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Author's Chapter Notes:
Everyone who read chapter seven before I corrected my mistake, please note that indeed the story is set near Washington, D.C. and not in Massachusetts. Obviously I begin to mix up my own stories since “In Dubio Pro Reo” is set partly in Boston. Am I getting old? :-)

Part Eight


Miss Parker

Jarod had been so relieved after finally spilling the beans about his secret search for his family, that he hadn’t noticed my hesitation. I congratulated myself on finally having improved at hiding my feelings from people who knew me well. Unfortunately while I could present whatever facade I wished to the outside world, the people close to me would always see right through it. If Jarod had, he hadn’t addresses the issue and since I knew he would never let it rest if he was aware of it, I was sure that his enthusiasm had overpowered him. After giving Sammy a very glossed-over version of why she had never met her grandparents and her aunt before and announcing that she soon would, Jarod had called his mother and talked to her for hours while I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

When he returned to the bedroom, his eyes were shining with sheer joy that I had seen for the last time when I had handed him his daughter for the first time. I swallowed, preparing myself for the inevitable.

“Gosh, have I been talking to them for three hours?” he asked, laughing breathlessly. “Seemed like two minutes.”

“You’ve had a lot of catching up to do, “ I said lamely, sitting up. He went round to his side of the bed and plopped down on it, his arms stretched above his head like a satisfied cat. His gaze was directed at the ceiling, but I could see that he was concentrating on the images before his inner eye.

“Emily is a teacher now. She loves working with kids! She’s nuts about them. My father has recently retired and my mother and him are busy completely redecorating their house at the moment. My dad keeps hitting his thumb with the hammer, though.” He laughed happily. “He seems to be as clumsy as I can be sometimes. And my mother is doing some voluntary work at the side. She works with people who have suffered trauma and lost relatives because obviously she can relate to them.”

He turned towards me and rested his head on his elbow. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life.” He reached out and I let him pull me against his chest. “Just in time for our second child, I find my parents and they are thrilled!”

“Are they?” I asked carefully, hoping that they might be less appalled by their son’s choice of partner, now, but the wave of guilt I felt coming from him told me otherwise. It is an occasionally handy, but not a comfortable thing at all if you can tell exactly when your husband is lying to you, even if he is doing it to avoid hurting you.

“I think they’ll be okay with us once they’ve seen how happy you’re making me.”

“Good for you,” I said, resting my head on his shoulder to prevent him from seeing the look on my face. They obviously hadn’t been cooperative on the issue at all and he was trying to smooth things over.

“They are dying to meet Sammy!” he steered away from the dreaded topic. “I told them how smart she is and how beautiful.”

So obviously he hadn’t mentioned how much she looked like me. I just hoped they would at least like her because a child her age would not be able to understand if it were otherwise. I knew that Jarod’s family had gone through a lot in their lives and how that could change good people. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they showed their appraisal openly toward me. I just hoped they wouldn’t do the same to Sammy.

“So when are you first going to see them?” I asked and he sat up with a start, almost bouncing with happiness. “They’re living in California, so I will have to book a flight. I was thinking about taking Sammy.”

No mentioning of me, of course. Although I was somewhat glad to be able to put off dealing with them a while longer, the realization hurt me. I knew he was trying to make this as easy as he could for me, so I didn’t protest.

“When are you planning on going?”

“I told them I would have to wait at least for a few days since you’re not well.”

Great. They would probably think it my fault that they would have to wait even longer to see their son again. I wondered whether they’d think I was still trying to keep Jarod away from them.

“No, Jarod.” I cupped his cheek. “I’ll be alright. If anything happens I can still call Val or Christine. Please don’t wait any longer just because of me.”

He looked torn again for a moment, as if he was not sure where his loyalties lay with this new development, but my encouraging nudge seemed to do it for him.

“Okay.” He was beaming, although he was trying to hide his excitement. “I’ll go and tell Sammy and book a flight right away.”

He pressed a quick kiss to my temple. “You sleep, okay? You look so tired.”

And off he was. I snuggled into my pillow and stared at the opposite wall, knowing that despite my exhaustion, sleep wouldn’t come easily, if at all.

Val

Christine, Skinny and I were crashing on my couch, all glasses of gin and tonic in hand although Skinny’s was merely a prop, containing Sprite which she would not stop complaining about. She looked gloomy while Christine was positively pissed off. After ten minutes of blissful chit-chat on a topic as fundamentally important as shoes, she returned to what she really wanted to talk about.

“I still can’t believe you bought Jarod’s story!” she told Parker who rolled her eyes and took a large sip of her drink as if it really contained alcohol which might just have made the situation bearable.

“You allowed him to take your daughter to California to supposedly meet his family and you didn’t even...”

“Christine!” Parker barked. “Stuff it. I told you he is not having an affair with Zoe, for god’s sake. Trust my judgment, will you?”

“Her tongue was shoved all the way down his throat!” Christine emphasized, her hands thrown into the air in exasperation. I decided to put Parker out of her misery and threw a handful of chips at Christine.

“Don’t put images in her pretty little head. She’s already depressed enough as it is.”

Christine brushed the chips off her sleeve and looked sympathetic.

“I’m sorry, pal. Just worrying about you, you know?”

“I don’t need to be worried about. My husband has finally found his family. Period.”

And he had decided not to tell her about it beforehand and instead seek the help of an old acquaintance slash ex-girlfriend who launched a spontaneous kissing-attack at him at the first opportunity that presented itself. Skinny was not the jealous type, but that scenario would even put her on guard.

“So whereabouts in California do they live?” I asked conversationally.

“I didn’t ask,” she replied flatly and reached for the Sprite bottle that sat next to the half-empty bottle of gin and the tonic. She wavered for a moment, then grabbed the tonic.

“You’re not too happy about him going to see them, are you?” I asked, willing to penetrate the brick wall around her that she had once again erected to fool us into believing that she was invincible. Too bad that we were all using the same technique and effortlessly saw through a masquerade when we were presented with one. Good friend can be a bitch, sometimes, as I use to say.

“Of course I am happy for him. He’s been looking for them for such a long time now.”

“How were they separated anyway? Was he given up for adoption?” Christine asked, sipping her gin and tonic, oblivious to Parker’s envious stare.

“Kidnapped,” she answered in a clipped voice, and Christine’s eyes went wide.

“What? You’ve never told me that. How sad! Who kidnapped him?”

Parker leaned back on the sofa and closed her eyes briefly, as if she had known that one day she would have to talk about it.

“My family.”

Christine

When Parker had finished her story, even Val was rendered speechless for once. Her mouth stood open and she took a hearty swing of her drink.

“Man, Skinny. I never knew,” she finally stated while I still tried to imagine Parker and good old Sydney chasing Jarod across the country before she lost her memories and fell in love with him - which she had probably been all along. This story was either very romantic or very dubious. From the look in her eyes, however, I knew that she was not joking. It seemed as if it was all very painful for her to remember and suddenly her often weird behavior seemed almost comprehensible. She was even more of a scarred soul than I had imagined. For the second time this week I just wanted to pull her close to me and tell her things would be okay.

“You both know that you will have to keep this a secret,” she said and I suddenly realized that her telling us was more of a proof of friendship than anyone could expect from a character like hers. If I had needed more evidence that she trusted us completely, I had just received it.

“Your secret is safe with us,” Val said reassuringly. “We are your friends, Skinny. You can trust us with anything.”

I nodded with some emphasis because I could imagine how difficult it must have been for her to tell us. I grabbed her arm and squeezed it tightly to show her my support. Parker smiled a careful smile and for a moment I thought she looked happy, but then she went back to her previous gloominess.

“You can imagine just how happy Jarod’s family is at the prospect of having to welcome the spawn of Satan into their family,” she said sarcastically.

“You two have been married for five years and you’re having his children. Shouldn’t that be enough for them to be convinced that you’re making him happy?” I asked.

“I believe they think I was just trying to escape prosecution by wooing him, so he wouldn’t tell.”

“That’s bloody far-fetched, Skinny,” Val said and I nodded my support.

“But they do disapprove of our marriage and I don’t know how to deal with that. I mean, I know how to alienate people and defend myself, but this time I will have to try for a civil relationship with them for Jarod’s and Sammy’s sake.”

She put down her glass and slung her arms around her knees. I had never seen her in such a state of defeat and felt like paying Jarod’s parents a visit and throwing more glasses. It must have shown on my face because Val gave me a warning stare.

“Well, you know what, Skinny? I’m going to order us some good ol’ American pizza and we will watch some pathetic flick on the telly.” She stalked away in search of her phone while I remained staring at Parker.

“You’re not convinced things will go well, are you?” I asked, inching closer.

She gave me a half-hearted smile. “I wish I were. I wonder who is going to snap first. Me or them.”

She gritted her teeth very slightly, a gesture I knew very well from my own experience as a subtle means to suppress one’s tears. Not the kind that makes you break down in sobs, but the the kind that only shows in your eyes.

“I am just worried that he will have to choose. And that he will choose them over me.” She paused for a moment to gather herself. “I told you what my life was like before the Centre fell. I am impossible and difficult and a pain in the ass, but I couldn’t bear being alone again.”

“Parker,” I said sternly, squeezing her hand very tightly. “You must know that you will never be alone again as long as I walk this planet.”

“Yes, or as long as I grace this life with my ear-shattering existence,” Val chimed in giving Parker a well-meant shove.

Parker placed her hand over her face for a moment and gave a mixture of a laugh and a sob.

“Stop! You’re making me cry.”

“Oh, we shall go on forever,” Val announced.

“Yeah, we will tell you how wonderful a person you are...”

“... that you always brake for puppies...”

“... how much we adore the fact that you walk the streets giving flowers away...”

“... and that you’re hugging stranger in the streets.”

She looked pained when she removed her hand from her eyes.

“Oh come on. I will have to throw up again!”

Miss Parker

I only shed my tears in the privacy of my empty home when I returned. For someone who had never really had friends in her life, open support was overwhelming to say the least. I had wondered for a long time whether I should tell them the unbelievable story that was my past, but thanks to my sense I had finally been able to convince myself to do so. These two women were the most loyal people I could wish for and I had felt nothing but sympathy and comfort coming from them as I had finished telling my story.

Jarod hadn’t called yet and I was tired, so I simply dragged myself upstairs, changed into my pajamas and went straight to bed. A storm seemed to be gathering outside and I heard heavy raindrops begin to patter against the leaves of the trees in our garden. Our house was spacious and fairly modern as we had bought it from a young couple who had just built it and then divorced due to an office affair. With a lot of time on my hands in the first few months of our living here, I had given it a good redecoration and so we were living in comfortable luxury. It was nothing like my old home and I had gone to great lengths to accomplish that.

Still, this familiar environment that had never brought me anything but comfort and joy made me feel just as alone as I had been feeling in my mother’s summer house.

It was very quiet without Sammy and Jarod around and I was suddenly aware of the fact that I had only spent very few nights alone during the last five years. I gave myself a mental kick. When had I become dependant? Or maybe I hadn’t and the problem lay elsewhere. Despite the nice evening with my friends and they’re assurance that everything would be okay, I was terribly afraid of welcoming a different Jarod back into the house the day after tomorrow. One that had realized that I was not what he had been looking for.

I closed my eyes and pulled my covers up, listening to the storm while I was falling asleep.

“Miss Parker!” I snuggled deeper into the pillow for I had just fallen asleep and didn’t want to listen to the loud whispering next to my ear. I was so tired lately and work didn’t make it better.

“Miss Parker, please.” I felt a cold breath at my neck and was startled awake, then instantly felt paralyzed with shock. Who was here in my bedroom? Who was talking to me in the middle of the night? My heart was pounding against my ribs and I listened for the next whispered words, realizing with a start that it was a child’s voice.

“Miss Parker, please help me!”

“What?” I asked, my voice only a faint whisper itself, not daring to turn around.

“You need to find me before it’s too late.”

Very slowly I closed my eyes and turned around in my bed, the breath still on my face, now cool on the skin of my cheek. The whisper was gone and there was only the sound of someone breathing slowly, deliberately.

I opened my eyes, holding my breath with fear and was looking at a small shape in the darkness of my bedroom. A second later a bolt of lightening illuminated the room for a split second and I found myself faced with Donald who was staring at me with a fearful expression, his eyes wide and somewhat dazed- looking.

“I’m not dead,” he whispered.

I screamed.

Sitting up in bed with a start, I felt my pajamas clinging to my body, my heart racing and my breath going raggedly. The sun was shining through the window and there was no sign of a child in the room. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to keep the panic at bay. Just a dream, Parker. Just a dream. I placed my hand on my heart, willing it to slow down. There was nothing to be afraid of. Nothing. I had been dreaming.

Or had I?

Two hours later I arrived at the office, skimming the mail on my way to my desk when Val maneuvered her impressive frame in my way, lifted an eyebrow and folded her arms in front of her chest.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

I tilted my head slightly. “Going to my office. To work,” I emphasized every letter of the last word to spell it out for her.

“Do I remember correctly that I told you last night that you were supposed to be off your feet for a few days in order not to endanger that precious child of yours?”

“Why? Sammy’s fine,” I said stubbornly.

“Don’t play dumb!” She looked angry now. “I am not telling my employees to stay home for no good reason, Parker. I’m not doing this because you are my friend, but because I am your boss- and because I can,” she added slyly.

Since my cool and bitchy attitude was a classic fail with Val, I resorted to other measures. “Please, Val. Let me work. I can’t stand staying home alone.”

“Read one of those novels you keep buying and get your skinny ass out of here!” Val threatened, so I turned around and hung my head in defeat.

Val clicked her tongue. “Didn’t you forget anything?” I turned around and stared at her outstretched hand in defiance. “Don’t make me.”

But the look on her face didn’t leave room for interpretation, so I grudgingly handed her the mail and went for the exit.

Jarod

Already ten minutes had passed since we had emerged from the gate, when Parker finally came hurrying towards us in flat black shoes without heels, a nondescript pair of black trousers and a casual long- sleeved sweater that was tight enough to make me notice that she was beginning to show, a sign that would be misinterpreted by anyone who didn’t know about her pregnancy as a normal weight-gain. In other words: Something was terribly wrong with my wife.

“I’m sorry!” She gasped, crouching down in front of Sammy, who hugged her firmly. “Traffic was a bi... it was horrible. How was your flight?”

“Great!” Sammy announced, before I had a chance to answer. “The stewardess gave me chocolate and Daddy explained to me how the aircraft works!”

I gave Parker a sheepish grin when she looked up at me in disbelief.

“She found it interesting.”

“She’s five. You can tell her stories about sheep and lost cats, not explain aerodynamics to her.” She kissed Sammy’s forehead and straightened up again. “Well, let’s go home. I suggest we order Chinese.”

I was about to suggest myself that we had something more healthy, but with my PEZ addiction that I still hadn’t got rid of, I decided that I would not dare to spoil my wife’s rare appetite.

“Dim sum and then some?” I whispered into her ear, wiggling my eyebrows as we followed Sammy towards the doors of the terminal. Parker smiled back and grabbed my hand.

“Are you going to tell me what happened to you when I was away?” I asked sternly.

“Nothing,” she stretched the first vowel which made her statement even less believable. “And don’t cross me when I’m hungry.”

“Okay, strange short woman without high heels or earrings, wearing a - dare a say it? - casual sweater that gives emphasis to her stomach.”

She looked down in surprise and placed both hands on her stomach. “Oh damn, I didn’t notice.”

“It’s not as if there was a reason to hide it, Parker.”

“You blow up like a balloon and then you tell me about hiding your extra-weight.”

“You know that one time when I pretended to be a sumo- wrestler...” I said jokingly, but before I could finish my sentence, she gave me a not so gentle shove.

“Stuff it, rat-boy.”

“Be nice, ice-queen. There’s a kid around.”

We had arrived at the car and Sammy was rolling her eyes, waiting for us to unlock it while we were insulting each other between chaste kisses. Our relationship was a weird one that people often shook their heads on, but I couldn’t have imagined it any other way.

“Mom, Dad,” Sammy whined. “I wanna go home and you’re embarrassing.”

Parker gave a mock salute and went for the driver’s seat while I settled in the passenger’s.

Sydney

Sometimes I felt guilty about how interesting I found it to watch people interact although they were the people closest to me and they were clearly unhappy. The scenario played out in front of me led Miss Parker and Jarod to unknowingly unravel all that was inside them. Of course, they were both so caught up in themselves, that they did not notice it. Considering their past, it was almost unbelievable how much they loved each other and how well they had sailed so far. There had been troubled waters in the past which were mostly due to their completely different personalities. Sometimes Parker couldn’t stand Jarod’s cheerfulness and his ability to make friends with almost everyone he met - sometimes she secretly envied him for, in my humble opinion - and sometimes Parker’s curtness and general social inability that she often displayed as something deliberate annoyed Jarod to no end. But basically they possessed the seldom ability to love the other without resentments. I had often seen Parker ruffle Jarod’s hair affectionally after he had been enthusing about something at length or overheard Jarod telling Miss Parker, how special he felt about being the only person on the planet who was in her good graces.

There had only been one major crisis that had made me fear that they would not be able to reconcile, but they had given it their best and made it through it. I was worried, though, that it would happen again. The last time had been five years ago and Miss Parker had come a long way from then while Jarod had learned to understand her better but if the same thing happened twice, there was a good chance that this time they would not be able to mend the damages.

Jarod finding his family was just another aspect that endangered their relationship right now. Jarod and Sammy were taking turns telling us about the wonderful time they’d had with Jarod’s family. Jarod seemed to be glowing with the first taste of being a son and brother that he had got. Of course he wasn’t the person he had once been because during the previous five years he had experienced family life, but that had been different. The feeling of being someone’s son, of - for once - being the one who was protected, not the father or husband who was responsible for the family in a way, was something that couldn’t be underestimated. He had talked to me often about how much he wanted to find his parents and sister but when I had tried to persuade him to talk to Parker about the fact that our supposed fishing-holidays didn’t involve his fishing, he had always become evasive.

Now the secret was out in the open and Parker looked less than enthusiastic. She was picking her dinner aimlessly, but smiled every time her daughter or husband looked at her. Neither seemed to notice the rumbled napkin in her hand or the amount of force she needed to put into her cheerfulness. She looked tired and her outfit was far from her usual attire, which I was somehow sure was not connected to the simple fact that she was pregnant.

Jarod was blissful and obliviously so. Although as a Pretender he naturally was an expert on the human mind, his new-found happiness seemed to overwhelm him to the point where he failed to see his wife’s predicament. I couldn’t hold it against him, though, since it was more than understandable and even Parker, who didn’t forgive easily if at all, did her best to be supportive- a word that only five years ago, nobody would have associated with her unless it came to someone who wanted to jump off a roof.

I wondered when they would clash. Miss Parker tried hard, but she would never be even-tempered even though the requirement to be tough at her job gave her an outlet that normally took the edge away.

I caught her eye over the table while Sammy and Jarod tried to compete with each other about who had eaten more of his mother’s special German chocolate-cake and found a glittering in it that I didn’t like. I gave her a reassuring smile, but she didn’t return it. When she was angry with someone she didn’t dare to cross - like it had often been with her father - she often tried to find someone else she could take her anger out on. She had also improved when it came to that, but dealing with what she had once confessed to me was her greatest fear - besides admitting weakness, which I had not mentioned then - wasn’t going to bring out the best in her.

“Little Miss, isn’t it very late for you to be staying up?” I asked Sammy who had just finished a bowl of ice-cream. I turned towards Jarod and gave him a pointed look whose meaning he grasped right away.

“Syd is right, Sammy. Let’s go upstairs and I’ll read the rest of the book to you, that grandpa has given you!”

And off they were. Miss Parker got up abruptly and started to clear the leftovers of the Chinese takeout away methodically while I did my best to help without getting in the way.

“Leave it, Sydney,” she said curtly. “You're our guest.”

I ignored her and began to fill the dishwasher. While I was still wondering whether I would ask her right away or wait for her to come around herself, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and cocked her head slightly.

“So, Sydney. Do we start the therapy lesson now or do we wait for the coffee to brew?”

“Excuse me?” I decided to play dumb.

“I am not intellectually challenged, Syd. I’ve seen the look you gave Jarod.” I could hear from her strained tone of voice that although she actually felt like yelling, being rude alone made her feel better already. I decided to let it slip.

“Okay, I’ve been meaning to ask you about how you were dealing with the situation.”

“Situation?” she snapped. “What, everyone’s incredibly happy. What situation would we be talking about?” She spat out the last two words while she slammed the dishwasher shut. Turning around, she looked into my eyes and her shoulders fell in defeat.

“I’m doing it again, Sydney. I am making you suffer because I am feeling like shit. I’m sorry.”

“It’s good that you notice without me reminding you,” I said gently. “You have improved greatly, Parker. Don’t forget that, okay? You will get through this.”

“With or without losing my sanity?” she asked, only half-joking.

“You think they hate you,” I stated, giving her room to elaborate so she could put her feelings into words, which was always a means to be able to deal with them better.

“I don’t think so. I know, Sydney. I can tell what Jarod feels. He is afraid of telling me that they don’t only disapprove of me but actually really hate the fact that I’m in his life.”

I could only guess what they would think of me, but decided not to go there right now.

“It’s okay, Parker. You’ve done nothing wrong- You were a victim yourself. A victim of the circumstances.” Unlike me, whom I had succumbed to the questionable ethics willingly, without being raised and indoctrinated in the Centre.

“It is not okay!” Her temper was flaring up again, or maybe she was just distressed. “I am exactly the woman they think I am. They obviously have no idea how Jarod could love me and neither have I.”

It was obvious that the last sentence had slipped her, and she turned pale at her own confession, turning away from me and holding on to the kitchen-counter once again. Her shoulders were trembling very slightly, but she was not crying. She wouldn’t cry in front of me. Or anyone.

“Parker, that’s not true...”

“I’ve deprived him of so many things, Sydney. You know exactly what I did to him even after the Centre. And I just can’t help myself. I can’t be someone I am not... although I’m trying for god’s sake!”

There were tears in her eyes when she whirled around to face me, but she blinked them away furiously.

“Parker,” I wasn’t going to tell her to calm down although I really thought she needed to. “What you’re saying is not true. You have always been compassionate and loving. That side of you just needed time to develop and it still does. Don’t rush yourself.”

She looked defeated now and I dared to approach her to offer her an embrace which she stepped into hesitantly.

“I don’t want to be one of those sweet women who smile constantly,” she complained quietly. “I just want to be me in a more loveable version.”

“I can’t even begin to be tell you how lovable you are, Miss Parker,” I said honestly while I was holding on to her.

TBC










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