Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Microsoft Word

- Text Size +

Disclaimer - Nope, the are not mine. Even though slavery was abolished hundreds of years ago NBC still claims Jarod and all the other dudes to be their property...can't change that...don't intend to make money with them...just wanna have some fun...
This is for Sheila. I never meant to leave you, babe, and it's been the hardest thing I've ever done.



LEAVE
by Shaznay




I have been changed.

I have been left without fear.

I have been left.

I wander this earth, now, aimlessly, endlessly.

I crawl in these darknesses, I walk these paths and I travel without purpose or goal, for the voyage, the sensations are the fulfillment itself.

And I cannot help but thank the one who set me upon this task of discovery.

So I went to her, the night before last.

I went up to her window.

I saw what has gone and come in her life since last I saw her, since last I was with her, to drink in the sight of her and to remember if only in a tiny little part, to remember what it must be like to see the sun come up in the red sky with a laugh in my heart.

I smile.

I touch the crucifix upon my chest. I touch my heart, I touch the strand of gold alloy and the symbol of a man some say was the son of a God. I touch a thing made of two simple bars of different lengths laid across each other, and joined to form one of the most powerful images, a totemic form that speaks in a hundred languages and has resonated in the human soul for two thousand years, a thing that has killed more men than any disease and a thing that has held humanity together in darkness. It caused people to die in screaming agony, their bodies writhing in fire, and it caused cathedrals to be built, beautiful soaring cathedrals.

I touch that symbol, and I smile.

And I frown.

And I step into the night.

A heavily pregnant cat scavenges in the dumpster. A rat scurries across the alley. Water drips. A car passes. Neon signs blink. A tree bends, a wind blows, a cloud passes across the moon and a car makes a screeching left turn onto Madison Avenue. A gas station flickers off, the city is a garland of lights, the river a glass ribbon.

And I wonder to myself - I wonder if I will always love her and I wonder if love will always be enough for me.

I wonder if I will ever again stand upon this street and watch the night above me. I wonder if I will always be this way, in these places, and I wonder if I will ever know what it is like to fall into the cool dark pond and never float back up, ever. I wonder if I will ever love as much as I love her. And I wonder if I will someday be able to stop and look at my years and say to myself that this has been a good life and that I have tasted of everything that I wish and that I am happy now and that I am ready to go, and that , Lord, I am ready to die, so take me into your arms now and let me see the sun again, Lord.

I wonder if I will always be standing against time.

I wonder.

And I see my reflection in rolled car windows.

I walk.

I go.

I leave.









You must login (register) to review.