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Disclaimer: The characters Miss Parker, Sydney, Jarod, Broots etc. and the fictional Centre, are all property of MTM and NBC Productions and used without permission. I'm not making any money out of this and no infringement is intended.
The Bunny Trail
paula h
********
Hop On Over To The Mall (Prologue)
Miss Parker pulled her BMW into the parking lot of the Galleria Mall. The weather was warm and beautiful and the lot was crowded, that meant a probable hoard of children inside. Three days before Easter was not the day to be shopping if you hate crowds.
Parker spent several minutes sitting in the car, watching the sun set behind the atrium roof. The light dancing off the panes of glass. Might as well get this over, she thought. She knew she had done this to herself, but it was all Broots fault. He had been busy with Sydney all day and when she had given him a project to occupy his evening he had whined at her about needing to pick up Debbie’s Easter outfit at this mall. Parker had given him a four-day weekend to coincide with Debbie’s break and they had plans to leave early the next morning.
Parker had not bought Debbie anything yet, avoiding the bright decorations and hoppy children, so she volunteered to run his errand while she bit the bullet and did her own shopping. And here she was.
************
In The Hay
Children were laughing and screaming and fighting over the last of the little plastic eggs they discovered as they filled the air with hay.
Lovely, Miss Parker thought, I would choose the Easter Egg Hunt area. She was busy dodging toddlers and sweepers (the kind with brooms) when she came face to face with a six foot six, pink Easter bunny. They surprised each other; she jumped back; so did it. It turned and motioned the crowd of children toward its wicker Easter Bunny throne. A photo op with the Bunn-man; how cute; how mercenary. Miss Parker extricated herself from the jellybean counters and went about her business; the pink dude spoke to his roving photographer.
Parker stopped by the music store. She picked up two CDs, one of Bach and one by Queen. She shopped at the bookstore and lingered over a couple of best sellers while she sipped an espresso.
On her way out of the Book Den, Parker again came face to whisker with the Mall bunny. She tried to move around him but he blocked her path. He kept pointing behind her and touching her arm. She turned around and saw a girl with an instant camera.
"Oh, no, I don’t think so," she said pushing him. She was surprised to feel a muscled arm under the plush; she had assumed it would be a girl or woman in the costume. The bunny ignored her resistance, took hold of her shoulder and spun her toward the camera. Parker was indignant.
"Smile for the camera." Said the pert little assistant. Before Parker could refuse, the bunny tickled her nose with his whiskers. She snapped her head around to face him.
"Awww, he gave you a bunny kiss," said Miss Pert.
"Do it again, and you loose the whiskers," Parker advised the bunny.
The Bunny pretended to shake with fear but did not loosen his hold on Miss Parker’s shoulder. There was a flash of light and a plastic coated photograph exited the camera.
"You can pick this up at the booth in about ten minutes if you like. There is a nominal charge," the camera girl said. She left before Parker could tell her what to do with the photo. The pink rabbit still had his arm around Parker’s shoulder.
"Hands off, Bunny," Parker said as she brushed his paw away. He gave her a courtly bow from the waist and she clicked her was toward the main mall.
*************
Warren Warden
Miss Parker went quickly from shop to shop; making a few purchases. Each time that she returned to the concourse she scanned the crowd, and each time she saw the bunny. Most times it was just the pink ear tips; several times he stood in the middle of the floor, surrounded by children, and waved; once he danced the Bunny Hop.
Parker slipped into Victoria’s Secret at a time when only ear tips were visible. Somehow, she did not want him, she was sure it was a "him," to see her go in there. She scanned the slightly thinning mob from inside the shop and saw no pink, so she exited and turned left. She literally ran into the rabbit. He leered at her. Can a costume leer? Her blush matched his rosy color. She could swear she heard him chuckle. Parker huffed and rearranged her dignity. Her undergarment choices were definitely not any of his business. She considered slugging him but did not relish the idea of the top story on Easter morning being "Woman Assaults Easter Bunny, Holiday Canceled," followed by her picture.
Parker walked around him and into the Old Navy Store, where she found the perfect outfit for Debbie. When she checked her watch, she realized that rabbit dodging had slowed her down a bit. She went directly, well as directly as she could while being circled by the Rabbit-in-Question, to the small store where Debbie’s Easter dress was being held. The laughter of the few children remaining in the Mall followed her in.
*******************
Cotton Tail On Her Tail
Her mission complete, Victoria’s Secret bag displayed like a trophy, Miss Parker started for her car. She was passing the Candy Emporium just before the exit when she decided to buy a little something for Broots and Sydney. She came to a sudden stop. The bunny bumped into her from behind, with a "upf" and a crack from the costume’s head hitting a human head. She spun around and glared. He mumbled an apology as he readjusted his head, while moving back.
"Back off, You Big Pink Pervert, or I’ll give a completely new meaning to the phrase ‘The bunny died’," she growled and walked into the Emporium. The rabbit watched her wistfully through the window for a moment. Can a costume look wistful? Big Bunny began herding the last of the children out the door. He was joined by a somewhat shorter, rose-colored twin. Two of them, she thought, that’s even more perfect.
The clerk in the candy store was not pleased with the last minute sale, but one look at Parker’s expression kept her silent. Parker chose a marshmallow-filled egg for Debbie, a chocolate computer for Broots and a box of gourmet jellybeans for Sydney.
***************
Wascally Wabbit
When she exited the Candy Emporium, Parker decided to take a moment and combine packages. She put the Old Navy bag into the Book Den bag. She put the bag of candy into the Victoria’s secret bag. As she was positioning the heavier candy bag toward the bottom she noticed something between the folds of her new black slip. She pulled out the photograph of the Easter Bunny with his arm around her shoulder.
Her first thoughts were he touched my things; I think I’ll burn them! Her next thought was Fricasseed rabbit.
She scanned the mall and saw the two rabbits coming back into the Mall. She shoved the photo back into the bag and advanced on the costumed duo.
"You!" She pointed at the larger bunny; he froze like a rabbit in the headlights. The smaller bunny scurried for cover. "Who are you?!"
"My name is Harvey," he answered in a high-pitched cartoon voice.
"You better give me good answer to the next question, Harvey, or that will be your real voice. Why were you harassing me?"
"Jarod thinks you needed to get into the holiday mood," again in the cartoon voice.
"Jarod? Jarod was here?"
"Yes, right here. But he’s leaving now." The Bunn-man indicated the door.
"No, he’s not!" Parker ran for the door. The bunny watched the security guard lock the door behind her, then he went through the "Employees Only" door off the hall.
*************************************
He Keeps Going And Going And Going...
Miss Parker ripped the cellular phone out of her pocket, and dialed The Centre’s number. The cellphone made an odd sound and died. She looked at it; it said "Low Battery." That was not possible, she had just charged it. She swore under her breath and strode across the nearly empty lot to her car. There was a note under the windshield wiper; it read "You should have used Eveready."
Parker used profanity from several different languages while she threw her cellular and packages into the trunk. She ran back to the door she had exited and pounded on it. No one responded.
Jarod had put Parker into a ‘mood’ all right! She circled the Mall toward where she expected the employee exit. She found a door propped open and entered. She moved quickly down the unkempt back hall until she met the camera girl.
****************************
Here, Bunny, Bunny, Bunny...
"Not so fast, Miss Pert," Parker said, grabbing her wrist. "Have you seen tall, pink and furry anywhere lately?"
The girl was slightly intimidated and pointed back down the hall. "There are three doors. The dressing room is the middle one." Parker released her wrist and the girl scampered off.
Parker continued down the hall to the doors. There was a small round table in the hallway, across from the doors, with a bottle of soda on it. Parker looked around and thought, just like Alice in Wonderland; only this Alice is smarter than the Pink Rabbit. She pulled out her gun.
********************************************
I’m Late; I’m Late For A Very Important Date
Miss Parker slammed through the door, startling the half-undressed rosy bunny. The girl yelped and barely kept her balance as she extricated herself from the costume.
"Where’s Harvey?" Parker asked the frightened occupant as she surveyed the room.
"He got undressed real fast and left. He said he’s late for a meeting."
"What meeting?" Parker put away her gun.
The girl calmed quickly, "Dunno, something about meeting a Heff or something at a mansion. Have you ever been in a mansion?" the girl wondered as she folded her costume.
"More like a dungeon," Parker answered. She checked all corners of the room. "I need to talk to your boss. Did Harvey give you a last name or an address?"
"He is the boss. I don’t know his address, and his last name is Harvey. His first name is Jarod."
"Jarod. What a shock." Parker grumbled; she gave the girl a second look. She was about sixteen or seventeen, blonde, cute enough, and dressed in a yellow polka dot bathing suit. "Excuse me, but does everyone wear practically nothing under the costume?"
"They’re hot! You roast! Ya know… roast rabbit," the blonde smiled. "Jarod said that."
"He would. What did he wear under the plush?"
"Black bike shorts with tiny rainbow-colored eggs," Blondie giggled. "They were niiice."
"I can imagine." Actually, she was trying not to. "Don’t move anything. I’ll be sending my bloodhounds over here in the morning to see if they can pick up the trail."
"He said you would be coming in here, and he left this card," she handed a small envelope to Parker. "He gave me this." She held up a stuffed Eveready Bunny. "He’s not in trouble, is he?" The girl looked concerned.
"No, he makes trouble." Miss Parker pulled the card out of its envelope. The front was a photograph of two live rabbits cuddling.
Inside it read "You’re no-bunny till some-bunny loves you." The photograph he left in the Victoria’s Secrets bag was probably supposed to be a reenactment of this one. How sweet; how Jarod. Parker turned and left.
****************
Bunny Droppings
Miss Parker returned to her car. She was calming down slowly and could almost come to see humor in the situation. Almost. She opened the car door and there, on the seat, were a carrot and a chocolate sitting rabbit. There were notes on each. Jarod must have dropped them through the window that Parker now regretted leaving cracked open. She looked around the empty lot.
Parker picked up the presents and plopped into the driver’s seat. She looked at the card on the carrot "For the white bunny I know you still have" He knows too much. She read the note on the chocolate bunny, "Almost as good as a bunny kiss."
She stripped the wrapper off the chocolate rabbit and bit off its ears; she tossed both onto the passenger seat and drove away.
**************
A Rabbit Hunch
Miss Parker dropped off Broots’ and Debbie’s gifts on the way to her house. Once home, she walked directly through her house, stirring dust bunnies in her wake. She deposited her purchases on the couch and the bitten bunny on the kitchen table; then walked out the back door.
At the far end of the yard, beside a shed, was an enormous rabbit hutch. It was dark but Parker saw the snowy white rabbit coming to the door to greet her.
"Hello, baby, I brought you a little something." She opened the door and handed Jarod’s carrot to the eager animal. She smiled. As she closed the door and turned back toward the house her foot bumped against a box; she picked it up. She did not need intuition to know who put it there. She sighed and went back to her kitchen.
Parker unwrapped the box and opened it. Inside the tissue paper was a Playboy Bunny outfit complete with ears and fluffy tail. She pulled out the note; it read, "In the mood yet?"
Exactly what mood does Jarod want me in? Parker wondered. A vision of black bike shorts, with rainbow-colored eggs, hopped into her head and she laughed aloud. She put the card back in the box and closed it.
Parker picked up the chocolate bunny and bit off his head.
THE END
Feedback please
paula h
********
Hop On Over To The Mall (Prologue)
Miss Parker pulled her BMW into the parking lot of the Galleria Mall. The weather was warm and beautiful and the lot was crowded, that meant a probable hoard of children inside. Three days before Easter was not the day to be shopping if you hate crowds.
Parker spent several minutes sitting in the car, watching the sun set behind the atrium roof. The light dancing off the panes of glass. Might as well get this over, she thought. She knew she had done this to herself, but it was all Broots fault. He had been busy with Sydney all day and when she had given him a project to occupy his evening he had whined at her about needing to pick up Debbie’s Easter outfit at this mall. Parker had given him a four-day weekend to coincide with Debbie’s break and they had plans to leave early the next morning.
Parker had not bought Debbie anything yet, avoiding the bright decorations and hoppy children, so she volunteered to run his errand while she bit the bullet and did her own shopping. And here she was.
************
In The Hay
Children were laughing and screaming and fighting over the last of the little plastic eggs they discovered as they filled the air with hay.
Lovely, Miss Parker thought, I would choose the Easter Egg Hunt area. She was busy dodging toddlers and sweepers (the kind with brooms) when she came face to face with a six foot six, pink Easter bunny. They surprised each other; she jumped back; so did it. It turned and motioned the crowd of children toward its wicker Easter Bunny throne. A photo op with the Bunn-man; how cute; how mercenary. Miss Parker extricated herself from the jellybean counters and went about her business; the pink dude spoke to his roving photographer.
Parker stopped by the music store. She picked up two CDs, one of Bach and one by Queen. She shopped at the bookstore and lingered over a couple of best sellers while she sipped an espresso.
On her way out of the Book Den, Parker again came face to whisker with the Mall bunny. She tried to move around him but he blocked her path. He kept pointing behind her and touching her arm. She turned around and saw a girl with an instant camera.
"Oh, no, I don’t think so," she said pushing him. She was surprised to feel a muscled arm under the plush; she had assumed it would be a girl or woman in the costume. The bunny ignored her resistance, took hold of her shoulder and spun her toward the camera. Parker was indignant.
"Smile for the camera." Said the pert little assistant. Before Parker could refuse, the bunny tickled her nose with his whiskers. She snapped her head around to face him.
"Awww, he gave you a bunny kiss," said Miss Pert.
"Do it again, and you loose the whiskers," Parker advised the bunny.
The Bunny pretended to shake with fear but did not loosen his hold on Miss Parker’s shoulder. There was a flash of light and a plastic coated photograph exited the camera.
"You can pick this up at the booth in about ten minutes if you like. There is a nominal charge," the camera girl said. She left before Parker could tell her what to do with the photo. The pink rabbit still had his arm around Parker’s shoulder.
"Hands off, Bunny," Parker said as she brushed his paw away. He gave her a courtly bow from the waist and she clicked her was toward the main mall.
*************
Warren Warden
Miss Parker went quickly from shop to shop; making a few purchases. Each time that she returned to the concourse she scanned the crowd, and each time she saw the bunny. Most times it was just the pink ear tips; several times he stood in the middle of the floor, surrounded by children, and waved; once he danced the Bunny Hop.
Parker slipped into Victoria’s Secret at a time when only ear tips were visible. Somehow, she did not want him, she was sure it was a "him," to see her go in there. She scanned the slightly thinning mob from inside the shop and saw no pink, so she exited and turned left. She literally ran into the rabbit. He leered at her. Can a costume leer? Her blush matched his rosy color. She could swear she heard him chuckle. Parker huffed and rearranged her dignity. Her undergarment choices were definitely not any of his business. She considered slugging him but did not relish the idea of the top story on Easter morning being "Woman Assaults Easter Bunny, Holiday Canceled," followed by her picture.
Parker walked around him and into the Old Navy Store, where she found the perfect outfit for Debbie. When she checked her watch, she realized that rabbit dodging had slowed her down a bit. She went directly, well as directly as she could while being circled by the Rabbit-in-Question, to the small store where Debbie’s Easter dress was being held. The laughter of the few children remaining in the Mall followed her in.
*******************
Cotton Tail On Her Tail
Her mission complete, Victoria’s Secret bag displayed like a trophy, Miss Parker started for her car. She was passing the Candy Emporium just before the exit when she decided to buy a little something for Broots and Sydney. She came to a sudden stop. The bunny bumped into her from behind, with a "upf" and a crack from the costume’s head hitting a human head. She spun around and glared. He mumbled an apology as he readjusted his head, while moving back.
"Back off, You Big Pink Pervert, or I’ll give a completely new meaning to the phrase ‘The bunny died’," she growled and walked into the Emporium. The rabbit watched her wistfully through the window for a moment. Can a costume look wistful? Big Bunny began herding the last of the children out the door. He was joined by a somewhat shorter, rose-colored twin. Two of them, she thought, that’s even more perfect.
The clerk in the candy store was not pleased with the last minute sale, but one look at Parker’s expression kept her silent. Parker chose a marshmallow-filled egg for Debbie, a chocolate computer for Broots and a box of gourmet jellybeans for Sydney.
***************
Wascally Wabbit
When she exited the Candy Emporium, Parker decided to take a moment and combine packages. She put the Old Navy bag into the Book Den bag. She put the bag of candy into the Victoria’s secret bag. As she was positioning the heavier candy bag toward the bottom she noticed something between the folds of her new black slip. She pulled out the photograph of the Easter Bunny with his arm around her shoulder.
Her first thoughts were he touched my things; I think I’ll burn them! Her next thought was Fricasseed rabbit.
She scanned the mall and saw the two rabbits coming back into the Mall. She shoved the photo back into the bag and advanced on the costumed duo.
"You!" She pointed at the larger bunny; he froze like a rabbit in the headlights. The smaller bunny scurried for cover. "Who are you?!"
"My name is Harvey," he answered in a high-pitched cartoon voice.
"You better give me good answer to the next question, Harvey, or that will be your real voice. Why were you harassing me?"
"Jarod thinks you needed to get into the holiday mood," again in the cartoon voice.
"Jarod? Jarod was here?"
"Yes, right here. But he’s leaving now." The Bunn-man indicated the door.
"No, he’s not!" Parker ran for the door. The bunny watched the security guard lock the door behind her, then he went through the "Employees Only" door off the hall.
*************************************
He Keeps Going And Going And Going...
Miss Parker ripped the cellular phone out of her pocket, and dialed The Centre’s number. The cellphone made an odd sound and died. She looked at it; it said "Low Battery." That was not possible, she had just charged it. She swore under her breath and strode across the nearly empty lot to her car. There was a note under the windshield wiper; it read "You should have used Eveready."
Parker used profanity from several different languages while she threw her cellular and packages into the trunk. She ran back to the door she had exited and pounded on it. No one responded.
Jarod had put Parker into a ‘mood’ all right! She circled the Mall toward where she expected the employee exit. She found a door propped open and entered. She moved quickly down the unkempt back hall until she met the camera girl.
****************************
Here, Bunny, Bunny, Bunny...
"Not so fast, Miss Pert," Parker said, grabbing her wrist. "Have you seen tall, pink and furry anywhere lately?"
The girl was slightly intimidated and pointed back down the hall. "There are three doors. The dressing room is the middle one." Parker released her wrist and the girl scampered off.
Parker continued down the hall to the doors. There was a small round table in the hallway, across from the doors, with a bottle of soda on it. Parker looked around and thought, just like Alice in Wonderland; only this Alice is smarter than the Pink Rabbit. She pulled out her gun.
********************************************
I’m Late; I’m Late For A Very Important Date
Miss Parker slammed through the door, startling the half-undressed rosy bunny. The girl yelped and barely kept her balance as she extricated herself from the costume.
"Where’s Harvey?" Parker asked the frightened occupant as she surveyed the room.
"He got undressed real fast and left. He said he’s late for a meeting."
"What meeting?" Parker put away her gun.
The girl calmed quickly, "Dunno, something about meeting a Heff or something at a mansion. Have you ever been in a mansion?" the girl wondered as she folded her costume.
"More like a dungeon," Parker answered. She checked all corners of the room. "I need to talk to your boss. Did Harvey give you a last name or an address?"
"He is the boss. I don’t know his address, and his last name is Harvey. His first name is Jarod."
"Jarod. What a shock." Parker grumbled; she gave the girl a second look. She was about sixteen or seventeen, blonde, cute enough, and dressed in a yellow polka dot bathing suit. "Excuse me, but does everyone wear practically nothing under the costume?"
"They’re hot! You roast! Ya know… roast rabbit," the blonde smiled. "Jarod said that."
"He would. What did he wear under the plush?"
"Black bike shorts with tiny rainbow-colored eggs," Blondie giggled. "They were niiice."
"I can imagine." Actually, she was trying not to. "Don’t move anything. I’ll be sending my bloodhounds over here in the morning to see if they can pick up the trail."
"He said you would be coming in here, and he left this card," she handed a small envelope to Parker. "He gave me this." She held up a stuffed Eveready Bunny. "He’s not in trouble, is he?" The girl looked concerned.
"No, he makes trouble." Miss Parker pulled the card out of its envelope. The front was a photograph of two live rabbits cuddling.
Inside it read "You’re no-bunny till some-bunny loves you." The photograph he left in the Victoria’s Secrets bag was probably supposed to be a reenactment of this one. How sweet; how Jarod. Parker turned and left.
****************
Bunny Droppings
Miss Parker returned to her car. She was calming down slowly and could almost come to see humor in the situation. Almost. She opened the car door and there, on the seat, were a carrot and a chocolate sitting rabbit. There were notes on each. Jarod must have dropped them through the window that Parker now regretted leaving cracked open. She looked around the empty lot.
Parker picked up the presents and plopped into the driver’s seat. She looked at the card on the carrot "For the white bunny I know you still have" He knows too much. She read the note on the chocolate bunny, "Almost as good as a bunny kiss."
She stripped the wrapper off the chocolate rabbit and bit off its ears; she tossed both onto the passenger seat and drove away.
**************
A Rabbit Hunch
Miss Parker dropped off Broots’ and Debbie’s gifts on the way to her house. Once home, she walked directly through her house, stirring dust bunnies in her wake. She deposited her purchases on the couch and the bitten bunny on the kitchen table; then walked out the back door.
At the far end of the yard, beside a shed, was an enormous rabbit hutch. It was dark but Parker saw the snowy white rabbit coming to the door to greet her.
"Hello, baby, I brought you a little something." She opened the door and handed Jarod’s carrot to the eager animal. She smiled. As she closed the door and turned back toward the house her foot bumped against a box; she picked it up. She did not need intuition to know who put it there. She sighed and went back to her kitchen.
Parker unwrapped the box and opened it. Inside the tissue paper was a Playboy Bunny outfit complete with ears and fluffy tail. She pulled out the note; it read, "In the mood yet?"
Exactly what mood does Jarod want me in? Parker wondered. A vision of black bike shorts, with rainbow-colored eggs, hopped into her head and she laughed aloud. She put the card back in the box and closed it.
Parker picked up the chocolate bunny and bit off his head.
Feedback please
