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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Disclaimer: I don't own Jarod or Miss Parker or anyone related to the Pretender. I'm not doing this for money and no infringement is intended. The song at the end is by Annie Lennox and that Dave guy (I forget his name.) And I didn't write 'Humpty Dumpty'. So please don't sue me.
I hadn't intended to write a sequel but then you all asked so nicely, so here it is. Once again, I hope I've dealt with this responsibly enough and that no one is offended or anything. It's taken me a while to get it down 'cuz writing it has been challenging, to say the least. It took me to a very dark place to which I hope to never return.
That said, I would love to know what you think.
-Mel
Big Girls Don't Cry
All The King's Men
Melanie-Anne
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men Couldn't put Humpty together again.
*
Blue Cove, Delaware 8 April, 07h23
Parker woke up feeling nauseous and made it to the bathroom just in time. Crawling back into bed she reached for her phone, deciding not to go to work. She didn't want anyone to see her in this state.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Daddy."
"Angel! How are you? Why are you phoning so early? Is everything-"
"I think I've got a bit of flu," she cut in. "I'm not coming to work today."
"Oh no! Well, stay in bed. I'll come by later, okay?"
"Okay. Thanks, Daddy."
"Feel better, Angel."
She hung up and pulled the covers over her head, hoping that if she stayed in bed and pretended nothing was wrong that nothing would be wrong.
You really should see a doctor the sensible part of her brain said.
You don't need a doctor to tell you what's wrong came the nasty voice. When was the last time? Too long ago to count?
No! You know I've never been regular!
But you're regular enough to know-
NO!
Then prove it.
An hour later Parker walked out of a pharmacy clutching a brown paper bag, praying desperately that she was mistaken. She didn't know what she would do if her suspicions were correct.
Sitting in her bathroom, lost in thought, she got a fright when her phone rang.
"What?"
"Parker, are you okay?"
"Jarod, hi! Yes. Fine. I'm fine."
"I just spoke to Sydney and he said you were at home sick."
"What? Oh, yes. I think it's flu or something. Nothing serious."
"Are you sure? You don't sound fine. Do you want me to come over?"
Jarod was concerned. Parker hadn't been herself for the past few weeks and he was worried that she wasn't coping well with the after-effects of the rape. He had hoped that with Emil dead she would be able to get on with her life again and while she had seemed fine for a while, she was becoming more and more introverted and paranoid. And as far as he knew, only Sydney and himself knew about the rape and she had spoken about it to neither of them. He wished she wouldn't keep it bottled inside.
"Jarod, it's fine. Daddy's coming by later."
"Oh, okay. Well, I'll call later to see if you're feeling any better."
"Thanks, Jar."
Parker stared in horror at the tiny strip that she held in her hand.
No, no, no! It's the wrong color!
She was glad that she was already sitting down because she couldn't feel her legs any more.
Please, no! Please, God, let it be wrong!
So, he won after all the nasty voice crowed. And now there's nothing you can do. Not even Jarod can get you out of this mess!
"Oh, Mama, what am I going to do?"
She forced herself to relax her grip on the offending strip of paper and it fluttered to the bathroom floor. Parker was vaguely aware of the phone ringing and focused on it, concentrating on the sound to gather her thoughts.
"Hello?"
"Angel! How are you feeling?"
"Daddy," she whispered.
"Angel?"
"I'm okay. I was…sleeping."
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
"Never mind."
"Listen, the Triumvirate's got meetings scheduled all day and I don't know when we'll be done. I just thought I'd let you know. If we finish late do you still want me to come around?"
"Umm, no, don't worry. I'll be back at work tomorrow."
"Are you sure? I could send Lyle, or if you're feeling really ill I'll skip the meetings."
"No, it's okay. I'm fine."
Mr. Parker was still hesitant to leave his daughter alone.
"But-"
"Daddy, please."
"Okay. I…I love you, Angel."
He hung up before Parker could respond.
I love you, Angel the nasty voice mocked. Yeah, right! He can't even be bothered to come see you.
"Shut up!" Parker said aloud.
The voice refused to be silenced. What now, huh? What are you going to do about your 'problem'? What's going to happen when you start to show? People will talk. They'll whisper about you behind your back. And then they'll find out what really happened when you disappeared. They'll find out why Jarod really killed Emil.
"Mama-"
She can't help you. Face it, you're on your own. What are you going to do? The voice demanded.
"Hello, Dr. Johansen's office."
Parker hadn't even realized that she'd picked up the phone.
"Uh, hi. I'd like to make an appointment…."
*
9 April, 22h35 Miss Parker's house
The phone rang and rang. Parker sat in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames. She picked up a sheet of paper and fed it to the fire.
Nobody has to know.
She remained where she was long after the flames had died out. Dimly, she registered that somebody was knocking on the door. She didn't care.
She didn't care about anything anymore.
A key turned in the lock and the door opened and closed behind her. Still, she remained frozen.
"Miss Parker, are you alright?"
Sydney knelt beside her, his tone betraying his concern.
Why do you care, Sydney? Just go away.
"Jarod was worried. He asked me to come over and make sure that you were okay. You weren't answering your phone."
"If Jarod was so worried why didn't he come around himself?" she heard herself asking from far away.
"He's in California-" Sydney began.
"On vacation. Far away from Miss Parker and her issues."
"Parker, that's not true-"
"He's with Zoe, isn't he? I saw her once. She's pretty. Charming. Bubbly. Just what Jarod needs. Not at all like me…." She trailed off, taking a swig of vodka.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Sydney asked, wondering why on earth Parker would think Jarod was with Zoe.
"No. I'm going to bed. Goodnight."
Sydney shook his head, worried about her. Something wasn't right. Perhaps he'd been wrong to suggest that she go back to work so soon. He looked down at where she had been sitting and saw a folder. On it was written PATIENT FILE. CONFIDENTIAL. It was empty but Sydney knew that its previous contents were the cause of Parker's strange behavior.
Is she sick? Did he give her a disease? No, no, please not that!
*
He's on top of her and she can't move, can't fight. The handcuffs are tight and they cut into her skin. He's speaking to her but she doesn't hear what he's saying. He rips her shirt open and it takes all of her self-control not to scream. His hands are on her - rough, coarse hands. She's crying, she can't help it. Why me? She thinks.
Parker sat up in her bed, drenched in sweat and breathing heavily.
It's not over; it'll never be over.
Yes it can be…there is a way.
I can't do that!
You must.
It's just a baby….
It's his baby.
"Mama, I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do!"
*
12 April, 13h04 Delaware Family Care Clinic
Parker was dressed casually in jeans and a sweater. She had too much on her mind to worry about clothes.
"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked with a smile.
"Umm…yes, I, uh-"
How do you say out loud that you're here to kill your child? And why are you smiling - stupid bitch - when you know exactly why I'm here?
"Would you like to see a counselor?" The receptionist said, still smiling. Parker wanted to shoot the smile off her face.
"No, thanks."
"It's compulsory to meet with a counselor before the procedure, regardless of whether or not you've already made up your mind."
"Fine," Parker said, her attention caught by two teenage girls sitting in the corner of the waiting room. One was crying and looking very scared, the other sat with her arm around her friend, silently offering support. She wondered how the girl had gotten pregnant, wondered if she'd even had any choice in the matter.
Who's here to support me?
No one. You're alone. You've always been alone and you'll always be alone.
SHUT UP! Get out of my head!
"You can take a seat." The woman was still smiling and Parker wondered if her face was stuck in a permanent smile. She sat in one of the plastic chairs and picked up a pamphlet.
Pro-choice. Whose body is it?
She discarded the pamphlet and sat, hands folded in her lap. A nurse went over to the two girls and spoke quietly to them. The one who had been crying followed the nurse and her friend was left alone.
"Excuse me?" Parker looked up and saw a young black woman. "My name is Amanda."
"Uh…Catherine," Parker said.
"Would you like to talk in my office or outside?"
Parker shrugged. She didn't care. Her mind was made up and all this was a mere formality. The sooner she got it over with, the better.
"We get a lot of young girls coming here," Amanda said. "Girls who go too far on prom night or some who just get careless. Not too many like yourself."
"Like myself?"
"You look fairly successful, fairly well off. It seems as though you could look after a child. And you don't look like you're a careless woman. But then, you never know. I guess you've got your reasons, just like the young girls."
"How many go through with it?" Parker asked, genuinely curious. She wasn't offended by Amanda's words; she was past the stage in her life where what strangers thought about her affected her. It was only the people who knew her whose opinions she cared about.
"Most of them," Amanda answered. "They're scared, you see."
Parker nodded. She understood fear all too well. Even knowing that Emil was dead, seeing him die, she still felt fear.
"How far along are you?"
"Umm…six weeks."
"Have you thought about your other options? This isn't the only solution. Being a single mother doesn't carry the stigma it used to. There's always adoption. A lot of couples can't have children of their own."
I can't, I can't, I can't….
"Have you discussed this with the baby's father?"
Parker froze. Slowly she shook her head.
"Your mind's made up, isn't it?" Amanda asked sadly.
"Yes," Parker whispered.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Catherine. I hope you'll come see me again afterwards, just to let me know how you're dealing with it."
"I will."
Amanda smiled sadly. "You can make your appointment for the operation at the front desk."
"Thank you."
Parker walked down the hallway and suddenly heard screaming.
"No! No! No! Give me my baby back! I changed my mind!"
It was the young girl who had been in the waiting room and Parker quickened her pace. She'd made her choice and now she could only pray for the strength to live with the consequences.
*
15h12
"What?"
"You sound tired." Jarod was concerned.
"Why do you care?"
"Because I do." Because I love you and I can't stand to see you hurting and I wish you'd talk to somebody.
"Right. How's California?"
"Hot."
"I'll bet." You and Zoe, together. Laughing. Happy. Not thinking about anyone else. Not thinking about me.
"Sydney says you haven't been yourself lately. He's worried. I'm worried too. You were doing so well, Parker."
So you're avoiding me 'cause you're worried? Yeah, right. Nice try, Jarod.
"Are you okay?"
"Just peachy," she snapped.
"Look, if you don't want to talk to me you can always go to a counselor or a support group."
"I'm fine, Jarod. You should really get back to saving the world."
"Parker-"
"Goodbye."
She hung up. Why was I so mean to him? He's only trying to help. Call him back.
He doesn't care how you really feel. He only calls 'cause he feels sorry for you. You don't need his pity. You don't need anyone's pity.
*
15 April, 19h00 St. Patrick's Church hall, Blue Cove
What am I doing here? Why did I listen to him? This isn't going to help.
Parker looked around the room nervously. She'd found out about the group from the family care clinic and had decided at the last minute to attend. She reasoned that she had nothing better to do and if she didn't like it she could always leave.
"We've got a couple new faces with us tonight," a tiny blonde was saying. "I'd like to welcome you all and thank you for coming. It means a lot to each of us that you're here."
Parker looked around her. There were twelve women in total and she was struck by how different each of them were. Somehow she had expected rape victims to all be the same, as if there were a set of criteria that qualified one to be raped, yet the only thing these women seemed to have in common was that they were women. The realization made Parker feel slightly better about being there.
"My name is Rachel," the blonde continued. "I'd like you to go around the circle and introduce yourselves. First names only, please, and a little bit about yourself."
There was Tanya, a lawyer; Leigh, a student; Paula, a dancer; Lisa, a housewife and mother; Eleanor, a teacher; Chantal, a receptionist; Carla, a high school senior; Susan, an athlete; Frances, a music teacher, and Marla, a model.
And then it was Parker's turn.
"Uh, hi. My name is Catherine and I, umm…I work with, uh, children." I'm using your name, Mama, why not your job?
The women smiled, welcoming her to the group and for the first time since the horrible nightmare had begun, Parker felt like she belonged somewhere.
*
22 April, 18h45 St. Patrick's Church hall
"It's good to see you back. Catherine, right?"
Parker smiled, she had again decided on the spur of the moment to attend the meeting. The week had been better than any she'd had in the last month or so and she had the feeling that it had something to do with the support group. She also felt safe here, with people who knew exactly what she was going through and how to help her through it. As much as she loved Jarod and Sydney, they couldn't help her with this because they couldn't understand. Her father and Lyle didn't even know the truth about what happened and she did not want them to know.
"Yes, thanks. I'm glad to be here. Rachel?"
Rachel nodded. She hadn't been sure that Catherine would come to another meeting, but here she was.
"You know, you don't have to speak about what happened with the whole group. It's hard, I know. But all that matters here is that you're among friends, people who understand what you're going through," Rachel said.
"It…it happened to you too?" Parker couldn't believe that this woman who was so full of life and energy could have gone through something so horrific and still be able to smile.
"Yeah, a long time ago. I was in high school and I was walking home from cheerleading practice when a bunch of guys dragged me into an alley and raped me."
"A-a bunch of them?"
"There wasn't a group like this that I could join so I bottled it all inside and then, three years ago I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in hospital. When I got out I started this group…. Hey, are you okay?"
"Do the nightmares ever stop?" Parker whispered, trying not to cry.
Be strong!
"Not completely, no. It helps to talk about them. And my husband is a really great listener."
"Uh, how did he deal with it?"
"Well, he only found out when I went into hospital and he was shocked and hurt that I hadn't trusted him with it before. And then he was angry with them. It was actually his idea to start the group. Are you married, Catherine?"
Parker shook her head.
"No man in your life?"
"Umm…I don't know. He's a friend, but…there was something…I don't know. Nothing will happen now."
"Why are you so sure about that?"
"Why would he want me now?" There was no stopping the tears now and Rachel hugged her, letting her cry, letting her find release.
"I'm sorry," Parker said eventually, pulling away and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"It's okay." Rachel handed her a box of tissues.
"I'm pregnant," Parker blurted out, startling even herself. "I was doing fine and then I found out I'm pregnant. I don't want this child but I do, you know? I mean, I want a child but not this one. This friend, Jarod, we were so close to having something happen. I mean, I would love something to have happened but then…then it happened. I just wish that this was Jarod's baby. I could handle it if it was his baby."
Rachel pulled out another tissue and handed it to Parker.
"I don't know that I could carry a child for nine months and then just give it away. But I don't even know if I could love it, knowing how it was conceived and I'm scared that every time I look at it I'll keep seeing what happened. I mean, maybe if it was a girl it wouldn't be so bad, but if it was a boy and it looked just like…like Emil? And how would I answer its questions about its father?"
Parker paused, taking a deep breath.
"I was going to have an abortion but I couldn't go through with it. There's enough death going around without me adding to it. And Jarod would hate me if I killed an innocent child."
"You know, you should talk to Tanya. She fell pregnant after her rape and she kept the child," Rachel suggested, wanting so badly for Parker to stop hurting. She knew that it would take time and support and she intended to be there for her every step of the way. She wondered who this Jarod was and if Emil was the man who had raped her. The way Parker had spoken it seemed as though she knew him.
"I really don't know how to thank you." Parker gave a weak smile.
"Just keep hanging in there, that's thanks enough." Rachel gave her a hug, holding her tight.
*
23 April, 16h08 Miss Parker's house
Parker intended to call Tanya but she couldn't find the energy to get up. She felt much better after her conversation with Rachel and while she still didn't know what to do about the baby, she didn't feel so depressed. Tanya had told her that when she'd given birth it hadn't mattered about the baby's parentage any more, she had loved her daughter instantly.
Maybe it's not so bad. I could do it.
Her back hurt and she wished Jarod would call. She been rude to him the previous night, as usual, and she wanted to apologize. She was also toying with the idea of telling him about the baby.
Owwww!!!! What's wrong? Something's wrong. Jarod, where are you when I need you?
*
18h47
Jarod pulled up at his house. He hadn't been back since Parker had stayed there with him, not wanting to face a house full of memories of her. He wasn't even sure what had possessed him to go there tonight. Unlocking the front door, he heard a low moan from the porch swing. Stepping closer he saw that it was Parker. She was pale and shivering so he automatically slipped off his jacket and covered her with it.
"Hey," he said, kneeling.
She opened her eyes and managed a weak, "Hey."
"What's wrong?"
"Umm…nothing."
"Don't lie to me, Parker."
"I-I'm so cold."
"Let's go inside."
He helped her to sit, noting with concern that she seemed to be in pain but bit back his questions. Jarod picked her up and felt a sticky warmth from the lower part of her body.
"Parker?" He didn't even try to hide his concern.
She didn't reply. The shock of being moved had proven to be too much for her. She was unconscious.
*
19h15 Mercy Hospital
"Your wife had a miscarriage, I'm afraid. She lost a lot of blood and-"
"But she's okay, right? She's going to be fine?" Jarod asked.
"Yes. She should be coming out of surgery right now. Would you like to wait in her room?"
Oh, Parker, why didn't you tell me? You could have told me, I'd have been there for you.
Jarod looked around the emergency room, at the people rushing around. He remembered the last time he had brought Parker to a hospital - how could he forget? That memory of her handcuffed to the bed, battered and bloody, was burned into his soul. He hated that she had suffered like that and he hated even more that she was still suffering now. If Emil hadn't already been dead, Jarod would have killed him for this. The worst part about it, the part that he hadn't told anyone, the thing that was eating him up inside was that he had met Emil once and had learned about his obsession with Parker. Yet somehow he had pushed that encounter to the back of his mind and forgotten all about it.
Sydney led the young Jarod into a SIM-lab only to find that it was already occupied by Raines and another boy. While Sydney and Raines argued over who had booked the room, Jarod used the opportunity to make a friend.
"Hello. My name is Jarod. Who are you?"
"Emil."
"Are you a Pretender too?"
"No."
"Oh." Jarod refused to be put off by his bluntness. "What do you do?"
"It's a secret."
"Oh, okay. Is that why I've never seen you before?"
Emil nodded, looking bored with the conversation.
"Do you know Miss Parker and Timmy?"
Emil looked up sharply when Miss Parker's name was spoken.
"Miss Parker?"
"Yeah, she's my best friend." Jarod wanted to say girlfriend, she had kissed him, after all, but he couldn't risk anyone overhearing.
"She is not your friend," Emil hissed. "She belongs to me!" He lunged forward and attacked Jarod, pushing him to the floor. Straddling him, he punched and pummeled Jarod, yelling that Parker was his. It took both Sydney and Raines to pull Emil away. There was no SIM for Jarod; he was taken instead to the infirmary.
It was only when Jarod had seen Emil's photo in the file that Broots had sent him that he had realized that Raines had been in that SIM-lab for the sole reason of allowing Jarod and Emil to meet. It had been part of Raines' experiment to see what would trigger an outburst, to see how far Emil's obsession went.
He had put her in hospital once and now she was back. All because of a Centre project gone horribly wrong.
Jarod sat in a chair beside Parker's bed, waiting for her to wake up. He dreaded having to tell Sydney what had happened. Just then Parker's cell phone rang and he answered it, praying that it was not her father or Lyle.
"Hello?"
There was a woman's voice on the other end of the line. "Uh, hi. I'm looking for Catherine."
Catherine?
"She's, uh, unavailable."
"Is this Jarod?"
Jarod was very confused. Why was Parker calling herself Catherine and who was this woman who knew about him? He could only pray she wasn't involved with the Centre.
"Who are you?" he demanded.
"Oh, sorry. I'm Rachel, from the support group at the church."
Support group? Church?
"Catherine was supposed to meet Tanya and myself for dinner tonight," Rachel continued. "She hasn't shown and we're worried."
Jarod told Rachel what had happened and where they were. Leaning back in the chair, he felt helpless and useless. And he was hurt. He couldn't understand why Parker hadn't trusted him with this news.
Parker opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out where she was.
"How are you feeling?" Jarod asked.
"I'll live," she decided, gingerly maneuvering into a sitting position. "What happened?"
"You had a miscarriage." Jarod's tone was flat.
"Oh," Parker whispered and shut her eyes to keep her tears from escaping. "Go figure."
"Why didn't you tell me? Did you know Sydney thought you had a disease at one stage? Did you think I wouldn't-"
"Jarod!" she begged. "Please, understand. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. The nightmares were getting worse and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't know what I was supposed to do."
"Did you have an abortion? Is that was this was?"
"No!" Parker gasped. "I thought about it but I couldn't go through with it. This just happened. Ironic, huh? Just when I decide I'm going to keep it…." She trailed off, exhausted by the argument.
Jarod softened. "I'm sorry. I worry about you, you know."
"I'm sure. That's why you're always off with Zoe," she muttered.
"What? Don't be silly. I haven't seen Zoe in months."
"Oh." Parker smiled weakly, feeling slightly stupid.
Rachel and Tanya entered, stopping short at the sight of Jarod leaning over Parker.
"Hmm…looks like we came at a bad time," Tanya quipped.
"Oh, no. This is Jarod. Jarod, this is Rachel and Tanya."
"Uh, hi," Jarod said uncomfortably.
Rachel nodded her approval. "Hello, Jarod. Catherine, you're a lucky woman."
"Hi. Catherine's told me a lot about you. It's nice to finally be able to put a face to the name," Tanya said, flirting just a little bit.
"Umm, should I go?" Jarod asked.
"No, please stay," Parker asked. As if he could refuse.
"So, how are you?" Rachel asked.
"I'm okay, I guess. This was unexpected. Sorry I missed dinner."
"How do you feel about losing the baby? The last time we spoke you'd changed your mind about keeping it."
Parker sighed. "I don't know. It solves a lot of problems. At least now I don't have to worry about how to tell my father."
"You still haven't told him what happened?"
Parker shook her head. "He's not a forgiving man."
"Are you a forgiving man, Jarod?" Rachel addressed the Pretender.
"What?"
"Catherine's told me a little about your relationship. Have you forgiven yourself for not being able to protect her?"
Jarod shook his head mutely, suddenly grateful that Parker had these women as her friends. He was also relieved to be able to let out what had been festering inside him for so long.
"Oh, Jar, it's not your fault," Parker whispered, squeezing his hand. "You ended up saving me anyway."
"I should have done more. I should have been there," he insisted.
"You're here now. That's enough."
Rachel and Tanya slipped away as unobtrusively as possible. Neither Parker nor Jarod noticed their absence.
*
26 April, 15h00 The Centre
"What do you mean, she's missing again?" Mr. Parker demanded.
"S-she hasn't been home in three days," the nervous sweeper said, quaking in his boots.
"Lyle, have you heard from your sister lately?"
"No."
"Sydney?"
"No, Mr. Parker."
Mr. Parker dismissed the sweeper and looked at the other two men.
"Why is it happening again?"
"She's been a bit…stressed lately," Sydney ventured. "Maybe she needed more time away from work. I think she came back too soon after her…ordeal, and seeing you attacked, Mr. Parker…."
"That man really got to her. What was his name?"
"Emil," Lyle supplied.
"Ah, yes. Tell me, Sydney, what would drive Jarod to kill? I would never have thought that he would have killed someone to protect me."
Sydney shrugged, refusing to make eye contact. Parker had told him in confidence and he had no intention of breaking that trust.
"What happened to my Angel?"
Sydney was saved from answering by the ringing of Mr. Parker's phone.
"Parker."
"Hello, Daddy."
"Angel! Where are you? I've been worried sick-"
"I'm sorry, Daddy. I just needed a break. These last few weeks have really taken it out of me."
"Okay, well, you take all the time you need."
"Thank you, Daddy."
*
28 April 09h45
Parker didn't want Jarod to let go of her. His hug was so nice and she felt safe in his arms. Eventually she pulled away, smiling up at him.
"You sure you're ready to go back?" he asked.
She nodded. "Thank you for everything."
"I'm glad you came to me. You know you can trust me with anything, right?"
"I know. No more secrets."
"Yeah, say hi to your friends for me."
"I will."
They hugged again and Parker was grateful for Jarod's understanding. In a way she was glad things had worked out the way they had, it was almost like having a clean slate.
"Thanks, again." I love you, Jarod. I'm not sure why or even if I should but I do. And I'm going to be fine.
"Anytime."
He gave her a kiss on her cheek and she reached up and cupped his cheek in her palm. Smiling wistfully, she kissed his lips briefly.
"Seeya," she whispered.
"Bye." I love you.
He watched her drive away, hoping that she really was okay. Deep down, he knew that she would be. It was as if deciding to keep the child had helped her come to terms with the rape, and now that there was no more child she could finally get on with her life.
Parker was strong. She also had the support group, she had her family, she had Sydney, but most importantly, she had him.
A song was playing on his hi-fi and he smiled unconsciously, thinking how apt the words were. In the car, Parker was listening to the same station.
Hey, hey, I saved the world today, And everybody's happy now The bad thing's gone away. And everybody's happy now, The good thing's here to stay. Please let it stay.
***
I hadn't intended to write a sequel but then you all asked so nicely, so here it is. Once again, I hope I've dealt with this responsibly enough and that no one is offended or anything. It's taken me a while to get it down 'cuz writing it has been challenging, to say the least. It took me to a very dark place to which I hope to never return.
That said, I would love to know what you think.
-Mel
Big Girls Don't Cry
All The King's Men
Melanie-Anne
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men Couldn't put Humpty together again.
*
Blue Cove, Delaware 8 April, 07h23
Parker woke up feeling nauseous and made it to the bathroom just in time. Crawling back into bed she reached for her phone, deciding not to go to work. She didn't want anyone to see her in this state.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Daddy."
"Angel! How are you? Why are you phoning so early? Is everything-"
"I think I've got a bit of flu," she cut in. "I'm not coming to work today."
"Oh no! Well, stay in bed. I'll come by later, okay?"
"Okay. Thanks, Daddy."
"Feel better, Angel."
She hung up and pulled the covers over her head, hoping that if she stayed in bed and pretended nothing was wrong that nothing would be wrong.
You really should see a doctor the sensible part of her brain said.
You don't need a doctor to tell you what's wrong came the nasty voice. When was the last time? Too long ago to count?
No! You know I've never been regular!
But you're regular enough to know-
NO!
Then prove it.
An hour later Parker walked out of a pharmacy clutching a brown paper bag, praying desperately that she was mistaken. She didn't know what she would do if her suspicions were correct.
Sitting in her bathroom, lost in thought, she got a fright when her phone rang.
"What?"
"Parker, are you okay?"
"Jarod, hi! Yes. Fine. I'm fine."
"I just spoke to Sydney and he said you were at home sick."
"What? Oh, yes. I think it's flu or something. Nothing serious."
"Are you sure? You don't sound fine. Do you want me to come over?"
Jarod was concerned. Parker hadn't been herself for the past few weeks and he was worried that she wasn't coping well with the after-effects of the rape. He had hoped that with Emil dead she would be able to get on with her life again and while she had seemed fine for a while, she was becoming more and more introverted and paranoid. And as far as he knew, only Sydney and himself knew about the rape and she had spoken about it to neither of them. He wished she wouldn't keep it bottled inside.
"Jarod, it's fine. Daddy's coming by later."
"Oh, okay. Well, I'll call later to see if you're feeling any better."
"Thanks, Jar."
Parker stared in horror at the tiny strip that she held in her hand.
No, no, no! It's the wrong color!
She was glad that she was already sitting down because she couldn't feel her legs any more.
Please, no! Please, God, let it be wrong!
So, he won after all the nasty voice crowed. And now there's nothing you can do. Not even Jarod can get you out of this mess!
"Oh, Mama, what am I going to do?"
She forced herself to relax her grip on the offending strip of paper and it fluttered to the bathroom floor. Parker was vaguely aware of the phone ringing and focused on it, concentrating on the sound to gather her thoughts.
"Hello?"
"Angel! How are you feeling?"
"Daddy," she whispered.
"Angel?"
"I'm okay. I was…sleeping."
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
"Never mind."
"Listen, the Triumvirate's got meetings scheduled all day and I don't know when we'll be done. I just thought I'd let you know. If we finish late do you still want me to come around?"
"Umm, no, don't worry. I'll be back at work tomorrow."
"Are you sure? I could send Lyle, or if you're feeling really ill I'll skip the meetings."
"No, it's okay. I'm fine."
Mr. Parker was still hesitant to leave his daughter alone.
"But-"
"Daddy, please."
"Okay. I…I love you, Angel."
He hung up before Parker could respond.
I love you, Angel the nasty voice mocked. Yeah, right! He can't even be bothered to come see you.
"Shut up!" Parker said aloud.
The voice refused to be silenced. What now, huh? What are you going to do about your 'problem'? What's going to happen when you start to show? People will talk. They'll whisper about you behind your back. And then they'll find out what really happened when you disappeared. They'll find out why Jarod really killed Emil.
"Mama-"
She can't help you. Face it, you're on your own. What are you going to do? The voice demanded.
"Hello, Dr. Johansen's office."
Parker hadn't even realized that she'd picked up the phone.
"Uh, hi. I'd like to make an appointment…."
*
9 April, 22h35 Miss Parker's house
The phone rang and rang. Parker sat in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames. She picked up a sheet of paper and fed it to the fire.
Nobody has to know.
She remained where she was long after the flames had died out. Dimly, she registered that somebody was knocking on the door. She didn't care.
She didn't care about anything anymore.
A key turned in the lock and the door opened and closed behind her. Still, she remained frozen.
"Miss Parker, are you alright?"
Sydney knelt beside her, his tone betraying his concern.
Why do you care, Sydney? Just go away.
"Jarod was worried. He asked me to come over and make sure that you were okay. You weren't answering your phone."
"If Jarod was so worried why didn't he come around himself?" she heard herself asking from far away.
"He's in California-" Sydney began.
"On vacation. Far away from Miss Parker and her issues."
"Parker, that's not true-"
"He's with Zoe, isn't he? I saw her once. She's pretty. Charming. Bubbly. Just what Jarod needs. Not at all like me…." She trailed off, taking a swig of vodka.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Sydney asked, wondering why on earth Parker would think Jarod was with Zoe.
"No. I'm going to bed. Goodnight."
Sydney shook his head, worried about her. Something wasn't right. Perhaps he'd been wrong to suggest that she go back to work so soon. He looked down at where she had been sitting and saw a folder. On it was written PATIENT FILE. CONFIDENTIAL. It was empty but Sydney knew that its previous contents were the cause of Parker's strange behavior.
Is she sick? Did he give her a disease? No, no, please not that!
*
He's on top of her and she can't move, can't fight. The handcuffs are tight and they cut into her skin. He's speaking to her but she doesn't hear what he's saying. He rips her shirt open and it takes all of her self-control not to scream. His hands are on her - rough, coarse hands. She's crying, she can't help it. Why me? She thinks.
Parker sat up in her bed, drenched in sweat and breathing heavily.
It's not over; it'll never be over.
Yes it can be…there is a way.
I can't do that!
You must.
It's just a baby….
It's his baby.
"Mama, I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do!"
*
12 April, 13h04 Delaware Family Care Clinic
Parker was dressed casually in jeans and a sweater. She had too much on her mind to worry about clothes.
"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked with a smile.
"Umm…yes, I, uh-"
How do you say out loud that you're here to kill your child? And why are you smiling - stupid bitch - when you know exactly why I'm here?
"Would you like to see a counselor?" The receptionist said, still smiling. Parker wanted to shoot the smile off her face.
"No, thanks."
"It's compulsory to meet with a counselor before the procedure, regardless of whether or not you've already made up your mind."
"Fine," Parker said, her attention caught by two teenage girls sitting in the corner of the waiting room. One was crying and looking very scared, the other sat with her arm around her friend, silently offering support. She wondered how the girl had gotten pregnant, wondered if she'd even had any choice in the matter.
Who's here to support me?
No one. You're alone. You've always been alone and you'll always be alone.
SHUT UP! Get out of my head!
"You can take a seat." The woman was still smiling and Parker wondered if her face was stuck in a permanent smile. She sat in one of the plastic chairs and picked up a pamphlet.
Pro-choice. Whose body is it?
She discarded the pamphlet and sat, hands folded in her lap. A nurse went over to the two girls and spoke quietly to them. The one who had been crying followed the nurse and her friend was left alone.
"Excuse me?" Parker looked up and saw a young black woman. "My name is Amanda."
"Uh…Catherine," Parker said.
"Would you like to talk in my office or outside?"
Parker shrugged. She didn't care. Her mind was made up and all this was a mere formality. The sooner she got it over with, the better.
"We get a lot of young girls coming here," Amanda said. "Girls who go too far on prom night or some who just get careless. Not too many like yourself."
"Like myself?"
"You look fairly successful, fairly well off. It seems as though you could look after a child. And you don't look like you're a careless woman. But then, you never know. I guess you've got your reasons, just like the young girls."
"How many go through with it?" Parker asked, genuinely curious. She wasn't offended by Amanda's words; she was past the stage in her life where what strangers thought about her affected her. It was only the people who knew her whose opinions she cared about.
"Most of them," Amanda answered. "They're scared, you see."
Parker nodded. She understood fear all too well. Even knowing that Emil was dead, seeing him die, she still felt fear.
"How far along are you?"
"Umm…six weeks."
"Have you thought about your other options? This isn't the only solution. Being a single mother doesn't carry the stigma it used to. There's always adoption. A lot of couples can't have children of their own."
I can't, I can't, I can't….
"Have you discussed this with the baby's father?"
Parker froze. Slowly she shook her head.
"Your mind's made up, isn't it?" Amanda asked sadly.
"Yes," Parker whispered.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Catherine. I hope you'll come see me again afterwards, just to let me know how you're dealing with it."
"I will."
Amanda smiled sadly. "You can make your appointment for the operation at the front desk."
"Thank you."
Parker walked down the hallway and suddenly heard screaming.
"No! No! No! Give me my baby back! I changed my mind!"
It was the young girl who had been in the waiting room and Parker quickened her pace. She'd made her choice and now she could only pray for the strength to live with the consequences.
*
15h12
"What?"
"You sound tired." Jarod was concerned.
"Why do you care?"
"Because I do." Because I love you and I can't stand to see you hurting and I wish you'd talk to somebody.
"Right. How's California?"
"Hot."
"I'll bet." You and Zoe, together. Laughing. Happy. Not thinking about anyone else. Not thinking about me.
"Sydney says you haven't been yourself lately. He's worried. I'm worried too. You were doing so well, Parker."
So you're avoiding me 'cause you're worried? Yeah, right. Nice try, Jarod.
"Are you okay?"
"Just peachy," she snapped.
"Look, if you don't want to talk to me you can always go to a counselor or a support group."
"I'm fine, Jarod. You should really get back to saving the world."
"Parker-"
"Goodbye."
She hung up. Why was I so mean to him? He's only trying to help. Call him back.
He doesn't care how you really feel. He only calls 'cause he feels sorry for you. You don't need his pity. You don't need anyone's pity.
*
15 April, 19h00 St. Patrick's Church hall, Blue Cove
What am I doing here? Why did I listen to him? This isn't going to help.
Parker looked around the room nervously. She'd found out about the group from the family care clinic and had decided at the last minute to attend. She reasoned that she had nothing better to do and if she didn't like it she could always leave.
"We've got a couple new faces with us tonight," a tiny blonde was saying. "I'd like to welcome you all and thank you for coming. It means a lot to each of us that you're here."
Parker looked around her. There were twelve women in total and she was struck by how different each of them were. Somehow she had expected rape victims to all be the same, as if there were a set of criteria that qualified one to be raped, yet the only thing these women seemed to have in common was that they were women. The realization made Parker feel slightly better about being there.
"My name is Rachel," the blonde continued. "I'd like you to go around the circle and introduce yourselves. First names only, please, and a little bit about yourself."
There was Tanya, a lawyer; Leigh, a student; Paula, a dancer; Lisa, a housewife and mother; Eleanor, a teacher; Chantal, a receptionist; Carla, a high school senior; Susan, an athlete; Frances, a music teacher, and Marla, a model.
And then it was Parker's turn.
"Uh, hi. My name is Catherine and I, umm…I work with, uh, children." I'm using your name, Mama, why not your job?
The women smiled, welcoming her to the group and for the first time since the horrible nightmare had begun, Parker felt like she belonged somewhere.
*
22 April, 18h45 St. Patrick's Church hall
"It's good to see you back. Catherine, right?"
Parker smiled, she had again decided on the spur of the moment to attend the meeting. The week had been better than any she'd had in the last month or so and she had the feeling that it had something to do with the support group. She also felt safe here, with people who knew exactly what she was going through and how to help her through it. As much as she loved Jarod and Sydney, they couldn't help her with this because they couldn't understand. Her father and Lyle didn't even know the truth about what happened and she did not want them to know.
"Yes, thanks. I'm glad to be here. Rachel?"
Rachel nodded. She hadn't been sure that Catherine would come to another meeting, but here she was.
"You know, you don't have to speak about what happened with the whole group. It's hard, I know. But all that matters here is that you're among friends, people who understand what you're going through," Rachel said.
"It…it happened to you too?" Parker couldn't believe that this woman who was so full of life and energy could have gone through something so horrific and still be able to smile.
"Yeah, a long time ago. I was in high school and I was walking home from cheerleading practice when a bunch of guys dragged me into an alley and raped me."
"A-a bunch of them?"
"There wasn't a group like this that I could join so I bottled it all inside and then, three years ago I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in hospital. When I got out I started this group…. Hey, are you okay?"
"Do the nightmares ever stop?" Parker whispered, trying not to cry.
Be strong!
"Not completely, no. It helps to talk about them. And my husband is a really great listener."
"Uh, how did he deal with it?"
"Well, he only found out when I went into hospital and he was shocked and hurt that I hadn't trusted him with it before. And then he was angry with them. It was actually his idea to start the group. Are you married, Catherine?"
Parker shook her head.
"No man in your life?"
"Umm…I don't know. He's a friend, but…there was something…I don't know. Nothing will happen now."
"Why are you so sure about that?"
"Why would he want me now?" There was no stopping the tears now and Rachel hugged her, letting her cry, letting her find release.
"I'm sorry," Parker said eventually, pulling away and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"It's okay." Rachel handed her a box of tissues.
"I'm pregnant," Parker blurted out, startling even herself. "I was doing fine and then I found out I'm pregnant. I don't want this child but I do, you know? I mean, I want a child but not this one. This friend, Jarod, we were so close to having something happen. I mean, I would love something to have happened but then…then it happened. I just wish that this was Jarod's baby. I could handle it if it was his baby."
Rachel pulled out another tissue and handed it to Parker.
"I don't know that I could carry a child for nine months and then just give it away. But I don't even know if I could love it, knowing how it was conceived and I'm scared that every time I look at it I'll keep seeing what happened. I mean, maybe if it was a girl it wouldn't be so bad, but if it was a boy and it looked just like…like Emil? And how would I answer its questions about its father?"
Parker paused, taking a deep breath.
"I was going to have an abortion but I couldn't go through with it. There's enough death going around without me adding to it. And Jarod would hate me if I killed an innocent child."
"You know, you should talk to Tanya. She fell pregnant after her rape and she kept the child," Rachel suggested, wanting so badly for Parker to stop hurting. She knew that it would take time and support and she intended to be there for her every step of the way. She wondered who this Jarod was and if Emil was the man who had raped her. The way Parker had spoken it seemed as though she knew him.
"I really don't know how to thank you." Parker gave a weak smile.
"Just keep hanging in there, that's thanks enough." Rachel gave her a hug, holding her tight.
*
23 April, 16h08 Miss Parker's house
Parker intended to call Tanya but she couldn't find the energy to get up. She felt much better after her conversation with Rachel and while she still didn't know what to do about the baby, she didn't feel so depressed. Tanya had told her that when she'd given birth it hadn't mattered about the baby's parentage any more, she had loved her daughter instantly.
Maybe it's not so bad. I could do it.
Her back hurt and she wished Jarod would call. She been rude to him the previous night, as usual, and she wanted to apologize. She was also toying with the idea of telling him about the baby.
Owwww!!!! What's wrong? Something's wrong. Jarod, where are you when I need you?
*
18h47
Jarod pulled up at his house. He hadn't been back since Parker had stayed there with him, not wanting to face a house full of memories of her. He wasn't even sure what had possessed him to go there tonight. Unlocking the front door, he heard a low moan from the porch swing. Stepping closer he saw that it was Parker. She was pale and shivering so he automatically slipped off his jacket and covered her with it.
"Hey," he said, kneeling.
She opened her eyes and managed a weak, "Hey."
"What's wrong?"
"Umm…nothing."
"Don't lie to me, Parker."
"I-I'm so cold."
"Let's go inside."
He helped her to sit, noting with concern that she seemed to be in pain but bit back his questions. Jarod picked her up and felt a sticky warmth from the lower part of her body.
"Parker?" He didn't even try to hide his concern.
She didn't reply. The shock of being moved had proven to be too much for her. She was unconscious.
*
19h15 Mercy Hospital
"Your wife had a miscarriage, I'm afraid. She lost a lot of blood and-"
"But she's okay, right? She's going to be fine?" Jarod asked.
"Yes. She should be coming out of surgery right now. Would you like to wait in her room?"
Oh, Parker, why didn't you tell me? You could have told me, I'd have been there for you.
Jarod looked around the emergency room, at the people rushing around. He remembered the last time he had brought Parker to a hospital - how could he forget? That memory of her handcuffed to the bed, battered and bloody, was burned into his soul. He hated that she had suffered like that and he hated even more that she was still suffering now. If Emil hadn't already been dead, Jarod would have killed him for this. The worst part about it, the part that he hadn't told anyone, the thing that was eating him up inside was that he had met Emil once and had learned about his obsession with Parker. Yet somehow he had pushed that encounter to the back of his mind and forgotten all about it.
Sydney led the young Jarod into a SIM-lab only to find that it was already occupied by Raines and another boy. While Sydney and Raines argued over who had booked the room, Jarod used the opportunity to make a friend.
"Hello. My name is Jarod. Who are you?"
"Emil."
"Are you a Pretender too?"
"No."
"Oh." Jarod refused to be put off by his bluntness. "What do you do?"
"It's a secret."
"Oh, okay. Is that why I've never seen you before?"
Emil nodded, looking bored with the conversation.
"Do you know Miss Parker and Timmy?"
Emil looked up sharply when Miss Parker's name was spoken.
"Miss Parker?"
"Yeah, she's my best friend." Jarod wanted to say girlfriend, she had kissed him, after all, but he couldn't risk anyone overhearing.
"She is not your friend," Emil hissed. "She belongs to me!" He lunged forward and attacked Jarod, pushing him to the floor. Straddling him, he punched and pummeled Jarod, yelling that Parker was his. It took both Sydney and Raines to pull Emil away. There was no SIM for Jarod; he was taken instead to the infirmary.
It was only when Jarod had seen Emil's photo in the file that Broots had sent him that he had realized that Raines had been in that SIM-lab for the sole reason of allowing Jarod and Emil to meet. It had been part of Raines' experiment to see what would trigger an outburst, to see how far Emil's obsession went.
He had put her in hospital once and now she was back. All because of a Centre project gone horribly wrong.
Jarod sat in a chair beside Parker's bed, waiting for her to wake up. He dreaded having to tell Sydney what had happened. Just then Parker's cell phone rang and he answered it, praying that it was not her father or Lyle.
"Hello?"
There was a woman's voice on the other end of the line. "Uh, hi. I'm looking for Catherine."
Catherine?
"She's, uh, unavailable."
"Is this Jarod?"
Jarod was very confused. Why was Parker calling herself Catherine and who was this woman who knew about him? He could only pray she wasn't involved with the Centre.
"Who are you?" he demanded.
"Oh, sorry. I'm Rachel, from the support group at the church."
Support group? Church?
"Catherine was supposed to meet Tanya and myself for dinner tonight," Rachel continued. "She hasn't shown and we're worried."
Jarod told Rachel what had happened and where they were. Leaning back in the chair, he felt helpless and useless. And he was hurt. He couldn't understand why Parker hadn't trusted him with this news.
Parker opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out where she was.
"How are you feeling?" Jarod asked.
"I'll live," she decided, gingerly maneuvering into a sitting position. "What happened?"
"You had a miscarriage." Jarod's tone was flat.
"Oh," Parker whispered and shut her eyes to keep her tears from escaping. "Go figure."
"Why didn't you tell me? Did you know Sydney thought you had a disease at one stage? Did you think I wouldn't-"
"Jarod!" she begged. "Please, understand. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. The nightmares were getting worse and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't know what I was supposed to do."
"Did you have an abortion? Is that was this was?"
"No!" Parker gasped. "I thought about it but I couldn't go through with it. This just happened. Ironic, huh? Just when I decide I'm going to keep it…." She trailed off, exhausted by the argument.
Jarod softened. "I'm sorry. I worry about you, you know."
"I'm sure. That's why you're always off with Zoe," she muttered.
"What? Don't be silly. I haven't seen Zoe in months."
"Oh." Parker smiled weakly, feeling slightly stupid.
Rachel and Tanya entered, stopping short at the sight of Jarod leaning over Parker.
"Hmm…looks like we came at a bad time," Tanya quipped.
"Oh, no. This is Jarod. Jarod, this is Rachel and Tanya."
"Uh, hi," Jarod said uncomfortably.
Rachel nodded her approval. "Hello, Jarod. Catherine, you're a lucky woman."
"Hi. Catherine's told me a lot about you. It's nice to finally be able to put a face to the name," Tanya said, flirting just a little bit.
"Umm, should I go?" Jarod asked.
"No, please stay," Parker asked. As if he could refuse.
"So, how are you?" Rachel asked.
"I'm okay, I guess. This was unexpected. Sorry I missed dinner."
"How do you feel about losing the baby? The last time we spoke you'd changed your mind about keeping it."
Parker sighed. "I don't know. It solves a lot of problems. At least now I don't have to worry about how to tell my father."
"You still haven't told him what happened?"
Parker shook her head. "He's not a forgiving man."
"Are you a forgiving man, Jarod?" Rachel addressed the Pretender.
"What?"
"Catherine's told me a little about your relationship. Have you forgiven yourself for not being able to protect her?"
Jarod shook his head mutely, suddenly grateful that Parker had these women as her friends. He was also relieved to be able to let out what had been festering inside him for so long.
"Oh, Jar, it's not your fault," Parker whispered, squeezing his hand. "You ended up saving me anyway."
"I should have done more. I should have been there," he insisted.
"You're here now. That's enough."
Rachel and Tanya slipped away as unobtrusively as possible. Neither Parker nor Jarod noticed their absence.
*
26 April, 15h00 The Centre
"What do you mean, she's missing again?" Mr. Parker demanded.
"S-she hasn't been home in three days," the nervous sweeper said, quaking in his boots.
"Lyle, have you heard from your sister lately?"
"No."
"Sydney?"
"No, Mr. Parker."
Mr. Parker dismissed the sweeper and looked at the other two men.
"Why is it happening again?"
"She's been a bit…stressed lately," Sydney ventured. "Maybe she needed more time away from work. I think she came back too soon after her…ordeal, and seeing you attacked, Mr. Parker…."
"That man really got to her. What was his name?"
"Emil," Lyle supplied.
"Ah, yes. Tell me, Sydney, what would drive Jarod to kill? I would never have thought that he would have killed someone to protect me."
Sydney shrugged, refusing to make eye contact. Parker had told him in confidence and he had no intention of breaking that trust.
"What happened to my Angel?"
Sydney was saved from answering by the ringing of Mr. Parker's phone.
"Parker."
"Hello, Daddy."
"Angel! Where are you? I've been worried sick-"
"I'm sorry, Daddy. I just needed a break. These last few weeks have really taken it out of me."
"Okay, well, you take all the time you need."
"Thank you, Daddy."
*
28 April 09h45
Parker didn't want Jarod to let go of her. His hug was so nice and she felt safe in his arms. Eventually she pulled away, smiling up at him.
"You sure you're ready to go back?" he asked.
She nodded. "Thank you for everything."
"I'm glad you came to me. You know you can trust me with anything, right?"
"I know. No more secrets."
"Yeah, say hi to your friends for me."
"I will."
They hugged again and Parker was grateful for Jarod's understanding. In a way she was glad things had worked out the way they had, it was almost like having a clean slate.
"Thanks, again." I love you, Jarod. I'm not sure why or even if I should but I do. And I'm going to be fine.
"Anytime."
He gave her a kiss on her cheek and she reached up and cupped his cheek in her palm. Smiling wistfully, she kissed his lips briefly.
"Seeya," she whispered.
"Bye." I love you.
He watched her drive away, hoping that she really was okay. Deep down, he knew that she would be. It was as if deciding to keep the child had helped her come to terms with the rape, and now that there was no more child she could finally get on with her life.
Parker was strong. She also had the support group, she had her family, she had Sydney, but most importantly, she had him.
A song was playing on his hi-fi and he smiled unconsciously, thinking how apt the words were. In the car, Parker was listening to the same station.
Hey, hey, I saved the world today, And everybody's happy now The bad thing's gone away. And everybody's happy now, The good thing's here to stay. Please let it stay.
***
