The characters are owned by MTM and NBC. I just want to play.Copyrighted 1999. Takes place after Wake up in the third season.Those who have not seen the episode may not wish to read it.

Heart's Desire
part I
By Trisha

1/?

Jarod sat silently, staring at the TV screen that was in front of him. Uncomprehending. He was numb all over. He literally couldn't feel a thing. Couldn't see a thing. Except the one scene that had been seared into his brain. It was a picture that wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he tried to shake it. And he'd been trying to shake it for the past few hours now.

Parker and Thomas. A murder. One dead, the other wounded. Mentally.There were no suspects. He watched the news footage over and over in his mind. The body bag. Her forlorn look. Hell, shattered lives. Parker's.

He felt a tear slid down his cheek. He cringed just thinking about it. He refused to acknowleged the thought of Parker alone. Again. The pain that image brought was too deep. He needed to talk. To seek his own comfort. Reasurrance, that she was alright.

Reaching out.....

A voice. Sydney's, fatherly. Upset. Thomas was dead. Murdered. Jarod only hoped he'd hidden his disbelief and pain. Parker would heal.
Emotionally it would take time. He breathed deeply. He had been holding his
breath.


The last thing he wanted was for Sydney to be worried about him. Worried about the fact that he cared deeply for Parker. He did. He'd only just realized just how much, himself. He wasn't really sure what made him finally accept it. Maybe it was the emotional toll of a near death experience that opened that door.

Jarod finally realized that she meant more to him than just being his huntress. Maybe it was the sound he could have sworn he heard in her voice when she talked to him about her sister, Faith. Just talked. No sarcasm. Maybe it was knowing that Sydney and Nicholas were learning to be a family. He realized that's what he wanted in his life. Wanted it badly. And Parker was the only family he knew, along with Sydney.

He wanted to be with her. To hold her. To tell her it was going to be okay. To comfort her. To help her grieve. To tell her not to shut herself off again. He justed wanted to show her he cared. Hell! He wanted to show her he loved her. Protect her. Forever.



Feed back, please. Ractrish@aol.com

The characters are owned by MTM and NBC. I just want to play.Copyrighted 1999. Takes place after Wake up in the third season.Those who have not seen the episode may not wish to read it.



Heart's Desire
Hearts Longing for Itself
part II
By Trisha

2/?

She waited up for him, praying that he'd show up. Praying it was a dream. She waited most of that first night, just home from the police station, before she realized he wasn't coming back. Thomas was never coming back. Her heart broke as she had stared at the red digital numbers, which read 3:45Am. That was the first night. She cried for him.

Then, she told herself it was stupid. She was a strong woman, with a great job. She laughed at that one. It was that very job that was the cause of her grief and misery. Yet, she had good friends. Syndey and Broots. Pestering her constantly. It had taken all of herself control and pride to tell them she was fine, when they asked. She knew she'd gotten a bit of a jab in with her sarcastic tone, but they were use to it. Accepted it.

It hurt. It hurt really bad. And she didn't know when it would stop. She wanted it too. She just couldn't seem to make her heart understand. She thought she'd hidden it so well. . .she must be slipping. Broots had tried to ask, but she cut him off at the knees. Even Daddy, of all people, asked it she was feeling okay. But it was when she looked into the eyes of Jarod. Okay, not her Jarod but nevertheless it was Jarod, and all the emotions that she felt and hid since she was ten years old came back to her.She had mentioned it to Sydney, he just looked at her and shook his head. She knew she had to hide it. Hide her sleepless nights. Dreams. Hide her pain whenever anyone asked. Yet, one had seen through her. He alway could. He saw the pain, sadness, and the despair. Her Jarod.

She felt the emptiness overtake her again. Realizing she hadn't moved off the sofa for the past couple of hours, still holding her bunny. Her security, her only connection to one who understood. . .

The tears ran down her cheeks as her heart ached. For whom. She told herself to move on, but she wasn't sure she could. Her heart had let go, but it was killing her. She took no pleasure from work since the shooting. Raines, the uncaring bastard, had tried to eliminate her father. She took the bullet and Jarod gave up an opportunity to get away completely. Free and clear. But no, he stayed behind for what, her.

The Ice Princess was resurfacing. Sealing off her emotions. Shutting down. Before the shooting, Jarod would call to check on her, with pain and something more in his voice. He told her to have faith. That was one of the many bonds they shared. Yet, she took her hurt, anger and the pain out on him.

The first time. But he was always there for her. He always knew when she needed to hear his voice. He always listened. And now. He knew and asked about the sleepless nights and tried to calm her so that she could sleep.

God! She was damned beacon for the grim reaper, she told him. LEAVE HER ALONE, she screamed at him two days ago at the Centre. I kill those who love me. Love me. . . . had she actually said that to him. After she left the building, she acknowledged old feelings that were never fully explored. Or examined. Locked away deep in her heart.

She realized that he was her rock. Her foundation. She could bury herself in him and get lost. Forever.

But the Centre had him back and this time they would not let him go. She finally gave into her despair, sobbing her heart, she put her bunny back in his cage, then resumed her spot on the sofa and buried her face in her hands. Crying as if her heart would break. Tomorrow she's deal with her life, her emotions, her family, and maybe move on. But tonight, she would let her teardrops wash away the pain. She would not hold back.

Outside as it rained, dark eyes watched. It would never hold him.20

He saw her teardrops and pain. Let it rain. Washing it away. Their pain.




TBC!

Feed back, please. Ractrish@aol.com