TEN YEARS AGO

---

 

Miss Parker drove for hours to be sure they hadn’t been followed. When she felt too tired to go on, she chose a motel located a few miles outside of Baltimore. She didn’t even remember when they’ve crossed the state line between Delaware and Maryland.

The clerk was a young guy, used to meet foreign visitors. He’d seen the weirdest people coming in and out of that motel, but those two looked different. The woman was stunning and the man seemed the kind of guy everyone would like to be like. Tall, handsome, muscled and in great trim. And yet, they looked tired and the clerk was sure there was sadness in their eyes.

When the woman handed some extra money over him, he took the $ 50 bill and asked her, “What is this for?”

In the meantime, Jarod took the key to their room and move past Miss Parker, the only thing he wanted was to touch a bed.

“Nobody has to disturb us. For no reason.”

“Yes Ma’am”, he answered.

“Should anyone come here and ask, you’ve never seen us. Are we clear?”

He nodded in agreement. Parker smiled and handed another bill to the young man.

“Indeed…”

---

 

The room was small but clean. When Miss Parker entered, Jarod was sitting on the bed. he was staring sightlessly at the floor in front of him, his hands resting on the bed blanket, an unfathomable expression. Parker sighed with her eyes roaming over his face.

“Jarod, I need to call Sydney. He must be freaking out.”

He moved his hand just to take a mobile from his jacket inside pocket, then he gave it to her. 

Miss Parker smiled guiltily when she noticed that Jarod’s phone had only three numbers stored in memory. The third one was Broots’, the second Sydney’s. And the first was hers.

When the old psychiatrist answered the phone, Miss Parker put him on speakerphone, so that Jarod could hear him too.

“Parker! I was so worried for you! Where are you? Where is Jarod?”

Parker looked at the groggy pretender sitting next to her, then she answered, “He’s here with me, Syd.”

The old man didn’t ponder the possible implications of her words. He was glad to know they were together, though.

“Ethan is dead, Sydney.”

“I know, Parker. I’m really sorry.”

Jarod gasped once again and Parker put a hand on his shoulder, trying to soothe him gently.

“Lyle came back a couple of hours ago. He was furious. He’s wounded, but his shoulder’s not the first thing you should be worried about. He saw you, he knows you were there to help Jarod. Raines has already informed the Triumvirate. They issued a Schedule K against you, Miss Parker.”

She closed her eyes and smiled nervously, she had been expecting this. Jarod, instead, raised his head and gave her a frightened gaze, then he glared at the wall, “They gave order to kill her?”

Sydney was so happy to hear his protégé‘s voice that he exhaled in relief.

“I’m afraid so.”

Miss Parker didn’t speak, she was as much preoccupied as Jarod. And yet, she felt excited when she realized that Jarod still cared about her, if he was worried for her safety.     

“You must stay hidden, Parker.”

“We will. We can’t contact you anymore, we would put you in danger. But you can’t stay there either, Sydney. As soon as they find out of this phone call, they will throw you and Broots in front of another T-board. You must take him, Angelo and Debbie and run away, now!”

Sydney shook his head, “And where could we go? I can’t leave, there are still people whose safety is more important than mine…”

“Michelle…Nicholas…” Jarod whispered.

Parker huffed in exasperation, “Then take them with you, too. I want you to go somewhere safe, where they won’t find you…”

“Where?” Sydney asked. The Centre already knew about all the places he would be headed to.

“Write this down, Sydney”, Jarod urged him, “It’s a house I’ve bought last year, the Centre doesn’t know anything about it. It’s in the Keys.”

Sydney wrote down the adress Jarod was telling him.

“Don’t use traceable flights, or the Centre will find out. Call Angela Wiley, she’s an old friend of mine, and a pilot. She will escort you there.”

“This is the pilot of the plane that crashed?”, Parker asked him.

Jarod ignored her question and replied, “They can’t use their true IDs, they need new fake ones.”

Parker nodded in agreement, “Syd, there’s a metal case inside a safe deposit box located at Sussex County Airport. The key is hidden inside the rabbit cage in Debbie’s room.”

Jarod wondered if the rabbit she was talking about was still the one he’d given her that Christmas some years before. He thought he would ask her later. And he wondered why she had fake IDs ready for all of them. Had she been planning to leave the whole time?

“Sydney don’t go there, there will be cameras all around the place. Look for my old friend Argyle, he’s currently leading a Casino in Atlantic City, it’s called the Vatican. Tell him that I sent you to make him retrieve the case for me. He’s going to do anything you ask him to.”

Sydney was still writing down all the information the couple was sharing with him. He was so proud of how well and fast they could think.     

“Sydney, don’t trust anybody!” Parker reminded him.

“This is the Centre, Miss Parker. When did we?”

 Sydney hung up and left them dazed. 

---

 

Jarod stood up and stepped away from her. He didn’t like her closeness, in that moment. He was still mad at her, at Lyle, at the Centre, at the whole damn world.

He was trying to accept the fact he had lost another brother, but he couldn’t let go.

“I’m glad you’re speaking again”, she stated gently. She didn’t want to argue with him, she just wanted to know he was okay. Jarod turned around and glared at her. Parker had never seen that look on Jarod’s face, not addressed to her. She’d seen him angry, disappointed, irritate, but never furious. He was pacing the space between the wall and the bed, trying to find a reason to explain what had happened.

“Jarod”, she stood up in the middle of his pacing, blocking his way and placing her hands on his chest tenderly, “You can’t do this to yourself. You and I have to deal with death every single day, since the Centre is our own little hell. People die because of us, and there’s nothing we can do about it. That’s what we’ve been taught.”

“And what will I tell my family? That Ethan died because I wasn’t able to save him and we must accept it because that’s what I’ve been taught?!” he snapped back at her. He was screaming, but Miss Parker didn’t react badly. She wanted to calm him down, but she knew that before he had to explode and let everything come to the surface.

“You know there’s nothing we could do about it, Jarod. You know”, she repeated, trying to soothe him but to no avail.

“We’ve abandoned our little brother in the hands of his killer. He won’t even have a burial, Miss Parker! I can only imagine what Raines and that twisted brother of yours will do to his corpse!” he snarled.

Rationally, he knew he was picking a fight just to unload his sorrow on her, but unconsciously he didn’t care. He felt bereft and empty.

Parker was feeling the same, but Jarod was the one in trouble, the one who needed to grieve. And he had to do it soon, because their lives depended on it. Parker had to help him, in the hope he would not hate her later.

“Well, we were late, Boy Genius. Your alleged-pretending-skills didn’t help us saving Ethan.”

“Shut up…”

Parker ignored Jarod and scolded him, “Well, it’s all your fault, Jarod. You blew it and Ethan was the sacrificial lamb on Raines’ altar.”

“I told you to shut up…”

Jarod was trembling, his wrath growing and ready to burst out. His pacing became even more evident and heavy on the floor.

“The truth is you’re feeling guilty because you could have saved him and you didn’t!” Parker shouted and Jarod stopped at once, looking back at her in total commiseration over himself.

“I hate you!” he yelled at her. 

Miss Parker felt as though he was twisting a knife in her back. She gazed back at him in astonishment and swallowed, trying to accept what Jarod had just told her. It took her at least ten seconds, then she responded.

“No, you don’t”, she hissed back, “You simply can’t accept the thought of losing another person you loved.”

Jarod had heard enough. He took the gun from the bedside table and aimed it against her, his hand trembling with rage.

Parker wiggled her eyebrows at him, while Jarod blinked hardly to keep focus. She remembered the last time she’d had the same reaction. They were on Tommy’s grave, and she got mad at him for showing up on the anniversary of his death.

“What are you going to do, shoot me?”, she taunted him, “There are no more bullets, remember? A genius thought better of using them to slaughter a bunch of sweepers and hurt that twisted twin brother of mine!”

Jarod sighed, the fatigue of his wrath overpowering him. He let his arm rest on his side and then the gun fell on the floor. He wailed and crumbled into tears, leaning his back against the wall and slipping to the floor. He hid his head between his arms, which held his knees in what looked almost a fetal position.

Parker knew Jarod had reached the highest pick of his rage, now he was falling down again. She sighed in relief and sat down next to him, trying to avoid looking at the shattered pretender while she still needed to confess her feelings. All she could think about were Sydney’s words:

 

‘Give these kids the gift they never had, Miss Parker. Let them love and be loved!’

 

“Jarod, I’m sorry for what I said before. It wasn’t your fault. Ethan’s killing was just a bait, a means to draw you into a trap. God, maybe me, too. Now I realize Lyle must have known about our cooperation for a while…”

Jarod didn’t answer but didn’t even ignore her. He raised his head and glanced at Parker, with eyes red for the countless tears he’d cried that night. Parker looked at him, trying to pass on to him all her sympathy.

“I know how you feel, Jarod. I’ve been through the same despair when Thomas died. Remember what a wreck I was?” she commented. Jarod’s eyes were looking sightlessly in front of himself, but he nodded imperceptibly.

“Remember how I overcame Tommy’s death?”

“Alcool, cigarettes, and a Russian roulette every night?” he quipped.

She rolled her eyes, but she was glad to notice his sarcastic sense of humour hadn’t vanished.

“I managed to live through it just because of you.”

Jarod blinked at her in disbelief, the reality of this confession sinking down inside his heart.

Parker gasped and found the strenght to continue, “You’ve been the only one who helped me, without you I would have never made it. You challenged me to find the truth, you put me on the right trail. You followed me in that bar, you helped me with Dawson’s autopsy, you came to tell me the truth about Miller’s death at that police impounding depository. You know, that day I really understood what you’d been trying to tell me for years. That we’re all pawns in the sick game of the Centre. That they control us, use us…All the lies I’d been told, my father’s sick way of administrating that hell…”

“I’d been trying to tell you the same damned things for years, Miss Parker…”, he replied sharply.

“I know. But I had to face the death before finally starting to believe you. I’ve doubted my father since then, I’ve never trusted him again, not truly. I’ve always followed your advice instead of my father’s.”

His head leaned against the cold wall behind them, his eyes closed.

“One year later, the day of the anniversary of Thomas’ death…I was overwhelmed, I thought I couldn’t deal with it on my own. But I wasn’t alone, was I?” 

Jarod squized his eyes more.

“I’m so sorry for the things I told you that day at the cemetery. But you caught me out of guard and I didn’t know how to be around you…”

Jarod’s lips quivered, Parker feared that he would cry again. But she didn’t care, he needed to know all the truth.

“Finding the truth about you and Tommy was…” she sighed in frustration, “Excruciating.”

“Why?” he asked her, his voice taking a low discomforting tone.

“I thought you were trying to manipulate me, just like my father. Tommy wanted me to go with him, and for a second I thought you might have pushed him to ask me to leave the Centre.”

Jarod’s lips turned into a faint smile, with the result that Parker looked at him with the most delicious expression on her face.

“Actually I did told him to ask you. I wanted you to leave, I thought Tommy would have been the best for you. And he was, you know?”

“I know, Jarod”, she nodded in agreement, “And later I had time to ponder and I realized you’d lit the torch between us just because you cared for me very deeply.”

“I wanted to see you happy, Miss Parker.”

“Yes.”

She noticed with pleasure that he’d calmed down and for the first time in many minutes he turned his head and started to look intently at her. He was quiet but still panting.

Parker took his hands in hers and looked at him in return, trying to keep her bravery.

“The first time you pleaded me to take a turning point, I wasn’t ready. I ignored you and voluntarly scolded you, I was sure that things would never change. The second time you asked, when you came to visit me, I knew I would try to change my life and turn to something different, but yet, I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t leave everything behind.”

Jarod nodded slowly, he understood what she was trying to tell him. Too many times she’d been over the edge, praying for something – or someone – to help her make a decision.

“Now I’ve been forced to stare that turning point right in my face. Ethan’s death changed everything. Now I really am an outcast, just like you.”

“You’ve always been, Miss Parker.”

Jarod blinked a few times, then directed a gaze reflecting his deepest emotions at her. He moved his hand to touch Parker’s face and he caressed the sweet line that went from her cheekbone to her jaw. She let out a deep sigh and let his words sink deep into her soul.

A comfortable silence fell between them as they just stared in each other’s eyes. Parker’s feelings were so overwhelming that she looked away to release a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Where do we go from here? I don’t know what’s going to happen, all I know is that we must stay together, Jarod.”

The pretender suddenly realized how much he’d been needing to hear those words.

“If that offer is still valid…If all the things you confessed to me in Glasgow are true…Then all I want is to be with you.”

Jarod blinked a couple of times and rolled his eyes, trying to grasp the irony of the situation.

“You know, it’s ridiculous that you’re taking that turning point just now that our brother’s dead. We’ve always needed someone we both love to die to get closer to one another. Your mother, Faith, Thomas…and now Ethan.”

“I told you, Jarod. This is the Centre. Death is always on our daily agenda.”

“It’s just…”

He sighed again and squeezed his eyes, then he got rid of Parker’s hands to rub his face. She noticed that he had an intense five-o’clock shadow. Parker always thought that Jarod looked much intriguing with a beard. Not a very long one, just the short fascinating regrowth.

“I don’t know. I’m just so tired of fighting. I can’t do it alone...”

It was Parker’s turn to smile. She grabbed his hands again and stared right into his eyes.

“You’re not alone. Not anymore.”

Jarod smiled back and caressed her cheek with his fingertips once more. Her skin was the softest thing he’d ever touched in his life. He felt so sorry for all the things he’d said before. He needed to apologize to this incredibly strong woman.

“You know that I don’t hate you, don't you?”

Parker nodded solemnly, “I do.”

“I need to find something still worth fighting for, Miss Parker.”

“Your mother’s still out there, Jarod. And so is the rest of your family. They’re still alive, Jarod, they need you to focus. There are so many people that the Centre took away from us. My mother, Tommy, Kyle…We must end this thing, once and for all.”

Jarod closed his eyes and saw the faces of those incredible people, who had been unlucky enough to find their ends because of the Centre. He was so intent on remembering his friends and relatives, that he lost some of Parker’s last words.

“…And I’m going to help you. I won’t hide my head in the sand anymore, I won’t deny the truth I’ve always known deep inside. I’m not one of them.”

“You’ve never been. You were pretending. Just like me”, he stated spontaneously. Parker waited for him to tell something, but he was more interested in caressing her cheeks. Jarod realized he wasn’t able not to touch her, his hands needed to feel the touch of her soft skin.

“I need you”, he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion and desire, “I need to feel alive. I need to forget about everything, just for one night.”

Parker ran a hand through Jarod’s hair, by now shorter than it had been on the island, massaging little circles on the back of his head.

“And I want to be needed”, she purred back, her voice now reduced to a trembling murmur.

Jarod let out a lovely sigh of contentment that made her smile wider.

“We’re going to deal with it together. One step at a time, remember?”  

Parker folded her hands around his neck, pulling him closer to her, feeling the need of tasting his lips becoming almost compelling. But Jarod fliched once more to stare at her intensely.

“There’s still something I have to say, Miss Parker. I should have told you that day in Glasgow. Well, actually I should have told you years ago.”

Parker knew what he was going to say. But she didn’t need to hear the words. Their actions were talking enough for them both.

“I already know, Jarod. It doesn’t matter how much our lives made us apart. We always find each other, in the end. Maybe it’s really supposed to be that way…”

As soon as Jarod heard those words, he found himself back on the island. They weren’t in a low class motel room anymore, they were on Carthis again. They were in front of Ocee’s fireplace, where everything had started but not finished.

He closed the distance between them and finally brushed her lips with his.

It wasn’t how Jarod would have imagined an adult kiss with Miss Parker would be.

It was better.

He felt her responding and deepening the kiss, slowly opening her mouth to give his tongue access. He could almost hear Parker’s heart racing as much as his. Parker’s hands reached his shoulders to remove his leather jacket, and Jarod helped her, moving his chest to allow her to get rid of the garment. But their lips never parted and Jarod’s hands continued to stroke her hair and cheeks.

Parker ran her hand over Jarod’s left arm and find it again covered with blood. She’d completely forgotten about his wound. Worried, she slowly released him and they both catch their breaths. Noticing her hesitation, he explained, “Just a scratch. We’ll take care of it later.”

Parker felt more aroused by that simple later than she’d ever felt in her life with any other man. When Jarod kissed her again, she took advantage of the moment to take off his black shirt, careful not to hurt his arm. She ran her hands all over his chest, finally able to touch the wonderful torso she’d always secretly dreamed of. When they both stood on their knees, heading for the bed, Jarod returned the favor and undressed her, starting from her red silk shirt. When he touched the bare skin of her shoulders, he felt that ripple of electricity that had flowed also when their hands had touched by chance in Carthis.

Jarod guided her to the bed where Parker lay down under him. Her hands were still folded behind his neck and Jarod’s were caressing her shoulders, with the aim to lower the bra straps. Parker moved her hand over his mouth and her thumb gently touched his lips.

Jarod kissed it and whispered, “Are you sure?”

She nodded, feeling the heat generating from his body and willing to feel him inside her.

 

No more words were said.

While they slowly and patiently divested each other of the clothes they’d been wearing that night, they continued the exploration of their bodies. They felt the urgent need to touch, caress and kiss each other. This wasn’t something unexpected, there were 30 years of history between them. As if every single event in their lives had leaded to this very moment.      

They needed to be close to each other, they were spiritually joined, not just physically. This went beyond the simple sexual act, this was a union of souls. And with every kiss Jarod was placing on her belly, legs, thighs, shoulders and breast, she felt more and more adored and needed. Just the way she wanted to feel at that moment.

And when he slowly thrust inside her and they were joined in the most literal meaning, they both realized they’d reached the highest level of bliss ever.

When Jarod felt Parker stiffen, inhaling deeply and increasing her hands pressure on his shoulders, he gazed at her with concern, afraid he might hurt her. But Parker smiled tightly, trying to reassure him about her condition. Jarod realized at once that she hadn't been with any other man after Thomas. He could read it in her eyes. Parker caressed his cheek, inviting him to go ahead, while a huge grin appeared on Jarod’s face at the acknowledgement that she trusted him enough to let him lead during this sensual dance. So he began to rock, driving him deeper inside her.

They were face to face, connected in the most natural of ways, wrapped in intimate and deep movements that were leading them to a fast but incredible release. This couldn’t be slow, they wanted each other too much to make it slow.

Her release was nothing she’d ever experienced before, maybe because she’d never been with someone who knew her so well, so deeply. Their bodies were really fitting like two pieces of the same puzzle. When she came back to herself, Parker intentionally captured with her lips the lovely sound of Jarod’s moans during his release, trying to catch his own breath with hers.

They rested on the bed in the aftermath, sweaty and tangled to each other,  their respiration slowly coming back to normal after long minutes of gasps and swallows.

Jarod bent to kiss her belly lovingly, then Parker touched his head to claim his attention. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, while she pressed her lips over his once more, this time tenderly.

“I love you”, she whispered to him, feeling that it was the right time.

Jarod smiled and deepened the kiss again firmly, trying to breath through it.

“I love you”, he responded with a moan.

 

Parker nodded and suddenly started to cry. All the emotions of that terrible night were finally sinking in. It didn’t take Jarod much time to realize that she’d tried to be strong just to push him to overcome Ethan’s death.

She was shattered too, but this time she hadn’t had a heroic pretender to help her. As Parker’s tears streamed down her face, he held her from behind and started to place soft kisses on her hair and cheeks. Jarod came to the conclusion that he loved that woman more than he could have ever thought possible. She’d set aside her pain, she’d put on her Ice Queen mask once more just to drag him out of his sorrow, of his numbness.

Jarod leaned in to her, his lips brushing against her ear, “I’m so sorry, Miss Parker. I’m sorry I left you alone. You didn’t have to see me like that, it was unfair. You had to keep your strenght for both of us…”  

Parker sobbed heavily, she couldn’t help but crying.

“It won’t happen anymore, I promise. I’ll be back from tomorrow, I swear. The same annoying pretender you’ve always secretly loathed.”

Parker chuckled between the tears, “You’d better…”

“Thank you, Miss Parker…Thanks for everything you’ve done tonight, I’ll never forget.”

Jarod used his thumbs to dry her tears away.

“Well, I’ve always thought you were quite the stud in bed, Boy Wonder.”

Jarod grinned from ear to ear, “That’s not what I meant. Even if I must admit I’d really like a second round with you.”

“Anytime, genius…”

Jarod pressed his lips on hers, tasting the salty savor of her tears.

“Thanks for helping me through it. This is why I love you so much. Because you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You understand the real me, like nobody else ever could.”

He kissed her forehead and caressed her cheeks again.

“You knew that if I had ever reached the breaking point, I would have needed you to survive.”

Parker smiled at his words. He’d finally understood all the things she’d been saying that night, “You’ve always been there when I needed you. Time had come to pay you back.”

“This is who I am, Parker. I am simply incapable of being far from you whenever you need me. Now I know this feeling is mutual, isn’t it?”  

“Totally, Pez Head”, she answered gently. “And I love the sound of that.”

“Of what?”

“As far as I can remember, it’s the first time you call me Parker.”

Jarod looked around and realized that she was right. He never forgot the title when he called directly. She’d always been Miss Parker to him. 

“It’s ridiculous if you think that you’re probably the only person alive who knows my real name.”

“Sydney knows.”

Parker nodded in acceptance. After all, Sydney had seen her growing.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything.” Jarod stated, smiling.

“And also a second time, I hope.” Parker purred in his ear.