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Disclaimer: I don’t own Pretenders, or anything like that. Though I do have a Lyle Clone living with me. This is a response to the “If You Give A Mouse a Cookie” challenge, on the PretenderChallenges group. The only problem is, I couldn’t find our copy of “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”, so it more closely follows, “If You Give A Moose a Muffin”. I don’t claim to own the books, either. Except a copy of “If You Give A Moose a Muffin”. Enjoy!

A/N: I did the best I could, most of this is last minute inspiration. I doubt it will be as entertaining as it could be, simply because one of the big points in the children’s books mentioned above are the illustrations. They make up for 50% of the humor. Even if I had a place to put them, I can’t draw worth anything. So you’ll have to be happy with simply reading text!



If You Give a Pretender a Twinkie

by RRP




If you give a Pretender a Twinkie,

He’ll have to ask you what it is.

Then you’ll have to explain it to him.

He may ask for another one.

And then another.

And another.

Before long, you’ll run out of twinkies.

You’ll have to go to the store and get more.

On the way out the door, he’ll see someone.

He might take off running the other way.

You’ll have to follow him.

You may nearly get shot.

At the store, he’ll see a tricycle.

He may tell you it reminds him of his childhood.

He’ll want to hurry to your house.

You’ll have to run back.

At the house, he might want to know if you have a tricycle.

If you tell him “yes”, he may want to see it.

If you let him see it, he’ll want to ride it.

You’ll have to tell him he’s too big.

Then, he might want to build a bigger tricycle.

You would have to go to the store to get parts.

At the store, he may see a helmet.

He may tell you it brings back bad memories.

You’ll have to cover the helmet with a cloth.

He might say that it looks like a ghost.

Then he might remember he wants to dress up as a ghost for Halloween.

He’ll ask you if you have a sheet.

You’ll have to go back home to get one.

At your house, he may put the sheet on.

He might ask if he scares you.

If you say “no”, he may become depressed.

He may stare at himself in the mirror for a long time.

He may mutter things like, “Sydney, why?”

If you ask him who Sydney is, he may glare at you.

Then he may say, “Someone I used to know.”

To cheer him up, you may take him outside to cloud watch.

He may say the clouds remind him of creme filling.

He might remember the twinkies.

You’ll have to go inside, and get them.

Then he’ll ask you for one.

And then another.

And another.

Before long, you’ll run out of twinkies.

You may have to go to the store and get some more...











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