave. Do this often.
2.Every five minutes, get up, open the door, peek out, close the door and look relieved.
3.Express an extreme fear of sunlight. Move away from and flinch at areas of the room that are sunny.
4.Pick up the phone every five minutes and say, "hello." Look confused and hang up.
5.Unwrap a candy bar. Eat the wrapper and throw the chocolate away.
6.When listening to the radio, sing along with different lyrics and a different tune.
7.Address your roommate by a different name every time you talk to him or her.
8.Constantly drink from an empty glass.
9.Every time you handle something of your roommate's, use a tissue or gloves.
10.While unlocking your door with the key, complain that the engine won't start.
11.Name your animal crackers. Mourn for them after you eat them.
12.Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.
13.Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender, and make a milkshake every day. Then, one day, give the hamster to a friend. Make a shake using a lot of ketchup. When your roommate comes in, look at the shake, look at the empty hamster cage, and say, "I was curious."
14.Try to make meals using your roommate's electric blanket.
15.Put black tape over the eyes of the people in your roommate's pictures. Complain that they were staring at you. 16.Everytime your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, wake him or her up and say, "it's time to go to bed now."
Miss Parker did not say a word, instead shoving the piece of paper she had been holding into Sydney’s hands. He caught it just before it fluttered to the ground and turned to follow his boss.
"He’s going to die," she stated resolutely, making her way to the elevators. The doors opened and Sydney could hear her sharp intake of breath at the sight before her. She closed her eyes for a brief second to hold in the rage, then stepped into the elevator and allowed the cold, nonplussed façade to take its rightful place on her delicate features.
"Now, Parker, is that really the answer to this?" Sydney inquired from beside her, gazing at her out of the corner of his eyes.
"Yes." The coldness of her voice was unmistakable. She had once again become the Ice Queen, through and through. It had been a long time since Sydney had seen this side of her.
"Are you sure you can’t think up some other proper retaliation?" Sydney’s soothing voice intoned, slowly calming her frayed nerves.
Suddenly, an idea struck Miss Parker. Her eyes lit up at the very thought of what she’d do to get Lyle back. "Yes, yes I can." As they stepped off the elevator, Sydney didn’t notice the Cheshire cat grin plastered on her face.
the end.
feedback welcomed at spacedoutwriter@hotmail.com.
