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Disclaimer: I do not own Pretender. I make no profit off of this, it is just for fun.

Three months later in South Africa. . .

Being trapped in here four months. Pregnant. No TV, no radio, no nothing. No wonder I’m starting to do this. Miss Parker hadn’t acknowledged the figure sitting on her bed yet. She couldn’t. It wasn’t real.

Because it was her, when she was just a kid. She didn’t say anything so far, and she knew that figment of her wasn’t going to as long as she didn’t speak to it. However, it didn’t go away. “Sydney would have a field day with me.”

“But Jarod wouldn’t,” Little Miss Parker said from the bed. “You know, you’re a horrible friend. You hardly had any growing up, and the one you really did? You ended up chasing.”

She wasn’t going to go away. “Daddy wanted him.”

“I know. I loved my daddy, and I wanted him to love me too. Anything that could bring us closer together would be great,” Little Miss Parker said. “Except, I should have wrote something in my journal about an exception. Ruining my friend’s life.”

Did she really have to deal with this kind of guilt? “I’ve been alone too long.”

“Nothing compared to Jarod,” Little Miss Parker quipped back. “He was alone nearly all his life. Then, when he was finally free to live how he wanted, you had to start chasing him. Like I said, Miss Parker. You’re a horrible friend.”

“Friends was a long time ago,” Miss Parker said to her smaller self. “I had a job to do.”

“Yeah. And look where it landed you.” She stood up from the bed and pointed at her belly. “You’re going to be a mommy, but you’ll be nothing as wonderful as our mother, Miss Parker.”

“No one could be as wonderful as her,” Miss Parker said.

“But you hunted the ‘daddy’ for years, who used to be your friend. That will make you a horrible mother.” She walked around. “Look at you. Secretly hoping someone is clever enough to get you out. And you know there’s only one person clever enough. So, you need your old friend to be a real friend, when you’ve been the worst friend in the world to him. Keeping him from his mommy. His daddy. His family.” She looked back toward Miss Parker. “And now, you have to pay the price and do the right thing, Miss Parker.” She gestured toward her stomach again. “That’s Jarod’s family.”

“I know,” Miss Parker groaned.

“You didn’t deserve this.”

Finally, her younger self says something nice. “No one did.”

“No. I mean being a mother. You’re too mean. And definitely, not the mother of Jarod’s kid.” Little Miss Parker shook her head. “It must be so horrible for him. Having the closest thing to a friend be you.”

“Stop it,” Miss Parker insisted. “I can’t do anything.”

“Yes, you can,” her younger self said. “You can stop being such a horrible friend.”

“Well, I clearly don’t work for the Centre anymore, so you can rest easy knowing I won’t be chasing him,” Miss Parker said to her younger self.

“You started chasing him for daddy. Daddy’s gone, and Raines, our real biological father? I don’t think your wanting his affection. All you had left for a reason was learning secrets, but it’s just an excuse. You fear change.”

“I fear nothing.”

“You fear everything, Miss Parker,” her younger self said. “You fear me most of all. But you shouldn’t. I’m you. Don’t be horrible anymore. It’s not about you anymore.” She pointed to her belly again. “It’s about that.”

Miss Parker looked down at her own stomach.

“I’ll be here. Once you stop denying the truth to yourself.”

 

-------------------

 

“You can fill up on food, but it won’t help your soul.”

Miss Parker looked at her little self showing up in the corner again as she worked on eating her food.

“You’re still horrible. You need to become unhorrible. Have you made any progress?”

Miss Parker touched her head. As time passed by the little unknown intruder on her body was affecting more than just her body. Her mind too. “If nothing saves me. If there is no safety net, I’ll lose it. It’ll never know me.”

“Yeah,” Little Miss Parker said. “So, who does that make you like?”

“Mother,” she said. “Losing Lyle.”

“Wrong,” Little Miss Parker said. “That was sad, but she didn’t know he was out there. You will. So, who does that make you like?”

“Momma with Ethan,” Miss Parker guessed again. “She never saw him grow up, just that-“

“No!” Little Miss Parker corrected her again. “Mom didn’t have to live knowing what happened. So, who does that make you like?”

“To live knowing what happened,” Miss Parker said, “and knowing my child was still out there.” She stared at her little self. Was she hinting at that? “ . . . Jarod’s mother?”

“Yes.” Her little self smiled. “And the little one, deep inside you that’s just a little ball right now,” Little Miss Parker pointed out. “You know it’s going to grow up at the Centre. Lyle even said he’d give it Jarod’s old room just to rub it in. So, it’ll never know you. But, it’ll probably want to know you. As it grows up, it’s going to want to find you. It’ll be contained though, unable to do what it wants. So, that might never happen. It’ll probably even be convinced that you’re dead for years.” She shrugged. “Who does that remind you of?”

Miss Parker didn’t want to say it. She put her food down and grabbed at her stomach.

“Who does that remind you of?” Little Miss Parker asked again. “Miss Parker?”

She finally looked toward her other self. “Jarod.”

“Yeah. But, it’ll be fine. It’ll be fed daily. It’ll do simulations that might be good or bad,” Little Miss Parker said, “but they do get a friend. Not a parent. Not someone they can get super attached to, but a friend. Probably a psychologist.”

“Sydney.”

“Something like a Sydney, but it’ll never be a real dad because-“

“Stop it!” Miss Parker threw her food down and covered her ears.

“Open your eyes to the truth,” Little Miss Parker warned her. “Or you’ll be a horrible mother and friend.”

Miss Parker closed her eyes. All that time alone, and she just couldn’t shut it out anymore.

 

Her inner sense.










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