The Russian Job by BlueRose
Summary:

Miss Parker makes a mistake, and Jarod offers to cover for her if she helps him out with a Pretend.  And he bribes her with shoes.....Humour


Categories: Indefinite Timeline Characters: Jarod, Miss Parker
Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy
Warnings: Warning: Language, Warning: Sexual Content
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes Word count: 2815 Read: 4823 Published: 25/07/11 Updated: 26/07/11
Story Notes:

I have no idea where this has come from but my muse will NOT let it go til I write it.  Comedy and Action and Shoes!

There is kissing, thats all folks!

1. Chapter 1 Shoplifting by BlueRose

2. Chapter 2 Tango and Vodka by BlueRose

Chapter 1 Shoplifting by BlueRose

Sighing Parker settled into the plush comfortable seat of the company Jet.  She didn't usually get requested for the private courier runs, but her father had requested, and there was excellent shopping to be had in Vancouver.  Negotiating to take a couple of days off had been her price.

Package duly delivered she hit the streets, the spring lines  should be out by now, and there was a fabulous pair of Jimmy Choo's she was dying to try on.


Her eyes rounded in shock at the number of zeroes showing on the price tag of the shoes the assistant had reverently placed on the glass counter in front of her.  The shoes were divine but the price tag was astounding.  Flicking a smile at the assistant "I would love to try them on, but they are more expensive than I expected" a sadder smile and a sad stroke of the stiletto heel "I'm sure only serious buyers get to try on these gorgeous gorgeous shoes".  Nodding  agreement and gathering up the shoes, the pert brunette assistant walked around the counter, and to Parkers shock handed her the shoes "Yes thats correct and thats what I will tell the manager if he enquires" 

Her eyes flick the the obvious expensive designer pantsuit Parker is wearing "You certaintly look like you *could* afford them".  Smiling a conspiratorial smile, she slips her heels and sits down, placing the Choo's on the floor in front of her.  Slowly sliding her feet into them, she rises and strides to the mirror Bad bad idea, my god these shoes are sexy! Striking a pose from side to side, checking herself in the awesome shoes, smiling in delight.

The mirror faces the street, and she pauses as a familiar profile strides right past the shop.  Jarod?  here?  Whirling, completely forgetting where she was, she races for the door, bounding for the sidewalk.  Arrested by the shop alarms going off, she realises what it looks like she has done and a security guard races out to secure her before she runs further OMG they think I tried to do a runner!

Keeping it cool and calm, she tries to explain she had seen someone she urgently needed to speak to, and had completely forgotten she was wearing a pair of $25000 designer shoes that she hadn't paid for if the Centre and her father found out, there would be hell to pay, not to mention the embarrassment.

Back in her own shoes, in the managers office, waiting for the police to turn up, she ponders her options. A murmuring of male voices heading in her direction catches her attention, certain one of them is quite familiar.  Keeping her face calm as Jarod walks in, clearly pretending to be a detective.  He competently calms down the agitated manager, taking notes on a notepad, and hustles her away clad in handcuffs, she restrains her curiosity until they are in his car.

Rubbing at her now free wrists, she turns to him snapping "Don't think I'm going to thank you for this, wonderboy".  His face unreadable under his dark sunglasses, concentrating on driving he flicks a casual smirk in her direction "No thanks for saving you from a criminal record for shoplifting, or endless embarrassment at the Centre required, Miss Parker" Pulling the car into a park outside a very exclusive boutique, he turns off the engine, and gazes at her over his sunglasses "Instead I have a business proposal"

Still angry at the situation she had nearly caused, her response is short "What?  you keep this little incident quiet and I do...what?  What can *I* do for you, wonderboy.  You are the genius pretender after all"  Her tone is cutting but for some reason the smirk on his face only gets deeper "Very true Miss Parker, but one thing I can never pretend is to be a tall sexy stunning woman, who looks drop dead gorgeous in these" Reaching into the backseat he hoists out a familiar looking bag.  Its from the shoe shop she was in.

Handing her the box "I think these are your size".  Parker holds her breath, as she opens the box, nestled inside in layers of tissue are the Jimmy Choo's she lusted after.  After the surprise of the shoes fades, the words of his other sentence trickled into her brain.  Still holding the shoes, she sits back, a calculating expression on her face

"You need help with one of your pretends, a female .......distraction?" He nods "I have a meeting tonite with some dangerous men who like to party, attending with a gorgeous woman dressed to kill would help me blend in a great deal, and if you were up to providing a small distraction at the right moment, greatly increase the effectiveness of this evenings events"

Tilting his glasses further down his face, eyes twinkling in enjoyment of her predicament "So Miss Parker, care to assist me on a pretend and take down some bad guys?  Oh and you get to keep the shoes"

Damn the man! he knew her weakness  She was seriously torn but suspicious "Did you set this up? in the shop?" Jarod laughed, pushing the glasses back "I'm not God Parker, I was actually getting coffee at Starbucks  while in Detective mode, and heard the call on the car radio.  I was close so decided to take it.  I was as surprised as you were that it was you" he snickered "Did you dash for the door thinking you saw me while wearing the shoes" Snicker turning to laugh at her embarrassed blush.

"So do we have a deal?  I was going to hire an escort for the evening but you would be a much more preferable option"  Getting out of the car, he asks for no obvious reason "How is your Russian these days?"

She gets leans across his seat and yells out the open door "I didn't say yes to this dodgy scheme, asshole" He pauses at the door, smirking "What choice do you have?" Pulling the door open, he gestures to the doorway "I need to get the rest of your outfit.  With an irritated sigh she gets out of the car, delighting in slamming both doors, and hissing eto piz`dets in his face as she stalks into the shop.   His deep delighted laugh following her in.

Several mad hours later Parker stares at herself in the mirror.  Jarod has explained he is pretending to be a wiseguy on the way up, looking at getting into arms dealing.  He is trying to find the source of a particular missile for some other undisclosed reason.  Her mission should she choose to accept it is to be his expensive Russian eyecandy for the evening.  He picked out her outfit, it was nothing she would ever have bought for herself, but she had to admit she looked stunning.  Cobalt blue silk dress floated to the floor and encased her to the wrists and throat.  The complete lack of anything resembling a back, and the split that went so high she had forgone panties to get the full effect of course were designed to draw all eyes in the room to her.

She smiled, if he thought he was going to get a pliant armful he had another think coming.  Having spent time drinking her way across Russia one summer, she had a good feel on how to play this, and pliant had no part of it.  A wicked smile on her face she turned to answer the knock on her door.

Jarod strode into the room, clad in his best partygoing wiseguy outfit, pulling on a pair of expensive black leather gloves "Ready to go, Natasha?" It was the name she had chosen for this evening With what sounds like a choke, he stands there, staring at her as she does a slow turn and then sashays up to him, to whisper in his ear with a very thick russian accent "Lets get this the fuck over with, rat boy" Bundling the glorious full length fur in her arms and shoving it in his still startled ones "I am *only* doing this for the shoes" The part about his silence is unmentioned by them both.

She swears his hands tremble as he holds the fur out for her to slide into

Chapter 2 Tango and Vodka by BlueRose
Author's Notes:

I had planned this to be funnier, but the dance scene took over instead.

The town car is smooth and quiet, Jarod has hired it, but they both chat in Russian in case the driver is a spy.  The plan is to create a diversion when Jarod gives her the signal, giving him time to get into a locked office.  She needs to buy him at least 5 minutes, and be able to improvise on the spot.  Despite the entire wrongness of her even being her, she is secretly starting to enjoy this....just a little bit.

Her accent is thick, voice deep and smoky "i2;m l5;k l6;l7;k2;k9;k6;mk4;k2;kl4;, l4;m l4;l6;k6;l5;l6; l6;l7;k2;k9;k6;mk4;k2;kl4; (we are not late, we are *fashionably late)"  Jarod sighs as he hands her through the door "Natasha it is not polite to keep the other guests waiting for their dinner" With a ffft  and a casual wave of her hand, she dismisses this , speaking in heavily accented english "They will wait for me, everybody waits for me"

As the heads of all the people in the room turn to greet this announcement, the clear approval on the waiting mens' faces underscores the truth of this statement. She shrugs out of the full length fur, and hands it over with obvious reluctance, giving it one last stroke as she stares fiercely at the coatcheck girl "take excellent care of this" a roll of her eyes at Jarod "it was an expensive present".  Waiting for a nod of acceptance, she spins and holds her hand out for Jarod's arm "Well?  we are keeping these people from their dinner"

Introductions are made around, four other men and three other women.  The men are opening admiring, shamelessly checking her out.  Gritting her teeth Parker allows them to live, and makes little effort at small talk.  The food is surprisingly excellent, and she wins their hosts approval with her clear appreciation of it.  Sadly the other women are trophies, arm candy and little more, so she retreats into russian truculence.  After all they aren't actually interested in anything she might have to SAY!

During post dinner drinks, more men arrive, clearly 2IC types, and small groups form, intently discussing 'business'.  A poker game has started at the table Jarod is sitting at, and curious she wanders over. Standing with a hand on his shoulder, watching the cards for a few minutes, then leans over and whispers loudly in his ear "I suggest you fold, with that hand you would have to be able to bluff your way through a polygraph to win this round".

A shocked silence greets this announcement as the men wait to see how he responds.  With a glint in his eye he stands, pulling her body to his and kisses her very thoroughly "Thankyou darling.  I was about just to fold."  Pulling a $100 bill out of his pocket, he shoves it in her hand, spins her around and pats her on the ass "If you are bored, check the bar, they should have vodka"

He pauses a moment to enjoy the sight of her fantastic body as she angrily stalks away how she can walk in those towering heels is amazing As he sits and resumes his seat, he smiles to see the other men at the table are also enjoying the same view.  Tapping his cards on the table, and letting his New York accent twang a little more "Are we here for the cards or the scenery?" A flurry of looks exchanged around the table clearly state they are just fine with the scenery.  Just how Jarod planned it.

'If you are bored' was the code for make a distraction. Taking the hint she wanders up to the bar, thinking furiously about what she could do to distract everyone in the room, but specifically the men, for several minutes.  Sipping on the average vodka provided, she surveys the room, DJ playing music while warming up for the party, several young attractive women seated around chatting and drinking, and a couple up dancing.

Dancing.....$100 note in hand, she stalks her way over to the DJ and waves the note in his face to catch his attention.  He takes his headphones off and looks at the note and then at her, face questioning.  She leans against his booth, smile slow and sexy "I feel like dancing, play something slow and sexy" He stutters "I'm not supposed to take requests" Parker arches her back at him a little, and tilts her head "If you play the right songs, they will not mind"

As she walks back to the dance floor, the opening strains of Alannah Myles' Black Velvet sing out, and she slows her walk to a strut to the beat, gesturing behind her back for the DJ to up the volume God Jarod, I hope you are paying attention or I might have to do this all night.   Strolling up to the cute brunette, with the long legs and the sleepy eyes she had noticed moving nicely on the dancefloor earlier, she reaches out with a hand "Dance with me"  challenging with her eyes.

A nod and a flicker of interest  in the hazel eyes meeting hers, Parker smiles a sultry smile and spins her out across the floor and together they start to move slowly in time with the music.  Its louder now, and heads are beginning to turn across the room. Spinning and swaying in time, the two of them moving nicely together, she gets creative with her hands, and to her delight the brunette responds.  Its getting nicely steamy, and there is an audience forming around the dancefloor, lots of men with hands deep in trouser pockets.

The next song is Take My Breath Away by Berlin, and they are both working it for all its worth.  She for the distraction value, and the brunette because she knows this is her moment in the spotlight.  So the kiss between both women happens naturally under the spell of the dance.  The audience is riveted, every man in the room watching the two women dance and make out in splendour on the dancefloor.

A dark flicker at the back of the room Parker reads as "nearly every man in the room"  Jarod got the point, but why is he heading to the DJ's booth?

Light dawns as the song finishes and the unmistakeable latin beats of a tango ring out loudly, and Jarod strides onto the dancefloor.  Gently handing off her dance partner, murmuring appreciative words, he strides back to Parker, holding out an authoritative hand, eyebrow quirked and quizzical smile on his face "Tango?" With an arrogant toss of her head, a swirl of her skirts she steps up to his hand.

The tango is sizzling, the chemistry between them electric, and the audience are deeply appreciative .  As they dip into the final slide she whispers in his ear "Did you get it" He nods, and pulls her up for a spin, closing with a final sharp pose.  Running his hand up her fully exposed thigh, he dips his head for a bone melting kiss, and playing to the audience she returns in kind.  They break apart, smile bitterly at each other and turn to receive the applause from the audience.

Jarod makes his excuses to their host, as far as the men are concerned he is their hero of the evening, quite deserving his prize and damn near push him out the door.  Parker reclaims the fur, and they are hustled out the door to their waiting town car.

They sit in silence for several minutes, until Jarod clears his throat "Interesting choice for a distration Miss Parker" He is quite obviously not looking at her "impressively effective given the tools at hand" She smiles and puts a sharp edge to her voice "Well they are very expensive shoes, I needed to do them justice"

Putting a hand on his thigh just high enough to be in his 'personal' space "I should thankyou for the tango, you must tell me where you learned to dance like that"

His turn to put an edge to his voice, and now he is looking at her "I could ask you the same"

Its a quiet ride back to the hotel.  She is sad to part with the fur.  Oddly the dress is delivered by concierge to her suite in the morning with a handwritten note "You earned it.  Maybe I will see you in it again sometime"

The shoes become her favourite power shoes, and she adores them and wears them often. Jarod keeps his promise and never a whisper is mentioned of her almost arrest.

Somehow the dress stays hanging in her closet, she never quite finds the right occasion to wear it again.

This story archived at http://www.pretendercentre.com/missingpieces/viewstory.php?sid=5547