Well, the story is interesting and I commend you on even attempting to write in a foreign language.  I've studied several languages, but would never try to write a story in any other than english.  Having said that, this story would be easier to follow if you had it read by a beta.  A few things are a bit confusing.  Overall, though good story.  Please continue

Author's Response: Yeah, I know ... can you tell me where to get a beta? That would be nice ...