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Disclaimer: blah blah blah, not mine, never have been, owned by someone else,etc.

I've come out of lurkdom again I guess just to see what could happen. My first fic since last year. Any mistakes are mine.


Affliction
part 1

by Laura W.



"Wait baby..don't go too close to the edge."

"Why not Mommy? Why? What will happen?"

What will happen indeed. I replay that conversation over and over in my head. I wanted to get close to the edge, see my reflection and just imagine for a second being down there. We've all had that vision at one time of seeing ourselves fall. Some of use even imagine the sinking feeling. So helpless. The weight dragging us into the abyss, disappearing into the darkness.

So dark...but yet so inviting.

The temptation is seductive. It calls you ever so sweetly to it. 'You know you want to...come in...I won't bite...'

I didn't think anything would happen. I know that peeking over and falling in are two separate things yet I toy with it constantly.

"What will happen?"

When I was younger I didn't understand. As I grew older the challenge was far too great to pass up.

I rationalized that I was in charge of the situation. I controlled my own destiny.

This is my world.

I make the rules.

The concept is rather simple as is the means of doing so. That doesn't mean that we all have the same gameplan.

It is an arrogant thought and I believed it. I thought I executed it perfectly.

'Just for awhile, I promise'

Nothing was going to bring me down.

And then one day it happened.

I fell in.

Not tripped but tumbled in.

Can you believe it?

I wish I could have listened to you Momma.

Maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament now.

Maybe I would have been different in my manner and outlook.

Maybe I could have lived in a quiet town with a white picket fence and have the 2.4 kids.

Maybe I could have told Tommy I loved him.

Maybe he would be here with me right now.

Maybe I could have had the strength to face Daddy and tell him where to get off.

Maybe...just maybe I could have done something right for a change.

'Close your eyes'

It's dark in here. No light, no nothing.

He likes it that way.

Just silence.

And it's cold. So cold.

My arms are holding my legs together as I lean against the wall. My head is buried into my chest..as if that will stop the pain. Oh...silence and solitude brings back memories.

And regret.

Lots of regrets.

'You've been a bad girl and now you must think about what you did'

I wipe away a solitary tear and hold back from sobbing.

Even in the condition that I'm in I won't even let myself cry.

Who has time to waste on the wicked?

'It won't hurt you...I'm here'

The bars around my cage are solid and I doubt there's a key to unlock it. The metal is rusted with age but I don't have the strength...

I don't have the strength to even grasp them.

My body is covered with too many bruises and scars to move.

I hope I will get out of here, that's all I have left.

Hope.

You would have thought it was beaten out of me but it isn't.

It's not. I won't let it.

'I won't leave you, you can count on that'

Anybody out there....if you can hear me...please...

I can't do this much longer.









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