16

Getting drunk seemed to become a habit. Maybe in his bid to change Miss Parker Jarod had actually changed a bit of himself. He had worked so hard to make her face her past and try to deal with it that he had begun feeling like a psychologist. And when he had finally managed to break down the walls around her, he had suddenly panicked and fled.

Even if he could get himself to go back, she most certainly wouldn’t have him. People were at their most vulnerable when they had first admitted that they weren’t as invincible as they pretended to be. And he, very well aware of that, had done to her exactly again what had led her to think that she had to make everyone believe that she was a bitch: Abandon her.

He watched the amber liquid swirl in the tumbler and took another sip of it, screwing up his face.

“Not used to Scotch, are you?” He turned to his right where a man had obviously been looking on while he had been pondering his dark thoughts.

“I am not really into alcohol,” he replied monosyllabically.

The man smiled and waved for the barkeeper. “I used to be into alcohol alright. Almost cost me my damn life. I’ll have a lemonade, Barney.”

The barkeeper nodded appreciatively and handed him the drink. Jarod had to narrow his eyes in order to focus properly. The man next to him looked to be between fifty and fifty-five. He had a shock of silver hair and wore framed Harry Potter glasses. A tie was loosened around his neck and he had draped his suit-jacket over the back of his bar stool.

“My name is Parker. Parker Stevens,” he introduced himself and offered Jarod his hand.

Jarod’s manners were slightly affected by his state, so he just buried his face in his hand.

“Parker. Of course!” he exclaimed and left the man confused.

“Do we know each other?” he asked.

“No. It’s just... forget it. Fate seems to really want to kick me in the groin now that it makes me meet a man named Parker at this point.”

“Right...” Parker replied in a slightly bewildered tone. “So what is it?”

“What is what?”

Parker smiled warmly. “Well you get yourself drunk here and have one Scotch after another, staring into space as if something really bad had happened.”

Jarod shrugged, hoping that he did not come across too impolitely. “Are you a psychologist or what?”

The man chuckled. “No, I’m a divorce lawyer. In daily life though, that comes pretty close to being a psychologist, I guess.”

“Fair enough,” Jarod murmured and eyed his empty glass. He raised his hand to order another, when Parker stopped him.

“I’ll take care of that. Barney, my friend here is having a cup of coffee.”

Jarod didn’t object for he was glad someone was keeping him from making a complete fool of himself.

“I drank too much when my wife left me five years ago. I came here...” Parker gestured around the room. “... every evening for months and drank entirely too much. Thank god I had friends who helped figure out that I had a problem and put me back on track.”

Jarod nodded understandingly. “So why are you still coming here?”

Parker shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I just want to remind myself of what I was and what I am now. And besides that it’s really late. I just left work and I needed some company.”

Jarod consulted his watch. It was shortly past midnight. Oh man, so he had been sitting here for almost three hours, drinking and taking turns in staring into space and taking the cell-phone out of his pocket to call Miss Parker. So far he hadn’t been able to work up the courage to actually dial her number.

“And why are you here of all places?” Parker asked, obviously comfortable with the long periods of silence that stretched between them at regular intervals.

“I’ve driven here from Portland,” Jarod said. “Needed to get away.”

The words slipped from his mouth before he could stop himself.

“And why is that?” Parker asked. He had a way of asking the right questions without appearing the slightest bit obtrusive- a skill that probably derived from his occupation.

“I really screwed up,” Jarod finally admitted. “I think I was trying to play god again and I hurt someone.” He looked at Parker who looked back expectantly. Jarod noticed that he had very kind gray eyes.

“I don’t think she’ll ever talk to me again.”

“A woman then...” Parker said and thanked Barney when he sat a cup of coffee down in front of Jarod. “What is she like?”

Jarod chuckled. “Irritable really. She sometimes drinks too much but I’ve seen her drunk only once. She’s also the most impertinent person I have ever met and she has made an art of alienating people.”

Parker silently ushered him to go on and Jarod realized that it felt good to describe Miss Parker to someone because it gave him an excuse to just talk about her in detail.

“She is... exciting.” It was the only word he could come up with. “She surprises you all the time. Does things you would have never expected from her and throws tantrums in situations you would have considered completely trouble-free.”

Parker smiled. “Sounds exciting all right.”

“She’s bold and... sexy.”

“What does she look like?”

Jarod felt a little sheepish when he pulled a picture out of his wallet. If Miss Parker knew that he had been keeping her picture with him at all times for years, she would have probably laughed at him.

“I guess I shouldn’t ask you why the photograph you carry around with you of the woman you love is one from a surveillance system.”

Jarod smirked. “Please don’t.”

He had acquired it shortly after he’d left the Centre when he had been on a pretend. Sydney and Miss Parker had tracked him down and followed him into a hotel where they had been forced to wait in the foyer for the manager.

He had later gone through the surveillance camera’s footage for reasons related to his pretend at the time and then had printed the picture.

Parker took the picture and looked at Miss Parker’s relaxed face. She’d been on her feet all day long and although she had pretended to be irritable because of the wait, she’d actually been glad to be able to sit down for a while. The picture showed her with crossed legs, her hands folded on her bare knee, looking sidewards at Sydney.

Jarod had fallen in love with the picture right away, because it had showed in her one of her very rare peaceful moments.

“Well she is a real looker. Skirt’s a little short though.” Parker winked at Jarod, who chose not to elaborate on that subject. Parker handed the picture back and took another gulp of his lemonade.

“So what did you do to her?”

Jarod felt uncomfortable talking about his failure, but it was also relieving to talk about it to someone who might provide advice.

“We’ve known each other for a while but we haven’t really been on good terms lately. Then I thought I should revive our old friendship to help her deal with some issues she had and... well I got weak and... you know.”

Parker’s eyes twinkled. “Slept with her? You’re a grown man, you can say it.”

“Yes...” Jarod confirmed, still a little shy about calling it by its name.

“But she surely wasn’t too angry about you having sex with her, was she?”

“No. I don’t even know what exactly she is feeling towards me... although I can imagine.” Jarod shuddered. “I left when she was still asleep and wrote her a one line note.”

“One line?” Parker looked disapproving. “And that’s it? What did you write?”

“Just that she shouldn’t follow me.”

Parker groaned. “I am sorry to have to tell you this, buddy, but that was pretty lame.”

Jarod shrugged and then nodded regretfully. As if he didn’t know that already!

“You said you got weak. I presume you’ve been in love with her for a while and there is some reason that forbids a relationship... is she married?”

Jarod chuckled. The thought was indeed amusing. “No. That’s not the problem. It’s just that... well we’re both damaged goods. Both our family histories are... well, very complicated to say the least. I was just...” he interrupted himself and started anew, correcting his earlier sentence: “I know that we wouldn’t work out.”

“And why is that?”

“I think we would just hurt each other. More importantly I would hurt her. She is so fragile behind that cold facade she wears and...”

“Oh man.”

“What?” Jarod asked, irritated.

“May I ask you a very private question?”

“That’s what you’ve been doing all along.”

“Have you ever been in a real relationship?”

There was a momentary silence and although that had been enough of an answer, Jarod shook his head. Parker looked affirmative and just nodded and patted Jarod’s leather-clad arm in a fatherly gesture.

“You know what your problem is? Let an old experienced coward tell you: You are afraid of having a relationship. And let me tell you something else: Sometimes relationships fail even if you do love each other a lot. But then at least you have the moments in which it did work out. Do you want to sacrifice them because of the vague chance that one day you two won’t have each other anymore?”

Jarod was too stunned to speak. Maybe it was the Scotch, but Parker’s words seemed to make a lot more sense than everything Jarod had told himself over the last 24 hours.

“I used to be much like you, Jarod. Although my explanations or rather subterfuges were much less elaborated. I just told myself the girls weren’t good enough for me. Gloria, that’s my wife gave me a speech much like the one I gave you.”

Jarod snorted. “And she left you in the end.”

A smile spread over Parker’s face when he nodded. “Yes she did. But we had that talk after our divorce. Right here where you and I are sitting right now.”

“So?”

Parker slid his hand over the table and Jarod recognized a golden wedding band on his finger.“We eloped to Las Vegas last spring. Got married again by an Elvis impersonator. Not very dignified but a hell of a lot of fun- I can assure you.”

Jarod laughed for what seemed like the first time since forever.

“That’s a great story!”

“Isn’t it?” Parker laughed himself. “It does sound cheesy, but that’s how life is. Much like your girl. Always does what you least expect.”

Jarod took a deep breath. “So you think I made a mistake.”

Parker paused, cocked his head and then said with some emphasis: “Yes.”

Miss Parker was startled awake by the crying of a baby. At first she believed it to still belong to her fuzzy dream but when she opened her eyes, she was proved wrong.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, but I can’t go upstairs with him. He’d wake the other children.”

Angela approached the couch Miss Parker had fallen asleep on and sat down next to her.

“Is it that late already?” Miss Parker asked, a little embarrassed while she rubbed her forehead to chase the drowsiness away.

“You’ve been asleep for nearly four hours,” Angela observed. “You’ve been looking very tired all day. Haven’t you been sleeping okay at night?”

No, I miss Jarod. I can’t seem to be able to sleep through a night without nightmares anymore if I don’t know he’s in the house with me.

“Not really,” she replied, opting to keep her thoughts to herself. Her attention wandered back to the crying baby in Angela’s arms.

“Now who’s that? I didn’t know you had children that young around here!”

“We don’t.” Angela replied, trying to calm the baby by means of softly rocking it in her arms. “Actually we only take on children from six years upwards. We’re not normally equipped for babies, but he was brought here just half an hour ago. His mother is a teenage girl whose parents didn’t know about her pregnancy until now. She wanted rid of him and so did the parents. They have a shortage of foster families at the moment so he has to stay here until they’ve found someone suitable to take care of him.”

The baby was still crying and wouldn’t seem to stop and as she usually did in the presence of children, Miss Parker began to feel uneasy. She admired Angela’s sure movements and the way she cooed over the baby. Miss Parker didn't feel herself able to do so.

Had she really been wishing to become a mother herself just yesterday night? She laughed bitterly at that notion inside. If this was already too much of a challenge for her, she couldn’t possibly have her own. And of course she had been a little confused yesterday- she didn’t even want a kid. Never had.

“Has he got a name already?” she asked while she found herself peering over Angela’s shoulder at the scarlet-faced infant.

“No. Do you have any suggestions?”

Angela looked up at Miss Parker who had a look of mild shock on her face.

“Umm... No, I don’t think so.”

She shifted uneasily, suddenly feeling awkward.

“Was your sweater expensive?” Angela asked and Miss Parker, surprised by the sudden change of topic, found herself looking down at her dark grey pullover.

“Well... not more expensive than anything else in my...”

“Good,” Angela cut her off and handed the baby over to Miss Parker whose heart began to beat faster with something that could have been well described as panic.

“But... I... I can’t...!” she tried to object, but Angela had already given the baby to her.

“I am sorry. I need to have a look at the kids. Jason has been trying to sneak out of bed lately, so there’s a chance he’s wandering around again- the brat.”

Angela walked out into the hall and grinned to herself. She had made sure Jason would be far too exhausted from the day’s walk outside to actually muster the energy to climb out of bed again, but she felt that Miss Parker needed to get kicked into discovering again that she, too, was a woman. She obviously was terrified of babies, but she needed to somehow get back to her female side. There were other ways to accomplish that, surely, but this opportunity that been dropped into her lap. So why not try it?

Angela felt a little evil leaving Miss Parker to herself in a situation that she would find extremely frightening, but she whistled to herself anyway when she climbed the stairs.

Miss Parker didn’t dare move and just rolled her eyes from the left to the right side to see whether anyone was watching, then finally dared to look at the little boy.

His hands were waving in the air and his face was tear-streaked. Miss Parker cradled him as well as she could, surprised at his weight.

“Hey...” she started, more softly than she had attempted to speak in months. “Don’t cry. You’re fine now.” She raised her eyebrows helplessly at what unrelated crap she was talking.

Your parents didn’t want you. I know how it feels, she thought, but then decided against saying it, since it felt inappropriate even if the baby could not make sense of what she was saying, yet.

“They gave you to the least competent person around here”, she continued in a sweet voice. “How dumb of these idiots.” The baby’s crying subsided and it opened its eyes to look at Miss Parker who felt rather foolish.

“Well that’s it. You don’t want to be responsible for my turning deaf, do you?”

The boy yawned and stopped moving his hands around. He lay still for a moment and the two of them looked at each other, equally curious.

He felt pain twitch at his insides when he compared the picture to another one he had seen and narrowed his eyes. It was obvious that she wouldn’t have him. She had been very polite in refusing his invitation, so it had only later dawned on him that her words had actually been a refusal.

His eyebrows narrowed and he turned away to walk back into the house without addressing the woman. He should really forget about her. He was here for his own agenda and he would find out try as he might.

The baby had fallen asleep and Miss Parker watched it taking deep breaths in its sleep. She felt a little proud of herself for handling the situation so well, but also slightly irritated at her arms becoming tired from the weight.

She looked up when the floor near the door creaked and was extremely surprised to see Jarod standing in the doorway, looking at her. His hair was damp and his leather jacket hung over his arm, dripping. She felt a dozen different emotions at once, ranging from joy to fury. Still she didn’t say a word when Jarod approached and slowly sat down next to her.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she just nodded her head towards the sleeping infant to get him to be quiet. She was really surprised at his return since she had not expected to see him at all after that note. Especially not after only four days.

On the one hand she wanted to refuse to talk to him completely, on the other hand she wanted to yell at him, demanding an explanation.

They both sat in silence and Jarod reached out his hand which looked huge in comparison to the baby’s face. He gently stroked the little boy’s forehead.

Careful not to wake him, he leaned into Miss Parker and his lips almost brushed her cheek when he whispered into her ear: “I am so damn sorry. I was a stupid idiot.”

She was glad that she didn’t have to reply and just gave him a hateful stare, but relief began to seep through her. Still, the humiliation was present and she wasn’t sure she would be able to deal with that.

“I missed you,” he whispered, a little louder now, then looked down at the baby in her arms and touched her elbow lightly. “And now that I see you with a baby, I would...”

“Don’t go there!” Miss Parker interrupted him so loudly and sharply that the baby woke with a start and started crying even louder than before. Miss Parker gave Jarod her dirtiest look and quickly handed the baby over to him.

“Don’t you believe you can talk me into forgiving you!” she spat at him over the sound of wailing that filled the room. “I am not susceptible to that kind of crap. And you should know that I have just been holding the kid because there was no one else to do it, okay?”

Her voice had grown louder and angrier towards the end.

“Look, I’m so...”

“You said that already.”

Miss Parker walked into the kitchen and started rummaging through the drawers to find the scotch Angela had hidden away. Jarod followed her with the baby in his arms. The angry voice had frightened it, but now that Miss Parker had sunk into a stubborn silence, the boy began to calm down.

“Surely you do not want to drink in front of a child, do you?” Jarod asked, while Miss Parker was already holding the bottle and glass in her hand.

“What? Do you think I’ll set a bad example?” he spat back, sarcastically. “I doubt it.”

“Please don’t,” Jarod asked her, but she just shook her head. “What was it you were thinking leaving me all alone and leaving that... that outrageously daft note behind?!”

“I...” Jarod began, but couldn’t find the right words.

“You...” Miss Parker mocked him, setting the unopened Scotch bottle down on the counter.

“You’re scaring the baby,” Jarod said and Miss Parker rolled her eyes. “Life’s scary enough. the earlier he gets used to it, the better.”

Jarod sighed. “Okay, I really made a mistake, but stop pretending to be a bitch! I’ve seen you with this baby and...”

Miss Parker cut him off again, emphasizing the words: “Don’t. Go. There!”

“Why?” he challenged her. “You are nice to children and animals, why can’t you be nice to me, too?”

He had nearly expected one her usual fits of raving madness, but she just shook her head, laughing quietly: “You are so pathetic, Jarod. Go find yourself some girl who loves babies, puppies and daisies and leave me the hell alone. You can’t shape me into something I am not!”

With those words she walked past him, stopped next to him and growled: “I would slap you now, if you weren’t holding a child, but please don’t view that as me becoming all soft and sappy.”

Miss Parker stamped her foot as soon as she was out in the hall. Damn, she had promised Amanda to say goodnight before she went home, but she was far too angry to not scare the girl now. She’d be asleep already, anyway. She wanted nothing than a hot bath and her bed now. Jarod was back. Alright. But he couldn’t expect her to be easy on him!

Miss Parker opened the front door and staggered a step back. The rain came down more forcefully than ever. Well, she could see her car from here, it wasn’t far. She wouldn’t get too wet, would she? Still she stood in the comfortable warmth of the house for a moment longer, then took a deep breath and stepped outside.

The cold rain pierced like needles at first and she could feel her body turn cold almost immediately. Not even the rage she was still feeling could warm her, although her face still felt hot.

She had almost reached her car when a hand grabbed her arm from behind. She swirled around and found herself faced with Jarod - sans the baby thankfully.

“What?” she snapped at him, contemplating whether she should hit him now. Oh how good it would feel to hear the thud of her hand meeting his cheek!

He hesitated for a second that served to both get Miss Parker more soaked and more angry.

“Okay, stand there and remain silent. I’m driving back to the house.”

She turned back around to walk towards the car, but was caught once again by the arm. She was extremely annoyed when she looked at Jarod again.

“Let go,” she said pointedly, dangerously.

“I don’t want to change you. You’re incredible just the way you are.”

She looked at him for a long moment, then finally slapped him and it felt as good as she had expected. Maybe even better.

Jarod stared at her, mildly surprised for a moment, then broke into a grin.

“As I said. Incredible.”

He approached and pulled her towards him, then swung them around so that her back was against the car door. They stood like that in the middle of the pouring rain, kissing each other hungrily. Only then Miss Parker drew back and laughed breathlessly. She then turned them around so that it was Jarod’s back that was against the car.

“You go and hurt yourself for a bit.”

He lurched forward and recaptured her lips, but then she suddenly went limp inside his arms and collapsed against his chest.

“Miss Parker? Miss Parker?”

Jarod was horrified when he found blood trickling down her temple from a gaping wound on the back of her head.

He cradled her in his arms and looked around them. There it was: Another small rock just like the ones before on the ground next to them.

Jarod stood paralyzed with shook, around him only the thundering noise of the rain.

... to be continued ...