Sorry, I'm not normally that nit-picky but in this case I'm afraid I can't keep reading past this chapter. I love fanfictions and the R rating has me intrigued but this story needs some heavy editing. Grammar, punctuation, word choice. There is a lot that needs to be done. If you have trouble doing the editing yourself I'm sure that you can find a beta reader. In this chapter specifically you might want to edit where you mention she was shot by a "caliber." The word "caliber" means a measurment regarding a round. It does not mean a round or a bullet. Maybe replace it with "large caliber slug." That is just one example of many. I wish you luck. I do not mean this as a flame and I hope that you find my suggestions helpful.Reviewer: Christina Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 14/09/13 12:48 am
Yay. I'm so happy to see all these great stories. Well done. I love your sardonic-as-ever Parker, paired well here with the very in character, always concerned Jarod. I can only wonder what surprises you have in store for us- will he convince her or will that stubborness prevail? I wait anxiously for the next chapter- which I do hope you will be posting soon.
Thank you for your kind words, I'll be posting as soon as Sam my troll ventures out of my closet with more insights into the Centre.Reviewer: Mirage Signed [Report This]
Date: 15/04/13 11:26 pm