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The characters are owned by MTM and NBC. I just want to play.Copyrighted 1999. Takes place after Wake up in the third season.Those who have not seen the episode may not wish to read it.



Heart's Desire
Hearts Longing for Itself
part II

By Trisha

2/?

She waited up for him, praying that he'd show up. Praying it was a dream. She waited most of that first night, just home from the police station, before she realized he wasn't coming back. Thomas was never coming back. Her heart broke as she had stared at the red digital numbers, which read 3:45Am. That was the first night. She cried for him.

Then, she told herself it was stupid. She was a strong woman, with a great job. She laughed at that one. It was that very job that was the cause of her grief and misery. Yet, she had good friends. Syndey and Broots. Pestering her constantly. It had taken all of herself control and pride to tell them she was fine, when they asked. She knew she'd gotten a bit of a jab in with her sarcastic tone, but they were use to it. Accepted it.

It hurt. It hurt really bad. And she didn't know when it would stop. She wanted it too. She just couldn't seem to make her heart understand. She thought she'd hidden it so well. . .she must be slipping. Broots had tried to ask, but she cut him off at the knees. Even Daddy, of all people, asked it she was feeling okay. But it was when she looked into the eyes of Jarod. Okay, not her Jarod but nevertheless it was Jarod, and all the emotions that she felt and hid since she was ten years old came back to her.She had mentioned it to Sydney, he just looked at her and shook his head. She knew she had to hide it. Hide her sleepless nights. Dreams. Hide her pain whenever anyone asked. Yet, one had seen through her. He alway could. He saw the pain, sadness, and the despair. Her Jarod.

She felt the emptiness overtake her again. Realizing she hadn't moved off the sofa for the past couple of hours, still holding her bunny. Her security, her only connection to one who understood. . .

The tears ran down her cheeks as her heart ached. For whom. She told herself to move on, but she wasn't sure she could. Her heart had let go, but it was killing her. She took no pleasure from work since the shooting. Raines, the uncaring bastard, had tried to eliminate her father. She took the bullet and Jarod gave up an opportunity to get away completely. Free and clear. But no, he stayed behind for what, her.

The Ice Princess was resurfacing. Sealing off her emotions. Shutting down. Before the shooting, Jarod would call to check on her, with pain and something more in his voice. He told her to have faith. That was one of the many bonds they shared. Yet, she took her hurt, anger and the pain out on him.

The first time. But he was always there for her. He always knew when she needed to hear his voice. He always listened. And now. He knew and asked about the sleepless nights and tried to calm her so that she could sleep.

God! She was damned beacon for the grim reaper, she told him. LEAVE HER ALONE, she screamed at him two days ago at the Centre. I kill those who love me. Love me. . . . had she actually said that to him. After she left the building, she acknowledged old feelings that were never fully explored. Or examined. Locked away deep in her heart.

She realized that he was her rock. Her foundation. She could bury herself in him and get lost. Forever.

But the Centre had him back and this time they would not let him go. She finally gave into her despair, sobbing her heart, she put her bunny back in his cage, then resumed her spot on the sofa and buried her face in her hands. Crying as if her heart would break. Tomorrow she's deal with her life, her emotions, her family, and maybe move on. But tonight, she would let her teardrops wash away the pain. She would not hold back.

Outside as it rained, dark eyes watched. It would never hold him.20

He saw her teardrops and pain. Let it rain. Washing it away. Their pain.




TBC!

Feed back, please. Ractrish@aol.com









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