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Disclaimer: TNT owns them, I don't. I am not allowed to use them but I do it anyway. This is a piece of non-profit fan fiction and there are no copyright infringements intended. The songs are taken from an old Negro Spiritual Book. They don't belong to me either. The poems do. I mention Star Trek once or twice. I don't own it, Paramount Viacom does.
I've had my FCE exams (an exam from the Cambridge University for people who take English as a foreign language) and I had lots of time. I had no paper left so I started scribbling onto an envelope and that's is what my wicked little mind made up..
At first it was planned as two stories but in my mind they merged. Somehow it seemed to fit and now they are one... In my holidays I have "perfected” the two stories so they would fit perfectly (I hope..)

Note: It took me several years to finish this story and it has been re-written several times!! Since I wrote the disclaimer 4 years have passed and I'm sure another year will go by until this story is "really" ready. And thanks to those who asked for a conclusion – I don't think I would have done it without that. I love you guys.


Title: Sinner, you know you have to pretend!
By: Chris
e-mail address : kylaparker@hotmail.com
Rated: PG
Category: S / P
Spoilers: None


1.

Sinner, you know you're bound to die.
Sinner, you know you're bound to die.
Just as a tree falls, so shall it lie;
Just as a sinner lives, so shall he die.

Parker was sitting at her desk, staring at the papers in front of her. She didn't want to be sitting here. Her eyes were on the paper but they weren't focused - her mind was wandering. Wandering to an alternate universe. In this alternate universe she wasn't Parker, Jarod wasn't Jarod and the Centre didn't exist at all. In this alternate universe - in her dream - she and a man were happily married, had a dog and two children. She imagined herself in a garden with the children, the dog playing beside her. It all looked so perfect. Everything was so peaceful and it somehow felt as if this was the way it should be. Her husband – it wasn't Jarod but Thomas – smiled at her and waved his hand while he was playing with his four-year old daughter. Her younger son was sitting on her lap, playing with his teddy bear. Jarod came into the garden, a young woman by his side, a baby in his arms. Jarod was living next door with his wife and his daughter. A perfect world where no evil existed, where there was no war, no criminals, no hunger, no sorrow, just happiness, laughter.
"Parker?" a familiar voice asked. She was pulled from her daydreaming back into reality. Sydney was standing in front of her desk, a concerned look on his face.
"Parker, are you alright?"
She nodded.
"I was just thinking."
"You didn't hear me coming in, you didn't react when I said something. I was starting to get worried."
"I'm really fine. It's just--."
"You don't want to talk about it, right? I know that today is the day your mother died."
"What? Today? No, the day is tomorrow."
Sydney stared at her in disbelief. How could she be this disconnected from reality? Now he was starting to become really worried.
"Parker, it's today. Where are your thoughts?"
"Well, maybe I should go home. I admit, I'm not feeling too well."
She got up and walked around her desk. Sydney looked at her and wanted to put his hand on her shoulder. A look from her icy blue eyes made him withdraw his hand before touching her. Something in her eyes seemed wrong. They were somehow absent as if she was somewhere else. Sydney thought it had to do with her mother's death but she had thought that it was the next day. So what was wrong with her? Suddenly she stumbled and collapsed into his arms. Sydney stared at Parker's unconscious form in his arms not really knowing what had just happened. He lifted her up and carried her to the sofa where he gently laid her down. He softly slapped her the face.
"Parker, wake up!"
She moaned but didn't open her eyes. He went to her desk and took the phone to call sickbay - but he stopped and put the receiver back into its place. He decided to bring her to the Dover Hospital. He didn't trust the doctors here in the Centre. He hoped that he would get out of the building without being seen. He heard a sound from the ventilation shaft and Angelo stuck out his head.
"Angelo, I need your help," Sydney said and Angelo came to stand beside him.
"Daughter - hurt," he managed to get out.
"Angelo, I need to bring her out of here."
Parker moaned again and slowly opened her eyes. She looked around the room as if she had no idea what had happened or where she was.

The room was dark and empty. There was no light. It was cold. What was she doing here? A soft voice was mumbling somewhere in the distance. Whispering words she didn't understand but the voice seemed familiar.

"Parker, I need you to stand up and come with me."
She didn't react and so Angelo took her by the hands and slowly pulled her up. She looked into his eyes like a little girl seeing him for the first time. She didn't react as he put his hand onto her cheeks and mumbled something nor did she react when Sydney asked her to follow her. Sydney took her by the elbow and led her out of the room. Angelo remained inside Parker's office. He went to her desk and sat down in her chair. Pictures started to whirl inside his mind and he fell to the floor, clutching his head with both hands.
Emptiness, loneliness, darkness wrapping around him like hands around his throat. The darkness seemed to have a life of its own, filling every cubic millimeter of the room, extinguishing every ray of light that seemed to be coming from somewhere in this room.

Sydney and Parker arrived at the parking place without someone noticing that they were gone. Sydney shot a glance at the building, wondering what Angelo would be doing right now and then got inside the car. Parker leaned against the window, her eyes half closed and she didn't react when Sydney spoke to her. He wondered what had happened.
They arrived at Dover in no time. He stopped the car and got out. He went over to the other side and pulled Parker outside. She was walking beside him towards the entrance but he was more dragging her along like a doll than she was walking on her own. They went to ER and a doctor came up to them.
"Dr. Greene, nice to see you again."
"Same to you, Dr. Babel. Please help me with her."
"What happened?"
"I don't know. She seemed a little distracted and suddenly she collapsed into my arms. She's been unconscious for about 5 minutes. When she regained consciousness she seemed somewhat absent. She hasn't been talking and she's not reacting to anything. I've tried talking to her but it's no use."
"Have there been any problems with her lately? Did she complain about nausea or headache?"
Sydney shook his head.
"This is Miss Parker, right?" Dr. Babel asked and Sydney nodded, not knowing what else to say.
"She's been here because of an ulcer before. Maybe her state of near-unconsciousness has something to do with that. Miss Parker, please sit down over there."
She didn't react so he took her by the shoulders and led her towards the examination table.


t.b.c.









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