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Chapter or Story
Chapter 13
“Oh, Andy,” Aunt Bee said as he was about to go out the door, “I promised Miss Parker I’d take her to the hotel this morning.”
“What for?”
“Oh, Andy, do I really have to come out and say it?” She lowered her voice and whispered, “For a bath. She’s a woman, Andy. She has to get all freshened up and fix her hair.”
“Oh, you women,” Andy grinned. “That’s alright, but I’ll have to send Barney along with you.”
“Oh, Andy. Not Barney.”
“What’s wrong with Barney?”
“Andy! In a hotel room with a lady while she’s bathing?”
“He can stand outside the door. Do you want to go with me now?”
Aunt Bee rolled her eyes and accompanied him. They found Barney clearing up the remains of breakfast and Miss Parker glaring at Otis still snoring in his cell.
“Good mornin’, Miss Parker!” Andy called. “Did you sleep well?”
“I did not. Between Thing One snoring in that cell and Thing Two snoring in the back room, I didn’t sleep at all.”
Barney glanced into the back room with a bewildered expression. “What thing?”
“Oh, shut up.”
“Miss Parker,” Aunt Bee said hastily, “would you like to come along with me to the hotel now?”
“To the hotel?” Barney exclaimed. “What for?”
“To have a bath,” Andy answered. “It’s one of those things women do.”
“Well, I take baths, Andy.”
“Oh, well, Barn, I’m sure everyone understands.”
“Understands what, And?”
“How you like to smell pretty when you’re on patrol. That’s what Jud said to me the other day. ‘That Barney, he sure do smell nice on account of them perfumed baths.’”
“I do not take perfumed baths! Now, Andy, you just tell that Jud—” He jerked to a halt and took in Andy’s broadly mischievous face, the twinkle Aunt Bee tried to hide, and the smirk on Miss Parker’s face and threw up his hands. “Andy, I thought you woulda been bigger than to humiliate your deputy before a prisoner. Well, I guess not!” He stalked into the back room, then wheeled out and stuck his finger out at Miss Parker. “And she snores, too!”
“Sorry, Barn,” Andy chuckled. “I know you’ve had a long night of it, so why don’t you go on home and get a little rest. I’ll escort Miss Parker to the hotel, and you can come back when you’re rested.”
“Well—thanks, And. I will.” He started for the door.
“Oh, Barn.”
“Yes, Andy?”
“Don’t forget your bath. A nice rose scent would suit you today.”
Barney slammed the door behind him. Andy and Aunt Bee both laughed, and even Miss Parker could be seen to smile.
“Oh, Andy,” his aunt said, “you always were such a naughty boy. Now, unlock the cell.”
“Yes, Aunt Bee.” He went to Otis’ cell. “Hey, Otis. Otis! Wake up!”
Otis gave a snort. “G’way. S’my day to sleep.”
“Just give me that key, Otis, and you can go right back to sleep.”
Otis grumpily fished the key out from under his pillow and threw it at him. Andy had to fish through the bars to reach it, but he finally managed to unlock Miss Parker’s cell, then hung the key back up in its place. Otis went back to snoring. Miss Parker shot another glance at him.
“Will he still be here until we get back?”
“Yes. He’s got another twelve hours at least. He’s right good comp’ny when he’s awake and sober.”
“He’d better be, or I’ll put a bullet in his brain.”
If Andy had wondered about the wisdom of walking Miss Parker across the street without a gun, he was reassured by the glance she cast Otis as they left, mixed loathing and longing. For some reason, Jarod had chosen not to share, she needed to know any information an old drunk could give her about her long-dead mother. There was far more here than met the eye.
People stared as Andy and Aunt Bee walked to the hotel with beautiful, arrogant Miss Parker, nothing like any woman in Mayberry. In the hotel, they met Sydney and Broots just leaving.
“Oh, Miss Parker! We were about to come see you. Andy has promised to take me to meet the school teacher.”
“Give me that.” She snatched Sydney’s room key from him before he could give it to the desk clerk. “I am going to go occupy your bathroom. You two get started on the New York Times. Syd, you get those copies. Broots, call the Centre and find out what Angelo has dug up.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Broots said.
Sydney gave Andy a questioning look. Andy turned to the desk clerk.
“John, would you give Helen Crump a call and see if she couldn’t meet me here? I have a favor to ask her, but my duties are tying me up.”
“Sure, Andy.” He picked up his telephone. “Sarah? Get me Helen Crump, please.”
“This way, Miss Parker.”
Andy ushered Miss Parker upstairs, and at Aunt Bee’s glare he took up his stand outside the hotel room door. A man passed him and gave him a curious look.
“You guarding someone, Sheriff?”
“One of the most dangerous prisoners of my career,” Andy said pleasantly.
Aunt Bee popped her head out of the door, earning a very startled glance from the man. “Andy, when you go down to meet Helen, would you ask John for more towels?”
“You got it, Warden.”
“Oh, Andy.”
He smiled blandly at the staring man, who scuttled away down the stairs. Andy listened outside the door until he heard not only the sound of running water but the unmistakable noises of someone getting in the tub. Then he went downstairs, just in time to meet Helen.
