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The Only Way I Know

by DOTLP

  

            The wind whipped through his hair. He watched her back, concealed in the shadows of the trees near-by. Three days after what had almost happened on the island sitting together in front of Ocee's fireplace, and he still couldn't get that image out of his head, or the thought of what her lips would have felt like, tasted like, pressed against his own.

She sat a few feet from the edge of the bluff overlooking the ocean, her knees pulled up to her chest as if to prevent the coldness of the night from entering her already gelid and troubled soul. The moon cast a blue shine on her long, dark hair, whipped away from her face by the fresh ocean-scented breeze. 'I wonder what she's doing out at this time of night,' he thought to himself.

He saw her stand as if ready to leave. She placed her hands on her hips and looked to her left and to her right, surveying the deserted rocky terrain. He saw her spread-eagle her arms. 'Oh no! She's going to jump!!' He shouted her name as he bolted from his hiding place, "Miss Parker!! Don't!!"

Hearing her name, she turned about abruptly losing her balance. She teetered on the edge a few moments, one word leaving her lips: "Jarod!!" He raced toward her trying to get a hold of her before she fell. He came several moments too late. She had fallen. He peered over the edge only to see her lithe form fighting desperately not to become a captive of the rough, dark ocean. The ocean fought to keep her, each wave reaching an angry tentacle toward her, trying to keep her in their clutches, trying to drag her into their inky depths. No longer able to battle the gargantuan force, she was lost to the sea. Death claimed her as his own.

He dropped to his knees, fists connecting with the ground, pummelling it repeatedly as if that one action could prevent what had happened from taking place. As if that one action had the power to turn back time. 'It's all my fault. Why did I shout her name? She wasn't thinking of jumping. It wasn't in her eyes. Oh why...?'

 

 

He woke with a start, bolting upright in his bed. His clothing stuck to every part of his body. Unbidden, tears had begun streaming down his face. Twisting his body out of bed, he reached for his cell phone on the nightstand. He hit speed-dial one: Miss Parker's home number. There was no answer. 'Okay, no reason to panic yet,' he thought, frantically trying to reassure himself. He hit the second speed-dial number: Miss Parker's office. Glancing at his watch, he calculated the time in Blue Cove. 'Maybe she's working really late tonight.' After several rings, there was no answer from her, just a mechanical voice asking him to leave a message after the beep. 'Third time's the charm.' He hit speed-dial three: Miss Parker's cell. Hearing it ring once, twice, thrice...'Come on Miss Parker,' he silently urged. Receiving no answer he turned to his last resort. Hitting speed-dial four, he was rewarded after two rings.

"This is Sydney."

"Sydney, is Miss Parker with you?" asked the Pretender.

Sydney could hear the worry in Jarod's voice. "Why, no Jarod. She left for home quite a few hours ago. Why do you ask?"

"I tried all three of her numbers and received no answer."

Sydney knew Jarod was leaving something out. "That can't be the only reason you're worried about her Jarod. Please, tell me," the psychiatrist urged.

Exhaling loudly, he told his mentor. "I had a dream...", he began, giving Sydney the essential parts of it.

"Alright Jarod. I will go and check on her for you."

"Thank you Sydney. I'm just concerned about her."

"Don't worry," Sydney reassured him. 'Concern isn't the only feeling you have for her,' he thought wryly. Getting up, he grabbed the keys to his car and left, worried that Jarod's dream might be true, hoping and praying that it weren't.

 

=============

 

He pulled his jacket tighter about himself as he scanned the area for her. Noticing her silhouette just a few feet from the edge of the bluff, he walked quietly towards her sitting form. 'Jarod's dream was real.'  The wind was so high it would have been difficult to hear anyone approach. He stopped a few feet behind her.

"Sydney, you're here," she commented without turning around.

"How did you know I was behind you? A person couldn't hear bricks falling in this breeze."

A shrug was her only response. "Jarod sent you, didn't he?" It was more a statement than a question despite the slight inflection in her voice.

The old man decided not to lie to her. "He was concerned about your well-being. How did you know it was Jarod that sent me?"

"Momma's voice," she said, an index finger coming to rest on her temple, removing itself just as quickly as it had come to rest there. "She told me about the dream Jarod had."

Sydney lowered himself to the ground, taking a seat near Miss Parker. They remained silent for a while. He had known her from since her childhood and knew that, given enough time, she would tell him what was bothering her.

"Momma and I used to come here often," she began quietly. "Sometimes, we had picnics. Other times we came at night and sat right in this spot, just looking at the stars. We used to talk about everything," she said ruefully, her eyes indicating that she was living in a memory, not really seeing what was in front of her. " I miss her a lot Sydney."

"I know you do. I also know that she loved you very much and would be proud of the strong, beautiful woman you have become. She is always near to you Parker, always with you in your heart and lives on in your memory. You hear her whenever you listen to your Inner Sense."

A single tear trickled down the side of her face. She quickly wiped it away. "Why is it that everyone I love always dies? First my mother, then Faith, then Tommy. Now my 'father'."

"I don't know why. But I do know that they all loved you very much. Even your father, in his own way." They remained silent for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Sydney was the first to break the silence. "You love him, don't you?"

"Of course I loved my father. I don't even know if he was my real father. He might not have always shown his love, but I have to believe that he did love me...because I was his own," she replied thoughtfully.

"I know you loved him. You showed it each day, each time you tried to please him. But, I don't mean him, I mean Jarod."

She scoffed, "I think you're the one who needs the shrink Syd, not me."

A soft smile graced his features. "Perhaps I do need one after all these years in The Centre, but I'm serious Parker."

"I don't love him," she replied with conviction.

"So why is it that each time you capture him, you don't bring him in? Why is it that each time you have the opportunity to shoot him, you don't? You're an excellent shot. How could you have missed that time he was running up the fire escape stairs trying to get away from you when he was getting information about his mother? Miss Parker, the list goes on."

"What have you been smoking?"

He began again, a little exasperated at how stubborn she could be. "I remember the look on your face when we found out that Jarod was sexually interested in Nia. You hid it well from everyone else, but I saw it. I remember how you had tried to rescue Jarod's clone. I remember how worried and concerned you were when we discovered that someone, Bartlett, wanted Jarod dead. Bartlett wanted to kill you too, but you didn't care. You were worried about Jarod. I remember the look on your face when you saw that book Jarod wrote for you. I saw the first kiss you two shared as children. You two thought no one was looking, that no one would know, but I saw, and I knew." He paused for a moment, adding quietly as an afterthought, "He's still in love with you, you know."

She sat stoically, digesting all the information she had received, contemplating her answer. Her response was soft. "Even if it were true, I can't give my heart to anyone. I've been hurt too many times. I can't bear any more pain."

"To know pain is to love with your entire being. That's the only way you've ever loved anyone Miss Parker. I've seen it many times. You can't experience love without experiencing pain." Suddenly, realization dawned on him like a light being turned on in a dark room, blinding him momentarily with its intensity. "You're afraid," he said, amazed at how simple the answer had been, at how well she had hidden her fear.

"I'm a Parker. I don't know fear," she stated, donning her armour: The Ice Queen Façade; protecting herself with a breastplate of disdain and a helmet of impatience for others, steeling herself with an armoury of caustic remarks.

He continued, amazement still evident in his tone, "You're afraid. Afraid to love him because you feel that if anyone gets close to you, they'll die. You don't want to feel responsible for his death too."

She sat in stunned silence. Someone had finally seen through her cold demeanour. Another tear rolled down her right cheek and she wiped at it furiously. 'Damn you for seeing what no one else could!' Finally finding her voice she spoke. Her voice sounded hoarse and far away, strained, even to her, as though the words she tried to force out were too big to pass her throat, too big to free themselves from her mouth. "Why do you insist on doing this to me? Don't you know how much it tears me up inside?"

"I'm not doing anything to you, except helping you to come to terms with feelings you already had. Or does being a Parker mean that you don't have emotions, that you aren't allowed to show any except hate and anger? Don't you know that you're just like every other human being, that you have a heart that feels, that aches, that wants, that needs, that loves?"

She spoke softly, "Syd, some feelings are best left hidden, where they belong."

He tried again. "You do love him," he stated firmly, but quietly.

"Yes, I do," she relented. "And I know how he feels about me. It was in his book...and.  And I can't let anyone know that, especially the Centre. Not many things can break me, but if they knew how I feel about him, do you know the number of ways they could do that, Syd? Do you? If ever I afforded myself that luxury, we both would have been dead by now. Not loving him is the only way I know how to love him."

"You're wrong," he stated quietly, but firmly. "That isn't the only way. You've always allowed him his freedom. I know you could have brought him in anytime, even without a lead. But instead, you chose to let him have what he wanted, what he needed, denying yourself that same privilege because you love him."

"How could I have brought him in without a lead?"

"Ever since you were a child and you used to sneak around The Centre's sub-levels, you could always find him, no matter which room he was in. Don't try to deny it. You know just as well as I do that it's true. Somehow, you formed this deep connection with him. Perhaps it was because you both lost your parents. Your mother died when you were just a girl and your father hardly ever gave you the time of day. Jarod also lost his parents. Perhaps on a subconscious level, you both were able to find comfort in each other and that emotional umbilical was what linked you to him. Jarod was never able to do that the way you were."

"When I was just a girl, I knew I had the ability to do what Jarod did. But I never let them know I knew I was capable of doing that. I didn't want to be a captive the way he was. My father would have exploited me just as easily and as quickly as he had Jarod, claiming that it was for my own good; that he knew what was best for me. But yet, I remained a captive of The Centre, by my father's hand," she stated bitterly.

He whistled lowly. "You really are a remarkable woman Miss Parker. It may not be any consolation to you, since you're still a captive of The Centre, but at least you were able to avoid a greater evil from happening to yourself. If it were anyone else, they would have been broken by now, with all the horrible things that you have seen and that have happened to you." They sat side by side, silently gazing at the stars. He surreptitiously glanced in her direction. "He tried calling you before he called me. He said he was worried and concerned. That wasn't the only feeling I got off of him. He didn't say it, but he does love you. Even more than before you went to that island. Something happened there. What?"

She knew he had glanced at her and was wondering when he was going to ask that question. A soft smile played on her lips as she remembered the heart-felt conversation they had shared, not as Hunter and Hunted, but as friends; the near kiss they had shared. All the feelings they had for each other and had carefully kept bottled up, spilled out before that fireplace in a little shop owned by a blind woman who saw more than most people saw their entire lives with perfect sight. "Let's just say that what happened was a turning point, even if it was for such a brief moment." She placed her hands on either side of her body, using them to support herself.

Sydney smiled serenely, noticing the subtle change in her physiognomy as she remembered the events that took place on The Isle of Carthis. 'Whatever happened there changed her more that she knows.' He reached for her hand on the ground between them, covering it with his own, a rare sign of affection he could show her without The Centre's eyes noticing and using it against him, against them. He couldn't bear adding more hurt to the woman he loved as much as if she were his own daughter. He was rewarded when she didn't pull her hand away. They sat like that, content in each other's company, saying what they needed in that one touch than with all the words any two people could have spoken. The luminescent sliver watched over them as it slowly drifted across the sky, greeting each star in its path.

  

And the moral of the story is....

  

Read on...

  

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