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Disclaimer : The Pretender and all character associated with it belongs to NBC and 20th Century Fox. I'm not making any money out of this and no infringement is intended.


Forword:
This story is a continuation of the season finale. Miss Parker has been shot, and Jarod has been captured. This is just my elaboration on what I think could possibly come from those events that happened at the end of last season. It's not my first attempt at writing fanfic, but it is my first Pretender fanfic, so bear with me. And let me know what you think! Hope you enjoy it.

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Shattered Lives - Part I: Shattered Mind

By Nicky






Miss Parker watches the waves crash against the shore. Her mind seems to be as far away as her target, the elusive Jarod. She couldn't seem to concentrate lately. Her distraction was showing, especially in her work. She hasn't been close to finding Jarod since he escaped again. This is the closest they've been in awhile, but she only got this far because of Lyle's help.

"I can't believe we missed him again," Lyle says, shaking the sand out of his shoes. "We track him all the way to this tropical island and can't even get our hands on him. I don't know what's wrong with you, Sis, but you need to snap out of it."

Miss Parker continues to watch the waves. She hears only the annoying buzzing of Lyle's voice. She didn't care that Jarod got away. She didn't care about anything anymore.

"Parker! Parker! Are you even listening to me?"

"What?" she asks with a confused look on her face. "Jarod? We found him?"

"Not even close. He got away again. Apparently he left here ages ago. Where is your mind? It's obviously not in the game. You've been out of it for some time now." Lyle walks over to Miss Parker and grabs her arms firmly.

"Listen, Parker. I know your life sucks right now. I don't know what to say about that. But you can't let it pull you into a dark hole. You've got a job to do. A life to live."

She just stares at him for a minute, angry that he had the nerve to handle her so roughly. But then she catches a glimpse of something she's never seen before in his eyes. In his own twisted way, he was trying to say he was worried about her.

"I think that's the nicest thing you ever said to me, Lyle," she says with a surprised tone in her voice. "I've never known you to have any concern for me. But it's not necessary. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You're a wreck. You can't even function like you used to. Why don't you stay here for a couple of days. We didn't find Jarod and we're going to have to regroup any way. Get a little sun, a little rest, and meet us back at the Centre when you're feeling like yourself again."

Who was this strange man standing in front of her? It was no Lyle that she's ever seen before. Lyle's first concern was always himself and how he could get the better of her. And although she knows that this attempt of his to keep her away from the Centre is almost completely devoid of any altruistic motivation, she can't help but get the sense that a small part of him also has her well being in mind.

"Okay, you win. I'll stay here and get a little rest. I think I need to be by myself anyway," she relents.

"Alright then. If there's nothing else. I'm out of here. See ya, Parker," Lyle says, flashing that devilish grin as he turns and walks towards the limo waiting to take him to the airport. She could tell that he was up to something, but she didn't care. He was right about one thing - she needed time to get her head back on straight. She needed a chance to recover, both physically and mentally, from the changes the past few months have brought.

****

"Should I get these bags back up to the room for you, Miss Parker?" The concierge snaps her out of her thoughts. "Your brother said you'd be staying on with us for awhile."

"Actually, no. That won't be necessary. I don't think I'll be staying here. I need a little more seclusion than this hotel. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Of course. There are several small islands around that few tourists frequent. The locals are friendly, but they mind their business. I can get a ferry to take you to anyone of them. And by the time you get there, your housing arrangements will be made."

"Thank you. That sounds perfect. Just what I need," Miss Parker says quietly, turning back to her view of the waves. She allows the crashing sounds to drown away all of her thoughts as the concierge busies himself with making her arrangements.

****

Two hours later, Miss Parker kicks her shoes off and lays down on the sofa of her new lodging. The concierge had found her a nice cottage on one of the nearby islands. It was spacious and roomy, but felt homey to her. She had a cook and a maid and a driver to take her anyplace she wanted to go. But she didn't feel like dealing with people at that moment. So she grabs her shoes and heads out to explore a little.

Her explorations lead her to a rocky cliff overlooking the beach. The view was unbelievably beautiful to her. Yet, her heart still ached. All of the loss and tragedy she's suffered came rising back up from the pit of her stomach. She wanted nothing more than the pain to go away. Physically, she had healed from her shooting, but the emotional scars ran deeper. She had lost more than she wanted to remember.

Nothing seemed important to her. Not her job or her family or life back in Blue Cove. She felt that she could end it all, right then and right there. One more step closer to the edge and she could let gravity do the rest. It wouldn't really be like she was killing herself, right?

"Giving up the chase so soon, Miss Parker? Too bad. You were so close to catching me this time."

Miss Parker is first surprised by the voice, but then the shock quickly turns into irritation.

"Jarod," she growls. "I should have figured you'd be here. How is it that I always seem to run into you when I'm not even looking for you?" She turns around to face him.

"You've always known where to find me, Miss Parker," he says cryptically. "You just never looked in the right place."

"Really? So, I've just been wasting my time these past few years chasing after you? Tell me something, Jarod. If I've always known where to find you, then how come I've never caught up with you?"

"Like I said before. You never looked in the right place. All you have to do is search your heart. You'll find me everytime. Follow your heart, Miss Parker. It'll tell you the right thing." He turns and walks away, leaving her in a stunned silence.

She didn't know what he meant by what he just said, but she no longer had the desire to go over the edge. She thought for a minute and did the only thing she could do. She decided to listen to her heart. And her heart was telling her to give life another chance. Even if only to track Jarod down and find out the meaning behind his cryptic message. She cautiously steps away from the cliff and looks around for Jarod. Not seeing him anywhere, she begins to walk. Not really knowing where she's going or where she'll end up. She just walks.

****

Finding Jarod was easier than she thought. It was like she had tapped into a mysterious sensor that was in tune with him. She didn't know how she found him, but she did.

"Twice in one day. That's got to be a record for us, Jarod," she says when she finally finds him again.

"I'm not surprised you found me. We're connected, you know. Since that first day I saw you, I knew we had a bond. I don't know how to explain it. But at least now I know you feel it too."

"You seem to know a lot, Jarod," she sarcastically comments.

"But not enough. I know you've been hurt badly. But I don't know what's hurting you."

"It's more like, 'who', Jarod. I've think they've finally succeeded in taking it all from me. You know I was going to jump back there, right? Death seemed like the easiest thing to do to get away from all they've done to me." She looks down and lets the tears silently fall.

"You mean how they killed your mother and told you my father did it. And when they killed Thomas. That's more than enough for anyone to bear in a lifetime. But you're different. I thought you had bounced back from all the tragedy."

"I tried, Jarod. Believe me, I tried. I don't know who's responsible, but I know that somebody at the Centre killed Thomas. And when we had your dad, I talked to him. He told me he didn't kill my mom and I believed them. After that, everything was pretty much a blur until I woke up after I'd been shot. For weeks, they told me that you did it. That you had tried to kill me and that they captured you."

"Did you believe them?" Jarod turns away to prevent her eyes from meeting his. He wanted her to be convinced on her own that he was innocent. He didn't want to influence her in anyway. But it was more than that. He couldn't bear to see any doubt or indecision in her mind.

She looks up and sees that he's turned away. She reaches her hand up and grabs his face, gently turning it back towards her so that she can look him straight in the eye.

"Not even for a second," she replies firmly. "That's the one thing that I know in this life. That you would never do anything like that to me. No matter how much I chase you and try to take your life away, I know that you could never hurt me."

"I thought that was the last straw," she continued. "I thought that was all they could take from me when they tried to convince me you'd shot me. Next to my mother and Tommy, the time I spent with you at the Centre when we were kids was the next best thing that ever happened to me. I hated them for trying to destroy all of that."

"But something else happened. What was it? What has caused you lose all hope and want to give up on life?" Jarod gently prods.

"My heart. They broke what was left of my heart." She wipes the tears that have begun to fall again. "They didn't kill all of Tommy that day they put a bullet in his head. But they finished the job when they shot me. Jarod, I was going to have a baby. I was pregnant. They killed my baby. They killed my little boy." With that, Miss Parker breaks down completely.

Jarod goes to her and puts his arms around her, but he knows he's only holding an empty shell of the woman he used to know. She was right, there was nothing left. They had taken it all from her. All he could do sit there and try to help her put the pieces of her life back together.









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