Table of Contents [Report This]
Disclaimer: VanSickle & Mitchell own the premesis, I own the words.
A Window Into My Soul
By Andrea
I.
When I started at the Centre, I didn't know a lot about it. All I knew was what I was told, and what I saw.
Not that I saw much.
Not until I got deeper into the Centre.
Daddy, I suppose, has always thought that I would take over the Centre from him. That is, he thought.
When he found out that Lyle was his son, he was so happy. I, of course, wasn't. For so long I'd been an only child, basking in the scant amount of praise from my father. Which would be even less with Lyle as my now brother. But I was willing to give it a chance.
At first, I trusted Lyle. Big mistake. After a few weeks of being good and nice, he was back to his old tricks. Jarod has also shown me other reasons not to trust my brother, and I've found some on my own.
I once killed Lyle. On Daddy's orders.
But he came back.
Now, he’s taken up interest in the Jarod chase. That’s certainly something I could live without. He acts like he knows everything. He’s tried to take over, but of course I won’t let him. This chase is my only chance for freedom.
When I was younger, I always said I would never work for the Centre. Jarod's early friendship influenced me greatly; I knew even as a child that I couldn't work for this evil place.
But now I do...
If only Mom could see me now. See what her beloved daughter has become.
II.
Another day gone. Another day spent at the Centre, trying to track down Jarod. Another day of failing to escape.
Sometimes, I get so frustrated. Even though I try my hardest, I can't catch Jarod. The way he does things, like leaving little "breadcrumbs" for me to find shows me that he is in control of the game, not me. I hate not being in control.
All I want to do is catch Jarod, and leave the Centre forever. But I've started asking myself, 'Is my freedom worth Jarod's?' It's a question that comes up a lot recently. The more I learn, the more I think.
Jarod's showed me so much.
He warned me about Lyle. With his infuriating little "game show," he gave me the truth about Lyle. How my brother likes to kill young women, just to feel secure. I find it hard to believe that Lyle really is my brother, but Broots did those DNA tests that proved it. Although Daddy never would have accepted Angelo as a son, I wish that he was my brother, instead of Lyle.
Could Angelo be my brother though?
But what can I do? Absolutely nothing.
If, in the future, the Centre was torn apart, if it was discovered, I would never live. The Centre heirarchy starts with the Parkers. And I'm a Parker…not always the best name to have. I would go down with the Centre, just like my father and Lyle would. I've worked here for years, done hundreds of things I shouldn't have.
Nobody would stand a chance.
Why am I thinking this?
I don't know.
Sometimes, I worry that this may happen. And I wonder if Jarod would rescue me. I happen to believe that he would…just because…
III.
Trust is such a strange word.
To so many people it means honesty, dependence, credibility.
But to the Centre the antonyms ring true. Doubt. Suspect. Disbelief. Lies.
Especially to my family.
Can I even call them that any more? There is no love between us, only blood binds the Parkers together.
Blood is the 'tie that binds.'
The Centre has ruined my life, my brother's life, my mother's life, Jarod's life. The list could continue forever.
Lyle and I are locked in a battle for survival, but we shouldn't have to be. But we are.
Often times I wish I could have known the real Lyle, not the one that Raines created. The psychotic
twin brother I know today...No, not him. I wish I could have known Bobby Bowman.
Would our relationship have been different if we hadn't been raised with Centre politics in mind?
The answer to that is quite simple, unlike many other things.
Of course.
IV
When I was a girl I always thought I was a Princess in a fairy tale. Daddy was the King who ruled, Mother the compassionate queen, Sydney the caring Duke. Jarod was my knight in shining armor.
We've known each other for so long, yet we know so little. So little about our pasts, so little about our futures.
It seems to me like I've always known Jarod, either as a friend or an enemy. There is a difference between the two..
When I was a teenager, I knew that Jarod was attracted to me. I was the only girl he'd ever seen, save for the women in simulations and my mother.
I had one other thing Jarod wanted too.
Freedom.
~~~~
I don't know exactly what caused the rift between the Pretender and myself. Sometimes, I'm glad that we aren't like we used to be. Othertimes, well, othertimes I need somebody. And Jarod's often the only person I can trust.
We've both changed in the four years since his escape. Soon to be five years. Sometimes, I can't believe that I've spent four years chasing Jarod cross-country. Other times, it's easy to believe.
~~~~
Jarod, being Jarod, has tried to rescue me.
By giving me happiness.
But of course the Centre couldn't let that happen...so I lost Tommy.
I've thought about him so many times. I thought our meeting had been accidental. But with Jarod nothing is accidental.
Of course, I didn't know that 'til later.
Am I mad at Jarod for setting me up?
Yes and no.
Yes because I lost Thomas. But I can't blame Jarod for that...
No...at least I had a chance to love again...
V.
When I first started at the Centre, I was so eager. An eager, blind beaver, so to speak.
Daddy told me only what I needed to know, and everything he offered excited me. New car every year, unlimited expense accounts, everything. He promised me the world.
Why?
So I too would be involved in the Centre, a willing prisoner; who signed away her rights. Almost.
My first year was training, as was much of the second. The Centre relies a lot on their army.
I knew from the start that I wanted to be in Corporate. There was less chance of dying when you sit in an office. Oh sure, you could anger the Chairman, or the Triumvirate. But there wasn't the day to day risk of death from enemies and friends.
But Daddy said I couldn't start at high level so soon. I had to work my way up just like any other employee.
So I started as a trainee, and was quickly promoted to a Cleaner. Daddy did allow me to be his personal cleaner, so I had less chance of death than most.
I continued my training, and was again promoted. This time to Security. Within a year I was Chief of Security. I knew everything about the Centre, all the hidden nooks and crannies.
Or I thought I did.
The discovery of SL-27 shattered some of my trust in the Centre. Finally, I made my goal: Corporate.
And I loved it.
I loved the high stakes, the Centre politics. I loved snubbing those below me, and often those above me. My father was Chairman, and I was safe.
For one day, I would inherit the Centre.
The legacy of the Parkers...
A 'research' facility situated in Blue Cove Delaware. The awe and fear of the inhabitants left in the small town.
~~~~
I was playing a dangerous game, and I was smart enough to know that.
VI.
Life is always simple when you are a child.
Children aren't presented with the day-to-day worries of an adult; all they care about is play and food. Friends. Happiness.
Never death, or enemies. Sadness. Pain.
I've lost so much, but I've gained so little. Or a lot, as some would say. I have the skills that the Centre taught, lock picking, murder.
I'm still not sure how I ended up here, or if I will ever escape.
Jarod shows no intention of giving up his precious freedom to allow me mine - his taunts plainly show that. He keeps himself in view long enough to interest me into playing his game of cat-and-mouse, then disappears.
He acts like a big kid, always interested in candy and games. I guess he's entitled to such, as he never had much of a childhood.
I did, in his eyes. I had everything he never had: the freedom to go anywhere any time, the freedom to have fun, to be an individual. The freedom to have friends, interests.
In my eyes I never had a happy life as a child. I never had a happy life, for that matter. Sure, there were the short times when I loved somebody, like Tommy, but they always ran. Leaving me alone again.
I've never allowed myself to feel self-pity.
A Window Into My Soul
By Andrea
I.
When I started at the Centre, I didn't know a lot about it. All I knew was what I was told, and what I saw.
Not that I saw much.
Not until I got deeper into the Centre.
Daddy, I suppose, has always thought that I would take over the Centre from him. That is, he thought.
When he found out that Lyle was his son, he was so happy. I, of course, wasn't. For so long I'd been an only child, basking in the scant amount of praise from my father. Which would be even less with Lyle as my now brother. But I was willing to give it a chance.
At first, I trusted Lyle. Big mistake. After a few weeks of being good and nice, he was back to his old tricks. Jarod has also shown me other reasons not to trust my brother, and I've found some on my own.
I once killed Lyle. On Daddy's orders.
But he came back.
Now, he’s taken up interest in the Jarod chase. That’s certainly something I could live without. He acts like he knows everything. He’s tried to take over, but of course I won’t let him. This chase is my only chance for freedom.
When I was younger, I always said I would never work for the Centre. Jarod's early friendship influenced me greatly; I knew even as a child that I couldn't work for this evil place.
But now I do...
If only Mom could see me now. See what her beloved daughter has become.
II.
Another day gone. Another day spent at the Centre, trying to track down Jarod. Another day of failing to escape.
Sometimes, I get so frustrated. Even though I try my hardest, I can't catch Jarod. The way he does things, like leaving little "breadcrumbs" for me to find shows me that he is in control of the game, not me. I hate not being in control.
All I want to do is catch Jarod, and leave the Centre forever. But I've started asking myself, 'Is my freedom worth Jarod's?' It's a question that comes up a lot recently. The more I learn, the more I think.
Jarod's showed me so much.
He warned me about Lyle. With his infuriating little "game show," he gave me the truth about Lyle. How my brother likes to kill young women, just to feel secure. I find it hard to believe that Lyle really is my brother, but Broots did those DNA tests that proved it. Although Daddy never would have accepted Angelo as a son, I wish that he was my brother, instead of Lyle.
Could Angelo be my brother though?
But what can I do? Absolutely nothing.
If, in the future, the Centre was torn apart, if it was discovered, I would never live. The Centre heirarchy starts with the Parkers. And I'm a Parker…not always the best name to have. I would go down with the Centre, just like my father and Lyle would. I've worked here for years, done hundreds of things I shouldn't have.
Nobody would stand a chance.
Why am I thinking this?
I don't know.
Sometimes, I worry that this may happen. And I wonder if Jarod would rescue me. I happen to believe that he would…just because…
III.
Trust is such a strange word.
To so many people it means honesty, dependence, credibility.
But to the Centre the antonyms ring true. Doubt. Suspect. Disbelief. Lies.
Especially to my family.
Can I even call them that any more? There is no love between us, only blood binds the Parkers together.
Blood is the 'tie that binds.'
The Centre has ruined my life, my brother's life, my mother's life, Jarod's life. The list could continue forever.
Lyle and I are locked in a battle for survival, but we shouldn't have to be. But we are.
Often times I wish I could have known the real Lyle, not the one that Raines created. The psychotic
twin brother I know today...No, not him. I wish I could have known Bobby Bowman.
Would our relationship have been different if we hadn't been raised with Centre politics in mind?
The answer to that is quite simple, unlike many other things.
Of course.
IV
When I was a girl I always thought I was a Princess in a fairy tale. Daddy was the King who ruled, Mother the compassionate queen, Sydney the caring Duke. Jarod was my knight in shining armor.
We've known each other for so long, yet we know so little. So little about our pasts, so little about our futures.
It seems to me like I've always known Jarod, either as a friend or an enemy. There is a difference between the two..
When I was a teenager, I knew that Jarod was attracted to me. I was the only girl he'd ever seen, save for the women in simulations and my mother.
I had one other thing Jarod wanted too.
Freedom.
~~~~
I don't know exactly what caused the rift between the Pretender and myself. Sometimes, I'm glad that we aren't like we used to be. Othertimes, well, othertimes I need somebody. And Jarod's often the only person I can trust.
We've both changed in the four years since his escape. Soon to be five years. Sometimes, I can't believe that I've spent four years chasing Jarod cross-country. Other times, it's easy to believe.
~~~~
Jarod, being Jarod, has tried to rescue me.
By giving me happiness.
But of course the Centre couldn't let that happen...so I lost Tommy.
I've thought about him so many times. I thought our meeting had been accidental. But with Jarod nothing is accidental.
Of course, I didn't know that 'til later.
Am I mad at Jarod for setting me up?
Yes and no.
Yes because I lost Thomas. But I can't blame Jarod for that...
No...at least I had a chance to love again...
V.
When I first started at the Centre, I was so eager. An eager, blind beaver, so to speak.
Daddy told me only what I needed to know, and everything he offered excited me. New car every year, unlimited expense accounts, everything. He promised me the world.
Why?
So I too would be involved in the Centre, a willing prisoner; who signed away her rights. Almost.
My first year was training, as was much of the second. The Centre relies a lot on their army.
I knew from the start that I wanted to be in Corporate. There was less chance of dying when you sit in an office. Oh sure, you could anger the Chairman, or the Triumvirate. But there wasn't the day to day risk of death from enemies and friends.
But Daddy said I couldn't start at high level so soon. I had to work my way up just like any other employee.
So I started as a trainee, and was quickly promoted to a Cleaner. Daddy did allow me to be his personal cleaner, so I had less chance of death than most.
I continued my training, and was again promoted. This time to Security. Within a year I was Chief of Security. I knew everything about the Centre, all the hidden nooks and crannies.
Or I thought I did.
The discovery of SL-27 shattered some of my trust in the Centre. Finally, I made my goal: Corporate.
And I loved it.
I loved the high stakes, the Centre politics. I loved snubbing those below me, and often those above me. My father was Chairman, and I was safe.
For one day, I would inherit the Centre.
The legacy of the Parkers...
A 'research' facility situated in Blue Cove Delaware. The awe and fear of the inhabitants left in the small town.
~~~~
I was playing a dangerous game, and I was smart enough to know that.
VI.
Life is always simple when you are a child.
Children aren't presented with the day-to-day worries of an adult; all they care about is play and food. Friends. Happiness.
Never death, or enemies. Sadness. Pain.
I've lost so much, but I've gained so little. Or a lot, as some would say. I have the skills that the Centre taught, lock picking, murder.
I'm still not sure how I ended up here, or if I will ever escape.
Jarod shows no intention of giving up his precious freedom to allow me mine - his taunts plainly show that. He keeps himself in view long enough to interest me into playing his game of cat-and-mouse, then disappears.
He acts like a big kid, always interested in candy and games. I guess he's entitled to such, as he never had much of a childhood.
I did, in his eyes. I had everything he never had: the freedom to go anywhere any time, the freedom to have fun, to be an individual. The freedom to have friends, interests.
In my eyes I never had a happy life as a child. I never had a happy life, for that matter. Sure, there were the short times when I loved somebody, like Tommy, but they always ran. Leaving me alone again.
I've never allowed myself to feel self-pity.
