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Disclaimer : The Pretender and all character associated with it belongs to NBC and 20th Century Fox. I'm not making any money out of this and no infringement is intended.

Episode One, Season Four

by Rebeckah
based on outline by Trevor

For a moment the world was frozen. At one end of the tarmac hovered a helicopter. Lyle, Brigitte and Willie all had their guns trained on the resourceful Pretender. Sydney, at the other end of the airstrip, was torn between the anxiety of the capture of his protégé and the horror of Miss Parker's broken body bleeding in her helpless father's arms.

"Damn it! DO something." Daddy Parker bellowed suddenly, breaking the tableau. "My daughter is DYING here!"

At the helicopter Lyle sprang into action, slapping handcuffs on Jarod. His smile had a degree of anticipation that boded ill for the genius. Brigitte prudently kept her gun trained on our hero as Rains signaled the helicopter to raise into the air and head back to the Centre. He would prepare an appropriate welcome for their prize. Hustling Jarod into the sweeper's car, sandwiched between two hulking sweepers, Lyle and Brigitte squealed down the runway for the highway.

Meanwhile, Sydney and Daddy Parker managed to lever Miss Parker's unconscious form into the back seat of their car. Ignoring everything else, Daddy Parker instructed Sydney to make all speed for the local hospital, County General. She would receive the best of care from the new chief of staff, Dr. Green.

Lyle and Brigitte broke all the speed laws as they raced for the center. Perhaps they were in a hurry to report to M'tumbo and reap the glory for their capture. Perhaps they were afraid that Jarod would somehow escape. Regardless of their reason, their undue haste drew the attention of an Officer Poncherrelo of the new pilot motorcycle police force in Delaware. (DhiPS?) Siren screaming, the aging policeman pulled them over.

"Okay, folks." He said in his most menacing voice. "Where's the fire?" Of course, being a police officer he was required by law to inspect the inside of the car. Jarod, with his hands cuffed behind his back, immediately drew his attention.

"What's up with you folks? You into S&M or something?"

"Or something." Brigitte agreed, sucking on a pickle. (She never leaves home without them anymore.) Jarod simply looked pained and remained silent.

"Sorry, Lady and Gentlemen." Ponch announced gravely. "I'm going to have to take you all in. It's against the law in California---uh, I mean Delaware, to have handcuffed passengers unless you are an officer of the law." He immediately called for a paddy wagon to take in all five occupants of the car. All, except for Jarod, who had already been restrained by our good friend, Lyle, were handcuffed and hauled into the county precinct jail Jarod amused himself on the ride by sticking his tongue out at Lyle and talking about the nutritional values of worms and grasshoppers for pregnant women.

Meanwhile, back at County General, Sydney had managed to sneak a sedative into Daddy Parker's coffee, thus Daddy was snoring on the waiting room couch when Dr. Green, (Who the heck is Dr. Green anyway?), came out to announce that Miss Parker was going to be just fine, she'd just have to wear a sling for three episodes and use very pale makeup for a while. But he had discovered something odd in her blood work up. Did Sydney know who Miss Parker's REAL father was? The man on the couch was obviously unrelated to her. Sydney, looking extremely worried, said he had no idea, but he'd have a friend look into her adoption records.

At the Precinct, Jarod took advantage of his one phone call to contact an old friend, Attorney McBeal. She took the first flight to Delaware and had him out of the jailhouse before the Centre could even decide just who they should notify about Lyle, Brigitte and the two sweepers. (All of their lawyers were away on deep sea fishing trips that weekend.) Jarod and Ally began work on their lawsuit against the Centre for unlawful detainment and mental anguish caused by spending his formative years with a bowl haircut. Deprivation of styling gel and a hairdryer being federal offences, the FBI was immediately called in on the case.

"Angel, you saved my life again." Daddy Parker told his daughter tenderly as soon as she finally opened her eyes.

"You aren't my father." Miss Parker pouted. (She was on some really good pain medication.) "Mommy came to me while I was asleep and told me EVERYTHING!"

"Uhhhh, whatever can you mean, Angel?" Daddy Parker sweated nervously.

"Mommy was abducted by aliens. You, you old fraud, are impotent!"

Daddy Parker dissolved into incoherent tears. Sydney, having waited for an opportunity like this for years, had a fellow psychiatrist who owed him a few favors come and commit Daddy into the County Home for the Mentally Feeble and Financially Challenged.

The door to Miss Parker's hospital room suddenly opened, revealing a man and a redheaded woman dressed in dark suits.

"Miss Parker." The man said gravely. Both strangers pulled out flat wallets that opened to show their official Cracker Jacks FBI ID's. "I am agent Mulder and this is agent Scully from the FBI. We'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Wait, Mulder!" Scully cried excitedly. "Look at her! She's the spitting image of the computer aged photo I did of your sister, Samantha."

"I was abducted." Parker confided cheerfully. (She was on some REALLY good pain medication.)

"Samantha, it IS you!" Mulder exclaimed dramatically which, as we all know, is his normal tone of voice. He knelt beside Parker's bed and began to cry incoherently. Sydney wondered if his psychiatrist friend had left yet.

Becoming aware that they'd tested the credibility of even the brain dead American audience, the producer of the show prudently decided to end the episode at this point and have his writers shot immediately. This, as we all know, is legal only in California.

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