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Chapter or Story
The Visit - by MMB
Chapter 9 - Insights
Sydney came out of his bathroom sniffing the air appreciatively, for the savory aromas of the evening meal that Parker was preparing for them were already making him salivate and his stomach growl. One of the nicest recent discoveries about his daughter had been that she had the talent to be a good cook despite the fact that she kept protesting her inexperience and her old habits of just ordering in. They had begun a routine of alternating cooking and cleaning duties of late, with Parker poring through some of the quick recipe books she found at the supermarket checkout lines for new ideas.
Then he stopped and listened, and began grinning ear to ear. She was humming as she worked! His suspicion that her whole outlook on life had shifted since that fateful afternoon TV report about the demise of The Centre was now confirmed. After having the verbal equivalent of a panic attack, she had gone off on her own to work through her thoughts while walking - and had returned to the apartment in a much better mood. Of course, she had spent time with Paul Ruiz, which could account for much of her mood shift. He'd hoped Paul and she would connect, and apparently they had. Paul was a good man with a lot to offer her.
He stopped and leaned against the wall just outside the kitchen door, marveling at the way in which his life had changed since his trip to Delaware. In just a little under three weeks, a woman who had literally been severely depressed and starving herself to death had made a complete turn-around. The hollows of her face were gone, her stamina for physical activity was slowly returning, and now it was obvious her emotional health had taken a decided turn for the better. He had brought home a reluctant orphan and now had the company of a devoted daughter. In the autumn of his days, he had finally found the life he'd always wanted, and for the first time in a very long time, he was completely happy.
"So what's on the menu for tonight?" he asked brightly, coming around the corner and being further pleased at the relaxed expression on her face as she tended her dinner.
"Guinea-pig Surprise," she replied as he came to stand over her shoulder and continue to sniff in the aromas appreciatively.
"Are you keeping track of what you're doing with some of these Surprises so that you can repeat the dishes again later on?" he asked as he patted a shoulder and then moved past her to the sink for some water.
She shrugged. "More or less. Mostly what I'm trying to keep in mind are the concepts of what goes well with what."
"Is Paul having you bring anything tomorrow?"
"I don't think so," she shook her head. "At least, he hasn't asked me to." She glanced over at him. "Do you think I should?"
"In some social circles, bringing something is almost expected, you know," he replied after he'd drained his water. "But I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you called him to find out. He can no more than tell you to just bring yourself..."
"Do you have his phone number?" she asked, curious.
"It's in the Rolodex in my bedroom. I'll bring it out after supper." He sniffed hungrily over her shoulder one more time. "I don't want to disrupt the creative process in here as yet." He reached around her to try to lift the lid of the skillet, only to have the back of his hand swatted back. "Wha...?"
"No peeking," Parker grinned at him. "It won't be a Surprise if you peek..."
"No fair," he complained in an exaggeratedly peevish voice. "I'm starving, and it smells SO good in here."
"It'll be ready in about fifteen minutes," she chuckled at him. "I'm sure you're not going to waste away to a mere shadow in fifteen minutes!" Sydney opened his mouth to complain, but then had his comments cut short by the sound of knocking at the door. "Saved by the bell," she chirped at him. "Go get that, and it should be ready by the time you get back."
"It's good to see you happy, ma petite," he told her finally with a peck on the cheek and then moved to the front of the apartment and peeked through the little spy-hole at whoever it was standing at his door. His jaw dropped and he seriously thought about the wisdom of opening the door at all. He got a hollow feeling in his stomach when he considered that Parker's apparent paranoia may well have had a legitimate basis after all.
Still, there was little to do but open the door - the person waiting on the landing knew exactly who they were expecting to find. He unhitched the security chain, knowing that it would be useless anyway. "What in the world are YOU doing here?" he demanded.
Parker reached out and turned off the timer on the stove and then the burner. Dinner was now officially ready. "Papa," she called the man who had been notably absent since the summons to the front door after hanging over her shoulder drooling. "Supper's on." She began taking lids from pots and moving them to the hot pads on the table for serving.
"Parker..." Papa's voice sounded strange - tight and worried - and she spun around to look at him. He moved resolutely into the kitchen and gently grasped her elbows. "Sit down," he directed, steering her backwards into a chair to match his wishes. "We have a visitor, and I want you to just hang on until you hear what he has to say."
"Who... Papa?" She tried to look around him, but could see nobody. "Who's here?"
"You can come on back now," Sydney called over his shoulder, his hands slipping down her forearms to capture her hands.
Miss Parker's eyes widened and she pulled against Sydney's hold on her as the tall, dark-haired man moved smoothly into her kitchen and into her line of sight. "Hello, Miss Parker," Sam said gently. "It's good to see you again."
~~~~~~~~
Sam sat uncomfortably at the kitchen table and observed the dynamics between two people he had once thought he'd known fairly well. In the weeks since Miss Parker had simply vanished without a trace from Blue Cove, things had obviously changed considerably with her. For one thing, she looked much healthier than she had the last time he'd seen her. He may have only been a sweeper - hired muscle ordered to carry out her every wish - but her steady physical and emotional decline after the breakup of her original team had worried him greatly. It did him good to see that she was at least eating better, and that her skin had the glow of regular time in the fresh air and sunshine. But the change went even deeper than that - the way in which she was behaving was neither her trademark self-confident Ice Queen imperial swagger nor the slump of defeat and despair that had punctuated her manner the last time he'd seen her.
Then, watching Sydney handle her, it became plain that the relationship between the two of them had also changed significantly, and that this was as much a part of the change in Miss Parker as anything else. There was closeness between them now that had never been perceivable or even imaginable before, with the old psychiatrist adopting a very paternal role in responding to Miss Parker's near panic at the sight of her old sweeper. It was Sydney that pulled a third place setting from his cupboards and put it on the opposite end of the table from her, and then made sure to place himself protectively between Sam and Miss Parker. She was obviously depending on him to keep her anchored - and she was calling him "Papa," which in and of itself was startling.
"This IS a surprise. How on earth did you find us?" Sydney asked as he dished a reasonable helping of a delicious-smelling casserole for Miss Parker and then took some for himself before handing the spoon to Sam.
Sam took the spoon and gave himself a small portion. "I..." He looked down in chagrin. "I always thought Miss Parker would want to find you again someday. So about a month after you left, I started looking for you myself on my own time without telling anybody what I was doing or what I found out. To be honest, I discovered where you moved to in about a week. I thought at the time that someday she'd ask or say something, and then I'd be able to tell her what I knew. Then she vanished, and I thought I'd just wasted my time.
"Then, when things fell apart a few days ago and somebody needed to find Miss Parker, I figured that the only way I might find her would be to look either you or Broots up. Of everyone at The Centre, you and Broots were the ONLY ones she might have kept in contact with. Broots had never made a secret of where he'd gone, and I knew how close Miss Parker was with Debbie, so I went there before I came here. Turned out he didn't know where she'd gone at all - seemed rather sad about it too when he found out she'd gone missing." His blue eyes dove into Miss Parker's wary grey gaze. "He said he owed you an apology. I was to tell you that, and tell you to give him a call, if I ever found you. But I have to admit, I didn't expect to find her here WITH you."
"Why?" Parker's voice was small, but at least she'd found it again. "Why did you come?"
Sam's blue eyes bore into her. "Somebody needed to tell you about the boy - about little Master Parker."
"What about him?" she asked without the slightest inflection in her voice.
"When the government moved in to close the place down about a week ago, they found him down below - on SL-27. It wasn't pretty." Sam's expression didn't waver. "But he IS your little half-brother, Miss Parker..."
"No," she corrected him very deliberately. "My name is Parker Green now. Miss Parker doesn't exist anymore."
Sam's gaze flicked back and forth between Sydney and Parker again as if taking the measure of the bond between them now. THAT was what had changed - they were acting as if they were father and daughter rather than colleagues or friends. No wonder Raines had never been able to figure out where she'd gone to - nobody would have ever suspected that she'd be posing as Sydney's daughter and changing her name to fit her new identity. Still, he'd come for a reason... "He's your half-brother. I thought that at least you'd want to know what became of him..."
Parker's eyes widened, and she looked to Sydney with something approaching anxiety. The Belgian looked over at the sweeper. "That sounds rather ominous..."
"Like I said, it wasn't pretty." Sam's eyes grew dark. "I saw him when they brought him up from the sublevels - the sight of the sun and all that open space absolutely terrified him. I don't think he's ever been allowed out of the Centre at all."
"That sounds like Raines and Lyle," Sydney commented bitterly. He looked over at Parker. "Did you know where the baby was?"
She shook her head. "Da..." The name still tasted foul in her mouth. "When Daddy was alive, I'd see him from time to time. But after Raines took over, I was told to keep my mind on my job and leave the child-rearing to the nursery attendants. I haven't seen him since..." She thought for a moment. "...since Daddy committed suicide."
Sam shook his head, apparently in disgust. "I'm not surprised. I heard later that the police had a psychologist check him out, and evidently he's been sensory deprived and pretty much left alone for a very long time - he couldn't walk or talk and refused to let anybody near him. I heard one guy mention something about a “Forbidden Experiment,” or something like tha..."
"Mon Dieu!" Sydney's voice was past outraged. "Raines has done some obscene things before, I know - but THAT..."
"What is a Forbidden Experiment, Papa?" Parker asked, chilled.
"It is to raise a human being without any social interaction at all and then, in the second phase of the experiment, study the way in which the formerly isolated person acquires socialization once contact is restored." Sydney's voice shook with the strength of his disapproval. "It is considered forbidden for several reasons. There are the serious ethical and moral ramifications of taking a sentient human being and deliberately isolating it from all other human contact in order to document language and behavioral development “au natural.” But also, modern psychiatric theory holds that the subject would be permanently damaged and never able to fully integrate into society once reclaimed. Until now, the closest anybody has ever come to actually running the experiment was to discover a child who, for one reason or another, ended up fending for themselves. There are only a small handful of cases documented, with no data on the development of the child in isolation prior to re-establishing human contact." He shuddered. "My God - Raines was most likely trying to fill in the gaps by documenting the boy's development during prolonged isolation."
Parker settled back into her chair, eyes wide. "They did that to my little brother?"
Sam's face showed his compassion and sympathy. "I'm really sorry to be the one who had to bring you this news, M... Parker, but I figured that since you'd most likely seen the news about the Centre, you might start wondering what happened to him..." He sighed. "And I figured you'd rather get the news from a friend."
Sydney watched his daughter carefully. "Parker? Are you OK?"
Her grey eyes had grown misty. "God, Papa, I..." Suddenly, all she could think of was the feeling of the newborn in her arms when she'd delivered the baby herself in that remote cabin - and the sense of family that she'd felt when she'd later held the baby those few times before her so-called father's death. She turned back to Sam, stricken. "The authorities - they're going to hold that bastard Raines responsible for this too?"
Sam took on a grim expression of satisfaction. "Oh, yes, ma'am!"
"What will happen to my brother now?" She looked back and forth between the men.
Sam shrugged and waved deference to Sydney's expertise. "They'll probably put him in an institution, where he can be taken care of properly and receive intensive therapy." Sydney wasn't happy about having to tell her the prognosis. "Depending upon the amount of damage done to his psyche, he may never be a “normal” person, never be able to live a “normal” life outside an institutional setting."
"God!" She closed her eyes and remembered the budding intelligence she'd seen in those grey infant eyes. "What should I do? Do I need to do something?"
"You may want to let them know that he still has a living relative, Parker, get yourself appointed his conservator or guardian," Sydney replied, his eyes flicking up to check out Sam's reaction to the possibility that the baby might not have a home here after all. "That way, nothing would ever happen to him without your knowledge and approval. You could at least make sure he gets the best of care..."
"And," Parker's eyes turned to Sam, "I'd have to go back to Delaware to do that, wouldn't I?"
Sam nodded. "More than likely, yes. I doubt, given the situation and circumstances of this being about the Centre, that they'll trust your word in a phone call." He took a bite of the casserole and found it as delicious as it had smelled. "The good news, however, is that they aren't looking for you to arrest you - or you either, Sydney. Whatever the evidence was that they had, it exonerated most of the people who worked there who hadn't done anything but work at an organization that broke the law. Only those who bought into the darker side of the Centre's agenda - folks like Willy and Cox, for example, who actually broke the law themselves in service to the Centre - were rounded up with Raines. If you went back, you might end up being questioned or debriefed - but that would be it."
Parker glanced at Sydney with her eyebrows climbing her forehead in a skeptical manner he'd seen so many times before over the years, then returned a wary gaze to their guest. "So you mean that except for a mild grilling by the authorities before I sign the paperwork, I'd be free of all involvement in the Centre or what it did for all those years?"
Sam continued to nod. "Yes, ma'am. If they treat you the way they did me, it seems that way."
"What about you? What happened? Were you there?"
The ex-sweeper's face broke into a grin as he nodded. "Yes, ma'am - and you should have seen it! When the authorities were ready to move in, the first thing they did was to cut off all communications with the Tower and main facility. When they finally DID move in, I think they had three SWAT teams armed to the teeth - anybody carrying a weapon was searched and their weapon confiscated. They evacuated the clerical and computer technicians first, then sent a team to the Tower to get Raines and Lyle. Once they had them, THEN they sent the SWAT people down to systematically clear out the sublevels one at a time. It took the better part of a day, but the place is closed down and locked up tight now while government techs go through the Centre mainframe computer - nobody's getting in or out without clearance."
Parker gaped at him. "You sound like you're glad it happened."
"Yes, ma'am." Sam looked up into her eyes without flinching. "Let's put it this way: I'm not unhappy about the way things went down. There was some seriously wrong stuff going on there. Obviously." He knew he didn't need to mention her half-brother - or the way the three of them had been ordered to hunt down Jarod as if he, too, were nothing but a well-trained animal that had escaped. "It was time something happened to put an end to it."
"They arrested all the sweepers and cleaners, I'd wager," Sydney put his fork back down on his plate in surprise at the ease with which the Centre had been over-run.
"Actually, no..." Sam answered calmly. "They seemed to have a pretty good idea of who was to be arrested and who was just to be detained and then released. They questioned me the first day for the better part of three hours, then let me go. They didn't even tell me I had to stick around - so I packed up my car and made tracks."
"What are you going to do now? Have you decided?" Parker's voice was small, but it expressed a kind of friendly curiosity Sam had never expected to hear aimed in his direction from his formerly prickly boss.
"I'm on my way back to Los Angeles - for what it's worth, my brother runs a small security business there and has offered me a job to help me get settled in." He cleaned up the last bite of his dinner and set his fork down. "I just wanted to see if I could find any trace of you, Mi... Parker, and let you know the news about your little brother."
"I appreciate that," she replied softly. "I'll have to think about whether I want people to know that I'm still breathing air, though... Even if it is only to a very small group of officials."
"I can understand that," Sam commented gently. "Look, I don't pretend to know what all happened that made you just up and disappear the way you did, but I DO know what I saw before you left. I can say it now: I was really worried about you - and I didn't know how to tell you or even if you let me say anything. But from some of the things you two have said just now, I'm getting the picture that it was pretty bad for you too." He leaned forward. "I'm just relieved to know that you're safe and doing better."
Parker looked across the table at the huge man and suddenly knew that this had been a friend she'd never realized she'd had all that time. He too, like Sydney, had taken her barbs and disdain and yet stayed loyally and protectively at her side. "I'm glad you came," she told him earnestly. "And I hope you'll consider staying in touch - just to let me know how you're doing every once in a while..."
Why had she never noticed that Sam had laugh lines at the corners of his brilliant blue eyes? "I'd like that, M... Parker. I'd like that a lot."
Sydney sat back in his chair and watched his daughter make peace with another part of her past through dealing with Sam, feeling a sense of accomplishment as she moved slowly and steadily from panic to acceptance and even friendship. She could never have managed this step even a week ago - Sam's reappearance in her life would have constituted a serious set-back complete with nightmares and panic attacks and drastic mood swings again. Now, however, he could see her finally starting to put her past behind her and actively choosing what parts of it were worth keeping rather than just turning her back on it all.
"Do you have a place to stay for the night?" he asked finally.
Sam shook his head. "Thanks, but no. I need to get back on the road. I should be able to make it to my brother's by very late tonight if I keep on going."
"You're welcome to the couch," Parker added her voice to her Papa's. "I'd hate to think that you have that far to drive while tired."
The ex-sweeper was touched that they would even make him such an offer, and he ducked his head in embarrassed agreement. "Well..."
"Have some more dinner," Sydney urged, moving the spoon in the skillet toward his guest again, "and don't worry about having to get on the road until morning. You know you'll drive more safely that way..."
"Not to mention that we can stock you up on coffee and something for lunch on the road," Parker added. She smiled at him. Sam held his breath as he caught his first sight of a purely friendly smile from her, one lightly seasoned with a dash of humor he'd never imagined he'd ever see. "Just nod your head and agree, Sam - I'm afraid we have you outnumbered two to one."
The chuckle started at the bottom of the ex-sweeper's stomach and finally burst forth. "OK. You talked me into it." He reached for the spoon in the skillet. "And before I go, will somebody PLEASE give me the recipe for this? It's fantastic!"
Sydney turned a sly grin on his daughter. "As I was saying earlier about keeping notes on your Surprises..."
"Oh, hush!" she grumbled at her Papa, then turned her attention back to their guest. "I didn't even know you had a brother, Sam. Come to think of it," she paused, a little embarrassed, "I don't know much about you at all."
"There isn't really much to tell," Sam shrugged and reached out for the spoon to help himself to more of the delicious meal. "I'm from LA originally, and my brother and folks are still out there..."
~~~~~~~~
"You drive carefully now," Parker worried at Sam as the three of them walked toward the street where he'd parked his car.
Sam pressed the button on his key that unlocked his car and turned. "I will," he promised. "You two take care too. It really WAS good to see you again - and to see you somewhere nowhere near THAT place."
Sydney waited until Sam had deposited his overnight bag in the back seat and the thermos of fresh coffee from their pot on the passenger seat before extending his hand to the big man. "I'm glad you knew where to find me," he told him with a deep and sincere tone. "Keep in touch, and come back to see us again sometime."
"I may just do that," Sam replied in a warning tone, shaking the Belgian psychiatrist's hand firmly. "There aren't many things that I'll miss about that old place - but some of the people I got to know there, I AM going to miss..."
"Know what you mean." Sydney covered their clasped hands with his free hand. "Good luck in your new job."
"Thank you." Sam turned to his former boss, hardly knowing what to say. "I'm glad I found you, and I'm really glad you're all right now. You take good care of yourself." He put out a hand to her.
Parker disregarded the hand completely, moved closer and gave him a gentle hug that clearly surprised him for a moment before he carefully returned the gesture. "You take good care too, Sam. You were one of the good people - I'm glad we won't loose touch after all." She let go and backed away to thread her hand through Sydney's arm.
"Don't forget to call Broots," Sam told her after he'd seated himself, started the engine and run the window down. "I think you'll find it worth it." He closed the door.
"I won't forget, I promise. Thank you for coming."
"See ya." Sam waved brightly to the two of them and moved the car from the curb.
Sydney and Parker waved at him again as he made a U-turn and put himself back on the boulevard heading south toward the freeway. Then they walked northward toward the stoplight at which they'd cross over and begin their morning walk through the park.
"Are you OK?" Sydney asked quietly, knowing that Parker had waited until they were alone again before wanting to touch on the subject of the half-brother she'd left behind her in the bowels of the Centre.
Her hand tightened on his arm. "I don't know," she admitted in a bleak voice. "To think..." she paused, putting the words together properly. "Am I a horrible person if I said I had forgotten completely about my half-brother?"
"No," he answered her gently, patting her hand on his arm. "You're not a horrible person, Parker. You've had quite enough on your mind already - and you said you hadn't seen your little brother for months before you came here."
"But to just abandon him myself..."
"Is that what you think you did?"
She walked along silently for a moment. "Raines wasn't letting me anywhere near him before I left - wouldn't even give me any news about him," she replied finally. "Then, when I came out here with you," she paused, hoping what she was going to say wouldn't be hurtful. "Face it: I DID abandon him to the Centre. I couldn't help him. I couldn't even help myself."
Sydney walked along for a bit, chewing on the insight she'd given him, and then pulled her to a halt at one of their favorite benches at which to rest. He dragged her down to sit next to him. "How do you feel about having abandoned him, Parker? We never have discussed him at all - and I have to admit that I never once considered the baby when I came back for you..."
She could feel his eyes on her face, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I felt lousy about it - like I'd done to him what Daddy had done to me in shipping me off to boarding school. But I didn't start to feel that way until just a few days ago, when I suddenly remembered that he was there. Then I felt even worse, knowing that I'd abandoned him in my mind - in my heart - when I was getting so sick, and then abandoned him in fact when I walked away from the Centre. I had to get better just to remember he existed." She looked up at him now. "What kind of person am I that I could just forget him like that?"
"You didn't just forget him, ma petite. You don't need to punish yourself for being human. You were ill - and then you were using all your energy to just get better. You didn't deliberately leave him." He tightened his hand on hers. "He was taken away from you, just as so many others were. This wasn't something YOU chose, it was something forced on you."
"And now, I can't help him..."
"Yes you can. You can make sure that he goes to the best psychiatric facility, either here in Arizona or back there in Delaware, and see to it that he gets the best care and treatment money can buy." Sydney patted her hand.
Parker gave a long sigh. "I suppose so..." She looked down and then up at him again. "But I don't want to go back alone. Will you come with me?"
"Yes," he replied gently. "I'll come with you. We'll have to buy two round-trip tickets, you know - that one-way ticket I bought back when for you just in case isn't going to get us very far..."
"We'll cash it in as credit toward the round-trip tickets then," she leaned her shoulder into his. "I was never going to use it anyway - this way, the money wasn't wasted. And make the reservations for as soon as possible. I want to get this over with, get him transferred to somewhere here in the valley close by, and then come home as quickly as I can."
Sydney's lips twitched. "So this is home now?"
"Yes." The word was firm and sure. "The first real home I've had in a very long time."
~~~~~~~~
Paul's face eased into a wide smile as he opened the door. "You're right on time," he said as he ushered her into the cooler interior of his apartment. He gestured to the brown paper grocery bag she carried in with her. "What's that?"
"Sparkling apple cider, two bottles," she answered, letting him peek into the bag. "I thought they might go with the supper tonight."
"Maybe for Janine," he agreed, taking the bottles from her and leading the way toward the kitchen in an apartment that was just backwards to the one she shared with her Papa. "But I was thinking about some strawberry zinfandel for us..."
"I don't drink, I'm sorry." The words slipped out almost before Parker knew it. She looked up in chagrin to explain. "I have an ulcer, and drinking just about anything now gives me grief."
"An ulcer?" Paul's brows slid together. "How in the world did you get something like that?"
"My former job was very stressful," she answered truthfully, hoping that would be enough information to hold him for now.
He couldn't help but note that she was being just a bit evasive again already. He'd hoped that they'd gotten beyond that. "What did you do?" he pushed slightly.
Parker frowned slightly - she really didn't want to be discussing the Centre with him, not yet. "I was the head of security for a large corporation," she replied, again sticking to the truth but leaving out the details.
"Oh?"
"I'd really rather not talk about it, please," she told him firmly. "I've left all that behind me - although unfortunately my ulcer is one piece that I can't get rid of."
"I'm sorry," he turned from placing the bottles of cider in the bottom of his refrigerator. "It's just that I'm just very curious about you. You don't talk much about your past..."
"I have walked away from my past, for the most part," she told him firmly. "I'd rather leave as much of my past IN the past as I can."
"OK..." Paul gestured for her to sit down at the kitchen table with him again, then took a seat near her. "Oh, by the way, this morning, while Janine and I were on our way to the store for groceries for today, we saw you and your dad and another man - you seemed very friendly and were hugging him. I was wondering who..."
Parker looked up into Paul's face sharply. "He is an old friend of ours that I haven't seen since I moved out here. He's moving to LA, and just stopped by for a visit." Her eyes snapped. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"Parker..." He put up his hands defensively. "Hold it! I'm sorry. I told you, I'm just very curious about you - and I want to get to know you."
"You're acting as if you're jealous," she bit off.
Paul at least had the good sense to look chagrinned. "I am, I suppose, a little bit," he admitted. "I guess I've gotten used to the idea that it was just you and your dad - and seeing you with someone else, and hugging him... It just hit me wrong."
"I don't care HOW it 'hit you,'" she narrowed her eyes to slits. "My life is MY business until I decide to bring you in - and even then, your right to pry into my life ends when I say it does. You have no idea..." She paused to take a deep breath before she let her temper overwhelm her. Where had it come from? "This is a bad idea. I need to leave..." She rose and walked out of the kitchen before Paul could process what was happening.
"Parker, wait!" he called and sprang to his feet. He bolted through the kitchen door and managed to snare her elbow just as she was reaching the front door. "Look, I don't know what I'm doing wrong here, so will you help me out?"
"I don't think so," she jerked her elbow out of his grasp, and then suddenly felt her anger rise up uncontrollably. She looked up at him with eyes blazing. "You know, I've had enough of people treating me like a piece of property with no feelings or rights of my own to last three lifetimes. I didn't come to Arizona just to end up having to withstand you interrogating me like a criminal for having friends you don't know or approve of. I will NOT be controlled - trapped - like that EVER again, do you hear me?"
Paul was taken aback at the fury she was heaping on him. There was obviously more going on here than a response to a mere social faux pas. He had seen previously how she normally just shut down when he touched on something sensitive - this almost unreasonable anger coming out of nowhere must be the stronger reaction to his having touched something truly painful. All he knew was that he was standing at the brink of losing her friendship completely almost before it had a chance to grow.
His voice softened. "I'm sorry - how many different times and ways do I have to apologize before you'll hear me?" He reached out to her, then pulled back when she glared at him. "I didn't realize your work history was such a touchy subject. I'm sorry I pushed. I'm sorry I got jealous too, although I'm afraid I can't help that. It's been so long since I've found anyone I was genuinely interested in, I guess I wasn't prepared for seeing you with someone else, no matter how innocently. I admit I jumped to conclusions, though, and I AM sorry for that."
Parker was amazed at herself, and appalled. Where had this overwhelming anger at simple, otherwise reasonable questions from him come from? She took another deep breath to try to put down that simmering feeling inside. "I'm sorry too - I guess I blew up a little faster than I should have. But still..." She narrowed her eyes at him. "It isn't your place to be jealous, or to think you can give me the third degree. You don't know me, and you sure as hell don't own me."
"I know I don't own you. I said I'm sorr..."
"Don't do it again."
Paul blinked. It was a solid, inflexible, non-negotiable condition to her not walking out on him, presented in take-it-or-leave-it terms. "I'm sorry," he repeated again. "You're right - I was WAY out of line. Please, don't go."
Parker was torn. She wanted desperately to take this sudden upsurge of negative emotion home to Papa, to have him talk her through it and help her understand where it had come from and why. If she were going to ever be able to have a relationship with someone new, she'd have to know where such unexpected rages came from so she could avoid them. One fine day she would HAVE to be able to talk about her past without flying off the handle. Papa could help her figure out just what button she wasn't aware of had gotten pushed and how.
But she had also looked forward to this time with Paul and his daughter for days, and he'd no doubt put no small effort into the meal from the smells that were wafting about the apartment. AND he was obviously trying very hard to apologize - it would be rude to just walk out on him. She didn't WANT to walk away, she finally admitted to herself. She liked Paul and wanted to get to know HIM better too, despite his presumption today. She could talk to Papa later.
"OK, I guess," she conceded, turning away from the door at last. At long last she looked about the apartment and noted that the two of them were still alone. "By the way, where's Janine? I'm glad she missed the fireworks just now, but..."
"She and Michelle have a standing date to go mall-hopping on Sundays," Paul explained, silently breathing a deep sigh of relief. "She'll be back about four-thirty. I had hoped that she'd be willing to skip this week, but..."
"She's still mad at you for saying no to a belly button piercing, I'll bet." Parker was beginning to relax again now that the conversation had moved to much safer ground. "This is her way of getting back at you, because she knows that you invited me over to get to know HER better. What better rebellion than to sabotage that just enough that it would be noticed, but not enough that it would get her into trouble."
"You sound like you know your way around teenagers." Paul had finally gotten brave enough to nestle her elbow in the palm of his hand and lead her back toward the kitchen.
"I've been around a few," she admitted, letting her mind test the waters of talking about Debbie to an outsider at long last. "My... one of my best friends had a daughter who was just pre-teen. Her parents had divorced and her mother was... well... a gambling addict. She needed an older female around every once in a while, and..." See, Parker, she told herself, you CAN talk about this without getting jumpy. "We ended up very close..."
Paul gently saw her back to the chair she'd been sitting in previously. "I see..." he prompted carefully, wary of tripping over something painful again and having to go through the agony he'd just barely survived all over again. "Are you still close?"
"No. There was a problem one day... and it caused a rift between me and my friend. I haven't seen him - or her - since." Parker closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It had been hard to talk about it, but just knowing Broots had sent an apology along had gone a long way toward healing that deep and aching wound in her heart. She could only pray that Paul didn't try to push again for more details. Only Papa was allowed to push - because he knew the details, just not the workings of her mind.
"I'm sorry to hear that." She was being evasive again - no doubt the circumstances of this rift between her and her friend was something else that she wasn't ready to talk about yet. This time, however, he knew better than to push her at all anymore when she began to become evasive. Parker Green was truly a woman of mystery - beautiful, attractive, and someone who had been obviously very badly hurt. If he were ever to become close enough to her that she would open up, he would have to be very patient with her and gain her trust. There would be no rushing this relationship at all, no matter how attractive he found her.
Something suddenly occurred to him. "Is that why you were so reluctant to meet Janine? She was the daughter of a friend too, just like before?"
"Yes." The answer was almost whispered. "I've lost... so many people..." She looked down and took another deep breath. "I didn't want to get close to anyone again if I was just going to lose them again."
"Pretty lady..." Paul's hand came up and cradled her cheek, and her grey eyes came up to meet his hesitantly, filled with pure grief. "I don't know what happened to you, but I know I don't want our friendship to cause you pain. Tell me what to do to help you."
"Make me laugh," she responded finally, finding that she didn't mind the feeling of his hand against her skin. "Help me remember that there is light and humor and fun and good people in the world still who are happy. Don't ask me to remember..."
"OK, OK. I get it." He threaded his fingers into her curls and stroked them back a bit. "We'll talk about today, about Janine and her strange friends and even weirder friends' mothers. And I won't ask you to remember anything that you don't want to." His hazel eyes dove into hers. "I promise."
"Thank you." It was whispered very softly.
Paul smiled. His luck was with him still, for he'd managed to snatch his chance to know her better from the destructive fires of his own impatience. "For you, pretty lady, anything. But..." He smiled a little wider. "Just so you know, I don't intend for you to lose me, or Janine either. I'm not going anywhere else, and neither is she for a long time. I would like to have you in my life, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you here. You're not going to lose us. I promise that too."
The front door the apartment slammed, and Janine's voice called out, "Are you guys here?"
Paul's hazel eyes began to twinkle. "Although you may wish you could lose HER a few times more before she reaches 18..." He touched a gentle fingertip to her lips. "So smile now, pretty lady, so that you don't get the third degree from HER coming in here and wondering what's been going on to make you so serious. Wouldn't you know she'd come home early after all..."
Parker's lips twitched beneath his finger, and slowly a smile spread across her face. "We're back here," she called out to the teenager without letting her eyes leave his, throwing caution to the wind and giving up trying to keep her distance. Then, as Janine flounced audibly toward the kitchen door, she turned and gave her a wide grin as her face appeared in the doorway. "So, how was the mall?"
Chapter 9 - Insights
Sydney came out of his bathroom sniffing the air appreciatively, for the savory aromas of the evening meal that Parker was preparing for them were already making him salivate and his stomach growl. One of the nicest recent discoveries about his daughter had been that she had the talent to be a good cook despite the fact that she kept protesting her inexperience and her old habits of just ordering in. They had begun a routine of alternating cooking and cleaning duties of late, with Parker poring through some of the quick recipe books she found at the supermarket checkout lines for new ideas.
Then he stopped and listened, and began grinning ear to ear. She was humming as she worked! His suspicion that her whole outlook on life had shifted since that fateful afternoon TV report about the demise of The Centre was now confirmed. After having the verbal equivalent of a panic attack, she had gone off on her own to work through her thoughts while walking - and had returned to the apartment in a much better mood. Of course, she had spent time with Paul Ruiz, which could account for much of her mood shift. He'd hoped Paul and she would connect, and apparently they had. Paul was a good man with a lot to offer her.
He stopped and leaned against the wall just outside the kitchen door, marveling at the way in which his life had changed since his trip to Delaware. In just a little under three weeks, a woman who had literally been severely depressed and starving herself to death had made a complete turn-around. The hollows of her face were gone, her stamina for physical activity was slowly returning, and now it was obvious her emotional health had taken a decided turn for the better. He had brought home a reluctant orphan and now had the company of a devoted daughter. In the autumn of his days, he had finally found the life he'd always wanted, and for the first time in a very long time, he was completely happy.
"So what's on the menu for tonight?" he asked brightly, coming around the corner and being further pleased at the relaxed expression on her face as she tended her dinner.
"Guinea-pig Surprise," she replied as he came to stand over her shoulder and continue to sniff in the aromas appreciatively.
"Are you keeping track of what you're doing with some of these Surprises so that you can repeat the dishes again later on?" he asked as he patted a shoulder and then moved past her to the sink for some water.
She shrugged. "More or less. Mostly what I'm trying to keep in mind are the concepts of what goes well with what."
"Is Paul having you bring anything tomorrow?"
"I don't think so," she shook her head. "At least, he hasn't asked me to." She glanced over at him. "Do you think I should?"
"In some social circles, bringing something is almost expected, you know," he replied after he'd drained his water. "But I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you called him to find out. He can no more than tell you to just bring yourself..."
"Do you have his phone number?" she asked, curious.
"It's in the Rolodex in my bedroom. I'll bring it out after supper." He sniffed hungrily over her shoulder one more time. "I don't want to disrupt the creative process in here as yet." He reached around her to try to lift the lid of the skillet, only to have the back of his hand swatted back. "Wha...?"
"No peeking," Parker grinned at him. "It won't be a Surprise if you peek..."
"No fair," he complained in an exaggeratedly peevish voice. "I'm starving, and it smells SO good in here."
"It'll be ready in about fifteen minutes," she chuckled at him. "I'm sure you're not going to waste away to a mere shadow in fifteen minutes!" Sydney opened his mouth to complain, but then had his comments cut short by the sound of knocking at the door. "Saved by the bell," she chirped at him. "Go get that, and it should be ready by the time you get back."
"It's good to see you happy, ma petite," he told her finally with a peck on the cheek and then moved to the front of the apartment and peeked through the little spy-hole at whoever it was standing at his door. His jaw dropped and he seriously thought about the wisdom of opening the door at all. He got a hollow feeling in his stomach when he considered that Parker's apparent paranoia may well have had a legitimate basis after all.
Still, there was little to do but open the door - the person waiting on the landing knew exactly who they were expecting to find. He unhitched the security chain, knowing that it would be useless anyway. "What in the world are YOU doing here?" he demanded.
Parker reached out and turned off the timer on the stove and then the burner. Dinner was now officially ready. "Papa," she called the man who had been notably absent since the summons to the front door after hanging over her shoulder drooling. "Supper's on." She began taking lids from pots and moving them to the hot pads on the table for serving.
"Parker..." Papa's voice sounded strange - tight and worried - and she spun around to look at him. He moved resolutely into the kitchen and gently grasped her elbows. "Sit down," he directed, steering her backwards into a chair to match his wishes. "We have a visitor, and I want you to just hang on until you hear what he has to say."
"Who... Papa?" She tried to look around him, but could see nobody. "Who's here?"
"You can come on back now," Sydney called over his shoulder, his hands slipping down her forearms to capture her hands.
Miss Parker's eyes widened and she pulled against Sydney's hold on her as the tall, dark-haired man moved smoothly into her kitchen and into her line of sight. "Hello, Miss Parker," Sam said gently. "It's good to see you again."
~~~~~~~~
Sam sat uncomfortably at the kitchen table and observed the dynamics between two people he had once thought he'd known fairly well. In the weeks since Miss Parker had simply vanished without a trace from Blue Cove, things had obviously changed considerably with her. For one thing, she looked much healthier than she had the last time he'd seen her. He may have only been a sweeper - hired muscle ordered to carry out her every wish - but her steady physical and emotional decline after the breakup of her original team had worried him greatly. It did him good to see that she was at least eating better, and that her skin had the glow of regular time in the fresh air and sunshine. But the change went even deeper than that - the way in which she was behaving was neither her trademark self-confident Ice Queen imperial swagger nor the slump of defeat and despair that had punctuated her manner the last time he'd seen her.
Then, watching Sydney handle her, it became plain that the relationship between the two of them had also changed significantly, and that this was as much a part of the change in Miss Parker as anything else. There was closeness between them now that had never been perceivable or even imaginable before, with the old psychiatrist adopting a very paternal role in responding to Miss Parker's near panic at the sight of her old sweeper. It was Sydney that pulled a third place setting from his cupboards and put it on the opposite end of the table from her, and then made sure to place himself protectively between Sam and Miss Parker. She was obviously depending on him to keep her anchored - and she was calling him "Papa," which in and of itself was startling.
"This IS a surprise. How on earth did you find us?" Sydney asked as he dished a reasonable helping of a delicious-smelling casserole for Miss Parker and then took some for himself before handing the spoon to Sam.
Sam took the spoon and gave himself a small portion. "I..." He looked down in chagrin. "I always thought Miss Parker would want to find you again someday. So about a month after you left, I started looking for you myself on my own time without telling anybody what I was doing or what I found out. To be honest, I discovered where you moved to in about a week. I thought at the time that someday she'd ask or say something, and then I'd be able to tell her what I knew. Then she vanished, and I thought I'd just wasted my time.
"Then, when things fell apart a few days ago and somebody needed to find Miss Parker, I figured that the only way I might find her would be to look either you or Broots up. Of everyone at The Centre, you and Broots were the ONLY ones she might have kept in contact with. Broots had never made a secret of where he'd gone, and I knew how close Miss Parker was with Debbie, so I went there before I came here. Turned out he didn't know where she'd gone at all - seemed rather sad about it too when he found out she'd gone missing." His blue eyes dove into Miss Parker's wary grey gaze. "He said he owed you an apology. I was to tell you that, and tell you to give him a call, if I ever found you. But I have to admit, I didn't expect to find her here WITH you."
"Why?" Parker's voice was small, but at least she'd found it again. "Why did you come?"
Sam's blue eyes bore into her. "Somebody needed to tell you about the boy - about little Master Parker."
"What about him?" she asked without the slightest inflection in her voice.
"When the government moved in to close the place down about a week ago, they found him down below - on SL-27. It wasn't pretty." Sam's expression didn't waver. "But he IS your little half-brother, Miss Parker..."
"No," she corrected him very deliberately. "My name is Parker Green now. Miss Parker doesn't exist anymore."
Sam's gaze flicked back and forth between Sydney and Parker again as if taking the measure of the bond between them now. THAT was what had changed - they were acting as if they were father and daughter rather than colleagues or friends. No wonder Raines had never been able to figure out where she'd gone to - nobody would have ever suspected that she'd be posing as Sydney's daughter and changing her name to fit her new identity. Still, he'd come for a reason... "He's your half-brother. I thought that at least you'd want to know what became of him..."
Parker's eyes widened, and she looked to Sydney with something approaching anxiety. The Belgian looked over at the sweeper. "That sounds rather ominous..."
"Like I said, it wasn't pretty." Sam's eyes grew dark. "I saw him when they brought him up from the sublevels - the sight of the sun and all that open space absolutely terrified him. I don't think he's ever been allowed out of the Centre at all."
"That sounds like Raines and Lyle," Sydney commented bitterly. He looked over at Parker. "Did you know where the baby was?"
She shook her head. "Da..." The name still tasted foul in her mouth. "When Daddy was alive, I'd see him from time to time. But after Raines took over, I was told to keep my mind on my job and leave the child-rearing to the nursery attendants. I haven't seen him since..." She thought for a moment. "...since Daddy committed suicide."
Sam shook his head, apparently in disgust. "I'm not surprised. I heard later that the police had a psychologist check him out, and evidently he's been sensory deprived and pretty much left alone for a very long time - he couldn't walk or talk and refused to let anybody near him. I heard one guy mention something about a “Forbidden Experiment,” or something like tha..."
"Mon Dieu!" Sydney's voice was past outraged. "Raines has done some obscene things before, I know - but THAT..."
"What is a Forbidden Experiment, Papa?" Parker asked, chilled.
"It is to raise a human being without any social interaction at all and then, in the second phase of the experiment, study the way in which the formerly isolated person acquires socialization once contact is restored." Sydney's voice shook with the strength of his disapproval. "It is considered forbidden for several reasons. There are the serious ethical and moral ramifications of taking a sentient human being and deliberately isolating it from all other human contact in order to document language and behavioral development “au natural.” But also, modern psychiatric theory holds that the subject would be permanently damaged and never able to fully integrate into society once reclaimed. Until now, the closest anybody has ever come to actually running the experiment was to discover a child who, for one reason or another, ended up fending for themselves. There are only a small handful of cases documented, with no data on the development of the child in isolation prior to re-establishing human contact." He shuddered. "My God - Raines was most likely trying to fill in the gaps by documenting the boy's development during prolonged isolation."
Parker settled back into her chair, eyes wide. "They did that to my little brother?"
Sam's face showed his compassion and sympathy. "I'm really sorry to be the one who had to bring you this news, M... Parker, but I figured that since you'd most likely seen the news about the Centre, you might start wondering what happened to him..." He sighed. "And I figured you'd rather get the news from a friend."
Sydney watched his daughter carefully. "Parker? Are you OK?"
Her grey eyes had grown misty. "God, Papa, I..." Suddenly, all she could think of was the feeling of the newborn in her arms when she'd delivered the baby herself in that remote cabin - and the sense of family that she'd felt when she'd later held the baby those few times before her so-called father's death. She turned back to Sam, stricken. "The authorities - they're going to hold that bastard Raines responsible for this too?"
Sam took on a grim expression of satisfaction. "Oh, yes, ma'am!"
"What will happen to my brother now?" She looked back and forth between the men.
Sam shrugged and waved deference to Sydney's expertise. "They'll probably put him in an institution, where he can be taken care of properly and receive intensive therapy." Sydney wasn't happy about having to tell her the prognosis. "Depending upon the amount of damage done to his psyche, he may never be a “normal” person, never be able to live a “normal” life outside an institutional setting."
"God!" She closed her eyes and remembered the budding intelligence she'd seen in those grey infant eyes. "What should I do? Do I need to do something?"
"You may want to let them know that he still has a living relative, Parker, get yourself appointed his conservator or guardian," Sydney replied, his eyes flicking up to check out Sam's reaction to the possibility that the baby might not have a home here after all. "That way, nothing would ever happen to him without your knowledge and approval. You could at least make sure he gets the best of care..."
"And," Parker's eyes turned to Sam, "I'd have to go back to Delaware to do that, wouldn't I?"
Sam nodded. "More than likely, yes. I doubt, given the situation and circumstances of this being about the Centre, that they'll trust your word in a phone call." He took a bite of the casserole and found it as delicious as it had smelled. "The good news, however, is that they aren't looking for you to arrest you - or you either, Sydney. Whatever the evidence was that they had, it exonerated most of the people who worked there who hadn't done anything but work at an organization that broke the law. Only those who bought into the darker side of the Centre's agenda - folks like Willy and Cox, for example, who actually broke the law themselves in service to the Centre - were rounded up with Raines. If you went back, you might end up being questioned or debriefed - but that would be it."
Parker glanced at Sydney with her eyebrows climbing her forehead in a skeptical manner he'd seen so many times before over the years, then returned a wary gaze to their guest. "So you mean that except for a mild grilling by the authorities before I sign the paperwork, I'd be free of all involvement in the Centre or what it did for all those years?"
Sam continued to nod. "Yes, ma'am. If they treat you the way they did me, it seems that way."
"What about you? What happened? Were you there?"
The ex-sweeper's face broke into a grin as he nodded. "Yes, ma'am - and you should have seen it! When the authorities were ready to move in, the first thing they did was to cut off all communications with the Tower and main facility. When they finally DID move in, I think they had three SWAT teams armed to the teeth - anybody carrying a weapon was searched and their weapon confiscated. They evacuated the clerical and computer technicians first, then sent a team to the Tower to get Raines and Lyle. Once they had them, THEN they sent the SWAT people down to systematically clear out the sublevels one at a time. It took the better part of a day, but the place is closed down and locked up tight now while government techs go through the Centre mainframe computer - nobody's getting in or out without clearance."
Parker gaped at him. "You sound like you're glad it happened."
"Yes, ma'am." Sam looked up into her eyes without flinching. "Let's put it this way: I'm not unhappy about the way things went down. There was some seriously wrong stuff going on there. Obviously." He knew he didn't need to mention her half-brother - or the way the three of them had been ordered to hunt down Jarod as if he, too, were nothing but a well-trained animal that had escaped. "It was time something happened to put an end to it."
"They arrested all the sweepers and cleaners, I'd wager," Sydney put his fork back down on his plate in surprise at the ease with which the Centre had been over-run.
"Actually, no..." Sam answered calmly. "They seemed to have a pretty good idea of who was to be arrested and who was just to be detained and then released. They questioned me the first day for the better part of three hours, then let me go. They didn't even tell me I had to stick around - so I packed up my car and made tracks."
"What are you going to do now? Have you decided?" Parker's voice was small, but it expressed a kind of friendly curiosity Sam had never expected to hear aimed in his direction from his formerly prickly boss.
"I'm on my way back to Los Angeles - for what it's worth, my brother runs a small security business there and has offered me a job to help me get settled in." He cleaned up the last bite of his dinner and set his fork down. "I just wanted to see if I could find any trace of you, Mi... Parker, and let you know the news about your little brother."
"I appreciate that," she replied softly. "I'll have to think about whether I want people to know that I'm still breathing air, though... Even if it is only to a very small group of officials."
"I can understand that," Sam commented gently. "Look, I don't pretend to know what all happened that made you just up and disappear the way you did, but I DO know what I saw before you left. I can say it now: I was really worried about you - and I didn't know how to tell you or even if you let me say anything. But from some of the things you two have said just now, I'm getting the picture that it was pretty bad for you too." He leaned forward. "I'm just relieved to know that you're safe and doing better."
Parker looked across the table at the huge man and suddenly knew that this had been a friend she'd never realized she'd had all that time. He too, like Sydney, had taken her barbs and disdain and yet stayed loyally and protectively at her side. "I'm glad you came," she told him earnestly. "And I hope you'll consider staying in touch - just to let me know how you're doing every once in a while..."
Why had she never noticed that Sam had laugh lines at the corners of his brilliant blue eyes? "I'd like that, M... Parker. I'd like that a lot."
Sydney sat back in his chair and watched his daughter make peace with another part of her past through dealing with Sam, feeling a sense of accomplishment as she moved slowly and steadily from panic to acceptance and even friendship. She could never have managed this step even a week ago - Sam's reappearance in her life would have constituted a serious set-back complete with nightmares and panic attacks and drastic mood swings again. Now, however, he could see her finally starting to put her past behind her and actively choosing what parts of it were worth keeping rather than just turning her back on it all.
"Do you have a place to stay for the night?" he asked finally.
Sam shook his head. "Thanks, but no. I need to get back on the road. I should be able to make it to my brother's by very late tonight if I keep on going."
"You're welcome to the couch," Parker added her voice to her Papa's. "I'd hate to think that you have that far to drive while tired."
The ex-sweeper was touched that they would even make him such an offer, and he ducked his head in embarrassed agreement. "Well..."
"Have some more dinner," Sydney urged, moving the spoon in the skillet toward his guest again, "and don't worry about having to get on the road until morning. You know you'll drive more safely that way..."
"Not to mention that we can stock you up on coffee and something for lunch on the road," Parker added. She smiled at him. Sam held his breath as he caught his first sight of a purely friendly smile from her, one lightly seasoned with a dash of humor he'd never imagined he'd ever see. "Just nod your head and agree, Sam - I'm afraid we have you outnumbered two to one."
The chuckle started at the bottom of the ex-sweeper's stomach and finally burst forth. "OK. You talked me into it." He reached for the spoon in the skillet. "And before I go, will somebody PLEASE give me the recipe for this? It's fantastic!"
Sydney turned a sly grin on his daughter. "As I was saying earlier about keeping notes on your Surprises..."
"Oh, hush!" she grumbled at her Papa, then turned her attention back to their guest. "I didn't even know you had a brother, Sam. Come to think of it," she paused, a little embarrassed, "I don't know much about you at all."
"There isn't really much to tell," Sam shrugged and reached out for the spoon to help himself to more of the delicious meal. "I'm from LA originally, and my brother and folks are still out there..."
~~~~~~~~
"You drive carefully now," Parker worried at Sam as the three of them walked toward the street where he'd parked his car.
Sam pressed the button on his key that unlocked his car and turned. "I will," he promised. "You two take care too. It really WAS good to see you again - and to see you somewhere nowhere near THAT place."
Sydney waited until Sam had deposited his overnight bag in the back seat and the thermos of fresh coffee from their pot on the passenger seat before extending his hand to the big man. "I'm glad you knew where to find me," he told him with a deep and sincere tone. "Keep in touch, and come back to see us again sometime."
"I may just do that," Sam replied in a warning tone, shaking the Belgian psychiatrist's hand firmly. "There aren't many things that I'll miss about that old place - but some of the people I got to know there, I AM going to miss..."
"Know what you mean." Sydney covered their clasped hands with his free hand. "Good luck in your new job."
"Thank you." Sam turned to his former boss, hardly knowing what to say. "I'm glad I found you, and I'm really glad you're all right now. You take good care of yourself." He put out a hand to her.
Parker disregarded the hand completely, moved closer and gave him a gentle hug that clearly surprised him for a moment before he carefully returned the gesture. "You take good care too, Sam. You were one of the good people - I'm glad we won't loose touch after all." She let go and backed away to thread her hand through Sydney's arm.
"Don't forget to call Broots," Sam told her after he'd seated himself, started the engine and run the window down. "I think you'll find it worth it." He closed the door.
"I won't forget, I promise. Thank you for coming."
"See ya." Sam waved brightly to the two of them and moved the car from the curb.
Sydney and Parker waved at him again as he made a U-turn and put himself back on the boulevard heading south toward the freeway. Then they walked northward toward the stoplight at which they'd cross over and begin their morning walk through the park.
"Are you OK?" Sydney asked quietly, knowing that Parker had waited until they were alone again before wanting to touch on the subject of the half-brother she'd left behind her in the bowels of the Centre.
Her hand tightened on his arm. "I don't know," she admitted in a bleak voice. "To think..." she paused, putting the words together properly. "Am I a horrible person if I said I had forgotten completely about my half-brother?"
"No," he answered her gently, patting her hand on his arm. "You're not a horrible person, Parker. You've had quite enough on your mind already - and you said you hadn't seen your little brother for months before you came here."
"But to just abandon him myself..."
"Is that what you think you did?"
She walked along silently for a moment. "Raines wasn't letting me anywhere near him before I left - wouldn't even give me any news about him," she replied finally. "Then, when I came out here with you," she paused, hoping what she was going to say wouldn't be hurtful. "Face it: I DID abandon him to the Centre. I couldn't help him. I couldn't even help myself."
Sydney walked along for a bit, chewing on the insight she'd given him, and then pulled her to a halt at one of their favorite benches at which to rest. He dragged her down to sit next to him. "How do you feel about having abandoned him, Parker? We never have discussed him at all - and I have to admit that I never once considered the baby when I came back for you..."
She could feel his eyes on her face, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I felt lousy about it - like I'd done to him what Daddy had done to me in shipping me off to boarding school. But I didn't start to feel that way until just a few days ago, when I suddenly remembered that he was there. Then I felt even worse, knowing that I'd abandoned him in my mind - in my heart - when I was getting so sick, and then abandoned him in fact when I walked away from the Centre. I had to get better just to remember he existed." She looked up at him now. "What kind of person am I that I could just forget him like that?"
"You didn't just forget him, ma petite. You don't need to punish yourself for being human. You were ill - and then you were using all your energy to just get better. You didn't deliberately leave him." He tightened his hand on hers. "He was taken away from you, just as so many others were. This wasn't something YOU chose, it was something forced on you."
"And now, I can't help him..."
"Yes you can. You can make sure that he goes to the best psychiatric facility, either here in Arizona or back there in Delaware, and see to it that he gets the best care and treatment money can buy." Sydney patted her hand.
Parker gave a long sigh. "I suppose so..." She looked down and then up at him again. "But I don't want to go back alone. Will you come with me?"
"Yes," he replied gently. "I'll come with you. We'll have to buy two round-trip tickets, you know - that one-way ticket I bought back when for you just in case isn't going to get us very far..."
"We'll cash it in as credit toward the round-trip tickets then," she leaned her shoulder into his. "I was never going to use it anyway - this way, the money wasn't wasted. And make the reservations for as soon as possible. I want to get this over with, get him transferred to somewhere here in the valley close by, and then come home as quickly as I can."
Sydney's lips twitched. "So this is home now?"
"Yes." The word was firm and sure. "The first real home I've had in a very long time."
~~~~~~~~
Paul's face eased into a wide smile as he opened the door. "You're right on time," he said as he ushered her into the cooler interior of his apartment. He gestured to the brown paper grocery bag she carried in with her. "What's that?"
"Sparkling apple cider, two bottles," she answered, letting him peek into the bag. "I thought they might go with the supper tonight."
"Maybe for Janine," he agreed, taking the bottles from her and leading the way toward the kitchen in an apartment that was just backwards to the one she shared with her Papa. "But I was thinking about some strawberry zinfandel for us..."
"I don't drink, I'm sorry." The words slipped out almost before Parker knew it. She looked up in chagrin to explain. "I have an ulcer, and drinking just about anything now gives me grief."
"An ulcer?" Paul's brows slid together. "How in the world did you get something like that?"
"My former job was very stressful," she answered truthfully, hoping that would be enough information to hold him for now.
He couldn't help but note that she was being just a bit evasive again already. He'd hoped that they'd gotten beyond that. "What did you do?" he pushed slightly.
Parker frowned slightly - she really didn't want to be discussing the Centre with him, not yet. "I was the head of security for a large corporation," she replied, again sticking to the truth but leaving out the details.
"Oh?"
"I'd really rather not talk about it, please," she told him firmly. "I've left all that behind me - although unfortunately my ulcer is one piece that I can't get rid of."
"I'm sorry," he turned from placing the bottles of cider in the bottom of his refrigerator. "It's just that I'm just very curious about you. You don't talk much about your past..."
"I have walked away from my past, for the most part," she told him firmly. "I'd rather leave as much of my past IN the past as I can."
"OK..." Paul gestured for her to sit down at the kitchen table with him again, then took a seat near her. "Oh, by the way, this morning, while Janine and I were on our way to the store for groceries for today, we saw you and your dad and another man - you seemed very friendly and were hugging him. I was wondering who..."
Parker looked up into Paul's face sharply. "He is an old friend of ours that I haven't seen since I moved out here. He's moving to LA, and just stopped by for a visit." Her eyes snapped. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"Parker..." He put up his hands defensively. "Hold it! I'm sorry. I told you, I'm just very curious about you - and I want to get to know you."
"You're acting as if you're jealous," she bit off.
Paul at least had the good sense to look chagrinned. "I am, I suppose, a little bit," he admitted. "I guess I've gotten used to the idea that it was just you and your dad - and seeing you with someone else, and hugging him... It just hit me wrong."
"I don't care HOW it 'hit you,'" she narrowed her eyes to slits. "My life is MY business until I decide to bring you in - and even then, your right to pry into my life ends when I say it does. You have no idea..." She paused to take a deep breath before she let her temper overwhelm her. Where had it come from? "This is a bad idea. I need to leave..." She rose and walked out of the kitchen before Paul could process what was happening.
"Parker, wait!" he called and sprang to his feet. He bolted through the kitchen door and managed to snare her elbow just as she was reaching the front door. "Look, I don't know what I'm doing wrong here, so will you help me out?"
"I don't think so," she jerked her elbow out of his grasp, and then suddenly felt her anger rise up uncontrollably. She looked up at him with eyes blazing. "You know, I've had enough of people treating me like a piece of property with no feelings or rights of my own to last three lifetimes. I didn't come to Arizona just to end up having to withstand you interrogating me like a criminal for having friends you don't know or approve of. I will NOT be controlled - trapped - like that EVER again, do you hear me?"
Paul was taken aback at the fury she was heaping on him. There was obviously more going on here than a response to a mere social faux pas. He had seen previously how she normally just shut down when he touched on something sensitive - this almost unreasonable anger coming out of nowhere must be the stronger reaction to his having touched something truly painful. All he knew was that he was standing at the brink of losing her friendship completely almost before it had a chance to grow.
His voice softened. "I'm sorry - how many different times and ways do I have to apologize before you'll hear me?" He reached out to her, then pulled back when she glared at him. "I didn't realize your work history was such a touchy subject. I'm sorry I pushed. I'm sorry I got jealous too, although I'm afraid I can't help that. It's been so long since I've found anyone I was genuinely interested in, I guess I wasn't prepared for seeing you with someone else, no matter how innocently. I admit I jumped to conclusions, though, and I AM sorry for that."
Parker was amazed at herself, and appalled. Where had this overwhelming anger at simple, otherwise reasonable questions from him come from? She took another deep breath to try to put down that simmering feeling inside. "I'm sorry too - I guess I blew up a little faster than I should have. But still..." She narrowed her eyes at him. "It isn't your place to be jealous, or to think you can give me the third degree. You don't know me, and you sure as hell don't own me."
"I know I don't own you. I said I'm sorr..."
"Don't do it again."
Paul blinked. It was a solid, inflexible, non-negotiable condition to her not walking out on him, presented in take-it-or-leave-it terms. "I'm sorry," he repeated again. "You're right - I was WAY out of line. Please, don't go."
Parker was torn. She wanted desperately to take this sudden upsurge of negative emotion home to Papa, to have him talk her through it and help her understand where it had come from and why. If she were going to ever be able to have a relationship with someone new, she'd have to know where such unexpected rages came from so she could avoid them. One fine day she would HAVE to be able to talk about her past without flying off the handle. Papa could help her figure out just what button she wasn't aware of had gotten pushed and how.
But she had also looked forward to this time with Paul and his daughter for days, and he'd no doubt put no small effort into the meal from the smells that were wafting about the apartment. AND he was obviously trying very hard to apologize - it would be rude to just walk out on him. She didn't WANT to walk away, she finally admitted to herself. She liked Paul and wanted to get to know HIM better too, despite his presumption today. She could talk to Papa later.
"OK, I guess," she conceded, turning away from the door at last. At long last she looked about the apartment and noted that the two of them were still alone. "By the way, where's Janine? I'm glad she missed the fireworks just now, but..."
"She and Michelle have a standing date to go mall-hopping on Sundays," Paul explained, silently breathing a deep sigh of relief. "She'll be back about four-thirty. I had hoped that she'd be willing to skip this week, but..."
"She's still mad at you for saying no to a belly button piercing, I'll bet." Parker was beginning to relax again now that the conversation had moved to much safer ground. "This is her way of getting back at you, because she knows that you invited me over to get to know HER better. What better rebellion than to sabotage that just enough that it would be noticed, but not enough that it would get her into trouble."
"You sound like you know your way around teenagers." Paul had finally gotten brave enough to nestle her elbow in the palm of his hand and lead her back toward the kitchen.
"I've been around a few," she admitted, letting her mind test the waters of talking about Debbie to an outsider at long last. "My... one of my best friends had a daughter who was just pre-teen. Her parents had divorced and her mother was... well... a gambling addict. She needed an older female around every once in a while, and..." See, Parker, she told herself, you CAN talk about this without getting jumpy. "We ended up very close..."
Paul gently saw her back to the chair she'd been sitting in previously. "I see..." he prompted carefully, wary of tripping over something painful again and having to go through the agony he'd just barely survived all over again. "Are you still close?"
"No. There was a problem one day... and it caused a rift between me and my friend. I haven't seen him - or her - since." Parker closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It had been hard to talk about it, but just knowing Broots had sent an apology along had gone a long way toward healing that deep and aching wound in her heart. She could only pray that Paul didn't try to push again for more details. Only Papa was allowed to push - because he knew the details, just not the workings of her mind.
"I'm sorry to hear that." She was being evasive again - no doubt the circumstances of this rift between her and her friend was something else that she wasn't ready to talk about yet. This time, however, he knew better than to push her at all anymore when she began to become evasive. Parker Green was truly a woman of mystery - beautiful, attractive, and someone who had been obviously very badly hurt. If he were ever to become close enough to her that she would open up, he would have to be very patient with her and gain her trust. There would be no rushing this relationship at all, no matter how attractive he found her.
Something suddenly occurred to him. "Is that why you were so reluctant to meet Janine? She was the daughter of a friend too, just like before?"
"Yes." The answer was almost whispered. "I've lost... so many people..." She looked down and took another deep breath. "I didn't want to get close to anyone again if I was just going to lose them again."
"Pretty lady..." Paul's hand came up and cradled her cheek, and her grey eyes came up to meet his hesitantly, filled with pure grief. "I don't know what happened to you, but I know I don't want our friendship to cause you pain. Tell me what to do to help you."
"Make me laugh," she responded finally, finding that she didn't mind the feeling of his hand against her skin. "Help me remember that there is light and humor and fun and good people in the world still who are happy. Don't ask me to remember..."
"OK, OK. I get it." He threaded his fingers into her curls and stroked them back a bit. "We'll talk about today, about Janine and her strange friends and even weirder friends' mothers. And I won't ask you to remember anything that you don't want to." His hazel eyes dove into hers. "I promise."
"Thank you." It was whispered very softly.
Paul smiled. His luck was with him still, for he'd managed to snatch his chance to know her better from the destructive fires of his own impatience. "For you, pretty lady, anything. But..." He smiled a little wider. "Just so you know, I don't intend for you to lose me, or Janine either. I'm not going anywhere else, and neither is she for a long time. I would like to have you in my life, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you here. You're not going to lose us. I promise that too."
The front door the apartment slammed, and Janine's voice called out, "Are you guys here?"
Paul's hazel eyes began to twinkle. "Although you may wish you could lose HER a few times more before she reaches 18..." He touched a gentle fingertip to her lips. "So smile now, pretty lady, so that you don't get the third degree from HER coming in here and wondering what's been going on to make you so serious. Wouldn't you know she'd come home early after all..."
Parker's lips twitched beneath his finger, and slowly a smile spread across her face. "We're back here," she called out to the teenager without letting her eyes leave his, throwing caution to the wind and giving up trying to keep her distance. Then, as Janine flounced audibly toward the kitchen door, she turned and gave her a wide grin as her face appeared in the doorway. "So, how was the mall?"
