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Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. Please don't sue because I don't have money anyway. I'll give them back relatively unharmed one I'm finished... The lyrics from "Bright Eyes" by Simon + Garfunkel don't belong to me either. No copyright infringements intended!!
My muse seems to be back - at least for the moment. Let's hope she stays for a while. Got lots of unfinished stories I desperately want to finish!! She found me in my mother's kitchen... I was standing there and the radio was running in the background. When I heard the song tears started filling my eyes (I don't know why) and the story was in my head. Completely. A miracle... *g*
Note: Maybe a little chaotic but I want this out of my head... I apologize if I got Mr. Parker's first name wrong. I have no idea if it was ever mentioned in the series?! If so, please let me know, OK?
Please send feedback to !! Thanks

Title: Bright Eyes
By: CHris
Rated: PG-13
A little bit of CSI:NY came to help me...
Warning: Character death!

Am I dreaming? Is this real? It can't be. I'm back at the Centre but not the Centre I know. I've been running from them for so long. They brought me back. I got my old room back. Not the cell that Lyle kept me in when he captured me before but my real room. The room I called home for many years while growing up at the Centre. But something has happened and I don't really remember what it was. I know I should remember and that it's really important but my mind remains blank. It seems as if someone has erased my memories. As if it never happened. But what? I keep having dreams and I wake up screaming and crying and sweating.
I know that they're selling my experiments to those who pay much. That all that I've ever done has been used to harm people and that it will be used again whenever I'm doing a pretend in a simlab. But this time something's different. Something's missing. I don't really know. I'm working with Sydney again and sometimes Broots comes visiting me with his daughter Debbie and sometimes I'm even allowed to go out. In some way it's like a prison. I'm allowed to go for walks outside with Sydney and I've been to a funfair with Debbie and Broots. But what's missing? I know something's missing. I've been at the Centre for almost 3 months now and I still don't know what it is.


Last night I had a strange dream of a woman. In my dreams she was near me. She had wonderful dark hair and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. And she'd been strangely familiar to me. I know I have seen her before but when and where is a mystery to me. I hope I'll be dreaming of her again, it is somehow comforting. She is the only woman I'm dreaming of, except maybe my mom or who I think of as my mother. But she's different to this dark-haired angel-like person. And she's my mom. Can I say that I'm in love? I don't know. But how can I be I love with someone I don't even know? Or have I seen her before? I wanted to ask Sydney but he refused to answer and told me to concentrate on my experiment. He's like a father to me. My dad's wonderful as well but I have spent much more time with Syd than with my family.
This morning a strange lady came to wake me. Usually I'm wide awake when they call me for a new experiment but something was different. Did they sedate me to take more of my memories? Or is this lady in my dreams just a dream? No, I know her - or I used to know her... This strange lady woke me up from the most wonderful dream where my dream lady was close to kissing me. I could have killed her for that. But the same moment I had the thought, I didn't know where it had come from or why I was so angry at her. She brought me to the simlab where Sydney was waiting for me again. I tried to ask him a few questions about this strange lady and the lady from my dreams but he again refused to answer. I feel like a small boy again who's asking to much questions. But maybe I should get used to it again. I'm back at the Centre and I'm not going to get out again. Do I want to get out? Do I want to stay to find out more about the lady?
A sweeper was close to beating me up when I terminated a pretend before it was over. I had seen someone in a ventilation shaft. Someone's eyes were watching me and I couldn't concentrate anymore. Who was that? How could someone live in the Centre like that? Deep inside I know that I know who it is, but how can one forget something like that? How can someone like me forget a PERSON?


I can hear Sydney talking to me but I don't understand a word he says. It's like he's speaking a language I don't understand. But I can understand nearly every language, can't I? I am a pretender, I can do anything I want to do. But I can forget a person. Like the one in the ventilation shaft. I can't go on with the experiment. I can't do anything anymore. I don't feel well. The strange lady is back and escorts me to my room. I can hear the keys being turned and then I'm alone again. Alone. Again. No. There's someone. I can hear someone breathing and a movements catches my eye. I cover the security camera in one corner of the room and open the ventilation shaft. A man smiles at me. He's familiar. I know him. I know that I know him. But who is he? He hands me something silver and disappears into the ventilation shaft again. A disk? Like the one Sydney has - and like the ones I took with me when I left the Centre. I put the disk in the computer and a surveillance video starts to run on my big screen. It's dated a few months back. A time when I wasn't back in my room at the Centre. A time when I was still a free man - even if they had been hunting me, I had been free. The woman with the brown hair and the blue eyes! She's no dream. She's real! And she's walking through the Centre corridors. Along with Sydney and Broots.
"We've found him, he's in New York. He's working with the local crime scene unit to solve a murder. A little girl has been found dead and you know that he can't resist."
"We're going to New York. Syd, make sure the Centre Jet is ready, Broots, get everything we need. I intend to bring him back to the Centre this time."
"Yes, Miss Parker", Broots stammered.


She's real. She's no dream. And her name's Miss Parker. New York? My last pretend as a free man. That was when they caught me and brought me back. But who is "they"? This Miss Parker seems familiar. She seems to know me. She acts like she's part of this hell house and, for heaven's sake, I know her. But how? I didn't even know that her name is Miss Parker. In my dreams her name was Melissa. Was this her real name? Miranda Parker? No, it can't be true. I can't know her. I haven't seen her before, have I? I remember a little girl named Parker. Could it be the same?
The video shows the three disappear into an elevator. What's happening? Images are floating my mind. Things I had forgotten, that I had wanted to forget and things I was forced to forget were back. Mrs. Parker in an elevator, killed by a gunshot. Her little daughter, crying, being dragged away by a sweeper. Mr. Raines, with his oxygen bottle staring down at me. Me, holding someone in my arms. Me, covered with blood, bound by handcuffs, being dragged away from a place I can't remember. What happened? I remember the man's name - the one in the ventilation shafts - he's Angelo. And Miss Parker has always been a part of my life. I was forced to forget her. The memories had been taken from me by hypnosis and medication. They wanted me to forget. Wanted me to make their slave again.
There's a picture I can't forget. Me, covered in blood. What happened? I close my eyes and in the distance I can hear a song playing. Is it Angelo who's trying to help me remember? Find my past? Find my memories? The images are coming back. More and more and more and ever more. I can feel myself sliding off my chair and falling to the ground. But the ground doesn't stop me and I'm falling ever deeper and deeper into the darkness. I'm lost. It was me. She's not here anymore. It was me. I did it.


I open my eyes again. The room seems to be spinning. I'm lying on my bed, Sydney is sitting on my bedside and is looking at me without saying a word. He knows that I remember everything. There's a haunted look on his face. He knows a lot about Miss Parker's mother. He knows that she hasn't been happy, he remembers the day she was killed. He had to watch Miss Parker die as well. He had to watch her being shot and wasn't able to help her. Like the day her mother died. He had to watch her die. Nobody there to really help. And this time it was even worse because someone who he really loved - loved like his son - was the one who killed her. It was me. I killed her. And I wasn't able to help her.
It was in New York. I was hunting a murderer. A man named Arthur Lucas, who had killed a little girl. And I was close to catching him. I was following him with Lindsay and Mac and we nearly had him. That's when Parker appeared. She stepped from the shadows and pointed her weapon at me. Lindsay and Mac tried to understand what she was saying but I bet they didn't. I remember her calling me labrat again. She had trapped us in a dark street. A sweeper team had stepped from the shadows behind us. There were police squads all around but not in this particular street. We were caught. Police officers at the end of the road tried to get Arthur but he turned and headed back towards us. I saw him drawing a gun. He snatched Parker from behind and made her drop her weapon. I don't know why the sweepers hesitated to shoot Arthur or get me. They watched in utter amazement how Arthur pulled her with him and pushed a gun into her back. Lindsay and Mac had put down their weapons and so had I. Even the sweepers were looking at each other and slowly putting down their guns.


My memories are back but I don't want to remember what has happened. I don't want to see her die again. I close my eyes and try to think about something nice. I can't. I have to relive the moment. Again and again and again. I feel Sydney's presence next to me. I open my eyes and see tears running down his face.
"Jarod, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you about it. I wanted to grieve with you. I wasn't able to stop them. I couldn't help her."
"Sydney, it's my fault. I let her die. Blame me but don't blame yourself."
"No, Jarod. I could have prevented it. I could have told her to stay behind and let the sweepers do their job. I could have told her to choose a different place to catch you. I should have told her to let you go. If I had been as courageous as her mother I would have helped you getting out of the Centre much earlier and help you lead a normal life. But I'm a coward, Jarod and that killed Miss Parker."
"No, Sydney, it was me. I am a pretender. I should have known what would happen. But I don't know if I really want to allow all those memories to come back. The details are hidden from me for now. But I know that it's important to know all the little details and I know that Angelo knows how to get them back. Do you think he can come here and help?"
"He IS here. Up there in his ventilation shaft and watching us. He's been watching you all the time. He called me when you fell unconscious and asked me to help you but tell no one else."
"It's a song. A song that made me remember everything. And the disk Angelo gave me. I couldn't remember Miss Parker but I kept dreaming of a woman who looked like her. Why has she never used her name?"
"She was afraid to love. To show her love to someone and that this someone might get killed like her mother. When she finally found someone to love, he got killed. Thomas' fate made her hard again. She had been so close to getting away from the Centre. She was so close to being like her mother. So close to get off the hunt, find you and lead a normal life WITH you. She loves you, Jarod. She loved you," he added in a low voice and fought back the tears.
Angelo silently opened the ventilation shaft and climbed into the room. He smiled at Jarod and Sydney shyly and put a CD in the player on the desk. The music filled the room with its sad melody. Jarod sobbed even though he tried to stop it. Angelo sat down next to them on the bedside and took his hand.
"Jarod remember Meredith. Jarod knows how she died. Jarod knows that Angelo knows."
"Meredith? You know her name?"
"She told me, Sydney. She told me when we were kids. Before she went off to boarding school. And she even kissed me. The first kiss I can remember. Sydney, I can't even remember my mom kissing me! But I can remember that she kissed me. And she smelled so wonderful. Nothing ever compared to that!"
"Jarod must remember how she died! Who killed her? How did Miss die?"


"There's blood everywhere. Parker lying in my arms. Tears streaming down her face. Tears running down my face. Me telling her that I love her and telling her to hang on, not to let go, not to DIE! A sad and small smile spreads on her face and then she's gone. I remember calling out her name. Her real name. Everybody just stared at me."
"What happened before? Who shot her? How did Miss get killed?"
"Arthur grabbed her from behind and made her drop her weapon. Everybody watched in utter amazement how Arthur pulled her with him and pushed a gun into her back. Lindsay and Mac had put down their weapons and so had I. Even the sweepers were looking at each other and slowly putting down their guns. A shot. Arthur lost his grip on Parker and fell to the ground. She turned and kicked his gun away. I started to think of running away again. I saw a police officer standing in the dark street, pointing a gun. He came running towards us, barking orders at the other officers. Mac and Lindsay took their guns and put them back inside the holster. The sweepers had their guns again and started towards me. Mac and Lindsay were with Arthur, they didn't realize what was happening. But there was someone else. One more person was with us in this street. I know him but I can't really see him."
Jarod opened his eyes and stared at Sydney and Angelo. All color had drained from his face.
"I know who killed Parker. It wasn't me and it wasn't Arthur. Nor was it one of the sweepers. NO, but this can't be. It couldn't have been him. Angelo, tell me that it isn't real. That it's not who I think it is."
"Say it. It helps. Helps healing!"


"It was - God - it was Mister Parker. He killed his own daughter. He didn't aim towards me, Sydney. He aimed directly at her and shot her without hesitating. And she knew it was him. She'd looked directly at him. She just wanted to ask what he was doing there and he shot her."
"Jarod, listen to me. I knew that. Do you remember what happened next? Please, tell me the truth!"
"Yes, Sydney," Jarod whispered, "I remember every damned little detail. I know that I aimed at Mr. Parker. And I intended him to die. I really wanted him to die. But Miss Parker looked at me and I couldn't. She - Sydney, I killed so many people. How am I supposed to live with that?"
"You didn't kill anyone, Jarod."
"Yes, I did. She was lying in my arms. I didn't help her. I cradled her in my arms and told her to hang on. She smiled and whispered that she loved me. That she had always loved me and that she never once regretted that she told me her name and that she wanted me to speak her name out loud. Only one more time. There was more. She wanted to say more but she only smiled and died in my arms. I was too afraid to let go of her. I could have saved her life. I should have stopped the bleeding. I should have done CPR and I should have kissed her before she died. SYDNEY, I LET HER DIE!!" he screamed.
"Maybe, Jarod. But you didn't kill Mr. Parker. That was me. I shot him. I also shot Raines. And I was the one who brought you back to the Centre to protect you."
"YOU? You killed those who run the Centre and brought me back here?"
"I'm so sorry, Jarod. There's still Lyle and there are many people standing behind him. But with Raines and Mr. Parker gone it's easier."
"Easier? No. Never. But tell me one thing. How did we get away from New York without Mac and Lindsay noticing us leaving?"
"Raines' oxygen tank. I didn't aim at Raines but the tank. The explosion helped us escape. They weren't severely injured and after a few dead ends they believed what Broots told them about you, which is very close to the truth, I promise."
"OK, and where is Parker? I know the Centre. Is she really dead or is she just hidden somewhere?"
"She's dead, I'm sorry. I know you don't really believe me but we can go and visit her grave if you want to and if you feel fit enough. She's buried with her mother and father."
"Why haven't I been at the funeral?"
"There was no funeral. Lyle had it prohibited. He seems to be in charge of everything and seems to know about everything. Except this room. Angelo and I have made that clear. And somehow Lyle seems to accept that."
"Can we go right now? Can I visit her one last time?"
"Jarod go and never come back. Me going too," Angelo whispered from the ventilation shaft where he had disappeared again.
Sydney nodded and went to inform Lyle that he was going to go out with Jarod to see if he still had his social abilities or if they - along with his memories - were forgotten. Lyle didn't even look at him, he just nodded and ushered him out of the room. Sydney smirked. Lyle had become quite absent since his father and his sister were gone. And even though he had forbidden the funeral service he knew that he had been at the grave at least once.


The black gravestone glistened in the sun. The name Catherine was no longer alone. No more only "Catherine Parker, beloved wife and mother". There was also "Harold Parker, beloved husband and father" and "Melissa Parker, beloved daughter and sister". In death her true name was revealed. Maybe Mr. Lyle had a heart at all, Jarod thought. He knelt down in front of the grave and let his tears flow freely. He had so many memories of a young and happy Miss Parker, a grown up Miss Parker who rarely smiled - but when she did it was like the sun rising. He kissed the gravestone and got up.
"Does Mr. Raines have a grave as well?"
"I don't know and I don't care, Jarod."
"You know why we are here, do you?"
"Yes, I do. Lyle has no idea. But I can't leave. Even if I wanted to. I have a responsibility at the Centre. But you don't belong there anymore. You have your memories back and if you keep low they won't find you. Lyle will know that I let you go so just leave. Please. And don't look back."
"No, Sydney, you can't do that! Please, come with me!"
"I can't live with the fact of having killed so many people. Please, go!" With that he pulled a gun from his pocket and pointed it at Jarod who stared at him in disbelief. Jarod wanted to take the gun from his fatherly friend but Sydney just shook his head. He mouthed another "GO!" to Jarod and pointed the gun at himself. Before Jarod could react it was too late and a deafening shot echoed over the cemetery. Jarod cried like he never cried before. He cradled Sydney's dead body in his arms and would have stayed forever if there hadn't been someone else. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He didn't have to look up to know that it was Angelo.
"Leave. Never come back. Nobody there for us anymore. Brought Sydney's notes. Make new medication for Angelo. Life normal again."
Slowly Jarod got up and let Sydney's limp form rest on the ground. He took Angelo by the arm and led him away from Miss Parker's grave, Sydney's dead body and towards a hopefully better life.


And then one day their pretenders rain away ... again.



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