Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Part I
the lurker
The Centre
Mr. Parker’s Office
The alarm klaxon blared with all the elegance of an angered bull elephant charging through a poppy field. Mr. Parker looked up from the reports he was working on, and was practically blinded by the flashing white emergency lights.
"Oh for pete’s sake...." Parker stabbed at his intercom button, "What the hell is going on?"
The calm voice of the head of Centre security came back at him, "We have a fire, sir, but it’s just about contained."
"Where?"
"Sim Lab, Mr. Parker."
Parker frowned, wondering if his daughter was anywhere near it, "Are you sure of containment?"
"Yes sir. We’re shutting down the alarm system now, it should be off in a few minutes."
"Fine."
Parker thought about the possibilities for another millisecond, and then he quickly stood up and left his office, heading toward the Sim Lab.
**************
Sim Lab
Miss Parker was in effect, blind. The smoke in the Sim Lab was too thick to see two feet in front of her own face. The alarm continued to sound, the buzz of it reaching all the way through her, making her want nothing more than to bolt from the room. The white emergency lights blazed off and on, hurting her eyes, even through the haze of the smoke, which had filtered its way into the corridor where she stood, on the other side of the observation glass of the Lab.
She heard the large grind and humm of the emergency blowers as they whirred into action; within a minute the smoke began to clear. She could see several members of Centre security and Maintenance clad in protective fire gear, using fire extinguishers to quell the remaining embers in the Lab. She swallowed hard, the smoke burning her throat, and she quickly glanced around the room, looking for the reason she had panicked. As the smoke continued to clear she spotted him. He was on the floor in the corner of the room, huddled over a small body.
Parker bolted through the door and into the Lab, making her way past the busy emergency crews and over to the man she thought of as a second father. As she approached she could see that he was coughing profusely, but trying to administer CPR to the unconscious child on the floor.
Parker yelled to a passing worker, "Get a med team up here, now!"
He nodded and moved off to comply, and Parker turned toward the psychiatrist, "Syd? You okay?"
"Never mind me," he coughed and gasped for air, "Help me with Eric...." he gasped again, "I don’t have the breath..."
Parker moved past Sydney and began to breathe into the mouth of the little boy lying on the floor. Sydney maintained the compression's to the child’s chest. As a medical team entered the lab, the alarm and emergency lights stopped, and normal lighting was restored to the room. Parker moved out of the way of the med team, and noticed that Sydney had not.
She gently took his arms, "Come on, let’s give them some space."
He didn’t really resist her, so she moved him toward the wall, and helped him sit down, leaning his back up against the stone partitions for support. His breathing was heavy from the smoke inhalation, and black soot covered his face and clothes.
She looked into his face, "You okay?" He nodded, and Parker called to a med tech, "Can I get some oxygen over here?"
The tech handed a secondary O2 tank to Parker and then went back to the team working on Eric, who was not responding to their efforts. Parker put the mask over Sydney’s face, and turned on the tank, he tried to push it away.
"Hey.....leave it on."
He held her eyes with his for a moment as if he were going to resist, but then lay his head back against the wall, and focused on the little boy fighting for his life.
She pulled his gaze back to her, "What the hell happened?"
"Eric is part of the gifted children’s outreach program. He was here testing out some new IQ and psyche tests we’ve been developing to measure a child’s capabilities." He stopped for a moment, gulping down some oxygen, and Parker rubbed a gentle hand on his chest, after a minute, he continued, "There was a sim involving chemical mixtures--"
"--You allowed a child to play with hazardous chemicals, are you out of your mind?"
"There was a failsafe; none of the chemicals in any combination should have been able to produce anything more than a fizz, much less a fire." Parker raised her eyebrows and he quickly added, "I can’t explain this. It shouldn’t have happened." His eyes filled with sorrow, "If he doesn’t make it..."
He gobbled down more oxygen and Parker stroked his forehead, "Okay, just relax. I need to get you out of here....."
"No. Eric...."
They both looked over as the doctor finally called it, shaking his head at the failed attempts.
Sydney slammed his eyes shut, "Oh god no.....this is my fault."
Parker took Sydney’s hand in hers, and turned toward the med team, "Can someone help me get him out of here, please?"
Two burly interns came over and with one on either side of Sydney, they lifted him onto a gurney. Parker held his hand as they wheeled him out of the lab. As they moved down the corridor, her father intercepted them at a quick pace.
"Angel...thank god." He touched her arm lovingly, and then frowned in Sydney’s direction, "Is he going to be all right?"
A doctor answered, "He’ll be fine."
Parker held onto his daughter as the med team wheeled the gurney toward the elevator, "Angel, are you all right?"
"Yes Daddy, I’m fine. But Sydney..."
"You heard the doctor, it’s just a little smoke, he’ll be fine."
Neither of them had noticed the sound of the squeaky wheels in the hallway and the raspy voice of Raines made both of them start, "That all depends....."
Miss Parker turned to face Raines, "What does that mean?"
She saw Mr. Parker and Mr. Raines exchange a look, and her father tried to smooth it over, "He means simply that Sydney tends to internalize these kinds of things, honey, you know how he is--"
"--Don’t coddle her." Raines’ voice was filled with satisfaction as he then turned to Miss Parker and continued, "An investigation is already underway to determine the cause of the fire, and the death of the boy."
"It was a chemical fire, we already know that," there was an edge in Parker’s voice that Raines knew meant business.
"Yes, Miss Parker, but we need to ascertain who is responsible for placing combustible chemicals into the hands of a child. If it was Sydney, he will be held accountable."
Miss Parker’s eyes flared in anger, "Listen to me, Dr. Death, Sydney would never endanger a child, not willingly at any rate. If there were chemicals that shouldn’t have been there, I’d bet my life that Sydney had nothing to do with it."
Mr. Parker was suddenly uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation, "Come with me Angel, I want to be sure my girl is all right."
He kissed her forehead and pulled her in the opposite direction, sparing a last look at Raines, who was smiling quite serenely. When they were far enough away, Miss Parker stopped and grabbed her father’s arm tightly.
"Daddy, you know as well as I do that Sydney is overly cautious when it comes to experiments and children at the Centre. He would never make a sloppy mistake with chemicals, and you know it."
"Now honey, Sydney isn’t as young as he used to be, and you know as one gets older, mistakes of this nature are far more likely to happen."
Miss Parker’s brow furrowed, "No, I don’t buy that for minute. Please tell me you have nothing to do with this...." Mr. Parker looked away, and his daughter moved closer, "Daddy? Oh my god, you think Sydney’s been set up don’t you? Raines? He would know that Syd would flip out with guilt if something happened to that boy."
He turned on her in anger, "Don’t be ridiculous. The Centre would never sacrifice a child."
"Don’t lie to me. I’m not a little girl anymore. I know full well what the Centre is capable of, and so do you." Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him, "How could you let this happen? A little boy is dead...." Her eyes focused on a far wall, "And Sydney thinks it was his fault."
She started to walk away, but Mr. Parker grabbed her sleeve, "Where are you going?"
Miss Parker couldn’t look at him, "Just let go of me."
Mr. Parker took a hold of her arms with his hands, "Angel, you have to believe me, there’s nothing going on....It was an accident, pure and simple."
She leaned into his face, her teeth clenched, "Nothing at the Centre is ever simple. And it sure as hell ain’t pure."
She yanked herself out of his grasp and walked away from him; she was gone by the time the squeaky wheels stopped behind Mr. Parker.
"She seems quite angry."
"She’s just worried about Sydney; and frankly Raines, so am I." Mr. Parker turned toward the bald headed man, "And if I find out that you tampered with the chemicals, your ass is mine."
Mr. Parker started away, but Raines stopped him, "And if it was Sydney’s mistake, your ass will be in a permanent sling with the Triumvirate."
Mr. Parker didn’t turn around, nor did he answer; instead he walked down the corridor and away from a man he no longer knew.
*****************
Miss Parker’s Office
Broots entered Miss Parker’s office, and the sight which greeted him made him stop short. She was sitting on the floor, amidst tons of papers and reports, books and legal pads.
"Uh...Miss Parker? What are you doing?"
She didn’t look up from her work, "I’m conducting my own investigation into the fire."
"Oh. Find anything?"
She looked up at him, and he realized how tired she looked, "No, nothing conclusive. The chemicals present were not the correct chemicals, but there’s no way to know how they got there."
Broots knelt down next to her, looking at some of her notes, "Well, that’s good isn’t it?" She glared at him, "I mean Sydney can’t be blamed for something that they can’t prove he did, right?"
"Oh to have such a mind of simplicity..... Broots, you stupid moron, it doesn’t matter if they can prove it or not, if it is left ambiguous, then everyone will assume that it was Sydney, including Sydney. That kind of doubt will destroy him, and Raines will use it to get rid of him."
"What does Mr. Raines have to do with it?"
"Maybe nothing, but I’d lay odds, everything. Problem is, I can’t prove it."
Sam entered her office, carrying an envelope, "Miss Parker, your father asked me to give you this, he said it was urgent."
"Thanks Sam...." The Sweeper stood there, and Parker’s tone turned to annoyance, "You can go."
"Yes ma’am."
Sam turned and left, and Miss Parker ripped into the envelope, quickly reading the note inside. Broots stood by watching, as her face turned ashen.
"Miss Parker?"
"Nosferatu’s investigation team has concluded that Sydney gave the boy the wrong chemicals. They’re suspending him from the Centre’s employment base, pending further investigation, at which time he might face charges of criminal negligence."
"Oh god, poor Syd."
Parker stood up and went to her phone, punching in a code, "Daddy? What are you doing about this?"
His voice boomed on the line, "Well, I--."
"--Daddy. Surely you don’t believe that Sydney was responsible...."
"Well not purposefully, no."
"But you believe he’s become some doddering old fool, who could make this kind of mistake?"
"Angel, I don’t think you’re very objective when it comes to Sydney."
She didn’t have an answer for that, and for a moment, there was silence, then she recovered, "Has Sydney seen this report?"
"Not yet, no."
"Daddy....let me tell him."
"No, absolutely not. You’re going to stay out of this..."
"But Daddy--"
"--I said no, and I don’t want to hear another word about it, understand?"
Her voice was tight with anger, "I understand, all right; you’re going to let Syd take the fall for this. I’m not going to let this go, Daddy. I won’t."
"Now you listen to me--"
She slammed down the phone and looked at Broots, "Raines is behind this, I can feel it. He’s wanted to get rid of Syd for as long as I can remember."
"There must be something we can do."
"Broots, see if you can find any visual records of the Chem Lab or the Sim Lab right before the sim took place."
"If Raines did do it, he won’t have left a visual of it...."
"Probably not, egghead, but you’ll be able to tell if something is missing, now won’t you?"
He smiled, "That I will." Broots started out, "Where will you be?"
She looked down, "I need to go see Syd."
"He still in the infirmary?"
"Yeah, they kept him overnight just to be sure he was okay." Her eyes filled with tears, "This is going to hurt him, Broots."
His voice was quiet, "I know." He walked back toward her and smiled at her, "But it will help if you’re there."
She nodded and Broots left the room. Parker took a steadying breath, wiped away her tears and headed for the Infirmary.
****************
The Infirmary
The infirmary level had always unsettled her, and she wasn’t sure if it was due to all the rumours of experiments gone bad, or just the idea of being around sick people. She shook her head at herself; no matter the reason, the resulting discomfort was the same. Parker looked around, but there was no sign of Sydney in any of the rooms.
She stopped a passing doctor whom she recognized, "Dr. Boito, I’m looking for Sydney, they brought him down here yesterday. Can you tell me where he is?"
"Come with me, Miss Parker, I was just about to check on him."
She followed Boito around a corner and through a door, only to discover an empty bed in an empty room.
"Where the hell is he?"
"He should be here."
"Well, obviously, he is not. Is everyone in this place a moron except me?" Parker stormed out and grabbed the phone in the hallway, punching in some numbers, "This is Miss Parker, check the sign out log; I need to know if Sydney’s on it." She waited impatiently, then, "Uh-huh. Crap." She hung up the phone and walked over to Boito, "If anything happens to him, you’ll answer to me."
"But it was only a light case of smoke inhalation, he’ll be fine."
Parker loomed into his face, "You’d better hope so."
Dr. Boito watched Miss Parker stride angrily toward the elevators. It was no secret that she was very protective of certain people at the Centre, and Sydney was among them. Boito exhaled heavily; Miss Parker was the last person he wanted to tangle with, save for Mr. Raines. He shuttered at the idea of being caught in the middle of a war between them. And a war was exactly what it was beginning to look like.
***************
Broots’ Area
She entered the tech room, and Broots could tell from the look on her face that whatever she was about to say, he didn’t want to hear it.
"Sydney left. Somebody must have told him, and now he’s gone god knows where."
Broots tried to stay calm, "Where do you think he would go?"
She whirled on him, slamming her hand on his desk, "How the hell should I know?"
"Jeez, Miss Parker...."
She looked into his eyes, and her tone softened, "I’m sorry, Broots. I’m just...."
"Scared?"
She swallowed and looked away, "Yeah."
"Me too."
They remained in tight silence for a few minutes, and then Broots spoke again, "By the way, you were right; the video record from the Chem Lab yesterday, shows signs of tampering."
"What kind of tampering?"
"Erased, gone, blammo..."
"Any way to get it back?"
"Nope. I’ve tried everything, but whoever did it, knew what he was doing, because it’s been completely wiped from the mainframe."
"Damn it." She looked up toward the ceiling, her voice raising in pitch, "Damn it, damn it, damn it!" She took a breath, then stared at him, "Are there any other possibilities?"
Broots shook his head, "Not unless someone transferred it to a file somewhere, or made an mpeg of it....."
Miss Parker’s lips pulled into a straight line, "Okay. I’m going to try and track Sydney down. I don’t think he should be alone right now."
"You need my help?"
She looked into the concerned eyes and smiled, allowing her hand to gently brush his shoulder, "That’s sweet, Broots, but, I think I should do this myself."
He nodded, "Okay." She started out, and he called to her, "Miss Parker? Let me know when you find him....you know, so that I know he’s okay."
"I will, Broots."
He watched her walk out of the room, and he sat dejectedly in his chair. There should have been something more that he could do to help. But there was no way to find that which no longer existed.
The man who suddenly appeared made Broots jump out of his chair, "Damn, Angelo, you scared the crap out of me." Angelo just stared at Broots for a moment, and Broots softened, "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you, it’s just...."
"Broots, worried.....sad."
"Yes, I am."
"Why?"
"I’m worried about Sydney, Angelo."
"Why?"
"There was a fire yesterday in the--"
"--Sim Lab. Bad mixture."
"Yeah, Angelo, that’s right."
Broots turned back to his computer and began punching at the keys, barely listening to the empath’s babbling.
"Fire. Hot. Little boy scared. Sydney scared. Bad chemicals. Wrong mix. Not Sydney’s fault."
It took a moment to register, but then Broots whirled on Angelo, "What? Angelo...what did you say?"
"Wrong mix..."
"No, no, no....the part about Sydney."
"Not Sydney’s fault. Switched. He didn’t know."
Broots took a hold of the man’s arms gently, "Angelo, this is really important. How do you know that?"
"Chem Lab."
"Were you there? Were you at the Chem Lab, Angelo?"
A crooked smile spread across the empath’s face and he began to giggle. In his exasperation, Broots tightened his grip on the man’s arms, causing him to shrink away.
"Angelo....Angelo, I’m sorry. But you have to tell me. Sydney’s in trouble, and he needs our help. Can you understand that?"
"Sydney?"
"Yes. I need to help him, Angelo; you need to tell me what you know."
The empath looked down and then pulled a DSA out from his back pocket, handing it to Broots, "Chem Lab....."
Broots looked at the DSA, and wasted no time putting it into the player behind him.
****************
St. Ignatious Catholic Church
Blue Cove, Delaware
He didn’t know why he had come. He knelt quietly in one of the last pews of the church, his soul damaged beyond repair, his mind clouded by anger, and his heart torn with grief. His hands were neatly clasped together, his elbows leaning on the pew in front of him, his head pushing against his hands. Anyone observing him might have assumed that he was devoutly praying. And in earnest, he had tried to pray. But Sydney could no longer find the words to speak to a god who had abandoned him so many times during his life.
Instead, his knuckles were white from clasping his hands together so tightly, and tears ran down his face from the guilt he was trying to silence. Why he had come to a church, he didn’t really know; it had not given him solace in many years. He could no longer take comfort in such a cruel deity; a deity which had allowed so many atrocities in the world. So much pain inflicted upon the innocent, at the hands of the culpable. He had been taught as a child that there was a merciful and just god watching over him; where was that god now?
That god no longer existed. Maybe he never had.
A mass was in progress, and Sydney looked up toward the altar as the priest lifted the sacrificial wine and wafer toward the heavens; and he felt anger. It was a resentment so strong, he had to look away. There could be no forgiveness for him, there could be no comfort; there was only the reality of what he had done. He slammed his eyes shut in fear, the teachings of his childhood rushing back to him in a flood of thoughts.
He would be judged. His time would come, and he would have to atone for all of the sins, mortal and venial, which he had committed in his lifetime, and he would be judged harshly. Sydney felt with certainty that there was no place for him in heaven. There would be only hell. A slight smile of irony crept onto his tear stained face: Hell. The eternal punishment of condemnation and guilt, wielded by a cruel and unmerciful deity could hold no threat to one who was already living in his own private hell.
And yet, his heart fluttered again in fear, and he pushed his head further into his folded hands, trying to hide from the bitter taste of reality. A child was dead because of him. He couldn’t bear it. Not this time. There had been so much pain and heartache over the years, but this was more than he could take. If only he could trade places with the boy; he would gladly have given himself over to death in Eric’s stead.
The congregation stood as one, prepared to receive the blessing of the incense from the priest. Sydney couldn’t move. He could smell the rising incense emanating from the burner held by the priest at the front of the church. It tickled his nose with the light scent of myrrh, and his eyes welled up with tears. He wanted to stand with his fellow sinners and receive the blessing; he wanted to feel absolved from his guilt, relieved of his pain, and wrapped in the loving arms of a kind god. But Sydney couldn’t move.
He didn’t deserve absolution, and he knew it. How could anyone, priest or layman, god or devil release him from the guilty bondage of his actions? He would either be condemned to suffer the chains of limbo, or burn in hell forever after. It no longer mattered to him; for he had become his own judge and jury, and he knew that he would never be able to forgive himself, much less seek absolution from a god he no longer believed in.
The voice from the altar caught his ears, "This mass has ended, let us go in peace to love and serve the Lord."
"Amen," came the resounding response of the people.
Peace. There was no peace, not for him. Sydney knelt, the tears rolling down his cheeks, as the priest and his congregation recessed up the aisle. The church cleared out quickly, and still he couldn’t move. He continued to kneel, leaning on the pew in front of him, tears of sadness filling his eyes, and the pain of desolation gripping his heart. The gentle hand on his shoulder caused him to look up into the kind eyes of the priest who had just said mass.
"Are you okay, sir? Is there something I can do for you?"
Sydney shook his head, his voice slightly biting, "No." He softened, remembering where he was, "No, thank you, father." He looked away, "I’d just like to sit here for awhile, if that’s all right."
"The church stays open for another hour." Sydney said nothing, so the priest continued, "If you need me to hear your confession--"
Sydney stopped him with a raised hand, his tone as sarcastic and cutting as anything the priest had ever heard, "That’s quite all right. I’m sure the almighty is well aware of what I’ve done." Sydney closed his eyes, and when the priest started away, in an impulse he grabbed the man’s sleeve, "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...."
Sydney let go of the priest’s sleeve and covered his mouth, looking away. Slowly he slipped off his knees and onto the pew.
The priest sat down next to Sydney, "We all need help sometimes. There’s no sin in that, except the sin of pride when we refuse it."
Sydney turned to the man, "I appreciate the concern, father, but I’d just like to sit here for awhile, if I may."
The priest nodded and stood, placing a hand on Sydney’s shoulder, "If you change your mind, I’m right next door in the Rectory."
Sydney nodded and watched the young man walk down the aisle and disappear back into the Sacristy. He swallowed hard; there was so much pain inside of him, he didn’t know what to do with it. He felt as though his heart would burst from the anguish, and at the same time, it seemed as though he would never be free of it. He leaned his arms on the pew in front of him, and his head on his arms. He felt empty. There was nothing left. Why had he come?
*******************
The Centre
Broots’ Area
Broots tried her cell phone again and this time she answered.
"What?"
"Miss Parker."
"Broots, what the hell do you want? I told you I’d call you as soon as I found him. I haven’t found him yet."
Broots could hear what sounded like a church bell ringing in the background, "Uhm....Miss Parker, where are you?"
"Never mind. What do you want?"
"I think I’ve got something."
"Such as?"
"A DSA with something pretty interesting on it."
"Well what are you waiting for Scooby Doo? Let’s have it....."
********************
St. Ignatious Catholic Church
Miss Parker put away her cell phone, as she observed all the people exiting the church. She had looked everywhere else, and he was nowhere to be found. It was a last ditch hope on her part, that he had come here; and of all the catholic churches in the area, she thought this one would be where he would wind up. Scouring the faces of the people, she looked for him, but he was not among them. She waited until the parishioners had dispersed, the priest had gone back inside, and the sidewalk in front of the church had cleared. She stepped out of her car, closed the door and walked across the street.
She took a deep breath and grabbed the large brass handle of the tall oak door, pulling hard to open it. The first thing to hit her was a rush of air, and carried upon it, the smell of incense. It unbalanced her as a memory came rushing toward her.....
St. Ignatious Catholic Church
April 18, 1970
Miss Parker stood to the right of her father in the front pew, as the priest swung the incense burner three times in the three directions of the church. The strong smell of myrrh hit her in the nose and for a moment she thought she might be sick, and she turned her head. Noticing that she had turned away, her father had grabbed her hard on the arm, as a reminder of where she was and how she was to behave. She looked down quickly, in fear. A moment later she felt the warm hand on the other side of her take hers, gently holding it.
She never let go after that, clinging to the large hand as if it were her only lifeline. The tall man standing on her right never said a word, nor looked down at her; he merely held her hand, letting her know that she was not alone. Her father had never noticed....
St. Ignatious Catholic Church
Present
Miss Parker shook her head, trying to clear away the unwanted cobwebs of the past which had pushed their way into her senses. It had been thirty one years, since the funeral mass for her mother had been said; thirty one years, and Miss Parker had never again set foot in this particular church. But now she had no choice.
She walked past the holy water fount, and her hand reached for it, snapping back before she came into contact with the cool liquid. Her eyes filled with tears as another memory flooded her like a runaway train down a mountain track.
St. Ignatious Catholic Church
April 17, 1970
She followed her father through the front door of the church, and watched as he dabbed the third finger of his right hand into the fount of holy water, making the sign of the cross over himself. He turned and nodded at his daughter to follow suit. Miss Parker knew what to do, she had been attending catechism classes; however as she stared into the water, she felt an irrational fear grip her. She couldn’t dip her hand into it, and she didn’t know why.
In anger, her father, grabbed her right hand, and dunked it into the fount, leaning into her ear, "I’ll not have you disrespect your mother’s memory at her own rosary. You know what to do, I expect you to be a Parker and do it."
The tears filled up the little girl’s eyes as she made the sign of the cross. Without waiting, her father opened the door leading from the vestibule, and walked toward a pew in the front of the church, Miss Parker following several paces behind. She spotted Sydney sitting a few pews in back of the one her father had chosen, and she ducked into it, sitting close to the psychiatrist. He said nothing, but she saw him sneak a sidelong glance at her, obviously wondering what she was up to.
She leaned in toward him, whispering, "Is it okay if I sit here with you, Sydney?"
His voice was soft in response, "Of course, Miss Parker, but, don’t you want to sit with your father?" She shook her head and Sydney decided to let it go, instead changing the subject, "Do you know how to pray the rosary?"
She nodded, her voice filled with sadness, "My mommy taught me."
Sydney pulled down the kneeler of their pew and knelt upon it, nodding to her to do the same. A moment later she knelt next to him.
His voice was like a velvet glove, "Will you say the rosary with me?"
The little girl nodded, fighting back the tears threatening to fall from her sad eyes.
Biting her lip, she pulled a white rosary out of her pocket, the tears in her eyes finally spilling over, "This was my mommy’s."
Without a word, Sydney reached into his pocket and extracted a very old rosary made of black wood and sterling silver. It was one of the most beautiful things Miss Parker had ever seen.
He leaned in toward her, "And this belonged to my mother."
He smiled at her, and for the first time, a slight smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she looked up at him. A moment later, the priest stood at the lectern and a decade of the rosary began....
St. Ignatious Catholic Church
Present
Parker snapped out of her reverie at the sound of a door closing behind her.
A young man in a Roman collar approached her, "I’m sorry miss, but the church is closing for the night..." He noticed the tears running down her face, "Are you all right?"
She quickly wiped her tears away, "Yes, of course." They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment, then she continued, "I’m looking for a man, and I was wondering if you had seen him. He’s about 6’3", late fifties, greying hair, European accent...."
The priest nodded and in answer opened the door leading from the vestibule into the church. Parker followed the priest’s gaze and saw Sydney sitting in a pew at the back, sadness surrounding him. Parker heard the sigh of relief escape from her own mouth, and embarrassed, she looked away.
"I take it, he’s the one you’re looking for?"
"Yes.....father, I know you’re trying to close up for the night, but, could you give me a few minutes with him in here?"
The priest looked her over and could easily read her worry, and her sincerity, he nodded, "I’m going to lock the doors. Take all the time you need, but please, be sure to close the door behind you when you leave."
"Thank you, I appreciate it."
Parker started through the door, but felt the hand on her arm, "Miss, your father is holding in a lot of anger right now. An anger of such intensity only stems from the deepest wounds to the heart; wounds such as these are not likely to heal easily nor quickly."
She snapped at him, "He’s not my--" She stopped herself; the priest was only trying to be helpful. She exhaled a breath and nodded, "I’ll be gentle with him."
"I’m not trying to tell you how to deal with your own father, I just....well, he’s harbouring a lot of resentment and--"
"--What, were you Carl Jung in your last life?"
The priest smiled, "No, double major, religion and psych, with a philosophy minor in undergrad. My Master’s Thesis was on the breaking point of the human mind."
Parker glared at him, "He’s not at breaking point, I can assure you. He’s one of the strongest men I’ve ever known." She moved toward the door, "Thank you for the help, but if you don’t mind, I’ll take it from here."
"Good night, then...Miss?"
"Parker. Good night."
Parker didn’t wait for the priest to say anything more before she walked into the church and over to the pew where Sydney dejectedly sat. His chin was leaning on his hands on the back of the pew in front of him, tears slowly rolling unchecked down his face. She sat in the pew in front of him, but he didn’t seem to notice her, nor did he react when a moment later she gently stroked the back of his head.
"Syd? What are you doing?"
His eyes flicked up to hers, and the depth of desolation in them was difficult to look upon.
"I’m just sitting here."
"Yes, Sydney, that much I can see. Why?"
"I don’t know."
Sydney’s voice sounded lost, hollow, and it scared Parker to the core.
Her timbre was as gentle as a caress, "Why don’t I take you home?"
Anger lit his eyes and he jerked his head away from the hand which was softly stroking it, "No."
"Okay, all right, we’ll stay here awhile then." She slowly began to run her fingers through his hair again, trying to soothe him, "I haven’t been here since.........."
He looked at her, "Since your mother’s funeral."
"Yes." She stopped stroking his hair, and looked away, "But I remember this place as though it all happened yesterday."
"Is that why you came here?"
"I came here to find you."
"What on earth made you think I would be here?"
Parker frowned, she hadn’t really thought about it, "I don’t know, actually. Instinct, I guess."
He sounded almost fearful, "The inner sense..."
They sat there in silence for a few minutes, each alone with subdued thoughts.
Parker finally spoke, "It wasn’t your fault, Syd."
His voice was tight and full of sarcasm, "Your mother’s death? No, that wasn’t...."
She turned to him, "I wasn’t talking about that, and you know it. Broots called me....he found some footage that someone tried to wipe from the mainframe." Parker kept her voice as even as possible, hoping to keep him calm, "Sydney, one of Raines’ sweepers went into the Chem Lab and changed the contents of the beakers you had labeled for the sim."
Sydney’s eyes lit up with anger, "What? Who?"
"The new guy, Jack-whatever-his-name-is... I’m sure Nosferatu is going to disavow any knowledge of this, but--"
"--Are you telling me that Raines killed a child for the sole purpose of setting me up?"
"Syd--"
"--No...I’m going to kill him." Sydney stood up and yelled toward the altar, "I swear to any fucking god that thinks it’s all powerful, I’m going to kill the man, and I don’t give a damn what price I have to pay for it!"
He began walking toward the altar, picking up speed as he moved down the aisle. Parker’s fear of what he was about to do was the only thing that jarred her out of the shocked state she was in. She got up and ran toward him, just as he was preparing to damage a side altar dedicated to the Blessed Virgin.
Parker grabbed him from behind, holding him back, "Sydney...what the hell is wrong with you?" He continued to struggle against her, and after a moment, broke from her grasp, "Sydney, no......"
Parker threw her body weight at him, knocking them both down hard, onto the marble floor. He fought her off, but she grabbed the collar of his jacket, pushing his head into the floor, and shoved her knee into the middle of his back, causing him to wince in pain.
She leaned into his ear, "Stop it, Sydney. Just calm down." After a moment, he stopped moving, and she let go of his jacket and removed her knee, "Calm down, Syd."
He lay so still for a moment, that her heart skipped a beat. Parker gently helped him up, and leaned him against the nearest pew. His nose was bleeding, but he didn’t seem to care. She pulled the handkerchief from his left inside pocket where he always kept it, and the black and silver rosary she remembered seeing thirty one years before, fell onto the floor. She looked at him, but he just leaned his head back against the wooden pew, swallowing hard. Parker carefully picked up the rosary, and taking his hand, gently pressed it into his palm.
She took his handkerchief and held it to his nose, "I’m sorry, Syd, I didn’t mean to hurt you; but I needed to stop you."
"Why?"
"Because Sydney, you were about to do something that I know you would have regretted later."
"No, I wouldn’t have."
He stood up and began walking toward the back of the church. Parker walked a few paces behind him, until finally, he stopped. He didn’t turn, he just stopped. Parker ceased moving, and waited, but he said nothing. Slowly, she walked past him and stood in front of him. Tears flowed down his face, mingling with the blood from his nose. She tried to wipe it, but he brushed her hand away.
"I know you’re upset, Syd, and you have every right to be, but--"
"--Just stop right there. It’s not going to work this time." Her eyes darted to his and the train left the station, "I have stayed with the Centre, and kept quiet all these years because of Jarod, Angelo and--"
"--Me?"
"Yes, you. The Centre has taken everything from me, and now there is fresh blood on my hands thanks to Mr. Raines--"
"--Sydney, you’re not responsible. You’re just upset, and god knows--"
He grabbed her and pushed her into the back wall, "--You don’t know the first thing about how I feel, much less what I have the right to feel, nor what is or is not my fault. And god doesn’t know a fucking thing. Don’t you understand Parker? There is no god. It’s just another damned fairy tale we’re taught to believe in when we’re young, like St. Nicholas and the Easter Bunny. Only this fairy tale of faith betrays us in our greatest times of need, and punishes us for acting upon what is simply human nature."
Parker’s eyes filled with fear. It was Sydney’s face and Sydney’s voice, but it was someone else speaking; this wasn’t the man she had known her entire life.
She took his face in her hands, "Sydney.....I know you don’t believe that. Syd.....?"
He looked into the eyes of the little girl he knew, "There is no absolution for me Parker. Not for what I’ve done, for what I’ve allowed, for what I haven’t done....." He swallowed hard, "Not even god......"
His voice trailed off, and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. He closed his eyes, and sank to his knees in the despair of the truth that had become his reality. His entire life had become a study of betrayal, guilt and cowardice; leaving a string of death, pain and abandonment behind.
A sob escaped his lips, "He was just a little boy....."
Parker closed her eyes, trying to quell her own rising emotions, but the pain in his voice brought the tears anyway.
"I’m sorry," his voice was barely a whisper, "Please god forgive me....."
The rosary she had put in his hand, once again fell to the floor. Parker knelt next to him, and picked it up. Taking his hand in hers, she pressed it to his palm, and leaned her forehead against his.
"Will you say the rosary with me, Syd?" He started to shake his head no, but she cupped his face with her hands, "Please Sydney." Her voice grew softer, "For my mother, and for yours."
He could only nod then, and Parker turned him gently to face the altar. Tentatively, she took his hand in hers, and placing the rosary in their joined hands, their voices rose like incense, in prayer.
"Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, they will be done, on earth as it is in heaven....."
end part I
