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the lurker
FADE IN:
INT. BROOTS’ AREA - DAY
BROOTS enters and sits down at his desk. He types quickly into his computer keyboard, calling up documents. A pastry box sits on the desk, with a card atop it. Broots ignores the card, and reaches into the box, extracting a large donut. He bites into it, expecting jelly. ANGLE BROOTS; what the hell? RESUME. He spits out the contents in his mouth onto a file folder on his desk, and pulls out a slightly chewed scrap of paper from his mouth. He rips the donut open, and finds the rest of the paper. INSERT PAPER READING: You should have read the card first, you moron. RESUME. Broots grabs the card and opens it. INSERT CARD READING: Made you look. RESUME. ANGLE BROOTS; cheap shot. His eyes narrow as he realizes that he is the victim of a Miss Parker practical joke. On Broots we,
CUT TO:
EXT. MISS PARKER’S HOUSE - DAY
Establishing time and place, and we,
CUT TO:
INT. MISS PARKER’S BEDROOM - DAY
MISS PARKER enters from the bathroom, wearing a robe and a towel on her head. She walks to her closet, opens the door and SCREAMS in unholy terror. M.PARKER’S POV; a closet containing only dungaree overalls. No sign of her neat suits or dresses anywhere. Just overalls, work boots and cowboy hats. RESUME. Parker looks as if she’s seen hell in person. The nickel drops; there is only one person who could have done this to her....
MP
(snarls)
Jarod.
On MP snatching a pair of overalls off a hangar, we,
CUT TO:
INT. BROOTS’ AREA - LATER
Broots sits at his desk, while SYDNEY is pacing behind him.
SYDNEY
You’re sure it was Miss Parker?
BROOTS
Nobody else ever calls me a moron.
SYDNEY
(nods)
Mmmm, good point.
Miss Parker enters, dressed in overalls and work boots, looking every inch as cantankerous as we’ve ever seen her. ANGLE BROOTS; who is this woman? ANGLE SYDNEY; barely contained amusement. RESUME. Parker glares at both men in turn.
MP
First person to utter a word,
dies. Horribly. Painfully.
Unspeakably.
BROOTS
Miss Parker--
MP
--What did I just say?
SYDNEY
Not your usual attire, Miss
Parker.
Parker gets into Sydney’s face.
MP
You have a death wish this morning,
Freud? Jarod broke into my house
and removed all of my clothing.
My entire closet was filled with...
....this. When I catch up to boy
wonder, Freud, he is so much more
than just dead.
SYDNEY
(smiling)
What makes you think Jarod would
do this?
MP
Oh please, Sydney, who the hell else
would have? Broots?
Parker smacks the back of Broots’ head for emphasis.
BROOTS
Ow!
(beat)
You know, I have a bone to pick with
you, Miss Parker.
(off a death look)
I did not appreciate the paper in my
jelly donuts this morning.
ANGLE PARKER; are you nuts?
MP
What are you babbling about, Spanky?
Broots grabs the box and hands it to her.
BROOTS
Cruel, Miss Parker. You know how my
whole day is ruined if I don’t get a
jelly donut in the morning.
MP
I don’t know what you’re talking about,
Scooby Doo, I had nothing to do with this.
Broots and MP exchange a look; Jarod!
BROOTS
What’d I ever do to him?
MP turns her attention to Sydney, who has remained silent.
MP
What charming thing did Egghead
leave for you?
SYDNEY
Nothing. At least, I haven’t
found anything.
MP
The monster’s on a happy little
April Fool’s binge, and he leaves
Dr. Frankenstein out of it?
(off a look)
Oh don’t pout, Sydney, I’m sure
yours is just lost in the mail....
The phone RINGS. INTERCUT TECH ROOM and JAROD’S LAIR.
BROOTS
Tech room, Broots.
(beat)
Uh....just a second.
He hands the phone to Miss Parker.
MP
What?
JAROD
Well Miss Parker, how nice
of you to remember me on
April Fool’s Day, although I
think I would have preferred
a box of chocolates.
MP
Jarod, you freak, how could
you have--
(beat)
What do you mean nice of me
to remember you?
JAROD
The racy email you sent me.
MP
What are you talking about?
JAROD
It was rather x-rated Miss
Parker, and frankly, I didn’t
know you felt that way.
MP
(furious)
I didn’t send you any email,
Dog boy. Look, I want to know
what you’ve done with all my
clothes.
JAROD
Your clothes?
MP
Yeah, you know, the ones you
removed from my closet. The
Armani and Channel suits that
cost an arm and a leg.
JAROD
Are you saying someone stole
all your clothes?
MP
Don’t be coy, Jarod. You took
my suits and left me with these..
....these....dungarees!
JAROD
(laughing slightly)
Someone left you jeans?
MP
Dungarees, Jarod.
(beat)
You’re going to pay. Unless
you want me to string you up
by your pointy little ears
the next time I see you, you’d
better start talking.
JAROD
Miss Parker, the truth is, I
didn’t take your clothing, any
more than you sent me this email,
apparently.
MP
I didn’t send the email, Jarod;
and if I had, I promise you, it
wouldn’t have been to crank your
clock.
JAROD
Tell me Miss Parker, did something
happen to Mr. Broots this morning
as well?
MP
I think you know damned well it did.
JAROD
(laughs hard)
I think we’ve been had by a master,
Miss Parker.
MP
What are you talking about?
JAROD
Is Sydney there by any chance?
MP
Yes, he’s right--
Parker turns to hand Syd the phone, and realizes Sydney is long gone. The nickel drops. She hisses into the phone.
MP (CONT)
Sydney. That old goat had
better find a mountain upon which
to hide, because when I catch up
to him, he’s going to rue the day
he decided to go grazing in my
closet.
END INTERCUT. Parker slams the phone down into its cradle and grabs Broots by his sleeve.
MP (CONT)
Come on Broots, time to make
Einstein pay for his little
laugh...
On their exit, we,
CUT TO:
INT. SYDNEY’S OFFICE - DAY
Parker and Broots enter quickly, to find the office empty. There is a note on the desk. INSERT NOTE READING: Gone Fishing. RESUME.
MP
For his sake, I hope he went
fishing in Nepal.....
On MP, we,
CUT TO:
INT. MONTE CARLO CASINO - NIGHT
And a very busy casino it is. We PICK-UP a WAITRESS as she zig zags her way through the room. People shooting craps, playing baccarat, roulette. Very noisy, very lively. As the waitress walks by a Chemin de Far table, we PICK-UP VELVET BUSH sitting there.
DEALER
Madame.....
BUSH
Cinq.
The hand of the man across the table from Bush, dealing from the shoe, turns his two cards over, revealing a King and a nine.
DEALER
Neuf a là Banque.
Bush glares across the table, at the guy with the shoe.
SYDNEY (O.C.)
(to dealer)
I need another thousand....
(to Velvet)
I admire your guile, Ms......
Bush looks up at the man with the shoe.
BUSH
Bush, Velvet Bush. I admire your
luck, Mr......
We CLOSE on the face of SYDNEY, dressed to kill in a tuxedo, as he lights a cigarette.
SYDNEY
Sydney. Just call me Sydney.
BUSH
Well Sydney, you seem to be
quite at home with Chemin de
Far.
SYDNEY
(smiles)
Mmm....it’s a nice break from
Go Fish....
Bush raises an eyebrow at him; he must be joking. On Syd’s knowing smile, we,
FADE TO BLACK:
THE END
