Jarod walked the cold and dark streets aimlessly with no destination in mind, his eyes taking in every tiny detail almost unconsciously as he was trained to do. All the happy families and couples that he had watched out his window earlier were gone now, tucked away in their soft beds, sleeping soundly and peacefully, never to experience the nightmares that he did.

The snow was shovelled off the street and pathways into piles along the gutters, rubbish scattered around him from the lazy people who didn’t see a need to keep the world as beautiful as they had found it. The streetlights putting an ominous orange glow over those who walked under them rugged up tightly in dark overcoats and scarves. The orange glow cast an almost sinister look to those on the street, making them seem like dark and dangerous strangers out to torment and maim the innocents out and about.

Jarod wondered how much longer he could go on pretending, putting on a façade that he was happy and joyful to be out in this dark world, doing the pretends to help the people who had been done hard by. Jarod was tired of pretending to the world that he didn’t suffer the pain and humiliation of being hunted like an animal, the fear and anger that he battled continually in life. He wondered how much longer he could hang on, trying to find his family; if he could find his family. Jarod asked himself how much longer could he hold on to being alone and isolated in this world, sleeping in a bed by himself, eating by himself, living by himself. Waking up in town after town, looking out the window and seeing the same things again and again: Starbucks, Radioshack, McDonalds, Bank of America, momentarily not even remembering where he was on occasion. It didn’t matter. It was all the same, with or without him.

Every day of his life outside in the big wide world now just served to remind Jarod of how lonely he truly was. At the start of his life outside and away from the hells of The Centre, Jarod had been too busy learning the ways of the American culture; too busy fighting for the little guys; too busy running for his life as he learnt how to balance clues and freedom, to have been so lonely. Now though, he had slowed down, left a few less clues as he helped the people, he realised how lonely and empty his life was.

Every holiday he was alone for just made the realisation clearer in his mind. If he didn’t do something and do it fast, he would die alone either in a cell at The Centre, or in some run down lair of his. But what was there to do? He couldn’t find his family, after so long of searching he was still no closer really than at the start. He couldn’t start his own family and put them at risk of The Centre or Africa. He couldn’t go on just fighting for those he felt were done wrong by and hope it would be enough to fill the void in his soul. He couldn’t even bridge the gap between himself and his childhood friend, she just refused to let him in.

Inevitably his thoughts turned to Parker; deep down, he just couldn’t deny to himself that she alone was the “happily ever after,” that he sought, the one thing that could brighten his life and heal his broken heart. No matter how often he tried to reach out to Parker, how hard he tried, he was always shot down, insulted. Parker always made him feel inferior for trying to help and reach out, made him feel weak for his efforts. He ended up feeling threatened, hunted and emotionally hurt by her reactions. What he wouldn’t give for Parker to be nice to him just once, to smile and say that she was still his friend, that she wanted him to be free and happy, that she wanted to share in the joy of his discoveries and triumphs. Jarod knew he was kidding himself, though; it was never going to happen. It just wasn’t in Parker to be nice and friendly anymore, he knew that now, he had admitted to himself slowly over his years that he had failed in trying to save her. If Jarod was truly honest with himself though, he would have admitted as well that it was his shortcomings, rather than her inability to open up that had failed to bring out the ‘nice’ side of Parker. Either way he looked at it though, it was all his fault.

Jarod looked up as he heard a scuffle in front of him, preparing to interfere if need be. He stopped moving in their direction when he realised it was just two drunken friends rough-housing as the sound of laughter and playful insults fell upon his ears. It was just another way for the world to remind him of how empty his life was, even at 5 am on Christmas Eve. In the dark of the early morning, after what Jarod assumed would have been a big night out, these two friends were still together, enjoying life, having fun and no doubt protecting one another from harm. Jarod knew that the saying was true, that it was better to have one good friend for life than a thousand acquaintances for a few moments. That was his problem, all the people he helped, some he still kept in contact with, were not really his friends, they were just people he had helped for a short time in their lives.

With a heavy, sad sigh, Jarod looked around the buildings; the windows with the Christmas scenes in them, the tinsel and baubles, the trees and sparkling lights glittering against the bright colours of the decorations. It was so cheerful and bright and it reminded Jarod of how the homes of families would look with the decorations up. There were a few people on the street and the snow that still was falling softly. Maybe it was time to just disappear, give up on his family and Miss Parker and give up on helping those in need. Maybe it was time to vanish and settle down somewhere secluded, some small town in the middle of nowhere, try to meet a woman and have a family of his own. Jarod had to wonder though, was it even in him to do something just for himself? What would he have to offer? He had never had a healthy relationship in his whole life. He didn’t know how to just be himself after all.



Parker was deathly afraid, so much so she was willing to admit to it. She had made a mad dash for Dover, driving at dangerously fast speed on the slippery, wet road. She had to get to Jarod, had to keep him from doing something stupid. The sound of his voice, the degree of despair and loneliness was something she had never heard from him before.

There had been a few times where he had sounded very depressed when he had called her and they had spoken like two normal people who needed the comfort and soft words of another human being, but this was not the same. Parker couldn’t place why it was so different, she just sensed something very distressing, heard the alarm bells. Parker didn’t really know what it was that had made those alarm bells go off, but it was something, she could feel it in her gut. It was urgent that she reached him, and soon.

Thoughts of her mother and Christmas, her own lonely and pathetic life had been efficiently pushed from her mind. The world she now looked out on was so vastly different from the one she saw when looking out of the window in the summer house. The snow no longer concealed dangerous activity, it no longer hid evils from sight, it did not cover the tracks of offenders who might have committed some terrible crime. The snow that had fallen from the dark sky no longer seemed how it did before she left her home, now all the snow did was slow her down, stop her from helping her childhood friend in his hour of need, it covered him from view, it stopped her from spotting him.

The panic rose when she finally got to his lair only to find it empty. She had slammed her fist on the door and waited a moment, hoping for it to open or to see Jarod running. Parker kicked the door in with a vicious kick and ran in, called his name in desperation and searched the small apartment only to see the DSA case, a small tree and some old blankets on the couch.

The glitter of light caught Parker’s eye and reminded her of her mother’s tear shaped ring she had found. Moving towards the light, she saw a present perfectly wrapped in red, shimmering paper and carefully picked it up.

‘Parker,
Love J’

Letting out a heavy sigh, she held the present for a moment as she looked around a little more. It was no different from any of his other lairs, it was no different from anything else in his life: Empty, barren, cold, lonely and anonymous. Jarod’s life wasn’t all that dissimilar to hers. He put on a façade just like her, they both pretended to be happy in their life, he pretended full stop just like her. It wasn’t until the phone call tonight, that she had realised just how much the same they really were, how much she needed him to be all right and safe, how much he had really needed her.

Looking around one last time, Parker left his apartment untouched and walked through the falling snow. Her black Porsche looked so completely out of place in the run down, miserable neighbourhood. As she slid into her car, the present carefully placed next to her on the seat, Parker had to wonder how different Jarod’s life would be and how he’d feel if he just stopped staying in the dumps of the world. A person was bound to be depressed and miserable if they always lived in dumps like he chose instead of a nice house or hotel room. Though Parker had to admit to herself, ones place of living wasn’t the only reason to be depressed. She knew that, her manor was beautiful and yet, she was still depressed as well.

Parker decided that instead of waiting for him to show up, that she would go out and search for him. The light was shining through slowly and weakly now, the world changing before her very eyes as the dawn of a new day showed. The darkness no longer held such a frightening appeal, the shadows no longer seemed as dangerous as before as the miserably weak sunlight started to show.

Jarod could feel the cold air slowly warming by the struggling, weak sun that was being filtered by the snow clouds up high above him. The change in light, the different atmosphere, the few people slowly filling the streets made no difference to him. Jarod didn’t look up from the ground as he walked, didn’t speak to the passer-by’s, didn’t look at the glittering tinsel strung from the street lamps by the council. Even when passer-by’s said a cheerful “Good Morning” Jarod just ignored them. He didn’t feel like himself, he didn’t feel like he should be here anymore.

Jarod stayed in his own little world, his loneliness, emptiness, nothingness hidden from the outside. The screeching tyres of an out of control car barely penetrated his closed off mind, it was just another sound in a world that was dark and barren, a world which didn’t need him anymore.


Parker finally found him walking after an hour of searching, dressed in his jeans and an overcoat, walking hunched over down the cold streets. Just seeing him from the back, Parker knew how bad his mood was, the way his shoulders were slumped, his back hunched forwards as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Immediately pulling over, her tyres screaming in protest, Parker jumped out and called his name out as loudly as she could to stop him.

The relief she felt that he was alive and safe was more overwhelming than anything she had felt before. Never in her life though would she tell anyone of the emotional rollercoaster she had been on tonight. It wasn’t even something Parker wanted to look at too closely.

When the man turned around and she saw the panicked stricken face, Parker knew instantly what his thoughts were, but before she had a chance to tell him no, that he wasn’t being taken back tonight, he had taken off. Parker called to him to wait, to stop, but he had kept running, dashing madly for his life. Parker just needed to talk to him, to offer him the comfort and kind words he had been pleading for on the phone earlier, to tell him for once that he wasn’t alone. The irony didn’t escape Parker. Normally he was running for his freedom, running for his life and the one time she was here to help him, she still had to chase him.

“Jarod, Jarod wait!” Parker screamed at the man, chasing him in her runners, but he wasn’t slowing down, he wasn’t obeying her. That was no shock though, when did the man ever do anything she told him to do?

Then suddenly, everything happened in slow motion, as if God had taken out a remote control and pressed slow-play to painstakingly watch the scene that was folding out in front of him.


Jarod threw a panicked look over his shoulder as he ran for his life and freedom, though right at this moment there wasn’t much in his life to run for. Jarod knew he had to get away, there was no way he could let her catch him. If she took him back to his hell on earth now, Jarod knew he wouldn’t survive there. There would be no hope for him. Running across the road, looking half behind him, Jarod never even saw the car coming.

The sounds of tyres screaming on the icy road, the car horn and the heavy sounds of his footsteps running all collided in one massive crash. He felt his body being slammed into what he imagined was a brick wall but his mind told him was actually a car, then flying through the cold air and landing with a heavy thud on the dark, icy tar of the road.

In the distant, he could faintly hear her voice screaming, calling his name in a panic. The world around him just changed dramatically. Laying on the road, he could feel the blood seeping out of his body, he could feel the warmth combined with the wetness of the ice, the bitting cold of the winter air. The snow was falling around him, mixing with the deep red blood from his wounds, the screams and cries of the people around him, dwindling into back ground noise as she came to kneel before him.

“Jarod? Oh God Jarod, why the hell did you have to do that?” Parker demanded angrily, knowing that anger was irrational, dropping down beside him on the road, fighting the tears in her eyes at seeing him so badly injured.

Parker screamed out for someone to call an ambulance now before she killed them herself. Jarod was going to die, she knew it and so did he. The look on his face was all she needed to let those tears she hid so well for so many years fall.

“God Jarod, I came to help you, to talk to you,” Parker whispered desperately trying to stop the bleeding from his head, knowing the visible wounds were the least of her worries. The snow that scattered around them was disguising the horror people could see, the evidence of the car crash, the broken glass on the ground.

Without the snow falling, the scene of the accident would have been horrific and terrifying. The soft white cover on the ground though softened everything, made it seem much more innocent than it really was. Parker could hear the soft crunching of the snow beneath people’s feet, feel the feather light touches on her skin from each snow flake. The pure whiteness of the snow though was tainted by the red of the blood which brought her back to the reality of the situation.

Jarod frowned a little, wincing as it pulled on his wound. She came to talk to him, help him? He didn’t believe it, but he desperately wanted to, he wanted to believe his friend had finally returned to him.

“I’m sorry,” Jarod croaked out, coughing loudly, blood spilling from his mouth as he did so. He had needed her comfort, her strength, her help on the phone and she hadn’t offered it to him; but here she was now, beside his body, holding his hand and wiping away his blood.

Jarod could see the tears falling from her eyes, down her rosy red cheeks and he felt terrible for making her cry. Jarod could feel how tightly she was clutching his hand, he could see how horrified she was that this had happened to him. That was the way the world worked, you never got what you wanted and if you did, it was simply too late to take it and enjoy it, to cherish it.

“Don’t talk Jarod; the paramedics are coming, just hold on. We’ll get you to the doctor, he’ll help you,” Parker rambled a little, struggling hard not to let the big sobs escape out of her mouth at seeing Jarod laying there so defenceless on the ground, so utterly powerless and vulnerable. Jarod had no pretend to help him this time, no escape route to save his life, no refuge.

Wouldn’t her mother be oh so proud of her? Chasing the boy she had tried to save, provoking him, hunting him until he had no choice but to cross a street and get hit by a car that would surely kill him. It couldn’t end like this; life couldn’t be so cruel to either of them. As Jarod always told her, they both deserved some happiness, some joy in their lives. Looking up to the heavens, she growled softly to any god that might be watching, that this wasn’t the happy ending Jarod dreamt of.

“I bought you a present, Parker,” Jarod whispered softly, his eyelids getting heavier, his breathing becoming more laboured as the blood filled his lungs. Jarod knew now he would never see his family again, he would never get to tell Sydney he loved him, he would never get to give Parker one more of his trademark grins that irritated her so much. His life was being stolen from him once again and this time, it was for good.

What did Jarod ever do to deserve anything he had been given?

“I know Jarod, it’s in my car, thank you.” Parker whispered, knowing how lame the response was for this situation, but unable to say anything else as the cries became uncontrollable, as the paramedics pulled up to the scene. Parker wanted to grab her gun and threaten the bastards to hurry up, to get over to Jarod and help him NOW! She was furious that they just seemed to be strolling over, as causally as one would if walking in the park. “Just hold on Jarod, please hold on,” She begged him shamelessly, while she was pulled away from him.

Jarod watched from where he laid motionless on the ground, as she was pulled from him, he kept his eyes on her the entire time as the men tried to help him, asking him questions, what day it was, who he was. Jarod couldn’t move any of his body anymore, it hurt to breath, to blink, to talk, to think. He knew he wasn’t going to see another day, another Christmas, another smile, another tear ever again. Jarod was positive he would never get to do another pretend, never get to help an innocent, he would never get to leave a present in Parker’s house, he would never get to hold his father for another time. Jarod knew it was all over, it was ending here on some street he didn’t know the name of, in a city he didn’t want to be in.

“Be happy Parker,” the man croaked out roughly, “Tell Sydney… tell him… I’m sorry.”

It was so hard to get those words out, but he was thankful he did as they were his last. His eyelids slid shut as he gave into the darkness, the despair that surrounded him. The sobs and pleas from Parker faded out as the beeps of the defibrillator became fainter and fainter. The last thing he felt was her tear splashing on his cheek.

“NO!” Parker screamed out as they pronounced the time of death, unable to believe they had given up so easily on him, didn’t fight for him. “Don’t you dare give up Jarod, don’t you fuckin’ dare!” It was all her fault; she had killed him, on Christmas Eve no less, the one time she was just trying to help him.

The paramedics pulled her away from the lifeless body as Parker tried to do CPR on him, refusing to let go, to give up on him. They grabbed her forcefully though and held her back, trying to comfort her as she screamed for Jarod to wake up, for the pain in the arse to come back to her. He wasn’t waking up, though, and Parker could not handle another person in her life dying. Falling to the ground beside Jarod, she held his hand as she cried; great big, soul destroying sobs escaped her, as the snow innocently fell over the pair of them. Why did it always have to be like this?


White snowflakes falling,
No sound to be heard.
Floating down slowly,
Like feathers of a bird.

White snowflakes landing,
Hiding everything from sight.
Disguising the evils,
That lurk in the night.

White snowflakes shattering,
Broken glass on the floor.
Something unique,
Has become no more.