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A Miss Parker vignette
Hope you enjoy my little tangent into the unknown. So far this is only posted at the-pretender.de. I reaaaaaaaaaaaaally would loooove some feedback or a review or something :) Yeah, I read them!
I've lived my life in a shell of a human, just skin on bones with no emotions, no feeling.
Complete and utter numbness, I've never left the still reverie I seem so bound to cling to and never fall from. Only the night isn't dark enough to conceal the things that creep upon my bedsheets and latch into my mind, the monsters beneath my bed.
As irritating as his voice is, everytime he calls, breathing down my neck, demanding answers I do not have- I would miss him, if he weren't there.
And my mind involuntarily drifts back to a time when I felt inconquerable loss, immeasurable pain.
My memory shattered and my heart broken, I crept beneath the silken sheets and begged for sleep to overtake, to bury the hurt I feel beneath my lungs each time I breathe.
The thing they call love.
The thing they call pain.
Where are you Jarod? Where have you always been? You call me every day, you visit in the night or in the tombs, but never are you really there.
Where did you go, when you walked away? What woman, what ... spirit, what took you away from me?
Tore your soul from mine?
Was it Nia or was it the world? Some hidden love affair with nature or a woman with long limbs and tender heart?
I guess I never will.
I thought I had lost it all, the day Daddy sent me to school- away from the Centre, away from you... far from the only home, the only love I'd ever dared to know. And again, I lost my entire being when I lost Faith, then Thomas. I began to believe life was over, and revenge took over my soul- the small bit of which I have left.
Little did I know, avenging and obtaining revenge are far different things - but you shared that with me, you never let me fall beyond where I could reach.
You were always there as a foothold, to yell at me, to hurt me, to tear my heart -what little was left- in to pieces far too small to piece together.
But a phone call in the night, an egging on, an interminable faith and an inpenatrable soul -you- built the heart that glue couldn't hold together.
A childhood friend with a heart of gold, steady hands and an iron will. Yet a child without fear and without feeling, reality. A boy never knowing the joys of trips to the lake with father or homework help with mother.
Just the same, you showed me the childhood I never thought I'd see.
So where are you now?
The only feelings I've known since long before, have been fear and hatred, anger and jealousy- sometimes it seems it's all I ever will know, especially when I see them together, laughing, happy.
Too damn cheerful and blissful.
And then the old green eyed friend of mine once again kicks in, and I wonder why we never had that. It's been a long time since I've known anything like that. Since a warm touch made me smile or a room seemed heated with passion.
Seems I have a talent for dropping room temperatures these days.
Or maybe I always have.