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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Jarod had kept quiet for the most part. He had simply listened and filed away every word until she was finished. He would dissect and counter all her arguments when she was done. He couldn’t let it end like this. But how could he ever make her see the things his way?
When did he ever?
Her last statement was simply too much. He saw in her determined expression that nothing he had to offer as a reply was getting through to her. She had already made up her mind. He became more and more angry with her.
"Parker, you’re talking about the Centre when I talk about us! Couldn't you just focus on what is important here? When it comes to the two of us, when we are together, they are bound to lose. Remember all the times we worked together, hmm?"
Yes, he thought, she would remember. She HAD to.
"God Jarod, don’t you get it? We ARE a part of that fucked up place! We always were. And while I just reminded you what that godforsaken hellhole did to us, I could also tell you what WE, the two of us, did to each other over the past years! How many times have we hurt each other on a very personal level, uh? What was it you kept saying when I tried to delude myself and told you my hunt for you was nothing personal?"
Jarod's face suddenly changed from an angry into a rather forlorn expression. He did remember. Back then, she’d told him that he was just 'a job’, that the hunt was ‘nothing personal’. He had challenged her with his response: ‘It’s personal to me!’
Now he didn’t know what to reply anymore. For all his genius, he couldn’t come up with anything at the moment. The pretender felt how it all slipped away from him.
She had built a wall between them for decades. He had been trying to break through it ever since. After all these years, he suddenly realized that this wall had somehow protected them. Saved them from what was actually happening at this very moment.
Now it was her who broke that wall down, piece by piece, brick by brick to a sub-atomic level, if there was such a thing. The wall came tumbling down. But instead of bringing them closer as he always had hoped, she put more and more space between them with each and every word she said.
Miss Parker was ready to push the envelope. She had become aggravated at his continuing effort to deny the obvious.
"Though I admit, you've helped me at times, been there for me when I needed a friend, you've also hurt me Jarod! You’ve dangled information in front of me like the carrot for the proverbial donkey. You’ve insulted me, humiliated me so many times that I lost count. And while you probably always told yourself it was in good fun and I deserved to be badgered, ‘cause you’d never really physically hurt me, I tell you it was more than that. I was the one who had to return time and again into that hellhole and explain to the devil and his followers how exactly you got away!"
Without missing a beat she continued.
"You’ve invaded my privacy for years. You’ve been to my house, through my things Jarod! Hell, you’ve sent a man into my bed! I will not even go there now, but how do you think that made me feel? And what did I do to you? I shot at you at numerous times, I brought your long lost brother back to the Centre for gods sake. I burned information on your mother and I hunted you down like an animal for more than five years! Yes Jarod, I agree, it was personal, very much so. Because what we did to each other on a personal level was almost as bad, if not worse, than anything they ever did to us."
Miss Parker shot him a determined look. He lowered his eyes to avoid looking into hers. He didn't want her to see his tears forming.
"So, what do you intend to do? Go back to hell and serve the devil, return home every night to get laid by an ‘after-every-skirt-gigolo’ kind of bartender?"
So he knew about Daniel. No surprise there. He always knew what she did and when she did it.
"Like I said Jarod, my life, especially my private life is MY business. If I decide to see someone, it’s my decision to make. Hasn’t that been your quest in life too?"
The thought of that gigolo-barman tugged at his heart, so much that he forgot his anger for a moment.
"This guy isn’t worth your time," Jarod mumbled almost pleadingly. He knew that this attempt was rather soft. What he actually wanted to say wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He wanted to yell at her and curse that bartender in words that would make grown men blush.
The woman who seemed to be the cause for his eternal bliss and pain at the same time didn’t look at her quarry. She glanced at the playing field and answered with a voice full of venom: "Anyone who ends up in my bedroom does so – and only so - because I want him to. Be it a truck driver, a banker or a bartender; who is or isn't worth my time is not up to you."
Jarod had never felt more insecure in his life. He had already told her how he felt. At this very moment he seemed unable to repeat it. Out of nowhere Jarod became afraid that she would make fun of him.
He was actually convinced that that Daniel-guy was nothing more than a brief affair. But his own experience on that matter was limited. He had never been involved with anyone he hadn't cared for deeply. Nia, Rachel, and of course Zoe.
He had never had a ‘meaningless’ sexual encounter in his life. Jarod knew that Parker had slept her way through quite some beds. He had found out about her amorous adventures in college and afterwards. And it troubled him deeply. Because, for all his talents at pretending, he had never been able to grasp her feelings or to make much sense of her actions.
After Carthis he had been certain that her feelings for him might be more than she was ready to admit. But it had him also wondering: was he just one of those men? If given the opportunity, would she take him to bed and dump him afterwards like a cheap toy?
He was too dumbfounded by her words to actually voice anything at all.
He had to let her go. Feeling completely lost, Jarod looked back up. He had successfully fought back his tears.
The pretender did not need to apply his skills to growl out with distaste: "Fine Miss Parker. I guess then all that's left for me to say is good luck. With the life you've chosen, you're gonna need it."
And then, in a swift motion, Jarod stood up and walked away. Miss Parker watched him in surprise.
"What about meeting your mother?"
Without turning around, Jarod stopped. Keeping his back to her he said in an accusing and sarcastic tone: "You're so hell bound on making a clean break. Well, you're gonna get it. Congratulations."
"Jarod," she yelled after him, "Raines! He knows! That monster actually knows that my mother told yours about her plan. He's after her!"
Jarod was already twenty yards away, when he stopped again. This time he did turn his head to look at her.
"He's always been after all of us. It doesn't make any difference. I'll take care of my family now."
With that he disappeared behind the trees and bushes. He had left her behind with his last words full of disdain and contempt. If she could hurt him, he could do the same to her.
In the back of his mind Jarod could hear a little voice of reproach. This was exactly the behavior she'd been talking about, wasn't it? They'd ultimately be hurting each other, and deliberately so. The pretender cursed himself to 'shut up' and chose to ignore his own conscience.
Miss Parker watched him leave, feeling both empty and relieved at the same time. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear about her mother's plan in the first place. She just didn't care. Well, at that very moment she couldn't think of a single thing in life that she cared about.
The conversation had drained her emotionally. He had left upset, confused, hurt and ... beyond angry. She had seen it in the way he walked: sagging shoulders, and hands constantly running through his hair. And Miss Parker knew that she was the sole reason for it.
This might have been their last meeting and it had ended like this. She only hoped that he would find his way. Then, and only then, would all of this have been worth it.
She felt absolutely miserable. Only twice before had she actually felt worse. And both of those times someone she had loved had died.
***********************
Margaret poured herself some of the coffee she had prepared to occupy herself while waiting. Her son and Catherine’s daughter should be here by now. The moment the older woman approached the window to peek outside, she heard someone fumble with door keys. As Jarod finally entered, he simply crossed the room and let himself fall on the couch.
"Jarod, where is she? Didn’t you meet her? Did something happen?"
Her son had his elbows on his knees and his face concealed in his hands. Panic rose up in Margaret at that sight. Something awful must have happened. The Centre!
But Jarod could alleviate her worries. He didn’t raise his head, he simply mumbled into his hands.
"I met her. And yes, something happened. But don’t worry, it’s not the Centre. Miss Parker happened," he added wryly.
Margaret took a seat beside her son and took in his demeanor.
"What do you mean by that, Jarod? Or, don’t you wanna talk about it now?"
"Now, later, tomorrow, next year, it doesn’t matter, because it doesn’t change things."
He looked straight into his mother’s face. Margaret could see nothing but utter defeat in his eyes.
"She didn’t come here, because I didn’t take her. She has her own idea of how things should work, and I disagreed. End of story."
Margaret took one of his trembling hands into hers. She felt her son’s misery.
"You think she would betray us?"
"No, no! It’s about….," Jarod didn’t know how to explain thirty years of history, three decades of an impossible relationship. He decided to delay it for now.
"I decided to hear about that plan myself for now. Then I’d see if she’d need to know about it. It’s a thirty year old plan by a woman who had been dead for as long. I don’t think it needs both of us at this time."
He paused for a second and added in an almost scared tone: "Does it?"
His mother smiled. "No, actually the way things are now, not anymore. Why don’t you call the others to join us here and we get to the details then."
When did he ever?
Her last statement was simply too much. He saw in her determined expression that nothing he had to offer as a reply was getting through to her. She had already made up her mind. He became more and more angry with her.
"Parker, you’re talking about the Centre when I talk about us! Couldn't you just focus on what is important here? When it comes to the two of us, when we are together, they are bound to lose. Remember all the times we worked together, hmm?"
Yes, he thought, she would remember. She HAD to.
"God Jarod, don’t you get it? We ARE a part of that fucked up place! We always were. And while I just reminded you what that godforsaken hellhole did to us, I could also tell you what WE, the two of us, did to each other over the past years! How many times have we hurt each other on a very personal level, uh? What was it you kept saying when I tried to delude myself and told you my hunt for you was nothing personal?"
Jarod's face suddenly changed from an angry into a rather forlorn expression. He did remember. Back then, she’d told him that he was just 'a job’, that the hunt was ‘nothing personal’. He had challenged her with his response: ‘It’s personal to me!’
Now he didn’t know what to reply anymore. For all his genius, he couldn’t come up with anything at the moment. The pretender felt how it all slipped away from him.
She had built a wall between them for decades. He had been trying to break through it ever since. After all these years, he suddenly realized that this wall had somehow protected them. Saved them from what was actually happening at this very moment.
Now it was her who broke that wall down, piece by piece, brick by brick to a sub-atomic level, if there was such a thing. The wall came tumbling down. But instead of bringing them closer as he always had hoped, she put more and more space between them with each and every word she said.
Miss Parker was ready to push the envelope. She had become aggravated at his continuing effort to deny the obvious.
"Though I admit, you've helped me at times, been there for me when I needed a friend, you've also hurt me Jarod! You’ve dangled information in front of me like the carrot for the proverbial donkey. You’ve insulted me, humiliated me so many times that I lost count. And while you probably always told yourself it was in good fun and I deserved to be badgered, ‘cause you’d never really physically hurt me, I tell you it was more than that. I was the one who had to return time and again into that hellhole and explain to the devil and his followers how exactly you got away!"
Without missing a beat she continued.
"You’ve invaded my privacy for years. You’ve been to my house, through my things Jarod! Hell, you’ve sent a man into my bed! I will not even go there now, but how do you think that made me feel? And what did I do to you? I shot at you at numerous times, I brought your long lost brother back to the Centre for gods sake. I burned information on your mother and I hunted you down like an animal for more than five years! Yes Jarod, I agree, it was personal, very much so. Because what we did to each other on a personal level was almost as bad, if not worse, than anything they ever did to us."
Miss Parker shot him a determined look. He lowered his eyes to avoid looking into hers. He didn't want her to see his tears forming.
"So, what do you intend to do? Go back to hell and serve the devil, return home every night to get laid by an ‘after-every-skirt-gigolo’ kind of bartender?"
So he knew about Daniel. No surprise there. He always knew what she did and when she did it.
"Like I said Jarod, my life, especially my private life is MY business. If I decide to see someone, it’s my decision to make. Hasn’t that been your quest in life too?"
The thought of that gigolo-barman tugged at his heart, so much that he forgot his anger for a moment.
"This guy isn’t worth your time," Jarod mumbled almost pleadingly. He knew that this attempt was rather soft. What he actually wanted to say wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He wanted to yell at her and curse that bartender in words that would make grown men blush.
The woman who seemed to be the cause for his eternal bliss and pain at the same time didn’t look at her quarry. She glanced at the playing field and answered with a voice full of venom: "Anyone who ends up in my bedroom does so – and only so - because I want him to. Be it a truck driver, a banker or a bartender; who is or isn't worth my time is not up to you."
Jarod had never felt more insecure in his life. He had already told her how he felt. At this very moment he seemed unable to repeat it. Out of nowhere Jarod became afraid that she would make fun of him.
He was actually convinced that that Daniel-guy was nothing more than a brief affair. But his own experience on that matter was limited. He had never been involved with anyone he hadn't cared for deeply. Nia, Rachel, and of course Zoe.
He had never had a ‘meaningless’ sexual encounter in his life. Jarod knew that Parker had slept her way through quite some beds. He had found out about her amorous adventures in college and afterwards. And it troubled him deeply. Because, for all his talents at pretending, he had never been able to grasp her feelings or to make much sense of her actions.
After Carthis he had been certain that her feelings for him might be more than she was ready to admit. But it had him also wondering: was he just one of those men? If given the opportunity, would she take him to bed and dump him afterwards like a cheap toy?
He was too dumbfounded by her words to actually voice anything at all.
He had to let her go. Feeling completely lost, Jarod looked back up. He had successfully fought back his tears.
The pretender did not need to apply his skills to growl out with distaste: "Fine Miss Parker. I guess then all that's left for me to say is good luck. With the life you've chosen, you're gonna need it."
And then, in a swift motion, Jarod stood up and walked away. Miss Parker watched him in surprise.
"What about meeting your mother?"
Without turning around, Jarod stopped. Keeping his back to her he said in an accusing and sarcastic tone: "You're so hell bound on making a clean break. Well, you're gonna get it. Congratulations."
"Jarod," she yelled after him, "Raines! He knows! That monster actually knows that my mother told yours about her plan. He's after her!"
Jarod was already twenty yards away, when he stopped again. This time he did turn his head to look at her.
"He's always been after all of us. It doesn't make any difference. I'll take care of my family now."
With that he disappeared behind the trees and bushes. He had left her behind with his last words full of disdain and contempt. If she could hurt him, he could do the same to her.
In the back of his mind Jarod could hear a little voice of reproach. This was exactly the behavior she'd been talking about, wasn't it? They'd ultimately be hurting each other, and deliberately so. The pretender cursed himself to 'shut up' and chose to ignore his own conscience.
Miss Parker watched him leave, feeling both empty and relieved at the same time. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear about her mother's plan in the first place. She just didn't care. Well, at that very moment she couldn't think of a single thing in life that she cared about.
The conversation had drained her emotionally. He had left upset, confused, hurt and ... beyond angry. She had seen it in the way he walked: sagging shoulders, and hands constantly running through his hair. And Miss Parker knew that she was the sole reason for it.
This might have been their last meeting and it had ended like this. She only hoped that he would find his way. Then, and only then, would all of this have been worth it.
She felt absolutely miserable. Only twice before had she actually felt worse. And both of those times someone she had loved had died.
***********************
Margaret poured herself some of the coffee she had prepared to occupy herself while waiting. Her son and Catherine’s daughter should be here by now. The moment the older woman approached the window to peek outside, she heard someone fumble with door keys. As Jarod finally entered, he simply crossed the room and let himself fall on the couch.
"Jarod, where is she? Didn’t you meet her? Did something happen?"
Her son had his elbows on his knees and his face concealed in his hands. Panic rose up in Margaret at that sight. Something awful must have happened. The Centre!
But Jarod could alleviate her worries. He didn’t raise his head, he simply mumbled into his hands.
"I met her. And yes, something happened. But don’t worry, it’s not the Centre. Miss Parker happened," he added wryly.
Margaret took a seat beside her son and took in his demeanor.
"What do you mean by that, Jarod? Or, don’t you wanna talk about it now?"
"Now, later, tomorrow, next year, it doesn’t matter, because it doesn’t change things."
He looked straight into his mother’s face. Margaret could see nothing but utter defeat in his eyes.
"She didn’t come here, because I didn’t take her. She has her own idea of how things should work, and I disagreed. End of story."
Margaret took one of his trembling hands into hers. She felt her son’s misery.
"You think she would betray us?"
"No, no! It’s about….," Jarod didn’t know how to explain thirty years of history, three decades of an impossible relationship. He decided to delay it for now.
"I decided to hear about that plan myself for now. Then I’d see if she’d need to know about it. It’s a thirty year old plan by a woman who had been dead for as long. I don’t think it needs both of us at this time."
He paused for a second and added in an almost scared tone: "Does it?"
His mother smiled. "No, actually the way things are now, not anymore. Why don’t you call the others to join us here and we get to the details then."
