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Rating: G
Note: I haven’t a clue about Jax’s rules here so I keep it lower rated
Disclaimer: mine, mine and again mine
Feedback: ms.parker@gmx.at
Note: I just couldn’t resist here so don’t blame me – response to Jax’s “No more lonely nights” song Challenge – I know that the lyrics got out of order in my fiction, but who cares (sorry Jax)


¡Mamá yo lo necesito!
by
Mary Eve Parker



No more lonely nights
No more lonely nights
You're my guiding light
Day or night I'm always there


Not much has changed since today. You are still my guiding light Mamma, not many things could be done without your help, without the knowledge that you will guard above me, that you are my guarding angel.

I have done many things I shouldn’t have done, said many words I regret today. If my life would have been a normal one, a life which would be enjoyable, than I would have family and not sleep alone in his big house with these lonely and cold rooms. I would have a man who loves me maybe the one or other kid and a dog, or even a cat. I wouldn’t be here in bed, crying again because I am who I am, not able to change my life, not able to close my eyes without seeing what I have done over all those years, closing my eyes seeing all those nightmares.


I wouldn’t need the CD player to run, not to hear the loneliness and silence of my house. Not even a bird is singing outside, its night and the only person who is with me is you, Mamma – I need you!

May I never miss the thrill of being near you
And if takes a couple of years
To turn your tears to laughter
I will do what I feel to be right


The silence will kill me somewhere in the future, near today. I can hear my heart pounding, my breathing and nobody cares if I would come to work tomorrow or not, not after all those years of aggression, depression and frustration.

The only man I ever wanted to share my life with, hates me today for everything I have done, for all those minutes of ignorance. I could have brought him back if I would have been interested into it, but I never was. I have been jealous of every woman near him, even his own mother. Why should he find his mother, when I lost mine? This wouldn’t be fair, not for the two of us. Mamma I really need you!

And I won't go away until you tell me so
No, I'll never go away
And I won't go away until you tell me so
No, I'll never go away

ut I will never stop searching for him, never stop hunting him because if I would stop they would win and I don’t want to see them, the Centre, win. I can't and you couldn’t do that too. Sometimes I think that we are somehow the same, but not really on the other hand. I can't control myself as good as you could but I will never go away to let them win. Never. I wouldn’t let them win the battle we both were fighting. As long as I hunt him, chase him, as long as I do this I will know that he is save, and I don’t want anything more than to know that he is alive – and happy.

I can wait another day until I call you
You've only got my heart on a string and everything a ‘flutter
But another lonely night might take forever
We've only got each other to blame
It's all the same to me love
Cause I know what I feel to be right


I feel that you are the only person to talk to more often than normal, and sometimes I am just laying here in bed waiting to see you, see you brushing my hair when I was six, or play with the dolls with me when I was four.

Sometimes I see your eyes shining and glancing when you found me sleeping curled up next to Jarod in his cell. We’d fallen asleep during a long discussion about how the world outside is and was and would be.

Today I changed my world, today I did the first step to my new future. Today I decided not to go to bed alone, today I told him to sleep at least in the guestroom next door. I can hear him breathing through the thin walls. Maybe I will bring him breakfast in the morning but at least ….

No more lonely nights (Never be another)
No more lonely nights
You're my guiding light
Day or night I'm always there
And I won't go away until you tell me so
No, I'll never go away
Yes, I know what I feel to be right
No more lonely nights (Never be another)
No more lonely nights
You're my guiding light
Day or night I'm always there
No more lonely nights, no, no…

~*~

Note: a shorty I know but I hope you liked it at all ….











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