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Winds Of Change
Author: Jennifer DeNaughel
Rating: PG, Adult situations, Mild language
Category: Major drama, Mild romance, Major angst (J/MP)
Archived on: March 10, 2002
Timeline: Late-season three
Spoilers: Most definitely . . .
Summary: A disturbing nightmare sends Jarod to Miss Parker's side just when she needs him most.
Disclaimer: The characters Miss Parker, Sydney, Jarod, Broots etc. and the fictional Centre, are all property of MTM, TNT and NBC Productions and used without permission. I'm not making any money out of this and no infringement is intended.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the key in her hand, Miss Parker paused for a moment, dreading the loneliness that awaited her on the other side of the solid oak door. Although her mother had been gone for more than twenty-five years, her presence was so powerful within the walls of the house, that there was no room for her daughter. Miss Parker lived there but it was not her home…and never would be.
Finally putting the key in the lock, she opened the door. Shivering against the familiar chill of the drafty, old house, she moved to the fireplace and quickly started a fire. The blaze quickly warmed her as she sank into the chair nearest to the hearth. The deafening silence brought tears to her eyes as she stared into the flames.
Running her hands through her dark tresses as she leaned forward in the chair, she cried for a childhood left behind in a fog. For a friendship lost in a storm of deception and bitterness. Her heart longed for the child she used to be. For the innocence and dreams destroyed by the evil that was the Centre. The very same evil that she had become a part of, allowing them to turn her against the only person who, with the exception of her mother, was the only person to ever truly care about her.
Miss Parker stood and moved toward the fireplace. Stirring the embers with the poker, she placed another log on the fire. Returning the poker to its stand, she raised her eyes to the silver-framed picture on the mantle. “I am sorry, Mom. Dear God, I am sorry for what I have become,” she whispered.
Somewhere in the darkness she heard a voice, her mother’s voice, “It’s not too late. Trust in your feelings…follow your heart.”
Turning suddenly toward the sound, Miss Parker gasped, “Mom?”
Silence.
Shaking her head slowly, she sank to the floor and cried, “Mom, I need you. I cannot go on living like this. I don’t have the strength to go on living like this.”
Silence answered her plea…dark, lonely silence.
*****
Awaking suddenly, Jarod sat up in his bed and waited for his racing heart to settle back to a normal rhythm. He had grown accustomed to the nightmares that haunted his sleep night after night, but this one had been different…almost a premonition.
Dragging himself from the sweat soaked sheets, he went into the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, he splashed cold water over his face and neck. Glancing into the mirror, he saw his reflection staring back at him. He frowned and shook his head. Four years he had been free and still he had not been able to find the secrets of his past. He was still a stranger to himself.
As he walked back into the bedroom, his thoughts went back to the nightmare. He could not shake the feeling that it had been more than just another bad dream. His heart was telling him that something was about to happen that would forever change the lives of the people he cared about as well as his own.
Settling down on the edge of the bed, he ran his hands through his hair and tried to push back the sudden fear that crept its way into his heart. The one clear image he had from the dream was Miss Parker’s face, ghostly pale and frozen in terror. He shook his head violently to clear his mind, but the image refused to vanish.
Reaching for his cell phone he dialed her number and listened as his anxiety grew with every unanswered ring. Hanging up, he quickly dialed again. Still, there was no answer. After three more attempts, he gave up.
The nagging feeling in his gut told him that something was wrong…very wrong. Dressing quickly, he packed his belongings and walked out of his motel room.
The night was chilly and damp, Jarod pulled the collar of his leather coat up around his face as he ran across the parking lot to where he had parked his rental car in the shadows of an oak tree. Quickly he tossed his bag and DSA case into the trunk and slid into the driver’s seat. The engine roared to life and he hit the accelerator. The radio DJ announced that it was four thirty in the morning just as the Mustang turned out of the parking lot heading south.
*****
Miss Parker heard her telephone ringing repeatedly, but could not bring herself to answer it. She knew it was Jarod. No one else would call her at that hour and not leave a message on her answering machine.
Torn between wanting to be alone and a strange longing to hear his deep, comforting voice, she had nearly given in and answered it. Then the ringing had stopped. When he did not call back again, she immediately regretted her hesitation.
Making her way to her bedroom she undressed and put on her chenille robe, wrapping her shivering body in its warmth. Going into the kitchen, she made herself a cup of Chamomile Tea before returning to her chair in front of the fire.
Her thoughts began to drift toward Jarod. Why had he been trying so hard to reach her? He probably just discovered another of her father’s deep, dark secrets and could not wait to rub salt in her already raw wounds. Even as the bitterness seeped into her heart, another, more powerful emotion was telling her that Jarod’s reasons had been out of desperation and fear and that realization brought about identical feelings in her.
Suddenly uneasy, Miss Parker went to her closet and pulled out her 9mm. Tucking it into the pocket of her robe, she went to check the locks on her windows and doors. “Damn you, Jarod. Why do I let you get to me like this?” Deep inside, she knew the answer but refused to acknowledge that truth.
Going into the kitchen, she refilled her mug with tea and settled on the floor in front of the fire. The dancing flames soon hypnotized her and her mind wandered to another time, another place. Flashes of memory…her mother’s death, Jarod trying to escape Sydney’s grasp to get to her. Then suddenly a new memory flooded her mind and the impact left her in a state of disbelief and shock.
Shaking her head, she cried out, “No!” Her mug hit the floor as it slipped from her hand. Covering her face, Miss Parker struggled to her feet, only to fall to the floor again. Her head was spinning as she huddled into a corner of the darkened room. Tears blurred her vision and streamed down her face. “Oh God, please no!” her voice quivered.
Jarod heard her cries, taking the porch steps in one stride he kicked in the door without hesitation. It didn’t take long for him to reach her where she cowered in the shadows. The sight of Miss Parker, the strongest most self-confident woman he had ever known, in a state of panic shook him to the core. Gathering her against him he held her, he didn’t speak…just held her shaking form in his arms offering her his strength and comfort.
Miss Parker’s mind refused to focus on anything but the horrifying memory assailing her senses, while her body, wracked with uncontrollable sobs, suddenly felt a sense of warmth and solace. She did not question the source, instead she clung to it with every ounce of her being.
“It’s okay, Parker. I’m here and I won’t leave you,” Jarod whispered softly. He reached for a blanket on a chair next to him, covering her with it. Then he lifted her shivering body from the cold floor and carried her closer to the fire. Settling them both on the sofa, he cradled her against his strong chest.
Struggling back to reality, Miss Parker fought for control of her senses. The memory refused to leave her tortured soul. She cried out again for it to stop but the demons would not relent. The darkness seemed to be closing in on her no matter how hard she resisted. She wasn’t sure when she finally realized that she was not alone…that someone was there, fighting with her, offering her the only weapon powerful enough to fight the darkness and her fear.
Jarod felt Miss Parker’s body go limp in his embrace just a few seconds before she opened her eyes and gasped for breath. She did not pull away from him, something he had fully expected her to do as soon as she realized that it was him holding her. Instead, she wrapped her arms tightly around him, clinging to him like a lifeline.
Miss Parker’s heart was racing, the pulsating beat echoed in her head like a bass drum. The realization that Jarod was there with her brought about conflicting feelings that she dared not define. She knew that it was a mistake to be so close to him, but she didn’t care. For the first time in her life, she surrendered to the long-denied need for his touch.
Several minutes passed before Jarod brought his hand up to the back of her head. “Parker,” he whispered. “Talk to me, Parker. What happened here tonight? Are you hurt?”
Shaking her head slowly, she reluctantly released her hold on him and drew back slightly. “I don’t know,” she spoke but her voice sounded alien to her own ears. She fought back a new onslaught of tears as he studied her face with his deep brown eyes. “It just came to me. It was so unexpected…so clear.”
“What was it? What did you remember?” Jarod kept his voice low and steady. He did not want to pressure her for fear that she would retreat back into the carefully constructed façade that she had spent most of her life hiding behind.
Miss Parker paused for a full minute before she was able to put the memory into words. “Jarod, I remembered that day…outside the elevator. My mother lying dead in a pool of blood and you struggling to get to me. Then I suddenly remembered the moments before when I was running after her as she was leaving. I saw him. Oh God, Jarod. I saw my father…just before he pulled the trigger. Jarod, he killed her. My father killed my mother.”
Jarod pulled her to him again as she gave in to the tears. It was no wonder she had lost hold on reality. Such a traumatic memory coming back to her so suddenly could have caused a total nervous breakdown. If he had not reached her in time… The thought of losing her that way frightened him like nothing else ever had.
Miss Parker awoke in her bed wrapped up in a down comforter. The sunlight pouring through the windows aggravated her eyes, which were raw and swollen from crying. Fighting off a wave of nausea, she managed to sit up and place her feet on the floor, resting on the edge of the bed to collect herself and get her senses under control.
Had it all been just a dream, a nightmare? Was she was losing it? And Jarod, he had come to her because somehow he had known that she needed him. She remembered him holding her, talking to her, guiding her through the shock and terror of the memory which was still so vivid in her mind. Or had he only been a part of her delirium?
Turning to look at her alarm clock, she was stunned to see that it was nearly noon. “Damn,” she swore softly and reached for her telephone only to find that there was no dial tone. Then she noticed the wire was unplugged from the wall jack and it was missing.
Confused even more, she raised herself up from the bed and walked toward the closed bedroom door. Opening it slowly, she became immediately aware that she was not alone in the house. But instead of fear, she felt a sense of comfort and peace wash over her. She noticed that the fire was still burning in the fireplace. The spilled tea and broken cup had been cleaned up and the delicious aroma of fresh-brewed coffee overwhelmed her senses.
She entered the kitchen to find Jarod sitting at her dining room table with the DSA case open, watching one of the discs. As soon as he realized she was there, he closed the case.
“Hi,” he smiled gently as he rose from his seat and approached her with caution.
Miss Parker almost laughed at the wariness in his deep brown eyes. “Hi,” she whispered.
“Are you okay?” he asked hesitantly.
“I think so, or at least I will be,” she nodded slowly.
Jarod quickly poured her a cup of coffee and handed it to her, “I suppose you probably want me to leave so I will get going. I just wanted to make sure that you were all right.” He set about gathering his things and slipping on his black leather coat. With his bag slung over his shoulder, he took a step in her direction. “You don’t have to worry, I called Sydney. They are not expecting you to come to work for a few days. He said that he would cover for you.”
“Thank you, Jarod. For being here last night,” she said softly.
“You’re welcome. I am just sorry I didn’t get here sooner,” he leaned toward her, brushing the back of his hand along the side of her face. “If you need me...”
Stunned by his tenderness, Miss Parker closed her eyes tightly, but the tears slipped through and slid down her face. “I...I need you...please, Jarod.”
Jarod dropped his bag and gently pulled her into his embrace. “I am here, and I am not going anywhere. I will stay for as long as you want me to,” he held her close, his own eyes brimming with tears.
Miss Parker felt herself being lifted into his arms. He carried her into the living room and settled them both on the sofa, cradling her against his chest.
Reaching for a blanket, Jarod covered her shivering form, tucking it carefully around her legs and bare feet. He was worried...and scared. This was so unlike the Miss Parker he was accustomed to. The horrifying memory must have triggered something in her psyche bringing about the change in her emotional stability. She was feeling vulnerable, unsure of herself and everything around her.
As she drifted off to sleep, Miss Parker remembered another time...another life...when Jarod had held her in his arms and given her what no one else ever could. He had given her refuge from the pain...just as he was doing at that moment. She could not help but wonder why he was risking everything for her, the enemy. But then she realized that it was not the first time he had done so...
Jarod listened to the steady rise and fall of her breathing as she slept. He gathered her closer and kissed her gently on the top of her head. It was beyond explanation why he felt so protective of her. Even after everything that had gone so wrong between them, it felt so very right holding her, being with her. He wished with all his heart that he could be the one to give her the happiness she deserved, but he knew that would never be possible.
“I love you, Parker,” he whispered then closing his eyes he fell into a dreamless sleep.
A moment later, a single tear escaped from under her long eyelashes and slid down her cheek. ‘I love you too, Jarod. More than you will ever know.”
The End
(Maybe)
Author: Jennifer DeNaughel
Rating: PG, Adult situations, Mild language
Category: Major drama, Mild romance, Major angst (J/MP)
Archived on: March 10, 2002
Timeline: Late-season three
Spoilers: Most definitely . . .
Summary: A disturbing nightmare sends Jarod to Miss Parker's side just when she needs him most.
Disclaimer: The characters Miss Parker, Sydney, Jarod, Broots etc. and the fictional Centre, are all property of MTM, TNT and NBC Productions and used without permission. I'm not making any money out of this and no infringement is intended.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the key in her hand, Miss Parker paused for a moment, dreading the loneliness that awaited her on the other side of the solid oak door. Although her mother had been gone for more than twenty-five years, her presence was so powerful within the walls of the house, that there was no room for her daughter. Miss Parker lived there but it was not her home…and never would be.
Finally putting the key in the lock, she opened the door. Shivering against the familiar chill of the drafty, old house, she moved to the fireplace and quickly started a fire. The blaze quickly warmed her as she sank into the chair nearest to the hearth. The deafening silence brought tears to her eyes as she stared into the flames.
Running her hands through her dark tresses as she leaned forward in the chair, she cried for a childhood left behind in a fog. For a friendship lost in a storm of deception and bitterness. Her heart longed for the child she used to be. For the innocence and dreams destroyed by the evil that was the Centre. The very same evil that she had become a part of, allowing them to turn her against the only person who, with the exception of her mother, was the only person to ever truly care about her.
Miss Parker stood and moved toward the fireplace. Stirring the embers with the poker, she placed another log on the fire. Returning the poker to its stand, she raised her eyes to the silver-framed picture on the mantle. “I am sorry, Mom. Dear God, I am sorry for what I have become,” she whispered.
Somewhere in the darkness she heard a voice, her mother’s voice, “It’s not too late. Trust in your feelings…follow your heart.”
Turning suddenly toward the sound, Miss Parker gasped, “Mom?”
Silence.
Shaking her head slowly, she sank to the floor and cried, “Mom, I need you. I cannot go on living like this. I don’t have the strength to go on living like this.”
Silence answered her plea…dark, lonely silence.
*****
Awaking suddenly, Jarod sat up in his bed and waited for his racing heart to settle back to a normal rhythm. He had grown accustomed to the nightmares that haunted his sleep night after night, but this one had been different…almost a premonition.
Dragging himself from the sweat soaked sheets, he went into the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, he splashed cold water over his face and neck. Glancing into the mirror, he saw his reflection staring back at him. He frowned and shook his head. Four years he had been free and still he had not been able to find the secrets of his past. He was still a stranger to himself.
As he walked back into the bedroom, his thoughts went back to the nightmare. He could not shake the feeling that it had been more than just another bad dream. His heart was telling him that something was about to happen that would forever change the lives of the people he cared about as well as his own.
Settling down on the edge of the bed, he ran his hands through his hair and tried to push back the sudden fear that crept its way into his heart. The one clear image he had from the dream was Miss Parker’s face, ghostly pale and frozen in terror. He shook his head violently to clear his mind, but the image refused to vanish.
Reaching for his cell phone he dialed her number and listened as his anxiety grew with every unanswered ring. Hanging up, he quickly dialed again. Still, there was no answer. After three more attempts, he gave up.
The nagging feeling in his gut told him that something was wrong…very wrong. Dressing quickly, he packed his belongings and walked out of his motel room.
The night was chilly and damp, Jarod pulled the collar of his leather coat up around his face as he ran across the parking lot to where he had parked his rental car in the shadows of an oak tree. Quickly he tossed his bag and DSA case into the trunk and slid into the driver’s seat. The engine roared to life and he hit the accelerator. The radio DJ announced that it was four thirty in the morning just as the Mustang turned out of the parking lot heading south.
*****
Miss Parker heard her telephone ringing repeatedly, but could not bring herself to answer it. She knew it was Jarod. No one else would call her at that hour and not leave a message on her answering machine.
Torn between wanting to be alone and a strange longing to hear his deep, comforting voice, she had nearly given in and answered it. Then the ringing had stopped. When he did not call back again, she immediately regretted her hesitation.
Making her way to her bedroom she undressed and put on her chenille robe, wrapping her shivering body in its warmth. Going into the kitchen, she made herself a cup of Chamomile Tea before returning to her chair in front of the fire.
Her thoughts began to drift toward Jarod. Why had he been trying so hard to reach her? He probably just discovered another of her father’s deep, dark secrets and could not wait to rub salt in her already raw wounds. Even as the bitterness seeped into her heart, another, more powerful emotion was telling her that Jarod’s reasons had been out of desperation and fear and that realization brought about identical feelings in her.
Suddenly uneasy, Miss Parker went to her closet and pulled out her 9mm. Tucking it into the pocket of her robe, she went to check the locks on her windows and doors. “Damn you, Jarod. Why do I let you get to me like this?” Deep inside, she knew the answer but refused to acknowledge that truth.
Going into the kitchen, she refilled her mug with tea and settled on the floor in front of the fire. The dancing flames soon hypnotized her and her mind wandered to another time, another place. Flashes of memory…her mother’s death, Jarod trying to escape Sydney’s grasp to get to her. Then suddenly a new memory flooded her mind and the impact left her in a state of disbelief and shock.
Shaking her head, she cried out, “No!” Her mug hit the floor as it slipped from her hand. Covering her face, Miss Parker struggled to her feet, only to fall to the floor again. Her head was spinning as she huddled into a corner of the darkened room. Tears blurred her vision and streamed down her face. “Oh God, please no!” her voice quivered.
Jarod heard her cries, taking the porch steps in one stride he kicked in the door without hesitation. It didn’t take long for him to reach her where she cowered in the shadows. The sight of Miss Parker, the strongest most self-confident woman he had ever known, in a state of panic shook him to the core. Gathering her against him he held her, he didn’t speak…just held her shaking form in his arms offering her his strength and comfort.
Miss Parker’s mind refused to focus on anything but the horrifying memory assailing her senses, while her body, wracked with uncontrollable sobs, suddenly felt a sense of warmth and solace. She did not question the source, instead she clung to it with every ounce of her being.
“It’s okay, Parker. I’m here and I won’t leave you,” Jarod whispered softly. He reached for a blanket on a chair next to him, covering her with it. Then he lifted her shivering body from the cold floor and carried her closer to the fire. Settling them both on the sofa, he cradled her against his strong chest.
Struggling back to reality, Miss Parker fought for control of her senses. The memory refused to leave her tortured soul. She cried out again for it to stop but the demons would not relent. The darkness seemed to be closing in on her no matter how hard she resisted. She wasn’t sure when she finally realized that she was not alone…that someone was there, fighting with her, offering her the only weapon powerful enough to fight the darkness and her fear.
Jarod felt Miss Parker’s body go limp in his embrace just a few seconds before she opened her eyes and gasped for breath. She did not pull away from him, something he had fully expected her to do as soon as she realized that it was him holding her. Instead, she wrapped her arms tightly around him, clinging to him like a lifeline.
Miss Parker’s heart was racing, the pulsating beat echoed in her head like a bass drum. The realization that Jarod was there with her brought about conflicting feelings that she dared not define. She knew that it was a mistake to be so close to him, but she didn’t care. For the first time in her life, she surrendered to the long-denied need for his touch.
Several minutes passed before Jarod brought his hand up to the back of her head. “Parker,” he whispered. “Talk to me, Parker. What happened here tonight? Are you hurt?”
Shaking her head slowly, she reluctantly released her hold on him and drew back slightly. “I don’t know,” she spoke but her voice sounded alien to her own ears. She fought back a new onslaught of tears as he studied her face with his deep brown eyes. “It just came to me. It was so unexpected…so clear.”
“What was it? What did you remember?” Jarod kept his voice low and steady. He did not want to pressure her for fear that she would retreat back into the carefully constructed façade that she had spent most of her life hiding behind.
Miss Parker paused for a full minute before she was able to put the memory into words. “Jarod, I remembered that day…outside the elevator. My mother lying dead in a pool of blood and you struggling to get to me. Then I suddenly remembered the moments before when I was running after her as she was leaving. I saw him. Oh God, Jarod. I saw my father…just before he pulled the trigger. Jarod, he killed her. My father killed my mother.”
Jarod pulled her to him again as she gave in to the tears. It was no wonder she had lost hold on reality. Such a traumatic memory coming back to her so suddenly could have caused a total nervous breakdown. If he had not reached her in time… The thought of losing her that way frightened him like nothing else ever had.
Miss Parker awoke in her bed wrapped up in a down comforter. The sunlight pouring through the windows aggravated her eyes, which were raw and swollen from crying. Fighting off a wave of nausea, she managed to sit up and place her feet on the floor, resting on the edge of the bed to collect herself and get her senses under control.
Had it all been just a dream, a nightmare? Was she was losing it? And Jarod, he had come to her because somehow he had known that she needed him. She remembered him holding her, talking to her, guiding her through the shock and terror of the memory which was still so vivid in her mind. Or had he only been a part of her delirium?
Turning to look at her alarm clock, she was stunned to see that it was nearly noon. “Damn,” she swore softly and reached for her telephone only to find that there was no dial tone. Then she noticed the wire was unplugged from the wall jack and it was missing.
Confused even more, she raised herself up from the bed and walked toward the closed bedroom door. Opening it slowly, she became immediately aware that she was not alone in the house. But instead of fear, she felt a sense of comfort and peace wash over her. She noticed that the fire was still burning in the fireplace. The spilled tea and broken cup had been cleaned up and the delicious aroma of fresh-brewed coffee overwhelmed her senses.
She entered the kitchen to find Jarod sitting at her dining room table with the DSA case open, watching one of the discs. As soon as he realized she was there, he closed the case.
“Hi,” he smiled gently as he rose from his seat and approached her with caution.
Miss Parker almost laughed at the wariness in his deep brown eyes. “Hi,” she whispered.
“Are you okay?” he asked hesitantly.
“I think so, or at least I will be,” she nodded slowly.
Jarod quickly poured her a cup of coffee and handed it to her, “I suppose you probably want me to leave so I will get going. I just wanted to make sure that you were all right.” He set about gathering his things and slipping on his black leather coat. With his bag slung over his shoulder, he took a step in her direction. “You don’t have to worry, I called Sydney. They are not expecting you to come to work for a few days. He said that he would cover for you.”
“Thank you, Jarod. For being here last night,” she said softly.
“You’re welcome. I am just sorry I didn’t get here sooner,” he leaned toward her, brushing the back of his hand along the side of her face. “If you need me...”
Stunned by his tenderness, Miss Parker closed her eyes tightly, but the tears slipped through and slid down her face. “I...I need you...please, Jarod.”
Jarod dropped his bag and gently pulled her into his embrace. “I am here, and I am not going anywhere. I will stay for as long as you want me to,” he held her close, his own eyes brimming with tears.
Miss Parker felt herself being lifted into his arms. He carried her into the living room and settled them both on the sofa, cradling her against his chest.
Reaching for a blanket, Jarod covered her shivering form, tucking it carefully around her legs and bare feet. He was worried...and scared. This was so unlike the Miss Parker he was accustomed to. The horrifying memory must have triggered something in her psyche bringing about the change in her emotional stability. She was feeling vulnerable, unsure of herself and everything around her.
As she drifted off to sleep, Miss Parker remembered another time...another life...when Jarod had held her in his arms and given her what no one else ever could. He had given her refuge from the pain...just as he was doing at that moment. She could not help but wonder why he was risking everything for her, the enemy. But then she realized that it was not the first time he had done so...
Jarod listened to the steady rise and fall of her breathing as she slept. He gathered her closer and kissed her gently on the top of her head. It was beyond explanation why he felt so protective of her. Even after everything that had gone so wrong between them, it felt so very right holding her, being with her. He wished with all his heart that he could be the one to give her the happiness she deserved, but he knew that would never be possible.
“I love you, Parker,” he whispered then closing his eyes he fell into a dreamless sleep.
A moment later, a single tear escaped from under her long eyelashes and slid down her cheek. ‘I love you too, Jarod. More than you will ever know.”
The End
(Maybe)
