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Author: Mme Fleiss
Rating: G, Adult situations
Category: Drama, Mild angst (TG/MP)~(J/MP)
Timeline: Mid-season three, New year's eve
Spoilers: None
Summary: A conversation between two lonely people during New Year.
Author's Notes: This is my answer to the New Years challenge issued a couple of weeks ago at the PreRelationship list (Sorry it took so long).
Disclaimer: The characters of this story belong to "The Pretender," a protected trademark of MTM Television and NBC. They have been used without permission for the purpose of fan fiction and not for any type of compensation. The events are my invention and any resemblance to real events is purely coincidental.
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Another New Years spent alone.
How typical, Ms. Parker thought bitterly as she swirled around the vodka in her shot glass, watching it with faint interest as the moonlight coming in from the bay window across the room hit the crystal at an angle and created a rainbow of colors to flicker on her arm.
She shivered as a cold breeze blew past her and burrowed closer to the flannel blanket Tommy had left behind when they last made love. She could still smell him in it: an enticing blend of Old Spice and pine.
Ms. Parker felt her throat tighten at the vivid image of him that the scent brought up and reached for the top button of her blouse, suddenly feeling eager to undo the noose that had continually tightened around her neck as she spent another frustrating day at the Centre.
It wasn't until she felt the mandarin collar that she realized that she'd already changed into her pajamas.
Ms. Parker quickly dropped her hand and went back to contemplating her drink. She didn't know how long she sat in her darkened living room, watching the condensation slowly roll down her glass before she realized that her phone was ringing.
She picked it up, more out of habit than any desire to speak and asked her customary "What?" without its usual venom.
"You're home," Jarod said, his voice filled with surprise.
Way to state the obvious, Sherlock.
"Why aren't you out with Thomas?"
"If you thought I'd be out, why did you call?"
"I wanted to see how you were doing." There was a pause, as if Jarod was considering whether to say something more. She heard him take a deep breath before saying, "I was worried."
"Why? I don't see *you* trying to get some semblance of normalcy in your life. If anyone here has to worry, it'd be me."
Jarod chuckled, but it was a sad and mirthless one. "I guess you can say that I'm just like you in some respects."
"I'm *nothing* like you," she answered quickly, hating the way the Pretender managed to get under her skin yet again but unable to react to him any other way. Damn him, anyway. Damn him for always knowing which of her buttons to push.
"Then why are you alone, too?"
"Everyone ends up alone in the end, Jarod."
"Not if you don't choose to." There was a deafening silence as her mind scrambled for a cutting retort that wouldn't come; instead, her grip involuntarily tightened around her phone as another sharp pang of loneliness hit her in the cold, empty room. "We're both so afraid of having our happiness snatched away from us that we choose to stay alone because we fool ourselves into thinking that it wouldn't hurt as much when we know it's a conscious decision."
"But it does hurts," he whispered, sounding so much like the young boy she once befriended that for a second she couldn't breathe. She'd almost forgotten how she used to sneak in to see Jarod because her father was too busy working to spend the holidays with her. They'd been so close. What had happened to them? "It hurts to be alone."
"Thomas--" Ms. Parker unsuccessfully tried to swallow the lump in her throat as she stared outside at the quickly falling snow. It suddenly felt like the most important thing for her to tell him what had happened, as if cementing their fragile truce would somehow make up for all the past hurts so that they could both seek comfort from one another if only for a couple of seconds. "--he invited me to spend New Years with his family," she confessed softly, her voice almost inaudible as it competed with the howling wind.
"I know."
She could hear the loneliness emanating from him and she curled closer to her couch, feeling a small amount of comfort at the loneliness they both shared. "So where *are* you, anyway?"
"Around. Have you ever watched the ball drop on Time Square, Ms. Parker?"
Ms. Parker grabbed the remote and flicked the TV on to channel four, watching hundreds of cold-looking people counting down in unison.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he asked as they both watched the glowing ball drop from living rooms hundreds of miles apart, a wistful sigh escaping their lips as they watched the people on the screen welcome the New Year with their loved ones.
"Mmm."
"Happy New Year, Ms. Parker."
She smiled. "Happy New Year, Jarod." They sat there quietly for a while, listening to each other's breathing as they basked in their renewed friendship.
"You should call him, you know."
"I can't," she whispered, suddenly feeling close to tears. It struck her all of a sudden just how foolish they were both being. Two attractive adults who for all intents and purposes should be out having the time of their life . . . spending the holidays alone because they were both too afraid.
"Why not?"
There was another moment of silence as he waited for a respond she couldn't make. Wouldn't make. She was her father's daughter after all. "Goodnight, Jarod."
She tried to ignore the disappointment in his voice as he echoed "goodnight" before hanging up, leaving her to listen to the dial tone for a couple of moments before she placed the receiver back in its cradle and turned off the TV.
The End
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