Musing on what Parkers justifications were for walking away from Jarod on Carthis.
Late night at night in a snowstorm does strange things to my muse :)
This is me pondering the why Parker walked away from what Jarod was offering her.
1. Chapter 1 by BlueRose
2. Chapter 2 by BlueRose
Its the sound of the sleet spitting on the windows, that bought that particular memory to mind.
It's his eyes, always his eyes. Wide deep pools pulling me in, threatening to drown me forever in their adoring depths. And I resist, I always do. I have to.
Otherwise I would have to admit truths to myself I have worked my entire life to deny, to hide, to defend against. The truth of him and how I feel. How I have always felt. And the truth he cannot see, that we can never be what we are to each other. It would never be allowed, we would never survive it.
And so I resist, I fight, I deny.
And I hurt, I tear inside and I cry where no one can ever hear it.
Because if I let go, just once. If I take what those eyes offer me, if I fall into those endless depths, he will be there to catch me.
I can never allow it.
For his sake.
He will never understand.
It is the only gift I can ever give him
Bought to you by the following pieces of music:
The Funeral - Firefly Soundtrack
Legacy Of Comfort - Medieval Babes Elizabeth Soundtrack
The Last Dance - Within Temptation
Decided to add Jarods POV to this ie once he heard Parker speak her piece he WOULDN'T shut up :)
And a snippet of lyrics that particularly suit this piece :)
Its her eyes, always her eyes. Cold stormy blue grey, constantly sliding away from mine, resisting, refusing to see me.
I know what she is afraid of, and I know why. I have always known. It's why she never allows herself to catch me. She could have so very many times, we both know it.
If she didn't feel it, what we are to each other, there would be no late night conversations, no Valentine gifts, no Christmas surprises. If she didn't feel it she would shut me out, shut me down and lock me away.
Instead she locks herself away, in a vain attempt to hang on to what little control we have over our lives.
So I have to fight, to show her there is another choice.
I help her find her missing pieces, and hope she finds her way towards her turning point.
Its the most precious gift I can give her.
***
Why have you waited to embrace me, my dear
Cold is your silence, denying what is real
Im still wondering why Im still calling your name
And I wonder, oh I wonder
In my heart Im still hoping you will open the door
The Cross - Within Temptation