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Sibling Rivalry III
by: chopsticks
g
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Broots scampered down the hall, constantly looking behind his shoulder. He didn't want to be doing this, but he knew better than to say "no" to his boss, Miss Parker. If he did, he'd never see the sun for a week, at the very least.
He stopped and took a deep breath when he was in sight of his target: Mr. Lyle's office. He twisted the paper he was holding because he was so nervous, and took another steadying breath. He sighed deeply and crept up to the wall next to Lyle's office.
‘It's now or my ass is grass,’ he thought, pulling out a silver thumbtack from his pocket. He held the paper up to the wall and positioned the tack over the upper portion of the paper. With a small push from his thumb, the tack slid easily into the wall.
With a sigh of relief, Broots scurried off, desperate not to be caught by Mr. Lyle.
As Broots ran off, a curious coworker that had been watching what the techie was doing ambled up to the wall and glanced at the paper. He began to chuckle softly, then remembered who was in the office and clamped a hand over his mouth.
Several others had, inevitably, noticed the first one and came to see what was so interesting. Soon a small crowd had amassed around the wall next to Mr. Lyle's office door. The very office door that was flung open to reveal Mr. Lyle himself, looking extremely peeved.
"What now?" he growled to all of them. The crowd stared in shock at him, then quickly retreated, many tripping over each other in their desperation to get away. Lyle smiled smugly at this, then returned his attention to what had drawn them there in the first place.
He ripped the white piece of paper off of the wall and began to read.
Things Lyle Does to Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for being healthy enough for me to eat".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the scrolls."
8. Dont use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put a small, brick wall around your work area. Play a tape of Chinese sex sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won! Third time this week!"
18. When leaving The Centre, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, the amputee dwarves have escaped!"
19. Tell your Asian secretaries over dinner: "Due to the economy, one of you is going to have to be dinner."
He chuckled slightly, vaguely amused at some of the ideas for scaring people.
Even better, he thought to himself, make others do these things. I think Mr. Broots would love to be referred to as "Rock Hard Kim."
Lyle smirked at the thought and headed back into his office, already dreaming up ways to get Miss Parker back for this one.
-----
the end.
feedback welcomed at spacedoutwriter@hotmail.com.
by: chopsticks
g
-----
Broots scampered down the hall, constantly looking behind his shoulder. He didn't want to be doing this, but he knew better than to say "no" to his boss, Miss Parker. If he did, he'd never see the sun for a week, at the very least.
He stopped and took a deep breath when he was in sight of his target: Mr. Lyle's office. He twisted the paper he was holding because he was so nervous, and took another steadying breath. He sighed deeply and crept up to the wall next to Lyle's office.
‘It's now or my ass is grass,’ he thought, pulling out a silver thumbtack from his pocket. He held the paper up to the wall and positioned the tack over the upper portion of the paper. With a small push from his thumb, the tack slid easily into the wall.
With a sigh of relief, Broots scurried off, desperate not to be caught by Mr. Lyle.
As Broots ran off, a curious coworker that had been watching what the techie was doing ambled up to the wall and glanced at the paper. He began to chuckle softly, then remembered who was in the office and clamped a hand over his mouth.
Several others had, inevitably, noticed the first one and came to see what was so interesting. Soon a small crowd had amassed around the wall next to Mr. Lyle's office door. The very office door that was flung open to reveal Mr. Lyle himself, looking extremely peeved.
"What now?" he growled to all of them. The crowd stared in shock at him, then quickly retreated, many tripping over each other in their desperation to get away. Lyle smiled smugly at this, then returned his attention to what had drawn them there in the first place.
He ripped the white piece of paper off of the wall and began to read.
Things Lyle Does to Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for being healthy enough for me to eat".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the scrolls."
8. Dont use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put a small, brick wall around your work area. Play a tape of Chinese sex sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won! Third time this week!"
18. When leaving The Centre, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, the amputee dwarves have escaped!"
19. Tell your Asian secretaries over dinner: "Due to the economy, one of you is going to have to be dinner."
He chuckled slightly, vaguely amused at some of the ideas for scaring people.
Even better, he thought to himself, make others do these things. I think Mr. Broots would love to be referred to as "Rock Hard Kim."
Lyle smirked at the thought and headed back into his office, already dreaming up ways to get Miss Parker back for this one.
the end.
feedback welcomed at spacedoutwriter@hotmail.com.
