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the lurker
The rain continued to fall; she could hear it hitting the roof. Nothing could stop the rain now, that was the one thing she knew for certain. The gray of the clouds had grown steadily throughout the day, and now reached the dark hue that filled the sky of twilight. Their angry depths seemed to match her mood.
The sting of the betrayal touched her once again. It rose from the pit of her stomach right up into her eyes. She swallowed it back down. Maybe he hadn’t meant it the way it had sounded; maybe he hadn’t meant it at all.
No. He had hesitated before answering the question, and he had answered in a tone devoid of any emotion, "No," he had said, "I don’t have any particular feelings about Miss Parker, none at all."
He knew what it was he was saying, and what it meant. There could be no excuse of ignorance or of misunderstanding. There had been cognizance and intent. She closed her eyes against it as the moisture tried to insinuate itself into her refusal to let it win.
God how it hurt. And she had ben caught so off guard. She had not anticipated such a blow to come from that direction - not from him. She had always seen him as the one she could trust, as though he were some kind of protector. She should have known better, and she should never have given him her confidence; she knew that now.
But now was too late, the damage had been done. And it had been so cruel; he had to know that she would hear him, and still he had spoken the words. She could never remember him treating her with cruelty. Not until now. But then, in that single moment, everything had changed.
The rain fell not only outside, but also within; the tears tumbled down her cheeks in an awkward roll, uneven in its descent. She couldn’t control the hurt anymore. There was so much history between them, and she had let him in. On some level, she must have known better, but over the years, his gentle countenance had lulled her into believing that he really did care for her.
Trust was always rewarded with pain. She knew that; she had been taught it from an early age. Her tears dissolved into silent sobs as the moment continued to replay in her mind. How could she have been so stupid, so gullible? In the final analysis, the "Ice Queen" had not only melted, but had been bested at her own game. If she had not been so deeply hurt, she would have at least admired the way he had played her for all these years. But instead, she was just going to have to learn to live with the pain of the truth.
And then there was the humiliation. Raines had smiled: he must have caught a glimpse of the damage Sydney had inflicted upon Parker, flash in her eyes; the disbelief as the one she trusted, disavowed any tenderness of heart for her. Raines had smiled. Parker had tried to keep her expression even, and had it not been so shocking, she would have been successful. As it was, she knew Raines had seen the hurt.
The silent sobs degenerated into heart wrenching cries. It was the kind of distressed sound only a human being in anguish can utter. It was this that caught his attention as he passed by her office. His brow creased in concern, and he leaned into her door to listen.
He could feel her sadness, even through the barrier. Each cry tore at him, for he understood the cause of it. He pushed the door slightly open, and cautiously peered inside. The sight of her in such pain, made him want to pull her into his arms; however, such a move would not be prudent.
Slowly he walked into the room and stopped about ten feet from the crying ball of a little girl, that was crumpled on the couch.
His voice was as soft as he could make it, "Miss Parker....."
She did not acknowledge him, and his lips pulled into a frown. Surely she understood the scene she had witnessed that he had played out with Raines.... But then, he knew her; she would jump to the illogical conclusion that he had been telling the truth. Her ability to trust had always been limited, and the value she placed on herself within the scope of others, small.
Sydney bent down next to her and gently brushed back the hair from her face; she jerked her head away from his hand.
Through tear filled eyes, her venomous tone struck out at him, "Get away from me, you bastard."
"Parker--"
"--No....leave me alone."
None too gently, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her toward him.
"Stop it, Parker. You know damned well I meant none of it. Do you know how risky it would be to let Raines know how much I....." his voice grew soft, "...I needed to protect you."
"Protect me? Oh, that’s rich."
She tried to break away, but he tightened his grip on her, and she couldn’t move. It was during moments of intense emotion that Parker was reminded of the volcano which lie beneath the normally calm demeanor of the man. She stared at him in fascination, as his soft brown eyes filled with moisture.
"Parker......how could you believe that I feel nothing for you? You, Nicholas and Jarod mean more to me than anything else in the world; Raines already knows the truth about Jarod and Nicholas....and nothing good has come from that knowledge. If he knew how much I--"
Sydney had to look away from her, and gently, Parker pulled his face back toward hers, "Finish it, Sydney."
His eyes betrayed how difficult it was for him to own up to what was in his heart, "Everything I have done in relation to you from the time you were a little girl, should tell you how I feel; not the words. Raines would only use the truth to hurt you, don’t you see that?"
Her voice was a whisper, almost desperate in the undercurrent of its pleading, "Sydney.....for me, please....."
He looked at the sadness in the gray clouds resembling eyes, and cupped his hands on either side of her face. His timbre was like a velvet cloak against bare skin in its tenderness.
"You are the closest thing to a daughter I will ever have, and I think deep down, you know that. I would never hurt you, Parker; I love you too much."
Parker’s eyes closed and she leaned forward until her forehead came to rest against his. Sydney reached around with his hand and stroked the back of her head. After a few moments, he pulled her into him and held her there until he could no longer feel the intense anger and hurt.
The rain continued to fall outside. He could hear it on the roof. He closed his eyes. Parker knew the truth now - but then, he suspected she always had. It was only her insecurity which had demanded to hear it in so many words. He silently prayed that no one else had been listening.
Sydney knew that his words alone could not inflict any damage, but what others might do with their story.....his heart skipped a beat just thinking about it.
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