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Once Upon a Pretender
by Leah

Copyright 1997

The characters of the Pretender television series are the property of MTM Entertainment and NBC Productions. The rest belong to Disney and the Grimm brothers (whoever owns them now.) The allusion to Sliders is the property of Universal Pictures and St. Claire Ent. Everything is used without permission. It is a parody and spoof of the series, soif you're looking for a laugh, read this!!! It was inspired by the fact that November 1st, 1997 seems to be taking soooo long to get here. :) Please, I'm begging you, send comments. Rated G.

Once upon a time, in a land faraway--(Hey! Who am I kidding?) Not so long ago in Blue Cove, Delaware there was a kingdom called the Centre. Its intentions were good, but somehow everything turned sour and soon its main purpose was to make money by illegal means. In 1963--you know the story--they isolated a young pretender named Jarod and exploited his genius for their research. Then one day, their Pretender ran away.

Angelo, the good dwarf, had warned Jarod his simulations were being put to no good and said, "Run, Jarod. Run away and never return!"

Of course, the wicked King Raines would have none of that and he sent out his hound dog named Miss Parker and Jarod's ex-keeper Sydney, saying, "I won't rest until his head is mounted on my wall!!!"

They would have caught up with Jarod soon, if only that awful hurricane, hadn't come up and blown their flying carpet off course. Curses, foiled again!

Meanwhile, Jarod discovered that instead of an ugly duckling, he was a beautiful swan and he could use his skills to help others. And joy of joys, he found his mother had sent him a basket of goodies to take to grandma, but it was full of Pez and Bazooka Joe gum and soon the basket was empty. Kyle came and joined Jarod and their sister, Emily, as they went out into the world to lead normal lives and seek their fortunes. They didn't give sticks or straw a second look, but had a brand new brick house built smack dab on Malibu beach.

Who, then, came rapping on their door?

"Boy Wonder, Boy Wonder, let me come in," Miss Parker snarled.

"Not by your red hair...You can't come in," smirked Jarod.

"Then, the sweepers will come and they'll blow your house in!!" Miss Parker threatened.

Then, Sydney added to the plea, "Please Jarod, the money-grubbing, powerful, evil and wicked corporation known as The Centre won't hurt you. They'll just welcome you home."

"Don't do me any favors, Sydney. You've done enough already," Jarod retorted.

"Why don't you let 'em in, Jarod?" asked Kyle. Then, he smiled, "I'll decide who lives or dies...oops...force of habit."

Emily simply pretended she wasn't there.

"Jarod!" Miss Parker called, warningly. "I liked the bunny you gave me and I know we were friends when we were little and I really don't want to catch you but forgive me, It's my job. I mustn't disappoint Daddy!!! I'm counting to, two..."

All of this may have ended rather unpleasantly if it weren't for--KA-BOOM!

"I don't understand it," Broots said, staring at the scrolling numbers on his computer screen. "The shot aimed at the house seems to have impacted King Raines' oxygen tank. Looks like he'll be out of commission for awhile. Hmm...wonder how that could have happened?"

But with Raines out, Mr. Parker ends up having to deal with the new ruler who at last had decided to come down from the Tower and reveal himself as Mr. Lyle.

WHOOSH! Jarod, Emily, and Kyle are swept out of harm's way by a cyclone that came up suddenly and deposited the brand new brick house of Malibu in Oz. Perhaps our weary pretenders should find refuge in this land of Oz.

But then, who should have appear on the scene???

"I'll get you my genius and your little red notebook, too!"

It was the notorious new hiree of the Centre...the one everyone had never expected to appear until November first. Yes, she stalked in on the 20th of September and joined the Adventure. She's British. She's blonde. She's bad. She's BRIGITTE!

Emily knew what to do. She found the ruby red slippers, clicked her heels together three times, and said, "There's no place like home." Whereupon at once, she vanished back to home and to the elusive parents which Jarod would still have to find.

Kyle opened a porthole and slid into a dimension where he ended up in a parallel universe of suspended animation where no one knows whether he's alive or dead. ( I wouldn't worry about it too much though, not if he's still deciding who lives or dies.)

And what about Jarod? Well, he is THE PRETENDER, isn't he? So in this mixed up crazy world of characters, fairy tales and fiction, everyone gets to live happily ever after. Until November first, that is. ;)

Find the sequel here The Pretender Wars

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