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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
List Provided By: Heidi.
Sibling Rivalry XVI
by: chopsticks
p g
-----
A very angry Miss Parker marched into what is known amongst all the techies as "The Hole." Upon her entrance, techies began to scramble back to their stations and look busy, hoping the daughter of Mr. Parker wouldn't report their slacking.
"Broots," she bellowed, ignoring the commotion surrounding her. Broots, knowing what would expand his life expectancy by another day, instantly appeared at her side.
"Yes, Miss Parker?" he said, startling her.
She narrowed her eyes at him, then responded, "I need a list."
"Oh, god. . ." He placed his hand on his forehead, rubbing gently. Miss Parker just glared at him.
"Make sure it has something to do with elevators," she said, the corners of her mouth turning upward slightly.
"Yes, Miss Parker." With that, she spun on her heel and left the Hole, much to the relief of all but one techie.
-----
"Parker!" Sydney called out, ambushing her by the elevators.
"Yes, Sydney?"
"What are you planning," he asked, walking beside her on her way back to her office.
"Nothing too evil," she replied. "I see you got the carpenters to take off all those damn stickers."
"Yes, they are waiting for you in your office," Sydney responded as they approached her office doors.
"Good, because I have a job for them." With that, she slammed one of her doors in Sydney's face.
-----
Mr. Lyle sighed and closed his briefcase. His only hope was that Parker wouldn't get him back before he left the building. He was not in the mood to deal with that at all.
As he approached the elevators, he noticed a large crowd was gathered around them.
"What the. . ." he mumbled, approaching the crowd. A random person in the back of the crowd glanced behind herself and quickly noticed Mr. Lyle. This caused the chain reaction that had been witnessed so many times before, only this time the crowd managed to disperse with fewer casualties than normal. Mr. Lyle rolled his eyes in the typical "whatever" fashion and stepped up to the doors.
The elevator dinged loudly, the sound echoing throughout the barren hallway, and Lyle stepped on. Immediately, the sound system switched on, as it was set to do, only this time it wasn't playing music. Instead, it was someone speaking. Lyle began to listen, interested in what had been put in the elevators instead.
Things Mr. Lyle Does in Elevators
1. Makes racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blows his nose and offers to show the contents of his Kleenex.
3. Grimaces painfully while smacking his forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistles the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sells Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sways side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shaves.
8. Cracks open his briefcase and, while peering inside, asks, "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offers name tags to everyone getting on the elevator and wears his upside down.
10. Stands silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall without getting off.
11. When arriving at his floor, grunts and strains to yank the doors open, then acts embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Leans over to another passenger and whispers, "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greets everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and asks them to call him Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, holds the door open and demands that it stay open until he hears the penny he dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Does Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stares, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announces, "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least eight people have boarded, he moans from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Gives religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meows occasionally.
21. Bets the other passengers that he can fit a quarter in his nose.
22. Frowns and mutters, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sighs and says, "Oops!"
23. Shows other passengers a wound and asks if it looks infected.
24. Sings, "Mary Had A Little Lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
25. Hollers, "Chutes Away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walks on with a cooler that says, "Human Liver" on the side.
27. Stares at another passenger for a while, then announces, "You're one of THEM!" and moves to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burps and then says, "Mmmmmm. . .tasty!"
29. Leaves a box between the doors.
30. Asks each passenger getting on if he can push the button for them.
31. Wears a puppet on his hand and talks to other passengers "through" it.
32. Starts a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, he looks around and asks, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Plays the harmonica.
35. Shadow boxes.
36. Says, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Leans against the button panel.
38. Says, "I wonder what all these do?" and pushes the red button.
39. Listens to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draws a little square on the floor with chalk and announces to the other passengers that this is his "personal space."
41. Brings a chair along.
42. Takes a bite of a sandwich and asks another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blows spit bubbles.
44. Pulls his gum out of his mouth in long strings.
45. Announces in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carries a blanket and clutches it protectively.
47. Makes explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wears X-ray specs and leers suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stares at his missing thumb and says, "I think it's growing back."
50. If anyone brushes against him, he recoils and hollers, "Bad touch!"
Variation on Number 24 is: "I Just Called To Say I Love You" while playing the buttons as if they were a phone pad.
By the time the bottom of the list was reached, Lyle was seething. He had instantly recognized the voices reading the list as that of the carpenters, Bob and Bubba. He had a nagging fear that this list was being played in every single elevator in The Centre.
"Parker!" he hissed, slamming a fist against the wall of the elevator. Now his night was completely ruined, as he'd have to spend it plotting how to make Miss Parker pay for this little stunt.
-----
the end.
feedback welcomed at spacedoutwriter@hotmail.com.
by: chopsticks
p g
-----
A very angry Miss Parker marched into what is known amongst all the techies as "The Hole." Upon her entrance, techies began to scramble back to their stations and look busy, hoping the daughter of Mr. Parker wouldn't report their slacking.
"Broots," she bellowed, ignoring the commotion surrounding her. Broots, knowing what would expand his life expectancy by another day, instantly appeared at her side.
"Yes, Miss Parker?" he said, startling her.
She narrowed her eyes at him, then responded, "I need a list."
"Oh, god. . ." He placed his hand on his forehead, rubbing gently. Miss Parker just glared at him.
"Make sure it has something to do with elevators," she said, the corners of her mouth turning upward slightly.
"Yes, Miss Parker." With that, she spun on her heel and left the Hole, much to the relief of all but one techie.
"Parker!" Sydney called out, ambushing her by the elevators.
"Yes, Sydney?"
"What are you planning," he asked, walking beside her on her way back to her office.
"Nothing too evil," she replied. "I see you got the carpenters to take off all those damn stickers."
"Yes, they are waiting for you in your office," Sydney responded as they approached her office doors.
"Good, because I have a job for them." With that, she slammed one of her doors in Sydney's face.
Mr. Lyle sighed and closed his briefcase. His only hope was that Parker wouldn't get him back before he left the building. He was not in the mood to deal with that at all.
As he approached the elevators, he noticed a large crowd was gathered around them.
"What the. . ." he mumbled, approaching the crowd. A random person in the back of the crowd glanced behind herself and quickly noticed Mr. Lyle. This caused the chain reaction that had been witnessed so many times before, only this time the crowd managed to disperse with fewer casualties than normal. Mr. Lyle rolled his eyes in the typical "whatever" fashion and stepped up to the doors.
The elevator dinged loudly, the sound echoing throughout the barren hallway, and Lyle stepped on. Immediately, the sound system switched on, as it was set to do, only this time it wasn't playing music. Instead, it was someone speaking. Lyle began to listen, interested in what had been put in the elevators instead.
Things Mr. Lyle Does in Elevators
1. Makes racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blows his nose and offers to show the contents of his Kleenex.
3. Grimaces painfully while smacking his forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistles the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sells Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sways side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shaves.
8. Cracks open his briefcase and, while peering inside, asks, "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offers name tags to everyone getting on the elevator and wears his upside down.
10. Stands silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall without getting off.
11. When arriving at his floor, grunts and strains to yank the doors open, then acts embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Leans over to another passenger and whispers, "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greets everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and asks them to call him Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, holds the door open and demands that it stay open until he hears the penny he dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Does Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stares, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announces, "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least eight people have boarded, he moans from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Gives religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meows occasionally.
21. Bets the other passengers that he can fit a quarter in his nose.
22. Frowns and mutters, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sighs and says, "Oops!"
23. Shows other passengers a wound and asks if it looks infected.
24. Sings, "Mary Had A Little Lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
25. Hollers, "Chutes Away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walks on with a cooler that says, "Human Liver" on the side.
27. Stares at another passenger for a while, then announces, "You're one of THEM!" and moves to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burps and then says, "Mmmmmm. . .tasty!"
29. Leaves a box between the doors.
30. Asks each passenger getting on if he can push the button for them.
31. Wears a puppet on his hand and talks to other passengers "through" it.
32. Starts a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, he looks around and asks, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Plays the harmonica.
35. Shadow boxes.
36. Says, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Leans against the button panel.
38. Says, "I wonder what all these do?" and pushes the red button.
39. Listens to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draws a little square on the floor with chalk and announces to the other passengers that this is his "personal space."
41. Brings a chair along.
42. Takes a bite of a sandwich and asks another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blows spit bubbles.
44. Pulls his gum out of his mouth in long strings.
45. Announces in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carries a blanket and clutches it protectively.
47. Makes explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wears X-ray specs and leers suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stares at his missing thumb and says, "I think it's growing back."
50. If anyone brushes against him, he recoils and hollers, "Bad touch!"
Variation on Number 24 is: "I Just Called To Say I Love You" while playing the buttons as if they were a phone pad.
By the time the bottom of the list was reached, Lyle was seething. He had instantly recognized the voices reading the list as that of the carpenters, Bob and Bubba. He had a nagging fear that this list was being played in every single elevator in The Centre.
"Parker!" he hissed, slamming a fist against the wall of the elevator. Now his night was completely ruined, as he'd have to spend it plotting how to make Miss Parker pay for this little stunt.
the end.
feedback welcomed at spacedoutwriter@hotmail.com.
