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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
List Provided By: Tiffany.
Sibling Rivalry XII
by: chopsticks
p g - 1 3
-----
Miss Parker entered her starkly lit office and nodded politely to the carpenters, Bob and Bubba. They had finally recuperated enough to start fixing all the things that had been broken in the few days they were out injured. Miss Parker was sure to be kind to them, because she remembered what had happened to Mr. Lyle’s office. Or what was formerly Mr. Lyle’s office.
Things had been so trashed in there that it was decided that it would be easier to start from scratch. So, everything had been ripped out of his office and put in boxes for safekeeping, and Mr. Lyle was transferred to a smaller office for the time being.
She had managed to ditch Sydney back by the elevators, soothing him with the idea that she wasn’t going to do anything too awful to her "dear" brother. Yeah, right.
She quickly sat down at her desk and booted her computer up. As she waited for it to load, Bob and Bubba began installing the new window for her office. She was glad it was a clear, sunny, calm day. There was very little chance for any accidents to happen while installing her new window.
Her computer having finally loaded, Miss Parker began to do a search for things to torture Lyle with. The incessant banging coming from right behind her was giving her a headache and making her search difficult. Thankfully, though, her e-mail provided some inspiration.
She printed off a copy of the list she had received from some little unknown person, and began to make changes to it. Another idea struck her, and she knew just how to get Lyle back this time around. She grabbed her phone and made a quick phone call, placing her order and asking that it be done immediately. She needed to have this done before Lyle left for the day.
An hour and a half and several headache pills later, Miss Parker’s phone rang. She answered with her customary curt "What?" The person on the other end gave her the best news she’d heard in a long time.
"Excellent," she said out loud after replacing the handset. The evil look on her face was one that could rival Montgomery Burns’, it was that devious.
At that point, Bob and Bubba had finally finished replacing her window and were wiping it down for her, the paper towel squeaking loudly with each movement across the glass. She arched one dark eyebrow as another idea came to her.
"Boys," she said, not bothering to turn to look at them.
"Yes, Miss Parker?" they asked in unison, stopping their shining of the window.
"I have a proposal for you. . ." she began, turning and grinning evilly at them. As she explained her idea, both men smiled evilly, relishing in the idea of extracting revenge on Mr. Lyle. When she finished explaining her idea, both men nodded briskly and took the pieces of paper she proffered to them.
They quickly retreated, anxious to begin their mission.
"And don’t forget the second part of the plan!" Miss Parker called out after their retreating backs.
"We won’t!" they hollered back, devious grins crossing their bloated features. "We most certainly won’t."
Bob and Bubba headed down the hall to the elevators. Their goal was the main rotunda of The Centre. This was one of the best ideas Miss Parker had ever had, in their opinion.
They each took a portion of the stack of papers and a roll of Scotch tape. They had brought their ladders along with them, so they began to stick the list up as high as possible, slowly working their way down in strips.
This constant movement up and down the ladders did not go unnoticed by the exiting personnel, as it had taken them several hours to put most of the lists up and it was late afternoon now. Crowds began to gather all along the walls, each one laughing loudly at the list and what it implied about Mr. Lyle.
Bob and Bubba finally finished posting the lists and made a hasty exit, hoping that the very loud ruckus would not attract Mr. Lyle in time to see them darting away, ladders in hand. It was time for them to do the second part of the project, but first there was a special delivery that needed to be made.
Bubba grinned and held the last piece of paper with the list in his hand. They had ditched the ladders and were now heading to pick up the final key to the whole shebang. He stopped and turned to his compatriot, effectively stopping Bob in his tracks as well.
"You go get the supplies and I’ll meet you out there. I have a special delivery to make to Mr. Lyle’s office," Bubba said, waving the piece of paper for effect. Bob grinned wickedly and nodded, then headed in the direction they had been going. Bubba turned and headed towards the nearest bank of elevators.
-----
Mr. Lyle was sitting at his temporary desk in his temporary office finish up some paperwork for the day. He had every intention of getting home early tonight, for he had a special something waiting for him at home. He grinned at the memory of what was waiting for him, and he was positive he would be having a good meal tonight.
Just as he began to pack up his briefcase, a piece of paper slid underneath the frosted glass door, and a figure could be seen walking away. He hurried to the door and pulled it open, looking both ways down the hall. There was no one in sight. He shrugged nonchalantly and closed the door.
He looked down by his feet to the plain white piece of paper. There was obviously something printed on the other side, so he snatched it up and began to read.
Mr. Lyle’s Self-Descriptive Bumper Stickers
(As seen on his car.)
1. Jesus loves me. . . Everyone else thinks I’m an asshole.
2. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
3. The proctologist called, they found my head.
4. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
5. I have to save my breath. . . I'll need it to blow up my date!
6. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
7. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
8. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
9. Hang up and drive.
10. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
11. Heart Attacks. . . God's Revenge For Eating His Asian Friends
12. My ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
13. I try not to let my mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
14. Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me."
15. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
16. Just because I act like one doesn’t mean I have one.
Mr. Lyle ground his teeth loudly, attempting to contain his rage. The only positive he could find was that it had been personally delivered to him, meaning that, more than likely, it hadn’t been posted everywhere yet. He closed his eyes and did a few breathing exercises. He finally calmed enough to make a decision regarding this whole mess.
He would go home and deal with all this in the morning. He didn’t have the energy to come up with something truly malevolent tonight. Besides, he was looking forward to his dinner tonight. Staying later would spoil all the fun and throw off his timetable. When it comes to his special dinners, time is of the essence if the meal is to be properly prepared.
He finished packing his briefcase and snatched it off of the pine desk that he had been allotted and headed out of the office. He looked down as many halls as possible, noting that there were no pieces of paper stuck to any of the walls. He was exceptionally pleased that there were no lists located within the elevator he was in.
The elevator came to a stop on the ground floor, and he got out, following the main hallway to the rotunda. He nearly dropped his briefcase upon entering the rotunda. Excited chatter emanated from all areas around the perimeter; everyone was clustered around reading the various pieces of paper that now substituted as wallpaper.
Mr. Lyle cleared his throat loudly, and nearly one hundred sets of eyes fell on him. The conversations instantly stopped, and an eerie quiet descended over the whole bunch. Approximately three seconds later, everyone that had been in the rotunda fled out the main doors, creating quite an amusing stampede. After it was all over, there were a few unlucky souls that were lying on the ground, obviously having been trampled over.
Mr. Lyle grinned at the chaos that had ensued. He loved doing that kind of thing. He walked briskly across the rotunda, accosting a janitor that was still there, scrubbing the floor.
"Clean this up," he demanded to the janitor, motioning to all the paper.
"Yes, sir," the janitor replied, then went back to his scrubbing.
Lyle went out one of the side entrances that led into the parking garage, where he suspected many of those that had fled earlier would be forced to come back into. He hit the button on his remote to unlock the doors and start the engine. He didn’t notice anything amiss with his car until he got up close to it.
His entire car was plastered in bumper stickers, excluding the windows, of course. And the bumper stickers all read exactly what the list did.
Mr. Lyle fumed. He kicked his driver’s side door rather violently, creating a large dent in the stickers.
"Goddamn motherfucking stupid whore!" he swore loudly, the sound reverberating throughout the entire parking garage. He was on the brink of finding Miss Parker and murdering her when he suddenly got an idea.
He grinned evilly and pried his door open, hopping in. He knew just how to get her back. She would rue the day she messed with his car.
And he wouldn’t miss dinner either.
-----
the end.
feedback welcomed at spacedoutwriter@hotmail.com.
by: chopsticks
p g - 1 3
-----
Miss Parker entered her starkly lit office and nodded politely to the carpenters, Bob and Bubba. They had finally recuperated enough to start fixing all the things that had been broken in the few days they were out injured. Miss Parker was sure to be kind to them, because she remembered what had happened to Mr. Lyle’s office. Or what was formerly Mr. Lyle’s office.
Things had been so trashed in there that it was decided that it would be easier to start from scratch. So, everything had been ripped out of his office and put in boxes for safekeeping, and Mr. Lyle was transferred to a smaller office for the time being.
She had managed to ditch Sydney back by the elevators, soothing him with the idea that she wasn’t going to do anything too awful to her "dear" brother. Yeah, right.
She quickly sat down at her desk and booted her computer up. As she waited for it to load, Bob and Bubba began installing the new window for her office. She was glad it was a clear, sunny, calm day. There was very little chance for any accidents to happen while installing her new window.
Her computer having finally loaded, Miss Parker began to do a search for things to torture Lyle with. The incessant banging coming from right behind her was giving her a headache and making her search difficult. Thankfully, though, her e-mail provided some inspiration.
She printed off a copy of the list she had received from some little unknown person, and began to make changes to it. Another idea struck her, and she knew just how to get Lyle back this time around. She grabbed her phone and made a quick phone call, placing her order and asking that it be done immediately. She needed to have this done before Lyle left for the day.
An hour and a half and several headache pills later, Miss Parker’s phone rang. She answered with her customary curt "What?" The person on the other end gave her the best news she’d heard in a long time.
"Excellent," she said out loud after replacing the handset. The evil look on her face was one that could rival Montgomery Burns’, it was that devious.
At that point, Bob and Bubba had finally finished replacing her window and were wiping it down for her, the paper towel squeaking loudly with each movement across the glass. She arched one dark eyebrow as another idea came to her.
"Boys," she said, not bothering to turn to look at them.
"Yes, Miss Parker?" they asked in unison, stopping their shining of the window.
"I have a proposal for you. . ." she began, turning and grinning evilly at them. As she explained her idea, both men smiled evilly, relishing in the idea of extracting revenge on Mr. Lyle. When she finished explaining her idea, both men nodded briskly and took the pieces of paper she proffered to them.
They quickly retreated, anxious to begin their mission.
"And don’t forget the second part of the plan!" Miss Parker called out after their retreating backs.
"We won’t!" they hollered back, devious grins crossing their bloated features. "We most certainly won’t."
Bob and Bubba headed down the hall to the elevators. Their goal was the main rotunda of The Centre. This was one of the best ideas Miss Parker had ever had, in their opinion.
They each took a portion of the stack of papers and a roll of Scotch tape. They had brought their ladders along with them, so they began to stick the list up as high as possible, slowly working their way down in strips.
This constant movement up and down the ladders did not go unnoticed by the exiting personnel, as it had taken them several hours to put most of the lists up and it was late afternoon now. Crowds began to gather all along the walls, each one laughing loudly at the list and what it implied about Mr. Lyle.
Bob and Bubba finally finished posting the lists and made a hasty exit, hoping that the very loud ruckus would not attract Mr. Lyle in time to see them darting away, ladders in hand. It was time for them to do the second part of the project, but first there was a special delivery that needed to be made.
Bubba grinned and held the last piece of paper with the list in his hand. They had ditched the ladders and were now heading to pick up the final key to the whole shebang. He stopped and turned to his compatriot, effectively stopping Bob in his tracks as well.
"You go get the supplies and I’ll meet you out there. I have a special delivery to make to Mr. Lyle’s office," Bubba said, waving the piece of paper for effect. Bob grinned wickedly and nodded, then headed in the direction they had been going. Bubba turned and headed towards the nearest bank of elevators.
Mr. Lyle was sitting at his temporary desk in his temporary office finish up some paperwork for the day. He had every intention of getting home early tonight, for he had a special something waiting for him at home. He grinned at the memory of what was waiting for him, and he was positive he would be having a good meal tonight.
Just as he began to pack up his briefcase, a piece of paper slid underneath the frosted glass door, and a figure could be seen walking away. He hurried to the door and pulled it open, looking both ways down the hall. There was no one in sight. He shrugged nonchalantly and closed the door.
He looked down by his feet to the plain white piece of paper. There was obviously something printed on the other side, so he snatched it up and began to read.
Mr. Lyle’s Self-Descriptive Bumper Stickers
(As seen on his car.)
1. Jesus loves me. . . Everyone else thinks I’m an asshole.
2. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
3. The proctologist called, they found my head.
4. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
5. I have to save my breath. . . I'll need it to blow up my date!
6. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
7. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
8. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
9. Hang up and drive.
10. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
11. Heart Attacks. . . God's Revenge For Eating His Asian Friends
12. My ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
13. I try not to let my mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
14. Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me."
15. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
16. Just because I act like one doesn’t mean I have one.
Mr. Lyle ground his teeth loudly, attempting to contain his rage. The only positive he could find was that it had been personally delivered to him, meaning that, more than likely, it hadn’t been posted everywhere yet. He closed his eyes and did a few breathing exercises. He finally calmed enough to make a decision regarding this whole mess.
He would go home and deal with all this in the morning. He didn’t have the energy to come up with something truly malevolent tonight. Besides, he was looking forward to his dinner tonight. Staying later would spoil all the fun and throw off his timetable. When it comes to his special dinners, time is of the essence if the meal is to be properly prepared.
He finished packing his briefcase and snatched it off of the pine desk that he had been allotted and headed out of the office. He looked down as many halls as possible, noting that there were no pieces of paper stuck to any of the walls. He was exceptionally pleased that there were no lists located within the elevator he was in.
The elevator came to a stop on the ground floor, and he got out, following the main hallway to the rotunda. He nearly dropped his briefcase upon entering the rotunda. Excited chatter emanated from all areas around the perimeter; everyone was clustered around reading the various pieces of paper that now substituted as wallpaper.
Mr. Lyle cleared his throat loudly, and nearly one hundred sets of eyes fell on him. The conversations instantly stopped, and an eerie quiet descended over the whole bunch. Approximately three seconds later, everyone that had been in the rotunda fled out the main doors, creating quite an amusing stampede. After it was all over, there were a few unlucky souls that were lying on the ground, obviously having been trampled over.
Mr. Lyle grinned at the chaos that had ensued. He loved doing that kind of thing. He walked briskly across the rotunda, accosting a janitor that was still there, scrubbing the floor.
"Clean this up," he demanded to the janitor, motioning to all the paper.
"Yes, sir," the janitor replied, then went back to his scrubbing.
Lyle went out one of the side entrances that led into the parking garage, where he suspected many of those that had fled earlier would be forced to come back into. He hit the button on his remote to unlock the doors and start the engine. He didn’t notice anything amiss with his car until he got up close to it.
His entire car was plastered in bumper stickers, excluding the windows, of course. And the bumper stickers all read exactly what the list did.
Mr. Lyle fumed. He kicked his driver’s side door rather violently, creating a large dent in the stickers.
"Goddamn motherfucking stupid whore!" he swore loudly, the sound reverberating throughout the entire parking garage. He was on the brink of finding Miss Parker and murdering her when he suddenly got an idea.
He grinned evilly and pried his door open, hopping in. He knew just how to get her back. She would rue the day she messed with his car.
And he wouldn’t miss dinner either.
the end.
feedback welcomed at spacedoutwriter@hotmail.com.
