Why must we play these games that we do, to always hide our true feelings from even our self,

Fearful of what the truth may bring to hide my true feelings in the dark like some dirty little secret is something I do not wish to do but I must for now.

So we play these games of I run and you chase until that one perfect day when I can shout out my true feelings for you from the rooftops for then you will have realized that we have won true freedom as long as we are together,

I pray that day will be soon till then my love for you grows more and more each day for you my one and only true love and soul mate for now and ever more.

As he lifted the pen of the paper and closed his diary, his face showed such a sad and distant look. Oh how Jarod longed to send it to her, like his heart begged him to but he dare not for his in his mind he knew now wasn't the right time.

So Jarod placed the diary back into his bag and then reached over to where his cell lay and pressed a button which dialed a familiar number.

"What" Miss Parker's familiar greeting could be heard down the line and for a brief moment he would be whole again.

Miss Parker had just finished talking to Jarod and for the first time in a while she was the one to end the call, there seemed to be something right on the tip of his tongue the whole time they were talking something big. Yet he seemed to be having trouble in finding the words or nerve to say it so Miss Parker hung up on him in frustration.

She placed the phone back on the receiver and then fixed herself a drink, then went and sat on the couch in front of the fireplace, she watched as the flames dance about in the fire.

Her mind began to drift back to their time alone together on Carthis and to that almost kiss she sheared with Jarod. She would sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have kissed, it was always at that point that Parker would mentally kick herself for thinking such a thing in the first place and got back to doing what ever it is that she was meant to be doing.

Though it was usually only after a few drinks that her mind would do this sometimes, she knew she shouldn't but it seamed to relax her when ever the day had been particularly bad she really didn't know why, though Parker knew it wasn't love it could NEVER be love could it?

Shaking her head Miss Parker got up and turned the radio on to cut the uneasy silence that the crackling fire couldn't break and to try and stop the thoughts going round in her head.

After the chorus played the rest of the song went by in a haze, it was only when a new song began to play that Parker realized that she needed to think (about her true feelings) and search her heart for the answers to the questions that she never really asked in the first place but one that her subconsion was asking but not tonight

So she turned off the radio and headed to her bed with these song lyrics still in her head.  

So why (why), why don't you let me love you

Another day of pretending, another wrong about to be righted, another day without her here. Jarod had called her last night all through their conversation he sensed that there was something on her mind.

He tried to make sense as to what it was but he couldn't get a good reading, he felt it may have something to do with him but that was all he could get. When the call ended Jarod found himself feeling lonelier then ever before so he throw himself into his work so he wouldn't have to deal with his feeling for the moment.

Jarod stopped midway through planning the take down of his latest pretend to listen to the song playing on the radio. 

You can't escape these wicked games

Jarod couldn't go on like this he knew it still wasn't the right time to confront her with his feelings, the games the Centre made them play had to end one way or another and he'd rather be thrown back into the Centre by her then to spend a life time without her but first he had to finish up his pretend then he'd go to her.

It was a few days before her sixteen birthday and Debbie had wanted nothing more then to spend a day with Miss Parker, but she had gone an extra step and let Debbie spend the weekend with her.

They had done some shopping and other girly things, and for the first time in a while Miss Parker could set aside almost all thoughts of the Centre to the back of her mind. At lest until she dropped Debbie off at her home and returned to an empty house she couldn’t stand the silence.

So Miss Parker turned on her cd player not bothering to wait for it to start she went to her bedroom to change as the first song began to play she realized that Debbie had left one of her cd’s in the player she decided to change it when she was done.

But before she even got to enter her room Parker heard a noise from the living room, silently grabbing her spare gun from the hall closet then cautiously made her way back. 

“Jarod your hurt?” She said shocked to see him standing with what looked like a bullet wound to his right shoulder.

“She wasn’t supposed to be there ” he whispered sadly.

“Jarod who wasn’t suppose to be there, tell me what happened?” concern Parker lowered her gun and placed it on the small table next to her.

She realized that something worst then being shot had happen to Jarod, when he didn’t notice that she had done something so out of character.

“Elise she was a friend of mind, we meet through a previous Pretend I did. She called me up because her fiancé Adam had been killed buy a guy named Jeff. Because he witness him kill a cop in cold blood and made it look like Adam had done it then shot him in ‘self defense’” his voice flat and emotionless. 

Jarod took a deep breathe and paused a second to reflect on what had happened just a few hours ago then continued.

“Elise must have followed me because just as I was about to push the button that would open the trap door he was standing on, she stepped out of the shadows which cause him to point the gun from me to her. Elise had a gun aimed at his head and said that only in death would he get the punishment that he truly deserved. So I hit the button but not before he fired which hit her in the chest I ran to her not giving Jeff a second thought”

Miss Parker took a small timid step forward when she noticed him sway a little, while Jarod took a caution step back not ready for her to be near.

“As I sat there cradling her in my arms she told me that at lest in the after life they’d be together. Jeff managed to escape the trap and as I tried to get up he shot me in the shoulder. I recover quickly and shot him in the leg as he ran away, Jeff fell and the gun flew out of his hand. I managed to get to him before he could get to the gun and dragged him back to the trap, called the police and drove straight here to you” 

“Jarod why.. why did you…”

“Because I can’t... I can’t go on like this anymore I.. I love you Parker and I’d rather have you kill me right now for saying that to you then spend the rest of my life keeping it to myself, so do what you want with me for my life as well as my heart lies in your hands” he confesses meekly.  

The cd which they had forgotten about began to play a new song, both unsure of what the next move would be stood there in an uneasy stance.

Lost and broken,
Hopeless and lonely.
Smiling on the outside,
and hurt beneath my skin.

My eyes are fading,
My soul is bleeding.
I'll try to make it seem okay,
But my faith is wearing thin.

So help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long.
Help me fill this soul,
Even though this is not your fault,

That I'm open,
And I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me sew them up.

It was then that Parker realized they both had wounds to heal, both emotional and physical and only together would they heal. Unsure of what she was about to say but knew that whatever it was, it would be coming straight from her heart and that’s all that mattered.

So taking a deep breath and a tentative step forward she let her voice say the words her heart longed to say but never truly knew it till now.

“Jarod I… I love you guess I was always in love with you from the moment we became childhood friends. But certain things happened to us and along the way my heart had built a wall around itself, I had let it down partly for Thomas. But it has never truly been down till now” holding back tears that threatened to fall, yet a single tear fell down her cheek.

Miss Parker had finally done it, she had laid her cards and her heart on the table for all to see. Now she stood there mere feet away from the man whom she confessed her love for and waited for his response.   

Jarod took a moment after all had been said and bridged the space between them by pulling her into a loving embrace, glanced into her eyes for a mere moment then leaned in for the most passionate filled and longed for kiss that both had never felt before and knew that they would NEVER feel from another.

After attending to Jarod’s wound and packing a few things for herself, they both slipped away into the night knowing as long as they were together that they have already won.